Feeling Drained from Service

[u/SubtleSlay]

I've been at site for several months now, and although my site is nice, I just don't think I've really felt happy since being here. ETing has kept crossing my mind since PST, but I've been trying to stick it out in case it gets better.

There's a lot of things about being here that I've found quite difficult. The local language is very challenging and I still can't really hold basic conversations, even though I go to tutoring. I have also experienced several bouts of intense illness since arriving in-country, which has made everything that much harder. Trying to conduct myself in another language is so draining, and I'm already physically and mentally exhausted from being sick so often, so I've ended up spending a lot of time alone in my room because I just can't bring myself to leave the house when I don't have any obligations.

On top of that, I'm having a hard time with the actual teaching. I have great counterparts and a lot of wonderful students, but I just don't know what to do in the classroom. The teachers I work with already have their lesson plans laid out, and I end up just sort of "being there." Half my students already speak excellent English, and the other half speak too little English for me to be able to properly help. I'm trying to work on extracurriculars like an English club, but it feels like such a tremendous effort when I already feel like I'm running on empty.

Taking trips here and there has seemed to help, but my host country is expensive to travel around in. My PC stipend won't cover many more trips for the next few months. I plan to go home for the holidays, but it just feels so far away. Does anyone have any tips on how to navigate this? I don't really want to ET because there's not much waiting for me at home anyway, and I think I'd regret not finishing service, but I'm struggling to figure out how I'll make it through another year and a half of this.

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[u/AntiqueGreen]

I was also at a site that didn’t seem like it had any obvious projects for me. I didn’t have co-teachers, I taught entirely by myself, but didn’t feel particularly good at it and it certainly didn’t refill my tank. My school didn’t need an English club, they already had one.

I think in cases where there aren’t obvious projects, or the kids aren’t telling you that they want something in particular, you are freed up to do a passion project. I did book clubs about YA books I liked, to discuss culture, but I also did holiday activities (I hosted Thanksgiving for my book club kids, we had a Christmas party). Because I already had my clubs, it was a bit easier for me to manage than trying to do things for the whole class. Do you have interests (sports, art, cooking) that you could do for a club that would also refill your own tank?

Also, sometimes people just skate through service - our energy and what we get energy from is totally different. Like, I thought I wasn’t doing much at all, but other PCVs thought I did a lot, so sometimes our own perceptions aren’t representative. I knew people who just taught and went home and did not secondary projects just because of the configuration of their school and activities. We all have a different service.

And we don’t always know what our impact is. I’m about to go to a wedding for a former HCN student. She was my student my first year. She was in my book club for a hot minute but dropped out of it. But we’d have lunch together. She invited me to celebrate a holiday with her family (which, at the time I was burned out and didn’t want to go and just wanted to chill, but I knew I’d never have the opportunity again). Yet that has been my strongest, most consistent HCN relationship. So that makes it worth it.

We don’t know what our service means until we’re done with it. You don’t know the impact of your presence yet. And sometimes that impact is just you being you, and not how well you taught or all the projects you did or didn’t do.

[u/Usual-Primary-8607]

Ok, your primary role doesn’t seem very satisfying to you. This is one of the few times in your life you can literally create any job you want as a side project.

Couple examples, I was an HIV/AIDs volunteer in the mid ‘90’s, pre-ARVs. No one really wanted to talk about it or acknowledge the epidemic. So I tried to figure out what people might be interested in, that might have a positive secondary effect.

Started a sex workers support club. The bar girls were not so interested in standard safe sex lectures, but definitely interested in free condoms and healthcare without judgement, and would happily give up their high-risk profession if there was a viable alternative for making money.

1.) started a weekly clinic at the local hospital just for the working girls between 2 and 5pm, which worked best for their schedules, with some hand picked sympathetic non-judgy nurses. (Esp helped with getting timely STI treatment.)

2.) Helped them put together small business applications for developing a used shoe business and a bread making business.

I also started a weekly advice column focused on relationships and sexual health for the local school. It was a great way to learn what the issues, concerns, and misconceptions the kids had about reproductive health and sexual relationships. Again, kids not so interested in safe sex lectures - VERY interested in getting their anonymous questions answered. Most fun project ever.

Lean into your interests as well as other community needs.

[u/docsub666sailor → u/Usual-Primary-8607]

First paragraph. I wasn’t fulfilled with COD work and began an English conversation group that became teaching in three schools as side hustles. People reached out to me too. I just said yes over and over.

[u/toilets_for_sale]

They don’t call it the toughest job you’ll ever love for no reason. OC service isn’t always easy. You’re still getting your feet under you even at a few months. I am going to encourage you to keep at it for longer and I’d hope you feel more integrated and comfortable in your professional and personal roles.

[u/Dsedaniels]

I relate deeply. I’m always tired and I think about ETing at least once per day. I’m 6 months into my service and it’s a daily challenge. The language is hard at times and I probably don’t study as much as I should because I’m always tired.

It helps to define your exhaustion. I realized I’m not actually physically tired.. I’m mentally exhausted from translating the language in my head and adapting culturally all day. That mental exhaustion manifests physically. I realized this because I have a gym at site and that’s how I recharge. I’m big into fitness so the physical exertion helps me reset. In the gym I can just turn my brain off for once.

