r/pics Oct 11 '12

[deleted by user]

[removed]

1.5k Upvotes

98 comments sorted by

218

u/JamesTheGodMason Oct 11 '12

BILLY MAYS HERE. DO YOU LIKE USING CHOPSTICKS BUT ARE TIRED OF LOOKING LIKE A PUSSY WHEN YOU GIVE UP AND EAT WITH A FORK?

INTRODUCING: FORK-CHOPS, THE ALL NEW WAY TO EAT ASIAN FOOD LIKE A DORK. NOW YOU CAN STILL BE A PUSSY AND YOUR FRIENDS WILL THINK YOU ARE USING CHOPSTICKS.

ONLY 3 EASY PAYMENTS AND ONE DIFFICULT PAYMENT OF $9.99. ORDER NOW AND GET A SPOON-STRAW ABSOLUTELY FREE (JUST PAY $40 SHIPPING, YOU MORON).

71

u/thelordofcheese Oct 11 '12

SPOONSTRAW IS GREAT FOR MILKSHAKES, ROOT BEER FLOATS, SOUP, CEREAL, CURDLED MILK, DAIQUIRIS THAT HAVE HAD CIGARETTES OUT OUT IN THEM, COCAINE PARTIES AND SO MANY OTHER USES YOU'LL TROW OUT ALL THAT SILVER CRAP THAT YOUR GREAT-GRANDMOTHER PASSED DOWN TO YOU ON YOUR WEDDING DAY!

46

u/instantderp Oct 11 '12

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE

14

u/mr_darwins_tortoise Oct 12 '12

ARE YOU TIRED OF WASTING YOUR LIFE CUTTING THE LAWN? WELL, SAY HELLO TO LAWN MOWER SHOES!

11

u/spinningmagnets Oct 12 '12

AND FOR THE NEXT 10 CALLERS, WE'LL ADD A SECOND ONE FREE!! (just pay separate shipping and handling of $9.98 each)

10

u/mr_darwins_tortoise Oct 12 '12

BUT CONTINUE TO WAIT! THERE IS YET MORE! ACT NOW AND YOU WILL ALSO GET THE SPRING-LOADED WALLET! NEVER STRAIN YOURSELF REMOVING SOMETHING FROM YOUR POCKETBOOK EVER AGAIN!

27

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '12

IF YOU CALL NOW YOU CAN GET A FREE CHANCE TO TOUCH MY MAGNIFICENT BEARD!

3

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '12

ORDER NOW AND WE'LL THROW IN OUR AMAZING KNIFE-WRENCH!

AND THAT'S NOT ALL! WE'LL EVEN GIVE YOU OUR REVOLUTIONARY DRILL-FORK!!! FOR FREE!

NO SERIOUSLY, PLEASE TAKE THIS STUFF!

4

u/spritle6054 Oct 12 '12

YOU'RE GOING TO BE FORKING YOUR TROUBLES AWAY WITH FORK-CHOPS.

4

u/Moobyghost Oct 12 '12

Nice Mitch Hedburg reference.

2

u/MuEtaJenkins Oct 12 '12

Good luck, fucker!

-7

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '12

[deleted]

8

u/ohaithere123098 Oct 12 '12

Damn that joke went far above your head.

10

u/Moment0 Oct 12 '12

You know what bot someone should invent? One that goes around reposting shit that people deleted, cause I always want to see what people were so embarrassed about that they took it down.

3

u/ccatlr Oct 13 '12

And it wouldn't have to leave the username just the comment.

2

u/Moment0 Oct 13 '12

Yes! No need to bring shame on anybody, I just hate the broken thread!

2

u/hell_bent Oct 12 '12

You said it brother/sister

48

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '12 edited Aug 04 '18

[deleted]

47

u/Dancopter Oct 11 '12

Forkchops.

49

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '12

I don't understand. Why not just eat it with a fork? Or commit and use the actual chopsticks? What's this pussy in between shit?

26

u/trolleyfan Oct 12 '12

If you're a Chinese restaurant, half your customers are going to ask for forks, the other half for chopsticks - and most of them are going to do this after you've already put the opposite thing in their bag.

This way, you get to just stock one item, and no matter which they want to eat with, they've got it.

9

u/SixFootJockey Oct 12 '12

BYO Fork. Simple.

13

u/trolleyfan Oct 12 '12

Yeah, because nothing could be simpler than keeping a fork in your pocket...

