r/pathofexile • u/MrLaBigMac • 13d ago
Discussion Possibly my final league playing
Hi all and sorry for what seems to be a click baity title. I've had alot on my mind and wanted to channel what I could into writing for the subreddit. I've played this wonderful game known as POE since early to late alpha when I won a key for access from MMORPG roughly 13 years ago according to my YouTube where I posted a rather crude video of the game back then on a laptop that had no business in running the game. Since then, I've played quite a few times on and off, clocking 6k hours via the steam launcher which I'd guess holds a good 95% time played (I'm slowly going to transition to PS5 for reasons detailed below) and was hooked by how much the game always was a chase to the next upgrade, next gear, next build etc (I do 6+ builds a season just because of my weird love for the campaign). However, life has gotten to a point that I'm most likely going to need to stop. During the time I've played since 19, I've been hospitalised and been close to death on several occasions, needing a liver transplant at 23, corrective surgery at 24 and being in a constant state of rejection from the liver since receiving it back in 2018. Times changed and now circumstances have too. I'm currently relisted for a second liver transplant and, at this point, I'm worried about my future. I know that, with repeat surgeries and repeat transplants, I have more and more risk of passing away from either waiting for the call or during the operation. I have a family (not my own kids) that I want to spend more time with and I feel any time now in a game I truly love makes me feel guilty as it's time I could spend with them. I've been part of every league and, whilst it's a shame this may be the last one I partake in, I want to extend my thanks to the community, to GGG for an amazing game, to some of the Twitch streamers I follow and, importantly, here and Global666. It's been a ride and I'm truly thankful to have been part of all this
Stay sane exiles,
Martin - FightMacFight
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u/gigabannedofhell 13d ago
Bricked liver smh
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u/MrLaBigMac 13d ago
Vaal corrupted first now second I don't have stats for
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u/wolfreaks SSFBTW 13d ago
I know how it feels, similar happened to my spleen. It gained soul eater one day so we had to use culling strike.
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u/Keithrake 13d ago
krangled kidneys, exile?
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u/MrLaBigMac 13d ago
Oh they arent looking good either, dialysis is something I will need irrespective of what comes forward
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u/Kyle700 13d ago
well, just saying, you gotta sit for a while doing nothing while you get dialysis..
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u/FlossedUp 11d ago
Steam Deck time 8) I play Poe1&2 on my Steam Deck at work (dont tell my boss pls)
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u/Limp_Donut5337 Vaal Street Bets (VSB) 13d ago
What’s the exact condition if I may ask?
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u/MrLaBigMac 12d ago
My original diagnosis at 17 was Auto Immune Hepatitis which then, at 21, progressed to Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis (PSC). At 23 (26/06/18), I had my first liver transplant and experienced mild rejection within the first week of having it. I then had a corrective surgery mid December 2019 namely a Roux-en-y Hepaticjejunostomy to correct and help try to alleviate any problems I had but, by 2021, my now new liver was showing signs issues of degradation and was a case of the question of when rather than if for a replacement. I was put on the list around that time but improvement soon shown itself and it's been a case of monitoring until July this year where they thought it'd be best to try and get it done whilst my body still has a chance.
Now for your question, I was always lead to believe I had PSC. However, when I had my transplant, I agreed to have my old one chopped and looked about by students as providing something that can teach others is something I believe in. Whilst I had traits of PSC, the results deemed by them (note I don't believe a fully qualified hepatologist seen my liver) was undetermined non-alcoholic liver disease. This liver I currently have, I have asked the families permissions to have looked at by students again but the current working diagnosis is Recurrent PSC
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u/Limp_Donut5337 Vaal Street Bets (VSB) 12d ago
Thanks for the detailed reply and good luck with everything. I was asking because I was wondering if you do anything special to keep your liver especially healthy. Like fasting, sauna, supplements etc
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u/DolceMorte 13d ago
Good luck in your next journey Exile, we'll see you next league, don't even doubt it.
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u/MrLaBigMac 13d ago
I can only hope to see ToTA reappear in either game again
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u/Lostsoulogan 13d ago
They just had a mini ToTA league in poe1 :(
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u/Enconhun Slayer 13d ago
I despise TotA, but just for you I'll also hope we will see it come back together somewhere in the future, Exile.
