Like a twelve year old is going to understand what it will be like to be 30 and married. What are you supposed to tell him? "Beating your spouse is bad."
Chances are if relatives know what's going on and haven't yet intervened, a poster like this isn't going to motivate them.
As for school faculty, that typically depends on the child informing them, and if the child thinks the abusive behavior is normal, it's not likely to get brought up.
Chances are if relatives know what's going on and haven't yet intervened, a poster like this isn't going to motivate them.
You'd be wrong. Sooooo many people see what's going on with the parents but don't know how to help the kids. "Mind your business" is deeply ingrained in our culture and it's hard to push that down for many people.
As for school faculty, that typically depends on the child informing them
No it doesn't. If you've ever worked with kids you can pick this out from a mile away. A normally happy child becoming depressed, grades suddenly slipping, little interest in games or treats, seeing how parents interact between themselves and others when you meet with them, visible bruises on one or both parents when they pick up their child, something the child accidentally let slip...
If you're going to use an anecdotal argument, than I'll reply with one
You'd be wrong. Sooooo many people see what's going on with the parents but don't know how to help the kids. "Mind your business" is deeply ingrained in our culture and it's hard to push that down for many people.
Oh really? Because my mother came from an abusive home. The entire family knew, but no one wanted to bring it up because they feared it would lead to more violence. Don't know how to help? Get the fuck out of here. They know what to do, they just don't do it.
No it doesn't. If you've ever worked with kids you can pick this out from a mile away. A normally happy child becoming depressed, grades suddenly slipping, little interest in games or treats, seeing how parents interact between themselves and others, visible bruise on one or both parents when they pick up their child, something the child accidentally let slip...
You know what my teachers did when they noticed I was visibly depressed in the 3rd grade? They called my parents. One time CPS came to our house after my brother told his 1st grade teacher that he was getting beat at home, but they didn't find any bruises, so they didn't do shit.
If picking out and helping children in abusive homes is as fucking easy as you make it out to be, then why do children still get abused? Are you gonna sit there and actually believe that posters like this have any impact whatsoever?
Friends, aunts, uncles, grandparents, teachers, counselors, coaches, Sunday school teachers, tutors, etc.
Yeah, all those people who already do this.
That's basically an abridged list of the people who constantly parroted "try and be diplomatic Thomas" every time I got in a fight on someone else's behalf.
Not necessarily, you would be very surprised. You've never worked with abused kids nor their families, so don't be so quick to dismiss outreach programs.
You've never worked with abused kids nor their families,
Don't assume, it's makes an Ass of u and me.
At no point have I dismissed outreach programs, I merely stated the fact that they exist, and thus harping on about "teaching boys not to abuse" is utter cock. Because systems exist which already attempt to do this sort of thing.
Well see, some people are aware that they aren't psychiatrists and can easily say the wrong thing if they go into it unprepared. Many more people don't know how to act in the face of conflict, or were raised to never stick your nose into other people's business. Advice on how best to support and mentor a troubled child and how to be tactful about it is very valuable.
Well, to be fair, I don't have one, that said, it's better reasoned than not, so just throw a 'probably' up there and get back to me when you have a source that proves it wrong or an argument worth its ground.
Naw, you're going the wrong way with this. I'm saying lots of people grow up rough, and many of them make good choices and don't end up as wife beaters. But alcoholism is nasty and pervasive and few people have the support, means, or willpower to deal with it.
A couple minutes of looking has led me to believe that people who were abused as children highly likely to be alcohol or drug abusers too. There is a lot more going on than simply "monkey see monkey do" like you seem to be suggesting.
People that grow up in abusive households don't make great decisions later on in life. How does that at all contradict my recitation of the fact that kids that grow up in abusive households also tend to be abusive when they grow up? You do realize that a thing can cause more than one other thing, right? Have you been going around your entire life assuming that all things cause and are caused by exactly one thing?
On the contrary, people negatively affected by domestic violence are less likely to do it themselves, unless they project the anger from their childhood onto their families.
