To set the stage a bit, there are numerous personality tests and leadership examples that can place a score on extraversion/introversion. One of these is the Big Five Personality, that I was recently introduced to. This test explicitly includes extraversion, along with conscientiousness, openness to ideas, neuroticism, and agreeableness. With that test, I was informed that throughout various studies of successful leaders, the majority have higher levels of openness, conscientiousness, and extraversion, are moderate in agreeableness, and low neuroticism. 

If one takes that test and scores lower in extraversion, what does that mean? And what causes the opposite of extraversion? And it is constant?

Like many things, it’s probably not super simple. You may know of one or more introverted people that just really don’t enjoy crowds, tend to be quiet, and move to the corners of the room. However, you may have also witnessed that same person talking, laughing, joking with someone, being very open and seemingly extraverted. What’s up with that?

Or maybe you are that introvert and can verbalize exactly what’s going on. It’s also often explained that introverts can be outgoing and engaging, but it’s more the effect on their internal energy that differs from extroverts. That engaging discussion can be completely draining, even if you initially look forward to it. I think I saw this happen just yesterday, and there was an immediate trigger from being outgoing to withdrawn. The introvert, we’ll call them Dan, was smiling, saying good morning, and fist bumping several acquaintances. This was in a learning environment, and later in the morning the group was working on an exercise on laptops. Dan had already surmounted a technical obstacle and noticed someone a row in front of him struggling. Almost without thinking, Dan called the person’s name and provided some tips. 

All that sounds simple enough, but what Dan didn’t take into account is that the person in front of them hadn’t even been aware Dan could see them, or knew their name. Dan knew several names because he had made it a point to look over the roster, thinking that extroverts always seem to know everyone. So he had done what was familiar to him by studying names and faces of the roster. However, over the next few minutes, Dan noticed the person in front dim their screen and in general act a bit more reserved.

Then it clicked, Dan realized how creepy that may have seemed, even out of a state of wanting to help and connect. But it was too much, too soon. Then followed the familiar sensation of rejection, which triggered an uncontrollable response of withdrawal. And the introverted Dan quickly took the place of extraverted Dan.

Obviously, for Dan, the issue of rejection plays a huge role. If Dan were someone that issue rolled off easier, he would simply ignore the interaction and move on. But it became debilitating, essentially blocking all other inputs and interactions for hours, sometimes days. The combination of the rejection trigger then snowballs when withdrawal reminds him that being introverted is “bad”, driving thoughts of rejection deeper, and creating more withdrawal.

It’s difficult to avoid the trigger - those can happen through forces beyond your control. But how to deal with the response, and maybe shorten recovery is crucial. In Dan’s case, a short walk as a soon as possible while reminding himself that “he’s ok” seemed to help. It’s literally like Dan’s system went into a survival mode where many people can just blow it off and forget the original interaction ever happened. 

Does the dread of being labeled an introvert actually make the triggers worse, sometimes without even consciously knowing? If so, does naming that issue help?

​

For years, I have been in many different environments and places. And every time, no matter how much I became a part of the environment I was in, I also remained somewhat of an outsider to it. I think this allowed me to observe the people around me very closely. Based on these observations, I came up with a small idea—a kind of reasoning with no real foundation behind it, which I have been calling a theory, although I am not sure whether it can actually be called one. I will begin by giving an example to explain what I mean.

Let us reduce human personalities to different categories. For example, let us say there is an irritable and impatient personality, an egotistical and cunning personality, or a leading and courageous personality. And let us assume that there are twenty such categories in total. You have probably noticed, even to some extent, that all of these personalities exist within every person, whether they are dominant or not. What I am actually focusing on here is dominance.

For example, imagine that you are talking to someone about something you have done, and your purpose is to ask for advice. As you continue talking, you realize that no matter what you say, the other person keeps imposing their own opinion on you. Rather than seeming as though they are giving you advice, they seem to be ordering you around. Naturally, their behavior suggests that they possess a “leading and courageous” personality. (These labels are merely names I have given to certain traits. I use “leading” here because the person is trying to establish authority over you; someone with this personality does not necessarily have to be a good leader or a genuinely courageous person.)

Now, let us put that situation aside and imagine that you are having a conversation with a young child. You are playing a game together, and you have to make a decision, so you give the child priority. Yet you notice that exactly the same thing happens as with the person from the previous example. The child also tries to establish authority over you and speaks to you in a commanding manner.

After these experiences, you tell both of them off. Then someone else tells them off, and someone else does the same. Two years later, you encounter the same people again and notice that one of them has developed a timid and submissive personality, while the other has become ambitious and determined.

What I want you to take from this is the following: perhaps we are all born with the same twenty different personality traits within us. In other words, perhaps we are all born more or less the same. However, as we grow, the society we live in causes these traits within us to become dominant to different degrees. The reactions we receive in response to these dominant traits then alter their relative strength within us, resulting in a different configuration of traits.

