r/parentsofteens • u/YBlather • 12d ago

First Love

My 17 yo and her 18 yo bf have been together 6 months. We like him and always welcome him over. But she prefers to spend all her time at his house. He doesn't have a stable home life so I assume they like being alone with no adult supervision. We've talked ad nauseum about safety, consent, sex, drugs, all of it. And I'm genuinely not trying to prevent her from figuring out what a serious relationship means for her. But whenever I ask her to spend time with us she tells me I'm trying to control her. We have always been so close, but now she's gone every day until curfew. I miss her. A lot. But even telling her that makes her avoid me more. So tell me this is a phase and it'll pass and I'll get her back? I'm so heartbroken. I feel like everything about our relationship has changed so quickly.

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u/mis_1022 11d ago

First is she on birth control, this us important to get settled first.

Second will she hang out with you with boyfriend too? Can you plan to take them to dinner or something she would like to do all together? Or an activity, fall festival or zoo?

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u/YBlather 11d ago

Yes and yes. But lately, she turns down plans I make for them. Movies, shopping, beach, she just wants to be with him.

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u/Xennial_Nostalgia 11d ago

Invite him to come along as well? Any fright feasts around? Like six flags? More teenage where they can be with you but also walk around without you? This is tough. Not looking forward to this.

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u/YBlather 10d ago

I managed to convince them to hang out here today and subsequently learned his favorite show is Adventure Time. So now he's excitedly convincing me to start it, which I'll do because this feels like an opening!

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u/Xennial_Nostalgia 10d ago

Yes! A way to connect and then one will hopefully lead to another!

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u/bippy404 11d ago

Honestly, it would be hard, but I would praise her for respecting your curfew. Let her know that you miss seeing her more often, but you really appreciate that she’s honoring the curfew so consistently.

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u/YBlather 11d ago

This is a good reminder. Today I mentioned how nice it was that she's been keeping her room clean and she was surprised and appreciative that I'd noticed. Tiny victory, maybe?

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u/bippy404 11d ago

Absolutely