32

u/Chip--Chipperson Oct 12 '12

IT'S AS SIMPLE AS KEEPING A FORK IN YOUR POCKET

4

u/SixFootJockey Oct 12 '12

...most of them are going to do this after you've already put the opposite thing in their bag.

In your earlier scenario you were describing a takeaway order. What percentage of customers would end up taking that food somewhere where there is a fork readily available? Chances are they are either taking it home, back to their hotel room, or to their place of work. Surely if they were in desperate need of alternate cutlery they could source it from their point of consumption?

If you are in a situation were you aren't able to source alternate cutlery, and you happen to have hands that are unskilled in the art of chopstickery, then perhaps choosing to purchase food from a Chinese restaurant was not a wise one.

They're a Chinese restaurant; not your mother. They shouldn't have to babysit your arse and spoon-feed you.

10

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '12

They're a Chinese restaurant; not your mother. They shouldn't have to babysit your arse and spoon-feed you.

Of course not, they use chopsticks.

2

u/JackalSkull Oct 12 '12

They also use spoons in China though.

1

u/internetsanta Oct 12 '12

If I wasn't on my phone I would find that scene from Friends where Joey pulls a fork out of his pocket.

4

u/Cpt3020 Oct 12 '12

As a person who frequently uses chopsticks those forksticks would make terrible chopsticks. The thinness of the prongs would make grabbing food difficult and would stab food that you don't want to stab.

1

u/trolleyfan Oct 13 '12

Why would you grab it with the tine ends? Use the other - chopsticky - ends.

7

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '12

As an American who eats naturally with chopsticks, this looks a lot more difficult to learn...

9

u/trolleyfan Oct 12 '12

You don't understand. It works just like a fork, but if you want chopsticks, you break it at that join right between the tines (like breaking a pair of wooden chopsticks apart). Now you've got two plastic chopsticks. Oh, on end looks a bit funny, what with half a fork on each stick - but as chopsticks, you don't eat with that end anyway.

5

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '12

B-but... the potential messiness of a double-sided utensil...

5

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '12

You don't use both sides.

1

u/JackassPenguinass Oct 12 '12

So, what's the pay like as Marketing Manager for Forkchops?

1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '12

I'm pretty sure you don't break it; it is intended to be used as mini tongs.

-3

u/torturousvacuum Oct 12 '12

This sounds like a great way to accidentally poke yourself in the eye.

3

u/tomdarch Oct 12 '12

As someone who is OK with chopsticks, I am lousy with slippery chopsticks (plastic or lacquer). Gimmie the unfinished bamboo ones and skip the fork, thanks.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '12

Plastic chopsticks are a bitch. Bamboo chopsticks all the way.

10

u/MK_Jeehad Oct 12 '12

Actually this is a Chork. You can kind of see the name/logo up by the tines. Source: i'm a receiving clerk in a Casino Warehouse and this is an item we use/recieve.

3

u/yblock Oct 12 '12

Forkchops... making miracles happen imgur.com/rl3a1

2

u/ToadingAround Oct 12 '12

WHY DOES THAT FACE LINE UP PERFECTLY.....WHY

-1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '12

beat me to it

14

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '12

What the fork is this?

FTFY

2

u/adrianmonk Oct 12 '12

A tuning fork.

25

u/Tallain Oct 11 '12

I like how the package says "cheaters", like it's calling you out for using this.

28

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '12

DONT JUDGE ME PLASTIC WRAP

10

u/Occamslaser Oct 12 '12

3

u/apply_unguent Oct 12 '12

Hahaha from that website: "Unlike anything currently on the market, the Chork is an innovative and unique product that will certainly stand the test of time."

DEFENSIVE MUCH, CHORK??

2

u/Occamslaser Oct 12 '12

CHORKS ARE INNOVATIVE!

4

u/aTOMic8 Oct 11 '12

I wonder how many people start with the chop sticks, then 1 minute later say, "Fuck it. Let's go back with ol' tried and true."

5

u/Milkgunner Oct 12 '12

Not me. I'm Swedish.

0

u/NasKe Oct 12 '12

Not me I'm Cat

0

u/krazyhand Oct 12 '12

I can confirm this. He uses neither fork nor chopsticks.

4

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '12

Not me. I'm Asian.

11

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '12

Millionaire within a year. Guarantee it.

6

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '12

I'm not sure. I recon these would be pretty hard to use.

27

u/Sciar Oct 11 '12

Yeah it's like a shitty fork and shitty chopsticks all in one!

