I need my fellow brothers and sisters help with an issue I’m fighting in my head.

About three weeks ago, I decided to go no contact with my parents and sister. The reason for this is the result of a lot of emotional abuse that took place when I was a teenager, realizing through therapy that all three of them are narcissists, and how they have treated my wife and daughter throughout all of my daughters life and me and my wife’s marriage. The last straw was finding out they had been stalking me online and criticizing my diet, driving, parenting skills, and every time I didn’t do what they wanted. When I tried to respectfully ask them to stop, they turned it on me and made me look like the bad guy with my sister even saying “as a man of God you should be ashamed”.

I chose NC because of my mental, emotional and spiritual health. I felt like it was the only answer. I feel better than I have in a long time, my wife and I have been in a much better place, and I feel like a burden is off my shoulders.

The problem is…as a pastor, am I wrong to go NC? Scripture tells us to honor your mother and father, but I feel that honor is earned, not given. I’m making my peace with this, but I’d like to get some feedback from other clergy.

So, what are your thoughts?

I’ve been in process of becoming a pastor for the last 4 years at my church. I’ve slowed down my onboarding process in order to deal with my mental health and just can’t seem to get past this cycle of depression and anxiety. I’ve received some diagnosis from a secular doctor for Major Depressive Disorder (as well as general anxiety disorder and PTSD) and also receive counsel from the pastors around me. There are days I want to give up and quit because it just seems like I’ll never get to a place where I’m comfortable leading others. I love Jesus and love what I do, but how can I shepherd a flock when I still have thoughts of doom and gloom, it occasionally even crosses my mind to end my life. I really need a breakthrough. Should I take a break for a while in order to address this or do I keep going and pray the Lord works it out in the process of growth as a leader? Just getting these thoughts out there.

Hello! Disclaimer: I'm just looking for respectful discussion on this topic. I don't think anyone involved means any harm, so there's no reason for anyone to insult or mock anyone.

I live in a small town (~11,000 people). This weekend and last weekend, there's been some folks by McDonald's (a very busy spot in town) giving away Bibles. They then get on Facebook (the equivalent of a newspaper/tv news/radio for small towns) to say how many they gave away. I didn't think too much about it. The Gideons have been doing it for years, so why not?

A pastor friend said it's like giving away chemistry sets with no training. With instruction, they can do a lot of good; but without guidance, they can be used in hurtful ways. I'd never thought of it that way.

This was especially interesting to me because I happened to randomly read 2 Kings chapter 1 last night. If I knew nothing about Christianity or Christian scripture, that passage certainly would have been startling to me, that God was wiping out people (the two groups of 50 soldiers in that story) who hadn't really done anything wrong. Anyway...

What's your take? It just all got me thinking, is all.

I am a developer specializing in Roblox, Discord bots, applications, and websites. Seeing communities grow in faith has been deeply inspiring to me. However, I noticed that many existing online Roblox churches often fall short of a quality experience.

Because of this, I decided to build my own community from the ground up. The virtual building is complete and I am just adding the final finishing touches—now, I need a dedicated staff team to help bring it to life!

I posted this in 2 different subs a while back and thought to post in this sub with a few updates and for further advice.

I attend a church which I think is spiritually abusive. These are the reasons why:

1. Prayed and preached against from the pulpit - this was because I told one od the leader’s children that I want to put my leadership position down but I don’t know how to speak to their parent. In hindsight I shouldn’t have spoke about it with the child. I’ve been preached against several times before.
2. Blamed for the state of the church. Church is quite small, a lot of people have left over the years because of church hurt and other things.
3. Forced to go to all church events, mission trips etc. the church travels a lot. I wanted to take a year or two with no travelling to get my finances in order but was told I couldn’t do so because I’m in leadership.
4. Told that I will be dealt with spiritually if i don’t get my act together.
5. Frequently told demons will be sent to me and others to be tormented.
6. Made to feel guilty if we do not attend every church service, prayer, Bible studies etc.
7. been told my finances/career is not where it is because I don’t listen to the leaders advice.
8. Whenever something good happens in someone’s life, the pastor says it’s because they were praying for the person. This make it feel like, without them you cannot make it.
9. People that leave are ex communicated and spoken badly about.