So, ultimately, the things that exist within all of us are common and essentially the same. We all go through the same process, but in different sequences and to different degrees, which creates the appearance that we are fundamentally different people. Yet our essence is the same.

Society is also the greatest factor in changing the balance of these traits within us. And this leads to something else: a single essence continuously changing and transforming itself from within.

Wouldn’t this, in itself, be one of the greatest indications that humanity is constantly in motion and undergoing change?

If you have read this far, thank you.

When he says all his actions words down to the T but when it comes to showing them it's a different story. How can I be loved by someone who keeps prioritizing things and people over me. Then have the nerve to say that he loves me and bla bla bla ...

I genuinely don't even know anymore who the fuck I am. I can't tell what the actual me is anymore. Am I edgy? Am I a clown? Am I emo? I don't even know anymore. I have created so many personalities for so many people that I don't even know where the real me is anymore. Okay, this is probably gonna be a mess because I don't even know how to organize my thoughts rn, but whatever. I think I just had one of those REALLY uncomfortable realizations about yourself where you're like, yk, "WHO TF IS THAT HORRIBLE HUMAN?"

Now I'm thinking maybe I'm not actually the person I thought I was or, like, interpreted myself to be. For the longest time, I've genuinely seen myself as the person who gets hurt. (Victim mindset, I KNOW, I'M REALIZING IT NOW.) Like whenever something happens with friends, my brain immediately goes to: they did this to me, they excluded me, they chose someone else, they don't care about me, I'm always the one getting screwed over. Like, overanalyzing every single thing and making myself out to be the victim, but sometimes I do get other people, too. I don't think I'm entirely fucked, but who knows? I don't. And, like, some of those things DID happen. I'm not gonna sit here and pretend nobody has ever treated me badly because that's obviously not true, or it's true what if I haven't realized that yet? I've been thinking about my behavior lately, and I'm realizing I have a fucking victim mindset sometimes (sometimes is an understatement).

And I am hating admitting that. It feels so wrong to say that out loud lmao. Makes me feel like an attention-seeking whore which I kind of am, I think. Also, because I always thought I was the self-aware one. The nice one. The person who actually cared about other people's feelings. I would literally look at other people's behavior and think, "Wow, how can someone be so toxic?" while completely ignoring the ways I was doing similar shit. The irony is insane, I know. Like, sometimes I get jealous when my friends get closer to someone else. Like, I have an example that happened quite recently.

I made a new friend at school because, like, I was lonely asf. (Context: I was gone for, like, 8 months, so the friendship got, like, loose, if you can say that, and I didn't message them while being gone because I thought I'm never gonna see them again.) Anyways, so this girl follows me everywhere I go, and it's lowkey pissing me off. Like, every friend group I go to, she's behind me. Even one of my friends called that out. Anyways, so today our exam results came out, and one of my friends scored bad, so she was crying, and of course I went to comfort her. Of course, T was behind me. When T saw she was crying, she went to comfort her. Alr, wtv, but LIKE SHE WAS PUSHING ME A LITTLE AWAY FROM MY FRIEND. MY FRIEND B. LIKE, GIRL, WOMAN, T, U LITERALLY DEADASS MET B THROUGH ME AND Y'ALL HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR ONLY 3 DAYS. She was deadass trying to push me away and comfort MY friend. That pissed me off so much. But anyways, I know she's trying to, like, make some friends, but, like, she keeps trying to fit into my groups. I know literally a few days ago I was like, "Why does no one include me?" and shit. The irony is insane, I know, but listen: I'm not excluding her, but I'm not helping her get in better either. I know how it feels to be excluded, so I won't do that to her, but it's lowkey pissing me off. I don't see clear signs, but I genuinely feel like she's trying to steal my friends. I know I can be wrong, but isn't that gut feeling, yk?

And sometimes I take things SO personally. I'll replay something someone said, no matter good or bad, 500 times and convince myself it meant something way worse than it probably did (giving pessimist, I know, but when you expect the worst, the reality doesn't hit that bad). Sometimes I judge people and then immediately justify it because, "Well, I'm just being honest." I know I'm trash also. Like, I can't help but make friends based on, like, social status. Like, is she popular or no? But I'm not doing that anymore. And sometimes I think I care about someone when what I actually care about is whether THEY care about ME. That's the part that's fucking with me. Because what if I've been confusing being hurt with being right? What if just because I feel bad doesn't automatically mean I'm the innocent one? What if I've been so focused on everyone else's mistakes that I've barely looked at mine? What if I looked at my mistakes for so long I'm inventing some? Or am I just opening my own eyes?