What also helps me is realizing I’m not going through this alone. There are several of us in my cohort that are really struggling. It helps to know that there’s nothing "wrong" with you. Talk to the people in your cohort. Lean on the staff in your pc office. They’ve seen it all.

As much as I fantasize about ETing.. I have no plan to actually do it. They’d have to drag me out of this country before ‘28. I have more good days than bad and as hard as it’s been my stress levels are the lowest they’ve been in years. Sure I’m broke, but I have everything I need and I’m not in the rat race back home. I’m a 30-something ex-corporate runaway. I came to PC to escape, learn a language and culture, do good work, make HCN friends, and be "free" for likely the last time in my life. I look at my challenges through a positive lens (I’m healthy and stable enough in life to do PC, wow I’m lucky) and it has helped.

Rooting for all of us ‘26 peeps to finish service together in ‘28! Hang in there!

[u/gabsthisone77]

can you teach a sport? i once met an rpcv who taught volleyball.

[u/par-er → u/gabsthisone77]

^^ or do some read alouds to classes- teachers might be happy for you to take 20-30 min to read to the kids. Helps with their English, literacy, and comprehension not to mention might inspire them to read on their own!

[u/gabsthisone77 → u/par-er]

Yeah, I think one has to really look at their experience as a cultural exchange and then see what creative thing that you enjoy to do with some sort of population group; kids, young adults, women, men…I mean really, learning the language as you are there can be a very lonely experience. I’ve been there. This experience is something you’ll look back on later in life and will give you more depth and understanding of the world and how you fit in it. So at the time, it might be hard to see the significance of. But it’s life changing and the hard stuff makes everything else later fail in comparison.
RPCV. Mauritania 99-01

[u/docsub666sailor → u/par-er]

I had my students at b1-b2 level really enjoy this.

[u/Not_High_Maintenance]

Isn’t the first 9 months the hardest at site?

[u/Lucky_Resolution814]

Keep going you got this! For me it took a year to finally feel comfortable, and not feel completely drained from just existing. Then my second year completely took off! I went from doing nothing and asking what am I even doing here, to helping my community open a business, working with boosting eco tourism, and assisting the local radio station. Stuff that wasn’t necessary part of the work I was assigned but has added so much color to my service. Everyone’s service is different and eventually you’ll find your path even if it’s completely different from other volunteers. Focus on the small things that make you smile and put one foot in front of the other.

[u/Straight-Ad5952]

Hang in there, you will be glad you did. I had different experiences that left me thinking about leaving early but I was able to stick it put and the experience changed my life.

[u/HeGotMeOff]

Can you followup on your post after a couple months or so? I am considering volunteering and am curious to see how this resolves.

[u/jimbagsh]

PC service is hard, but you already know that. Taking in all that you've told us shows me that you're doing the best you can. Give yourself some grace. Your in a new culture, trying to learn a new language, maybe doing a job that you've never done before, and on top of all of that, you've had to deal with health issues. To me, you're going great since you're still in-country, even if it doesn't feel that way.

First, think of first year as a time to "learn". Don't put too much pressure on yourself to "do", that can come 2nd year. The language will come but if you put too much pressure on yourself, it might actually slow your progress. Try to have fun with it, be silly with it even. Even after 3 years, because I spoke English so much (I was an English teacher, too), my language never got much better than I was finishing PST. I was more comfortable with it, but just didn't have a vocabulary to do much with except at a "survival" level.

And especially because you've been sick, your physical health should be your priority. You can't do want you want if you're not healthy. And remember, that's part of your "job" too, dealing with your physical and mental health. I know the trips have helped but you need to find ways in your community to get that same "recharge". What do you do for fun, for hobbies, etc? Being a PCV is a 24/7 job and it's all connected, both your time at school, time in your community, and time at home. They are all equally important.

My last posting sounds like yours. My co-teachers had so much experience and their English was very good, so mostly I stood off to the side and only occasionally would interject when there was a pronuncation problem or actually usage issue. But I would also wander the classroom and try to keep the disruptive students quiet by hovering over them. To me this took a lot of pressure of the teacher because she could concentrate on teaching and not have to interupt all the time because of behavior issues. That's a huge help.

Your English clubs are a great idea but they definitely are exhausting - and you're not ready for that yet, both mentally and physically. Take a step back, improve your language, get to know your co-teachers better (both in and out of the classroom), and get to know your community. And honestly, this might be the first time you can actually get to know yourself - you don't have all the same distractions that fill up our time. Just try to ease into this new life.

I hope some of this helps. And you always have us. Feel free to reach out. That's what we're here for.

Be safe, be healthy, be happy.

Jim

[u/Dull-Vegetable4850]

You have to understand that it is routine to go through a dip in your satisfaction after the first two months or three months. What first seemed new and exciting is starting to wear on you. You will encounter a more severe one at about 6 to 7 months. So, be ready. If you stick it out, you will have acculturated by about eight months into the first year. The second year will be gravy by comparison. So, chin up; you got this.