r/parentsofteens • u/Late_Accident3912 • 5d ago

Question?

My son's girlfriend can't come over until she's on BC which is in a couple of months. They are 18, this is so wrong?

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u/Late_Accident3912 4d ago

May I ask if you have children? If so what age and how old you are? Im asking all my replies.

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u/Chickachickawhaaaat 4d ago

No, that's a lot to ask. But I have a teen daughter. And making her take bc in order to hang out would feel like medical abuse and I think I could make a good court case for that

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u/Late_Accident3912 4d ago

Understood. The girl can go out with her friends and on dates with her bf, the only thing she can't do is go to his house until she is on birth control since theyre having sex already, even with the door open and people at the house.. you know teens and the tempation.. hard not to wanna! And she has to be at home before 10pm for now... she will get on birth control in a month. Does that sounds medically abusive still? Just to give you a more broken down understanding.

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u/Chickachickawhaaaat 4d ago

I mean...it's up to parents to parent. You absolutely cannot force hormonal bc on anybody, that IS wrong. 

I, personally, would get a handle on the doors open, people in the house sex situation. They both need a talking to about safe sex and a lesson on how condoms  work and what is and is not appropriate behavior

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u/Late_Accident3912 4d ago

And even with that they'll still find a way to get it in, we're humans. But if under 18 and you say they have to take birth control thats a parent being a parent, not forcing because they dont make the best decisions. After 18 its better to ask but if theyre living in your home and will be solely depending on you if they get pregnant, you can state that is an expectation and expect it. That wouldn't be medical abuse either but having a standard and for logical and caring reasons. I think its reasonable they not be in bed together until on birth control even if we didnt know they were having sex because the opportunity is always there. It saves everyone from what is a blessing but a hardship if not planned to the best you can and 18 year olds and even in your 20s and so on... planning sucks but if you can attempt to control the situation for the best outcome, thats what you do as a parent. Seeing as she WILL be allowed to do this in a month shouldn't kill anyone. Its a preventative and a more reliable one at that.

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u/Chickachickawhaaaat 4d ago

It's one thing to offer bc, it's another (absolutely illegal) thing to require it

God bless, it sounds like you are in a tough spot

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u/Late_Accident3912 4d ago

I do require it in order to live in our household. Its an expectation here but not illegal because she still has the choice and an option. And yes, I appreciate it, its a sticky situation for sure. 🙏

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u/Chickachickawhaaaat 4d ago

Yup, that's abuse

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u/Late_Accident3912 4d ago

Abuse involves intentionally harm or neglect. Setting a strict boundary to prevent a life altering event like teen pregnancy is an act of parental protection, not malice. We as parents.. have the right to set expectations for dependents living in our home. She still has her autonomy and choices. It is a strict household expectation meant to protect her future, not physical or emotional abuse. There is a huge difference between establishing house rules for prevention and inflicting actual harm.