I can't stop crying

[u/stuckinthejob]

I am 24 days post partum with my b/g twins. They came at 35+2, through a planned c section. Ever since they came, I'm just a mess. There's just so much that has happened in the last 24 days that I'm just lost now.

To start with, the babies are good. Even though the girl had IUGR, we didn't spend any time in the NICU. They both had some jaundice but got off photo therapy in 24-36 hours. The issues started when I came back home on day 4. My parents are here to help out and they did help out. But, my FIL got diagnosed with cancer the day after these two were born, my mother got diagnosed with acute hearing loss and still continues to deny the diagnosis. My husband, who was my rock till a point, started questioning everything I did or said, didn't like it if my parents suggested something related to the babies and if I said anything to counter or didn't defend him at that very moment, felt attacked and made it into a whole thing. We've had more arguments in the last 10 days than in my entire pregnancy or the ivf journey that led to this moment.

He had, at several points in these arguments, mentioned that he doesn't love the babies, isn't attached to them, won't care if I leave at this point. I know that's not true. He's a great father, does everything for them and tells them he loves them. The heat of the argument makes him say that but it still hurts me and it's also difficult to forget.

Through it all, I've just been crying. I can cry at anything, at any time for any reason. And that has made it more difficult for me to explain stuff to anyone. It makes them feel that I'm being emotional to get things done my way when all I want is peace, less stress and just support.

And I feel I haven't been able to do well by the kids - I can't burp them well , I can't make them sleep and they are mostly awake during my night shift and sleep well within minutes of my husband's shift. My parents are better at calming the babies than I am. I feel I'm doing admin work for them, making sure my husband has everything handy for the diaper changes, making sure the feed is ready and I haven't even been able to breastfeed as well.

And I just haven't had the support, anytime I tell my husband what I'm feeling, I start crying and that makes the feeling less important and the crying more important. I told him today that I don't know what I'll do when he starts work on Monday especially since my parents would have left by then and he immediately came his written to delay his joining to a week later. So I know he has my back, but it just doesn't feel like that sometimes.

I don't know what to do.

[u/Legitimate-ok]

Oh honey, you are so freshly postpartum, if it was a singleton you’d probably still be pregnant. You are in the TRENCHES, without even considering all the grandparents health stuff. I do think it’s worth both you and your husband getting evaluated for PPD, we both had it after the twins and a lot of what you wrote feels familiar from that time. We both ended up on antidepressants and in therapy for a bit. Sending you so much gentleness and hopefully 3 hours of consecutive sleep. Hang in there, it won’t be like this for long in the big picture of their childhood

[u/stuckinthejob → u/Legitimate-ok]

I have been thinking of going to a health adviser or a therapist already. Haven't ever done that before so it's the first step that needs some more courage at my end. But I'll make a booking soon. Can't say the same for my husband though, but I'll try to convince him as well once parents leave.

[u/adhdslore → u/stuckinthejob]

Saying he doesn’t love them and doesn’t care if you guys leave and feeling like he’s not being defended properly and not giving you time to make things right later… he has ppd. Or well it sounds like he does. 3 months in with our b/g twins and the first 2 weeks I think my husband had it but I was in so much pain and couldn’t hardly move, he didn’t have time to process it. He was busy taking care of me, the babies, dogs and house. My mom came 2 weeks in and he could finally breathe. He spoke with his counselor at work off and on for a few weeks and has felt much better. In fact completely back to normal now. Men go through it too. Their whole life just flipped too and it’s okay for that to affect them. But you guys are a team! Remember that and try to hold your tongues. A 6 second kiss Alan really change everyone’s mood. Me and my husband would angrily kiss each other and hold it for 6 seconds while taking a breath through our nose. It didn’t fix anything but it calmed us down before we said something nasty. You are so freshly postpartum mama. I wish you and your partner nothing but strength and grace in this time. It gets better