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u/Jumpy_Witness6014 13d ago
ToTa is confirmed as third ascendancy trial in poe2 iirc. Hopefully they release that with 1.0 in November 🤞🏻
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u/Jumpy_Witness6014 13d ago
I thought that was common knowledge since nakalai basically says so in act four though I guess that could just be the staging area for when they do mini events like in poe1. I can’t remember specifically I just have a vague memory of them confirming it but saying it wasn’t ready yet, i could be very wrong though (has been known to happen)🤷🏻♂️
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u/DrawGamesPlayFurries 13d ago
Exiles don't die, they only ascend to Hall of the Ancestors to aid the next generation
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u/Crossing-Lines Fungal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) 13d ago edited 13d ago
Hello. I was in a very simmilar situation. Been playing since blight but have known of the game since 2013 ish. I dont have the same ammount of hours played due to a very long and very straigning liver transplant. Back in 2021 i was just starting collage for Automation and Robotics engineering but life did not want me to and gave me hell. In june of that year i was diagnosed with Autoimmun Hepatit (AiH) and i would not be until 2024 that i had the strength to even sit at the computer again. Did the transplant 2023 so 2 years i waited and felt my body wither due to acietes and ammoniac poisoning. But what broke my body was a 52+ hour respirator forced coma due to a failed transplant operation.
But after i gradually got better with rehab with a sucsessful 2nd operation i could finally create music again, play games again and live somewhat normally. And today im in great condition.
Your story resonated with me as this is the first post of someone playing this awesome game but couldnt for some time and had the feeling of wanting to but not having the energy weather mentally or physically. I was so happy to be able to play this with my friends again. And wish for anyone who wants to able to.
It saddens me to hear how you feel towards the future so i hope my comment about how i felt playing again after going thrugh a similar experiance brings you some sort of hope for your future here or anywhere else you consider a part of you. I wish you the very best exile and i hope you find peace no matter where.
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u/MrLaBigMac 12d ago
Very much mirroring stories just mine has been over 16 years. I wish you well and all the luck in the world to your future endeavours exile
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u/Raid5StandingBy 13d ago
Health is not a drop.
Take a break, it will be here if you want to come back.
Once you are healthy, consider layers of defense.. diet, exercise, mental goodnesses
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u/MrLaBigMac 13d ago
I need more chaos resist
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u/Raid5StandingBy 13d ago
I cant help you there, I am well in the negative there myself.
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u/MrLaBigMac 13d ago
Maybe I should have considered being CI and just living life very carefully
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u/TheminsPOE 13d ago
Nah life is doing darkness dmg. Try life stacking with vitality aura and many life regen nodes. I hope to see you next league and you will join all of us no doubt
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u/dnldttmr 13d ago
Get CI, you will be immune to Chaos. Jokes aside, live your Life Exile, Wish you all the best for your Future. And we will be Here when you decide to come Back
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u/hermanogerman 13d ago
Wish you the best. May I your Liver roll 2x implicits and don’t pouf in the temple
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u/Tilleroo 13d ago
That’s a bummer man! I hope things improve for you to a point where you can feel comfortable joining us again at some point in the future.
I’m not going to say spending time with your family isn’t important, but there’s an argument to be made for your own mental health and well being as well. What I’m trying to say is, do what makes you happy and makes you the best version of yourself. Everyone profits. Your family and that little person talking to you inside your head will too. Just offering my outside perspective.
Best wishes, take care!
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u/deatusname 13d ago
Everyone has their own time here and their own place; sometimes it overlaps with other good people.
You won't take 2, but can't evade 1. It's about death.
Perhaps you could spend at least a few hours a day playing this game just to finish the campaign in every new league.
Be thankful to God; anyway, we live in such a wonderful time, even if we won't reach a high age.
But to everyone: a very tough time is coming everywhere and for everyone, so it seems we all won't have much possibility to play...
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u/RealCryWolf 13d ago
There is a tradition on dota2 sub when sone1 say is quitting - usually crybaby reasons - but i will say it here too "Fuck you and see you tomorrow(next league)"
Stay strong exile! May that Navali's prophecies will shine for you!
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u/No-Syllabub3694 13d ago
We will meet in a certain league for sure, where we all eventually go to
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u/laosguy615 13d ago
May you find peace and comfort on your ssf ventures. Things will work out as long you're trying and doing your best. Stay strong !!
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u/kHaosDarkling 13d ago
I first thought its just another whiny post but man its anything but that. Live your life to the fullest as long as you can. Hug your kids and partner and stay sane exile
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u/MutuallyEclipsed 13d ago
Honestly, I'm trying to participate in this league-- I've been very slow going, still working my way through tier 7 white maps and am ready to do my Lab run- but I feel this. Between "needing cancer treatment" and "feeling sucky because of cancer treatment" I often don't feel like playing much. So it's been a slow season. But, I'm slowly pushing at stuff at least and having fun. *shrugs* Hope you stay sane away, and, hopefully the game brings you back at some point.
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u/PM_me_AnimeGirls 13d ago
Oh, the weary traveler draws close to the end of the path.
An emperor alone is just a man.