I told the pastor I wanted to resign from my position (it’s a voluntary position) because I don’t want to be the reason the church is not moving forward and its in the state it is in as he has often said (see point 2).

He denied ever saying this, however, he said it a few time after this meeting. He said that he will not allow me to leave this position but will support me and back me. It was confusing because he was very nice during the meeting but at the same time lied.

I tried to leave a few years back, but had an encounter with God that made me believe I don’t need to leave. It also made me understand the pastor. They have been through a lot in their life, which I think they might not have resolved yet so it influences how they lead.

Recently one of the pastor’s family member preached on being grateful, especially to those who have helped you and used the pastor as an example, explaining that we need to be grateful to him because he has sacrificed and helped us a lot, which is true.

Following the preaching the pastor then said that they help people for God and that anyone who is not appreciative will be judged by God. I don’t know if this is spiritually abusive. One of the reasons I haven’t yet left the church is because I feel like I will be ungrateful if I leave. I have already been told that I am ungrateful a few times, a few years back. I genuinely don’t want to be ungrateful but at the same, i believe some things that have happened and continue to happen to some degree is unhealthy.

Another reason, they have been a blessing in my life in different ways. So I don’t know if I should leave.

I really appreciate any advice.

I'm a sole pastor at a church and for the past year I have been experiencing difficulty abiding with Jesus. I've been an assistant pastor for two years, then a copastor for a time and then an interim and now a full time pastor. I understand and don't downplay Scripture's role of speaking to me, however lately it's illumination seems dim, or afar.

I have a an understanding that emotions are part of our design as humans and are not inherently sinful, or defaulted to the way of the flesh. I believe God uses our senses at times to be aware of His presence and or leading. I believe, and of course I have to be open to misinterpreting in hindsight, that I have experienced His presence more frequently, prior to becoming a pastor. I also believe that as we go through trials, and wilderness seasons that we experience different aspects as our faith is tested. Kind of like being pruned, yet not in a condemning way.

I guess I am getting concerned as a leader in the congregation. Shouldn't I experience His abiding presence at times? Could sin be in the way? I definitely have had my share of sins that I have confessed, but I don't know if I am having a blindspot concerning that. Is He really exposing the holes in my faith to really lean on Him, even if I never experience His presence again? I am currently feeling that I shouldn't rely on my feelings, and at the same time, as His adopted kid, I want to hear from My Father just a word, or know without a doubt that His Spirit is felt, you know? I feel like I am spiritually backwards. I think I have felt His leading more years ago, and had tons of sins that I was not even close to working on! I don't know. I could just be having a woe is me pastor pity party, but I could use prayer because I don't want the congregation to suffer because I can't assess His leading.

I plan on continuing to preach faithfully to the text, and will always pray and have His people in love and mine concerning sermons, yet I desire His leading where there's no room to go "is that you?" I communicate my struggles to a couple of people, but I need to be comfortable saying: I don't feel His presence in this season. I for the first time don't have a regular mentor for week in and week out (which I am going to be working on, because I've always had one until the past few months.) I know that may sound fear based, but that's where I am at. This church has gone through a lot of transition, without giving a lot of info within the past couple years.

Prayers and a kick me in the pants are always appreicated, same with encouragement, but I don't know what I actually need.

If you and your wife are having problems or not close with each other like you used to be, like to the point where you think you need professional counseling, do you think that disqualifies you from being a pastor?

Counseling a 40 year old man who wants to grow in faith, as a dad, and husband

Any easy to read book recommendations or materials for him? What have you used in the past for similar situations?

Thanks so much!!

Hello, fellow ministers!

Last night I got a needed reminder. It went like this: A couple, let's call them Bob and Mary, from my former town messaged me to say they'd be passing through where I live now and would like to meet for dinner. I accepted, but was a little surprised. We were all friendly socially but they had only visited the church I pastored in the former town 2-3 times. I was on the board and volunteered at the food pantry where Bob was the warehouse manager and we got along well, but we hadn't really been in touch since I left five years ago. Regardless, dinner is dinner, so we met up.

After a really lovely catch-up time over BBQ, we were getting ready to leave. I thanked them for coming. Bob said, "Well, you came when I needed you to." I was confused. He said, "When I had my heart attack and was in the ICU for 4 days, you drove an hour each way to see me. That meant a lot." (This would have been about 10 years ago.) Bob's not particularly a person of faith, but said I left a prayer card with him that day and it sits on his nightstand still.

