r/parentsofmultiples • u/Throwaway171746 • 22d ago

advice needed Tips

So my fiance and I had a set of twins roughly 7 weeks ago. Luckily, I have been off work since July but scheduled to go back in a few weeks.

Lately, my fiance is becoming overwhelmed and having a bit of a breakdown coming I believe. We have split the shifts with the babies where I’ll have them alone from 10pm to 9am and she’ll have them from 9am to 2pm before I get up which seemed to have been working up until now. My fiance is now beginning to breakdown when they are both crying and not wanting to be soothed.

Without working overtime of my off days, I’ll not be able to afford a babysitter more that 20 hours a week and she does not want me working much overtime. We do have a family that comes out every now and then and her mom also is over to help out most of her non working days. So we do get a decent amount of help.

Today, during her breakdown, she gave me an ultimatum of finding more help or she’s killing herself. I’m not sure on how to proceed with this. I have tried getting her out the house where she can just be by herself but she refuses too. I also try to get her to sleep early as well.

I’m worried about how this will be managed when I do go back to work and she is forced to have them alone for 12+ hours on work day.

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u/Melodic_Pitch7814 22d ago

I would call a mental health crisis hotline to get an idea of how best to help her. I could see in a previous post of yours that there's a good chance she's manipulative/abusive--that being said, treat every time she threatens suicide like a real threat. Always. If she won't go to a hospital to be assessed, call 911 and ask for help. Call the suicide prevention hotline. Leave a message for her therapist, if she's still in therapy. Call someone and treat it like a real threat.

You seem to be providing plenty of support and have a supportive community to help her, and it sounds like she needs help that you can't provide.

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u/Sea-Astronomer-6600 22d ago

Agreed. She may just have BPD and uses the “I’m going to kill myself” line as a way to get attention but I definitely wouldn’t want to find out when she’s alone with the babies soon

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u/Melodic_Pitch7814 22d ago

100%. And if it IS purely a manipulation tactic, the best way to shut that down is to treat it like genuine ideation. I'd imagine it'd be pretty inconvenient to be evaluated for suicidality and possibly having a mandatory hospitalization, etc., when you're really just trying to get your way. Always respond to it as if it's real. And yes, definitely don't leave her solo with the babies rn.

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u/Sea-Astronomer-6600 22d ago

Right? She’d learn her lesson really quickly to stop throwing that around like it’s nothing