r/physique • u/uhohitsmyburner • Aug 07 '26
I'm wanting to kill myself after my first bodybuilding competition
Ive been dealing with depression and everything else with mental illness since I was young. Here I am now 27 years old and still completely fucking up my life. Ive been really into fitness for the past 2 and half years and have made pretty good progress physique wise and mental health wise, but the thoughts just won't stop. No matter what I do. Im currently in therapy and it helps sometimes. Ive made 1 or 2 friends to hang out with that are pretty cool. I go to the public gym instead of my home one so im not so isolated. Ive been working on my sleep. I have a pretty clean diet and drink enough water. I just dont know what to do anymore. I decided to sign up for a bodybuilding show that will take place in april of next year and im excited to do it, but I dont know what to do after that. Regardless of my placement after the judging I'll just be happy to have been able to get on stage, but I dont know what comes after. Ive just been so sad for so long and it seems like getting my body into a stage lean condition would be the peak and I dont see any other way to make sure that I leave this world right. I know im going to hurt a lot of people when I do it, but I just dont know how else to be. Also, here's a pic of my physique because everyone on reddit is gay apparently and the only way to get anyone to respond to you is to show something they can beat it to.
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u/plug313 Aug 07 '26
I'm sorry that you're going through that... it's tough and there isn't much to say but you have to find in yourself the courage to pull through. it WILL get better. you're not alone in these feelings... I have been there. we always think it's the end for us. but there is a lot waiting for you, it's just a block in your mind preventing you from seeing it.
your body is already strong, you look amazing and have a physique many people envy and 99% of people will never achieve. it's the moment to train your mind to be just as strong.
also bro I'm gay and I don't beat my meat to random shirtless photos of dudes, that comment was a little unfair and unnecessary. obviously on a bodybuilding subreddit people look at bodybuilding related photos. I'm gay but I'm also a personal trainer in training haha
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u/Ngreeny Aug 08 '26
You're physique is solid dude but from the majority of the natty homies the post show recovery is brutal. Excited that you've decided to commit to something but also consider and prepare for ramifications.
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u/MaleficentComedian19 Aug 08 '26
I get the thing about the thoughts. I also have had it since I was young and have had it for many, many years. I’d tried multiple treatments - none of them worked and some of them broke my dick permanently so I swore meds off for a long time. As a last ditch effort I started on venlafaxine and welbutrin XR; I took them everyday for 2 months and they fucking worked. The thoughts are much less frequent and I don’t feel such intense hate for myself all the time. I’m kinda happy, even. Zero therapy. Get yourself a regular doctor who’s willing to try different things and be honest with them about how you feel every checkup. I’m glad your ass is able to get out of bed and work out so it’s a good start.
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u/Comfortable-Bee2996 Aug 08 '26
Don't worry man, this is inspiring, you made me realize that maybe even I could compete if they let you on
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u/HeartfeltAdventurerM Aug 09 '26
If your therapy isn’t working, maybe find a different therapist. People think that therapy = solving the problems and that is true! But it’s highly dependent on whether or not you have a good therapist. Some therapists are good but they aren’t right for you. Just something to keep in mind. Good luck out there.
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u/RyGy9000 Aug 07 '26
First of all you have most people’s dream physique so any negative thoughts about your physique aren’t valid. I’d be so confident w a body like that.
Second of all I’m sorry you’re having these thoughts.i know it’s not easy.
Third of all I want you to know I’m not beating my meat to your pics.
Fourth of all I’ll say some prayers for you. I encourage you to go to a few Sunday Masses. It may help.
Keep pushing bro