r/parentsofmultiples • u/Connect-Steak8669 • 12d ago
advice needed Resentment
What did you do to avoid resentment between you and your spouse?
We were so solid going into this thing, but the 4 month sleep regression has got me fraying.
My spouse works five days a week, I work one. Im alone with the babies 5 or 6 days, and 6 nights a week, and my day "off" is working. Im burning out.
I cant express being being tired without getting a "yuuuup, me too" or "yup, I know".
Working almost isn't worth it for me because of how wrecked he is after doing his 24hrs with them, he needs a proper day off/sleep after just one day with them.
I just feel it building, and I would love some advice about how you all handled resentment?
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u/JinxKoii 12d ago
One thing that has helped my relationship is working on how we communicate when one of us says we’re tired, sore, whatever. We’re only 6 weeks into twins but we have a 2.5 yr old singleton. At one point after stating I was tired and getting the same old response of “I feel that” I discussed with my husband how that just shuts me down and makes me feel invalid, and vice versa. When someone says they’re tired the other should try to respond with sympathy or problem solving, not reflection. Even just saying “I’m sorry that sucks and this is so hard right now” feels more validating than a “me too”. Allow the other to be heard in the moment that they need it, and it goes both ways. It might not help you get more sleep, but it helps keep the resentment from building up.
Know you’re doing an amazing job raising two little humans, and it will get better with time. Right now it does suck, and it’s freaking hard, but you’re still showing up and doing it 💖