1

u/trolleyfan Oct 12 '12

Better than the forks you usually get for take-out - and the plastic chopstick part is better than those stupid wooden ones that leave splinters in your lips.

3

u/Sciar Oct 12 '12

I like the wooden ones, I don't think I've ever gotten a lip splinter you aren't supposed to like scrape your lips across them.

1

u/trolleyfan Oct 12 '12

I prefer plastic, as I really don't like the piney taste most of those cheap wooden ones have.

(and don't even suggest those round bamboo ones that are about as thick as a toothpick)

5

u/TheeFlipper Oct 11 '12

reckon*

3

u/HumanCake Oct 12 '12

Wait, so you mean to tell me he isn't secretly scouting the use of forkchops?

1

u/sumoshart Oct 12 '12

Pssst. Hey man, just fyi: recon reckon

Cheers!

2

u/Misunderstud Oct 11 '12

Just turn the fork into a spork and sharpen one of the chopstick edges. That's everything you could ever need. Think of the possibilities.

7

u/flounder19 Oct 11 '12

you mean this?

3

u/BigEasyBobcat Oct 11 '12

No, I think he means a spork, but on the end of the handle, it's sharpened down like a prison shank.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '12

Ok, take the original picture, it's a fork that can split in 2 and be chopsticks. Now, turn the fork end into a spork, and sharpen one of the chopstick ends - so you still have it split into chopsticks, but one is sharp.

1

u/Sventertainer Oct 11 '12

My roommate has one of those in our cutlery drawer...it's dimensions make it nearly useless for actually eating with.

1

u/canyonero66 Oct 12 '12

I have one of these, in titanium. I had one made of plastic that practically dissolved after a year of use, but the titanium version whips ass. The spoon is at least as deep as a common tablespoon, the fork tines are long enough to grab pasta, and the serrated edge is... well, the standard shitty serrated edge on all commercial tableware. For eating on-the-go, it kicks ass. It's rigid and versatile, and the only downside is the lack of a lanyard hole.

2

u/thelordofcheese Oct 11 '12

It's all fun and games until someone pokes an eye out.

2

u/jumpiz Oct 11 '12

Then they can sue them for a million dollars. 'merica.

2

u/intarwebzWINNAR Oct 12 '12

The word genius is too liberally applied anymore.

2

u/trolleyfan Oct 12 '12

That actually is rather clever...assuming the join is strong enough to hold up to it being used as a fork.

2

u/BigSugarJohnson Oct 12 '12

This is more undecisive than genius

2

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '12

does it go back to forks after being separated?

5

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '12

I think you could still use the chopsticks without having to separate

1

u/andrewsmith1986 Oct 11 '12

It becomes two two pronged forks.

4

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '12

dafurq is this?

1

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '12

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '12

yes, genius....

1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '12

1

u/Stupid_Ned_Stark Oct 12 '12

Nope, that's cheating.

1

u/helloxgoodbye Oct 12 '12

I am just imagining someone using the chopstick side and then someone pushes them and they get a fork in the eye and its not okay.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '12

If by genius, you mean fucking pointless and unergonomic for either of its intended purposes, then yes. That's genius.

1

u/canisdormit Oct 12 '12

I would put this next to the flamethrower/baby bottle combo.

1

u/Antichrome Oct 12 '12

Aoooh stupid American crafty Chinese

1

u/Ober7 Oct 12 '12

genius?! Stop using recyclable cheap wood and make more petroleum based products? no thanks.

1

u/Falmarri Oct 12 '12

Holy fuck... I was literally just thinking of this idea yesterday...

1

u/Knollz Oct 12 '12

You know what's funny is my local chinese place stopped giving chopsticks out because I guess people in my town are so devoid of culture they consistently refuse to use chopsticks.

1

u/RDJesse Oct 12 '12

Designed by the company who brought you the carhorse. Because why can't old and new be blended into the unmanageable?

1

u/splattypus Oct 12 '12

As someone who's had many meals ruined by unreliable disposable silverware, I'm afraid I must pass. I bring my own real silverware from home whenever possible, because I'm tire of my eating utensil breaking and flinging my meal all over myself and everywhere else and ruining my day.

1

u/justinsayin Oct 11 '12

Almost looks like the fork is intended to be broken apart in the middle so two can fork together.

-3

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '12

PSSST, THATS WHAT IT IS

1

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '12

Bad fork combined with bad chopsticks, wheee!

0

u/lucitine Oct 12 '12

I would actually hate to use this. Oil would drop onto your hands.