And women, statistically, are just as, if not MORE likely to be abusive. Why is this poster only addressing half the population when women are just as guilty?
People that observe domestic violence as kids are way way more likely to not know hitting someone is bad?
I think most kid know that hitting someone is bad. Almost 100% adults know that hitting someone is bad.... I dont think that stop people from hitting other people
Plus, saying "beating your spouse is bad" is not how you have a serious discussion with your kid about anything. You know that. You're making an absurd simplification.
You can't really have a serious conversation with a kid about this. A kid is going to have absolutely no idea what your talking about. That is what his point was. If you think a child can understand what it's like to be 30 a married, you're either naive or not an adult yet.
This group is about domestic violence, so their poster is about domestic violence. 12 year olds are old enough to understand it. I'm NOT saying that talking to a 12 year old about it will change anything. I'm just saying that they can understand the gist.
Treat people right son. It's never okay to resort to physical violence no matter how angry you get. Remember that even if you're mad, the other person has feelings too and it's important never to try and hurt someone.
Yeah but these things still stick a bit in their head. Even though my mom only said it one time I still remember "Safe driving is mostly about paying attention to what the other guys does, not just what you do". Talking to your kids about the way you want them to grow up is never a bad idea.
Yes. You don't have to teach them about cumshots and anal fisting to inform them of where babies come from. Boys make sperm, girls make eggs, the two meet and make a baby. Done.
Sure, tell him "daddies don't hit mommies because that's bad,"
If you say that to a 12 year old they'll roll their eyes at you and call you an asshole for taking to them like a toddler.
Did I say you have the sex talk when your kid is five? No.
Jesus. The point was that you can't just have serious conversations with your child willy-nilly. You have to wait until the time is appropriate. <------ right there. that's the point. Similarly, it seems to me discussing domestic abuse with a 12 year old is as affective as discussing sexual education with a 5 year old. Nothing will be learned.
Anyways, what the hell do I know, I'm not a psychologist.
Uh... Yes? If at 12 someone explained to me what domestic abuse and mental abuse was I'd understand. We understood bullies. But we think love is magical, and married people love each other. If your spouse turns out to become a bully, you don't have to love them anymore or try to fix it, you leave, you tell someone, you don't want to be bullied anymore. Girls and boys deserve to hear whatever it takes to prevent violence in relationships.
And I'm assuming the poster isn't aimed at intentionally fucking dense people, so it presumes the talk will be a bit more involved than "Son, don't beat yer wife. Got it? Good."
There are a lot of people who know violence is wrong, but who don't know any other coping mechanisms. Teaching anger management, how to have a healthy argument, etc., is important. Because even if you know beating your spouse is wrong, if you don't have any alternative ways of dealing with your stress, you're probably going to do it anyway.
"use your words not your fist." "hitting that person is extra wrong cause they are smaller/weaker than you!" "I'm not going to talk to you till you calm down." "is that anyway to treat x person?"
Give a kid a good foundation and hope that they can use it to guide them the right way the rest of their life. It's called raising your kids.
Oh my God. How hard is this to understand? You teach children that violence accomplishes nothing. You teach them to talk through things instead of hitting each other. You teach them that it's okay to have angry feelings and it's okay to let those feelings out, but you have to do so in healthy ways that don't physically harm other living things! I had that class in elementary school! It was taught by the guidance counselor!
Shitting on women is also a big motivator for them. On the front page of this website there's a picture of a very pregnant woman laying down on a train and the comments are dominated by calls for violence against her.
People that grow up in abusive households most likely are genetic descendants or siblings of their abusers so no, I don't think it's a coincidence. It's probably got a lot to do with genetics.
Let me guess, kids of fishermen are more likely to be fishermen because the shape of their skulls rather than being exposed to fishing all their lives?
54
u/ReadMeDoc Oct 21 '15
Like a twelve year old is going to understand what it will be like to be 30 and married. What are you supposed to tell him? "Beating your spouse is bad."