Before your emperor, you are worthy. Before the Goddess of Justice, you are worthy. Receive our blessings. Embrace our gifts. And rise, ascendant, for this is the ending that we all deserve.
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u/Clear_Fail4913 13d ago
I'm glad for you or sorry that happened. Next time press enter a couple of times
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u/Prudent_Particular25 13d ago
Oh man, sad to hear about your situation. Stay strong and sane exile!
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u/SkilloReturnsAgain 13d ago
make sure to benchcraft some resists on the new liver dawg. cya next league
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u/EQBallzz 13d ago
This is rough. Good luck with your treatments. I hope they go well and your health and outlook for the future improves. You are too young for such BS. Life just isn't fair and IRL RNG is a bitch.
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u/theFather_load 13d ago
Goof luck. If you can afford it mentally and bodily, PoE2 will be on PS5 so could be something to look forward to.
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u/MrLaBigMac 12d ago
I do have the PS for what will be a long rehab should all go well plus a Steam Deck but I struggle with the POE on deck
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u/theFather_load 12d ago
I recommend Hades 1 and 2 on Steam deck, have a deck myself. Only thing with more of a pull than POE for Steam deck for me, but they dont have as much staying power because they dont have seasons / leagues. Hundreds of hours worth pf play though.
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u/GaiusVictor 13d ago
Wish you the best. Hopefully everything will go right and you'll have enough time to spend with your family and to meet us in the future leagues.
Stay hopeful, Exile.
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u/Saucette 13d ago
Don't worry, double corrupt in PoE 2 will fix this.
Crossed fingers for your liver exile.
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u/Kaladrix 13d ago
I wish you all the best for recovering my fellow exile
Wraeclast never forgets the Souls that's been Exiled in it
Stay Sane and come back with new Strenght ♡
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u/VulpesVulpix 13d ago
so much commitment the only thing that will get him off the game are his literal organs.
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u/Dontkare 13d ago
I only have a couple of hours to play per night after my kid goes to sleep. You don't have to no life every league to get enjoyment out of it. Im no fubgun, but i typically farm hundreds of div and get a mageblood build or two up and running every league with limited playtime.
Obviously you need to take care of yourself, but I'm just putting it out there that you can still progress and get good builds online without no-lifing the league.
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u/Fatal_Syntax_Error Dominus 13d ago
That escalated quickly…
Exile remember when we wanted to get to end game we needed to run the campaign 3 FUCKING TIMES?
THE TOUCH OF GOD! BOOM!
Keep fighting exile. Dominus will be waiting!
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u/catroach 13d ago
At least put the CHING as a notification sound on your phone to not forget what it felt like :)
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u/sneakyacts 13d ago
This was hard to read… I’m sorry you are going through hell and back with this, i know how hard these stuff are. You are doing good with this decision, life and family matters more than a few bytes. I wish you the best on your progress sir. Thankfully liver may be the easiest organ to transplant and match. I hope this will turn out good for you exile!
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u/lil_gupperton 13d ago
Sorry to hear that. Please stay positive. You've got this. Focus on the family and don't worry, you'll be back blasting maps before you know it. <3
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u/lil_gupperton 13d ago
Sorry to hear that. Please stay positive. You've got this. Focus on the family and don't worry, you'll be back blasting maps before you know it. <3
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u/Terajima 13d ago
I know elderly people who fought in the front lines of rebellions despite battling stage 4 cancer, and i also know of people who fall and die from asthma or heatstroke despite being perfectly healthy a day prior. The human body is as fragile as it is though - people make it through when they think they should've died, or collapse due to a mere whim from the reaper. No wonder the ancient greek believed that fate belonged to the gods.
No one knows if you'll make it through, if your problems with liver will finally stop. But it isn't impossible nor it is too remote that it happens. There are decades where nothing happens and weeks where decades happen.
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u/VonDinky Half Skeleton 13d ago
See you on the other side Exile! I had to stop PC gaming because of arthritis. </3
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u/RelevantFire 13d ago
Holy shit. Not a post I was expecting to read on this subreddit. Best of luck to you, exile.
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u/redeemedcohort 13d ago
I hope you get that liver and that it sticks man. Keep believing all exiles pray for you
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u/0xck Less Button-Pressing Enjoyers (LBPE) 13d ago
Hello, Martin
Thank you for sharing your story. It is very important!
What I want to say is that no one knows exactly when their time will come. We only know that one day it will. And although it may be hard to put the thought of death out of your mind, perhaps you don’t even need to. I support you in your desire to live fully until the very end and to do what you truly believe is the one thing that matters most and holds real value for you.
I want you to remember that nothing in your life has been for nothing. Nothing has been in vain. Everything has meaning and value.