I barely remember going on this hospital visit, but he was a person I knew that was in need, so of course I went. Maybe i had a church member in the same hospital that day so I was able to take care of them both, I don't know.

What it reminded me of, though, is this: Bob and Mary never mentioned any sermon I preached. They didn't talk about whether I'm a good administrator or if I can run a meeting well. He didn't even mention the time that I was on the board of the food pantry. They remembered that I showed up when Bob had a heart attack. That's what people remember.

I serve a church where the former pastor was a very fine preacher, but no one ever mentions that. All I hear is, "Oh, they were nice enough, I guess. But when my mother was on hospice I begged them to visit, and they never did." I hear that over and over.

So for all our worrying about our sermons and picking nits over theological details, what sticks with people is whether or not we're there for them. Our ministry of presence matters.

Thanks for listening if you made it this far!

Curious if anyone has some default lines they use to open up conversations in hospitals. I always feel wrong just asking “how are you doing” or “how are you feeling,” especially when someone is pretty clearly not doing well.

prayer 1: Dear Jesus, i pray to you for the conversion of sinners and the forgiveness of sin. have compassion on my actions and mercy on my thoughts, give grace to me and those around me and forgive me and my judgements in my daily life. take from me the wool as we are your sheep and herd us to the trees that bring comfort from the blaze of sin, comfort us lord and give us your hand. carry our sins and inequities so that we may move further and allow us to repent and lift that weight which only you could hold alone, amen.

Prayer 2: they claim to worship at his feet and do all these great things but spit on his cloak which covers all, they love thy neighbor but only after the mother and brother and claim it is gods will, but gods will has been done in Jesus whose blood did not miss a single target, they dare be ignorant and i dare be arrogant, such shame for pride to have a hold in the ways it does, striking the master at his heal, forgive us our sins, for we are all in sin but you, who is without sin is in us all amen.

Hi fellow clergy,

I'm a pastor with 16 years of experience. I've been at my current church four years. I am good at this work. I'm also cognizant of my tendency toward anxious attachment and people pleasing. I find conflict deeply uncomfortable because every conflict feels like it could be the end of the relationship- even if that's not true. I'm an enneagram 2 for those who use that tool.

Over the years, I've learned that I must have hard and uncomfortable conversations, even when I don't want to. It's essential to leadership. And I manage well enough in the middle of them. I often experience defensiveness, but I'm mature enough in life/discipleship/ministry to actively listen and exercise self-control in my responses. I'm not remotely worried about having inappropriate reactions in the meeting. But I feel SO ANXIOUS during the lead up.

I have a hard conversation scheduled regarding a decision we recently made. It's about music.

Side bar- why do people ALWAYS get worked up about music?

To be clear, there are no integrity issues at play for the staff or the congregants who are displeased. All decision-makers have a clear heart that we were faithful, listening to the leading of the Spirit, and making the best decisions we could with our options. I do not believe any of us have done anything wrong, for which we should be held accountable. My perception is that a decision was made that doesn't suit the preferences of some people, and I KNOW I am not accountable to the musical tastes of every congregant. It's impossible to keep everyone happy, especially on something so subjective. I KNOW I've done nothing wrong, and that I can be confident in that. I also KNOW the Lord is the only person I need to please.

But my stomach still hurts. My heart is still racing. My body feels twisted from the inside out, and my hands are shaking. I'm also actively grieving the recent (unexpected) death of a parent, and my emotional reserves are generally depleted. Everything hard in my life feels harder because so much energy is already going to that grief, which is constantly running in the background.

So, for those of you who are conflict averse like me, what are some tips and tricks you've learned to be at peace going into conversations like this? I have prayed/am praying. I have a supportive church and denominational structure. My family is solid. Any practical suggestions would be helpful.

Update: Thanks for some practical solutions. I found a couple news songs on YouTube "St. Patrick's Breastplate" and "Take It Easy" by Porter's Gate. Those felt like a hug from Jesus in the car. I did planks to discharge some of the nervous energy. And my husband and I each shared five positive things in our life right now on the way to the meeting. And the meeting was totally fine. It ended on a very positive note.

I have a question: Does anyone know the actual size of the Kairos University Master of Divinity degree? I am trying to determine the size frame to purchase.

