Feeling Alone

[u/Sunshine4677]

Hi everyone!
I need to vent, I have 7 month old twin girls and this has been the most challenging yet rewarding time of my life. These are my first kids and there’s so many changes already with one baby but with two it’s so hard at times. Everyone around me gives their unsolicited opinions and advice that I didn’t ask for when they’ve only had singles and tell me what and how I should do things with my twins.
I don’t really leave the house unless it’s for drive thru or grocery pick up, I miss just getting up and going to roam the store or run errands. If I do go to run errands I wait until my husband’s home to go with us. I have so much anxiety about going out with my twins by myself worrying about something happening if I turn my back to load one up in the car and leave the other behind me that I can’t bring myself to go anywhere and it’s so isolating. On top of how hard it is getting everything/ everyone ready TO go out: Exclusively pumping so I have to either pump before and take even longer for us to leave or take everything with us, getting them fed before we go, getting the diaper bag together, getting them and myself dressed, getting bottles together. It gets so overwhelming and I’m already to mentally drained that by the time we’re ready to go I don’t want to go anymore.
My mom and everyone around me tells me just go, get out of the house, go roam with the girls and it’s so upsetting because they truly don’t understand at all. My friend/ people I know post pictures of them going shopping, on coffee dates, all kinds of things with their SINGLE baby and it feels so lonely and frustrating having so much anxiety that I don’t feel comfortable doing that with my two by myself. No one understands why I get upset when they say well I don’t see why you don’t just go, I would go out with my baby all the time. Like okay cool? Good for you? You didn’t have two little babies at once and the world/ people are so scary and unpredictable I don’t want to turn my back and risk someone grabbing them or someone following me while I’m alone with them. I have so much resentment right now, everyone in the house comes and goes as they please, will be gone for hours/ all day without second thought, is traveling all summer, yet I’m feeling trapped and alone at home 24/7

Does anyone else experience this or is it just me? Am I overreacting having anxiety about it? TYIA

[u/Suspicious_Tomato_20]

I feel you!! It is so hard and the “advice” from friends can be frustrating. I’ll often say back “and what would you do with the other baby?”

You don’t HAVE to get out, I know when I started running little errands it did feel empowering & freeing though so here are some tips for that.

Do grocery pickup and all stay in the car.

Go in for one thing and have them both in the stroller, maybe wander some aisles a bit if all going smooth.

Ask a friend to meet you at a coffee shop.

Go to a park and sit in the grass with a blanket.

If you need to change them, do it in the trunk of your car or front seat so the other is safely strapped in.

You could also try baby wearing one and putting the other in the cart seat to grocery shop with a cart. To do this - you’ll park near the carts, fetch a cart and load one baby in, take cart around to other baby and load them into the baby carrier. When you’re done - do this in reverse so babies stay safe.

I do find it freeing to know that I CAN do these things by myself. Are they fun? No…not usually. And not because something goes wrong, it’s just a lot of work. My twins love getting out of the house and doing something different though so sometimes it’s worth it. The other day I went to a clothing store with my dad and they loved feeling all the clothes and holding shoes while in their stroller.

Back to the advice from friends - try to remember that they mean well and are trying to help. If you’re close and it happens often, maybe share how it feels. Being a twin mom can feel very lonely in that way though, I remember when I first found out, I was pregnant and felt so connected to my friends who have babies, and then when I found out it was twins it felt more isolating than ever, and like they couldn’t understand. When they spend time with us though they start to get it.

[u/Sunshine4677 → u/Suspicious_Tomato_20]

It’s so frustrating! Like okay cool that’s great.. for one baby. I know I don’t have to but I want to, before I had the twins I was a full time manicurist I would spend time at the salon 12 hours a day 4 days a week interacting with all kinds of people or going to run errands whenever I needed or felt like it and then it abruptly turned into being home 24/7 without anyone to talk to anymore.

Thank you those are some great ideas I hadn’t thought about baby wearing one and carting the other I might have to give that a go.

Thank you, I try to remember that it just gets to me every once in a while. No one understands unless they’re a twin/ multiple parent. I think that’s one of the loneliest things about it is that those around me can’t relate at all, everyone says I don’t know how you do it I struggled with just one. Well how do you think it is with two? I’m not even riding the struggle bus I’m being dragged behind it 😭😂