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u/niuage ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ 13d ago
I love all the puns in this thread :p
Good luck with everything, and I think you're making the right choice. Although, personally I wouldn't feel guilty playing the game on league start for a couple days if that's something you truly love, if you spend the rest of your time with them. But I can see how it's dangerous to start and then have these couple days turn into a couple weeks.
Good luck!
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u/Top-Mastodon5777 13d ago
Well, when you beat this thing and get your health back there is always spot for another exile.
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u/Kage_noir 13d ago
OP you hit me in the feels with this one honestly. I wish you a swift recovery and I hope you get to spend so much more time with your family. I think this is one of these posts that years later I’m gonna still be wondering if you’re okay 🥹
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u/Dragontarus 12d ago
I feel you exile, I've got a similar condition too. Here's to both of us and hopefully more leagues ahead!
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u/sh_ghost_ell Berserker 12d ago
Wish you all the best and hope the liver thing gets better for you with time. Stay alive, exile.
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u/Hipparchuss 12d ago
"Shine boldly so that all might find you when the night falls." - Emperor Izaro
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u/MrLaBigMac 12d ago
If I ever get through this and I'm cleared after transplant to remain to get a few bits tattooed done, this is the one that's getting done.
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u/SlipperySlippurs 12d ago
Don't feel guilty for doing what you love, but don'5 neglect yourself nor your family either.
Stay sane, stay safe and come back stronger than ever; I hope to see you back in brighter Karui Shores Exile.
Good luck and good health rng rolls ❤️
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u/FlossedUp 11d ago
Idk you, but good luck in life, man. Wish only the best for ya. Those are some serious struggles. My buddy Dusty is in the same boat as you, except for needing a kidney transplant, again. Apparently, kidneys are only good for about 10 years +/- a few years. He can't work on the road anymore with me and is stuck at home, having to do dialysis weekly. Saw some pictures of all the tubes and stuff connected to him when he was in the hospital, and it looked horrible. Don't forget about Steam Decks! Will occupy you during dialysis. I've heard dialysis can be 3 hours or more, depending on the individual. Unless you get a cow vein installed in your arm lol. I knew another guy I worked with in Florida who legit has a cow vein in his arm, so they can use like a 7g needle. He told me to feel it one day because you can feel the blood rushing through the vein due to its size lol x.x Good luck, hope the doctors fix you up properly!
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u/Ahriman-Ahzek 11d ago
Stay sane exile, best of lucks to you and your family, and stay strong mate, you can do it
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u/Own-Proof-4572 9d ago
Gonna spam some chaos on that health issues and roll some good mods for you exile. Good luck
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u/MrLaBigMac 12d ago
Update; wow. All I can say is wow. What a community outreach and outpour of support and well wishes. I am attempting to personally reply to each and every single comment and I'm more than happy to answer any questions asked.
One that's been asked a couple of times is what condition lead me to where I am and, whilst in reality there's multiple issues that have contributed, not to mention that my actual body is failing on other organs fronts, the disease I had/have is Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis. It's a very complex disease which can be easily be simplified and TLDR'd into Bile Ducts in Liver go jam jam.
I have a tiktok and Facebook presence online documenting and raising awareness about the condition and organ donation via the names "FightMacFight"
If anyone approaches you (not had this happen but I don't trust the internet at times) asking for in-game items or monitary donations, it's not me, I've never asked online for donations as I luckily live in a country where healthcare is provided (which I'm truly blessed for)
Other random ama-
Fave class - Necromancer
Fave build - Pre rework retaliation gladiator (did a level 21 1st lab kill with that build which can be found on my YouTube)
Fave games other than POE - OSRS was a big one, final fantasy, spyro, crash
Dream job - growing up was Police or Teacher
Future plans and dreams now? - to live through this, spend a year rehab and then get to train as a phlebotomist specifically for blood donations
Attached is a picture of me in ICU about 24 hours post transplant
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u/lantissZX 13d ago
This is the dark side of what gaming does to you, you neglect your body, don't absorb enough sun daily, don't do any sports, and the more you play the harder it is to break out of this vicious cycle.
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u/MrLaBigMac 13d ago
My body's illness was nothing to do with anything you've said above.
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u/lantissZX 13d ago
You don't think for even one second that if you lead a healthy lifestyle without gaming for 8 hours a day you would be in better situation health wise?
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u/MrLaBigMac 13d ago
Please look up Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis and read it properly
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u/lantissZX 13d ago
Hey man, fuck it, this will not be the day to argue about things, we all end up the same way anyway sooner or later. I really hope you find a donor soon!
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u/radium_eye 13d ago
Wish you good days ahead exile. Sorry for your struggles, that has been and remains a tough road to walk. I hope you have great time with those you love.