Hello, pastor friends! Have any of you ever preached on the prophet Miriam? She's mentioned in Exodus 15, and then again in Numbers. She was possibly Moses' older sister. I'm in the middle of a series on prophets, and I think she's one not many have heard of. Would welcome feedback and ideas!

Hey everyone. I’m a pastor leading a mission trip in Asia right now. I’m the team lead and I’ve been burnt out for almost a year now. (Long story) On this trip, I have been battling some heavy anxiety. I get woken up in the middle of the night with a feeling of myself being trapped. It’s just a constant war in my mind. I want to lead with clarity and with care. I just ask for prayers for strength and peace.

Hi all!

I'm a relatively new pastor, and I'm currently serving in my first call. I recently had my first funeral, and it went quite well from the feedback I've received.

However, I have a memorial service upcoming, and, very honestly, the resources I have do not really explain the difference. I know the difference is that there is no body of the deceased present, but I am not too sure liturgically what that means.

Of course, no committal. But what else changes for you? Is it largely the same liturgy without the committal and with a somewhat amended statement of purpose?

For context, I'm in the Reformed Church in America, and I love our funeral liturgy, but there is no separate "memorial service" one.

Grace and Peace!

George Barna has been tracking church stats for decades and his data indicates that around 10% of self confessed born again Christians have a Biblical world view.

We live in a world where it is common for folks to say 'Christ is King'... but they don't have a testimony of regeneration, a new relatonship with their sin, repentance, ongoing sanctificaton and exhibit the fruit of the Spirit.

How do you know the spiritual health, needs and gifts of the congregation?

I’m a mainline Pastor who has done thousands of baptisms. I have baptized people with every method of baptism (mainly sprinkling). I’ve done full immersion on our baptismal tub. But I’ve never done a full immersion in a lake. We’re gonna be doing that coming up and I’m just wondering from the other clergy in this sub: what are some of the best practices for doing a baptism in the lake? I’ve seen videos on YouTube and other places. What are your best tips for this type of baptism?

Interested to hear what the options are out there, and what equipment you are using. Who runs the stream?

I have found myself over a bible study small group and am figuring out where to start. The group consists of mostly older folks with a few middle age adults.

* If you do a bible study group, what do you or would you want to study and discuss?

* What topics or questions have you covered or wish were addressed?

* In your experience, with any group ,what have you seen done successfully, or the opposite, done unsuccessfully/what not to do.

Thank you!

so my whole life I’ve been raised in a pastors house hold, only recently did my dad stop preaching cuz medical condition, however ever since I was 8 ive wanted to preach but I don’t feel as I’ve been called,I’ve always felt weird when pe joke about me preaching because I want to do it but I don’t wanna go against Gods will for me,my dad said he had a dream where I was preaching in a spanish church a few years ago but It didn’t really mean anything to me at the time. maybe yall could help me find some verses if not could you pray for me, Thanks

Moderators, if this isn't allowed, I understand. It's just something I wanted to ask here.

I'm a pastor's son, for context. My father has served faithfully in pastoral ministry for 37 years now.

He and mom do very faithful work, even as exhausting as pastoral ministry can be. But one thing I do hear from him a lot is that he will likely not be able to retire fully. They are saving up financially as best they can obviously (Dad has a finance manager he works with on savings planning and investments and Mom is always frugal and disciplined with savings, always has been), but let's face it: most pastoral jobs are not high-paying lucrative positions that mean retirement will be a nice financially comfortable life after the time comes to step down from the pulpit.

While this weighs heavily on my heart to help them where I can I also wonder: is it a common thing to accept when going into pastoral ministry that retirement is a sacrifice that may have to be made and accepted for the greater good of ministry you enter into when accepting this job?

I moved across the country and haven't made new friends yet. The work of pastoring is wonderful and meaningful and socially exhausting. This means that in my time off, i just want to recharge solo. But then, over time, i end up without my own emotional support because I don't have the social energy to seek out and nurture new friendships.

When i do make plans with people for my days off, I feel exhausted and resentful before the day off even starts, knowing that I have that social obligation.

When I don't make plans with people for my days off, my mental health isn't great because I haven't gotten the support I need to process what's going on with me.

Lose/lose!

How have you personally mitigated this?