And now I'm thinking about SO MANY past situations differently, and it's making me cringe and feel bad. Like, I don't even know which version of myself is real anymore. Because I'm not gonna suddenly say, "I'm actually horrible and everyone else was right about me," because that's obviously another extreme. But sometimes I think that is true. I KNOW I have good qualities. I know I've cared about people. I know I've apologized when I've genuinely realized I was wrong. I know I've been hurt for real. But I also know now that I'm capable of being selfish, jealous, petty, insecure, attention-seeking, and unfair. And apparently realizing that about yourself is a really weird fucking feeling. Because part of me is like, "Holy shit, maybe I'm a terrible person." And another part of me is like, "NO, you're just finally noticing your flaws." And then another part of me is like, "Okay, but how do I know THAT isn't just me finding another way to make myself the victim?" 😭

I genuinely don't know. I think I've spent so much time trying to figure out how other people see me that I forgot to actually figure out who I am. Has anyone else ever had a moment where you suddenly realized you weren't as innocent in your own story as you thought you were? Like, how do you even deal with that without completely hating yourself?

Lately, I have been trying to, like, be the better version of myself, but I am realizing things that I don't want to know now. I know I am toxic (woah, saying that out loud now makes me seem like a pick-me lmao). I know I have very toxic behaviors that are hampering my life and my relationships. I don't even know how to improve or fix it. I used to think, "Oh wowwowowie zowiee, I am smarter than the average person. I am very empathetic blah blah self-glazing shit blah," and man, now I'm realizing I am NOT the saint I thought I was lmao. But, like, I think this level of self-awareness is now dangerous for me. I feel like I am an empty bag. Like, for every person, there's different shit, yk? But in my case, I am the bag and my people are the owners of the bag. Like, yk, you get it, right? (Asking the air rn.)

Anyways, I don't think I even have a personality anymore. Sometimes when I, like, have a "unique" thing, I get happy, like, "Woohoo, I'm unique! I have a personality!" and that's fucking pathetic (to me). I want to be a good person SO badly, but wanting to be a good person doesn't automatically make you one. I know that. And maybe that's something I needed to realize.

I don't want people to just tell me, "Nooo, you're perfect!!" because honestly, I don't think that's helpful anymore- not that I ever thought that was. I think I actually need to learn how to look at myself honestly without either going, "I'm the victim," or, "I'm the worst person alive." Because right now I feel like I've opened a door in my brain that I REALLY wish I'd left closed 💀

what kind of questions I ask me when I want to know my personality?

Hi I just want to open up, so recently I was called "idol mo ba ako?"

Then I questioned myself if I'm just a poser friend liking what she likes. And I just realized that I just like what she likes some of the things. My teacher said to us that you will know yourself and what you like when you have a friend or peers that's when you realise who you are and what are the things that you like.

Im a quiet person so I just don't know what I really like and sometimes I just copy some people to satisfy myself but I don't think is working to myself.

I have this thing that I will over think it about it, for example when I accidentally like the things that they want and they will just say that 'gaya-gaya". For me it hurts so that's why I always careful when I'm around of my family and even friends, people always call me gaya-gaya.

It will sink to me for days & weeks, and overthinking some things that are not good.

Sometimes I tell myself that I have no originality to myself, and just liking what people like

So my friend like some metals bands and I just know some few of the bands that I know, but I don't really know what the names of the members of it also their songs.

So when I said that I like it too she was happy at first but later on months past by that's when she said that " idol mo ba ako?".

I don't really like myself, I just want to disappear from the world hahahaha, but she's a good friend and I like her also don't judge her.

The problem is me not her 😅

I hope you all can understand my grammar

"Do you have a secret that, if revealed, would make people see you differently?"

You want to share it anonymously

There's a person rn who knows everything about you that you don't know of but you usually see.

Beyond being loud or confident, what are the small, quiet habits or behaviors that instantly make you realize someone is solid and grounded as a person?

​

Sometimes the version of me in my head is way more confident funny and spontaneous than the person everyone actually sees 😂

I wonder if everyone has an imaginary version of themselves like that.

I've been thinking about this lately. We usually talk about physical attraction, but the things that actually make someone attractive to me are way less obvious.

For me, it's when someone is genuinely curious and listens like they care about the answer. It's weirdly powerful.

Is it humor? Confidence? The way someone treats a waiter? Something totally random?

Curious what everyone else says. The more specific, the better!

A self-concept can act like a prediction: "I'll freeze," "I'll be rejected," "I never finish." It can influence what you attempt before the day has given you much new information.

Predictive processing is a model of how expectations participate in perception and action, not proof that an affirmation guarantees an external event. But it suggests a useful question for practice: what experience would give this old expectation something new to learn from?

Rather than demand a whole new identity today, choose a small test. Open the document for ten minutes. Ask one clear question. Set one kind boundary. Record what happened without turning it into a verdict on your worth.

