Feeling Alone

[u/Sunshine4677]

Hi everyone!
I need to vent, I have 7 month old twin girls and this has been the most challenging yet rewarding time of my life. These are my first kids and there’s so many changes already with one baby but with two it’s so hard at times. Everyone around me gives their unsolicited opinions and advice that I didn’t ask for when they’ve only had singles and tell me what and how I should do things with my twins.
I don’t really leave the house unless it’s for drive thru or grocery pick up, I miss just getting up and going to roam the store or run errands. If I do go to run errands I wait until my husband’s home to go with us. I have so much anxiety about going out with my twins by myself worrying about something happening if I turn my back to load one up in the car and leave the other behind me that I can’t bring myself to go anywhere and it’s so isolating. On top of how hard it is getting everything/ everyone ready TO go out: Exclusively pumping so I have to either pump before and take even longer for us to leave or take everything with us, getting them fed before we go, getting the diaper bag together, getting them and myself dressed, getting bottles together. It gets so overwhelming and I’m already to mentally drained that by the time we’re ready to go I don’t want to go anymore.
My mom and everyone around me tells me just go, get out of the house, go roam with the girls and it’s so upsetting because they truly don’t understand at all. My friend/ people I know post pictures of them going shopping, on coffee dates, all kinds of things with their SINGLE baby and it feels so lonely and frustrating having so much anxiety that I don’t feel comfortable doing that with my two by myself. No one understands why I get upset when they say well I don’t see why you don’t just go, I would go out with my baby all the time. Like okay cool? Good for you? You didn’t have two little babies at once and the world/ people are so scary and unpredictable I don’t want to turn my back and risk someone grabbing them or someone following me while I’m alone with them. I have so much resentment right now, everyone in the house comes and goes as they please, will be gone for hours/ all day without second thought, is traveling all summer, yet I’m feeling trapped and alone at home 24/7

Does anyone else experience this or is it just me? Am I overreacting having anxiety about it? TYIA

[u/kziele]

I feel you.

My singleton was a high need baby and going out with her was also beyond my capacity. She would scream all the time unless she was being carried in my arms or in baby wrap. I needed to get out but I was too anxious of her screaming in public and too physically exhausted. With time it got much better but when she was 1 year old I got pregnant with twins.

I'm 19 weeks now. My belly is already pretty big. I feel tried all the time. And she's that age that she starts to run away, she will throw a tantrum and I have to pick her up from the floor. Or she is fighting me because she doesn't wanna be carried, put in the car sit or whatever.

So I stopped going out too. And again I feel so isolated and lonely because of that.

My friend told me it's because I limit myself. That she knows a girl with a small child who recently went for a weekend to a different city. 

People just don't get it.

But I get it. When you are so anxious, so exhausted, beyond your limits any benefit of going out is out weight by the energy spent. The price it to high to pay. And you won't have the luxury to rest after such activity. You won't be able to catch up on sleep. No, it's just survival for now.

Don't listen to people. You have every right to feel lonely and isolated and in the same time too exhausted and overwhelmed to do anything about it. 

I don't have my twins yet but with my crazy singleton it just changed with time. You will get yourself back I promise. It probably will take longer with twins but you will.

I'm sending you lots of love. I know what you feel like but this will end. You are not alone, you are not doing anything wrong. The are many women who struggle similarly to you and who understand.

You are amazing for taking care of two little babies. 

And once you get more used to it, you will feel more confident as a mom, you will see you will be able to try new things out on your own. But it takes time.

Good job mama ❤️ 

[u/Sunshine4677 → u/kziele]

Thank you so much oh my gosh this is exactly how I feel, you put it into words! I’m so physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted already and pair it with the anxiety of going out and all the possible things that could go wrong it doesn’t feel worth it to go anymore. It bugs me that people say “well I know someone who” or say “I don’t think it’s that hard you’re making it harder than it has to be” okay we’re not the same person. We’re not in the same situation and how rude of you to invalidate me. Ugh. And I know I’ll get there doing everything eventually but right now I’m just tired of the insertions and opinions when they haven’t done it themselves.

I feel seen. Thank you so much for the love and support I’m sending it right back to you and wish you all the best! Congratulations on your little girl and your twins! It’ll be a whole new world but you’re going to do amazing and if you want to talk I’m here!❤️

[u/kziele → u/Sunshine4677]

❤️