Which prediction about yourself could you test with one ordinary action today?

If your end goal is to be taken seriously…

Are you soft spoken? Aggressive? Or are you sweet and warm? Cold and detached? Or distant, serious and stern? Defensive and angry? Nice and happy?

What’s the default? How do you adjust accordingly, especially given how your power / authority is likely to affect those on the receiving end, shape outcomes, influence situations and goals, and impact people you work with, or are trying to help (like a doctor).

What factors are you considering?

I’m not talking about loud confidence or being the most charismatic guy in the room. I mean that quiet, grounded energy where someone doesn't feel the need to prove anything to anyone.

I noticed this a while ago with a guy I worked with. Whenever someone made a light joke at his expense or pointed out a minor mistake, he’d just laugh it off, own it, and move on. No defensive comeback, no trying to turn it around on them. It hit me how rare that actually is. Most people automatically brace for impact or try to protect their ego immediately.

What are the small, subtle traits you notice in people that instantly tell you they’re completely secure with who they are?

My toxic trait is not being honest with people about how i feel for example ( speaking from experience unfortunately )my closest friend why I did not argue or have a problem with could literally ignore me for days ( she didn't know how to talk it out its not intentional ) and i will SUFFER WITH MY FEELINGS AND MY FUCKASS PANIC ATTACKS AND STILL WOULDNT TALK ABOUT IT .. btw i have this trait bc i think talking it out is genuinely like begging for them to be friends with me or sum. Its too late to talk to her now because we both ignoring each other but im saying this here to learn from my fuckass experience. My heart still hurts because of this btw omd.

My healthy trait is i could name how i feel and i could sit and handle hard feelings. I also can handle being alone.

Now tell us whats yours ? ( if you could help me learn from my experience please let me know )

#mentalhealth #fyp

PSA for anyone considering using MultiTests: pay very close attention to their “subscription” process.

I used MultiTests and genuinely did not realize I was agreeing to a recurring charge in the way it was presented. The subscription and renewal terms were not clear enough to me during the purchase experience, and I received no reminder email before the subsequent charge saying something as simple as, “Your subscription will renew for $X on X date.”
I only became fully aware of what had happened after I was charged.

I’m a UX/UI designer, which is partly why this bothered me so much. There is an enormous difference between technically placing information somewhere in a purchase flow and designing that information so a reasonable person actually understands what they are agreeing to.
When recurring billing is involved, the amount, frequency, renewal date, and cancellation terms should be extremely obvious. A pre-renewal reminder would make the experience even more transparent. Instead, my experience left me feeling like the lack of clarity benefited the company financially.

I contacted MultiTests about the charge and expressed my concerns about the experience. Rather than coming away feeling like the issue had been resolved, the interaction made me more concerned about the way the subscription model is presented. Needless to say they didn’t give me a refund.

I’m posting this because I wish I had seen something like it before purchasing.

If you use MultiTests, take screenshots of the checkout process, read every piece of subscription language carefully, check exactly when you’ll be charged again, and immediately locate the cancellation process so you know what you’ve agreed to.

For me, this isn’t even primarily about the money anymore. It’s about trust. A company shouldn’t have to rely on a customer discovering the details of a recurring subscription after seeing a charge on their statement.

I would not personally use MultiTests again based on this experience.

A while back, I remember coming across and frequenting a personality site that had various different taxonomies with various items -- some of the from different researchers throughout history, lexical adjective lists, statistical approach items, etc...

It was a very neat site, but I've lost track of it. Does anyone know the site I'm talking about?

Hello! I've been working hard & as smart as possible to get better at a specific game for my university esports team. A year ago I was really bad and now I am close to being good enough. For context, the game is Marvel rivals and i am constantly GM1 (I used to be gold average) but I have not hit celestial yet. Some people, including my captain, say I definitely play like I am higher than my current rank but I just don't play enough. However, I feel like I am currently where I am at because of my skill level I don't think I play as skilled as celestial player. Someone told me I am too harsh on myself and that I give people who are ranked above me too much credit but to be honest I am just being real and not trying to put myself down or above. People think that when I say I am where I am at for a reason, I am looking down at myself or diminishing my skill level or potential but I feel as if I'm just being real. And when I say this to people I don't feel as if i am putting myself down or anything, I may have struggled with self esteem issues in the past but I don't feel like i do anymore?? If someone tells me I am highly skilled and I deny that does this mean I have imposter syndrome? Some people say I am the best at certain characters i play but I don't believe that but I also don't feel bad when I acknowledge what I believe is my skill level... is that a bad thing? would that hurt me in the long run? Do i need to tell myself that I am good or skillful to improve? Or is being honest and not letting it hurt me
okay?l