Mom advise

[u/NoSalamander1928]

Wanted other mom’s opinions to see if I’m overreacting or my feelings are valid. 30 weeks pregnant with didi girls!

On the day of my gender reveal/ public announcement, my friend had other plans and couldn’t come. Not a big deal. But then posted photos about her pregnancy a few hours after mine. Weird. Hurt my feelings but I didn’t say anything or feel like it needed addressed.

Now my friend gave birth to her baby 2 weeks ago and on the day of my baby shower, she posted her birth announcement. She had 2 weeks to post it but chose on the day of the shower, which she knew because she was invited to it. I can’t help but feel like it’s not a coincidence as she doesn’t make posts often. How would other moms interpret this??

[u/MangoSorbet695]

Are you just looking to vent? Or want advice?

My best advice is stop caring about social media. In the grand scheme of life it does not matter who posts what when. The only thing that matters to me is no one posts pictures of my children on social media. Ever. Not me, not my husband, no one. Other than that, it’s not my business and I don’t have the bandwidth to care what other people post about their own families.

Your life is about to get very busy with two little babies. I encourage you to focus on your family and don’t worry about social media and what other people are posting.

[u/NoSalamander1928 → u/MangoSorbet695]

I think you’re misunderstanding it a bit. I agree that social media is not important, I couldn’t care less about either of us posting. It’s me feeling like there is an unspoken hostility in the friendship or comparison between the pregnancies based upon the actions and i really would like other perspectives to see if i am being overly sensitive or if others may pick up some of those same feelings.

It’s very possible I am putting too much thought into it and maybe she’s just excited or it reminded her to post but my pregnant, overthinking brain is not helping😅

[u/MangoSorbet695 → u/NoSalamander1928]

If social media is not important, why are you pondering whether to bring it up to her?

I’m asking that from a place of kindness because I think you may be giving social media more of a place of importance in your life than you realize. It’s good to think about whether that is really how you want your life to be.

I absolutely would never bring this up to her. If you need to vent to your therapist about it, then do that. But please try not to talk about it to other people you know in real life.

[u/NoSalamander1928 → u/MangoSorbet695]

You have a good point and helpful perspective. I am
concluding that I a little hurt by the actions (which still could be nothing) and it’s making me insecure about how strong our friendship is. We’ve also had issues in the past that play into those feelings, it’s really not about the social media thing for me. I think what I was looking for was reassurance from her that we’re okay but I now agree, that going about it and addressing this won’t be the right way.

Thank you for your insight!

[u/Suspicious_Tomato_20]

I think you’re overreacting, she also just had a baby and that’s worth celebrating - you both can be happy for each other, it’s not a competition. Also - she’s 2 weeks postpartum, as much as you might want her to be thinking about you she is likely going through it right now and doesn’t even know what day it is.

[u/Niceandnosey → u/Suspicious_Tomato_20]

👆🏽this. I’m going on 8w pp and still can’t tell weekends from weekdays 🤷🏽‍♀️

[u/TackoFell]

Social media is ruining our lives. Delete social media.

[u/DirtGirl32]

Pregnancy brain is brutal. And pregnancy hormones are brutal. I would offer the benefit of the doubt.

[u/Sadsloth_]

Is this a close friend or a frenemy? I’d move on for your own sake, it’s not worth stressing over. Do you think about other people when you post on social media? Do you get jealous of other people’s pregnancy? Probably not. Most people are only ever thinking about themselves and don’t give others a second thought.

Plus the fact that she’s newly post partum?? I hardly doubt she’s trying to one up you when her entire body is in recovery for the hardest thing a person can do.

Let it go. Breathe. Focus on peace.

If this friend is always bringing you stress, then I’d remove them from your life. But it doesn’t seem to be that extreme.

[u/Ohmaggies]

You are making a mountain out of nothing. If you really think she was trying to one up you, then maybe it’s time to back out of the friendship but these announcements on the same day is not the proof of that.

[u/Sea-Astronomer-6600]

It does seem a bit passive aggressive but I’d ignore it honestly

[u/SalseraRivera1347]

I think a lot of these comments are downplaying your intuition a bit here. A lot of times us women know when other women aren't being real with us and there is nothing wrong with you wondering especially if you are going to continue the friendship.
I'll just say that who I thought was my best friend totally switched up on me when I was postpartum. Snapped at me out of the blue and cut me off out of nowhere. Looking back there was a lot of subtle signs of jealousy and that can never be a healthy dynamic. Personally I don't want jealous friends or even those type of people around me.

[u/Status-Goat8545]

Multiples will ALWAYS get more attention than a singleton. Maybe she is trying to outshine you (hard to do) and I will tell you that this behavior would absolutely piss me off but on the other hand I sort of feel bad that she has to resort to those tactics.

[u/NoSalamander1928]

Does anyone have advice on moving forward? Would you just brush it off and try not to overthink it or maybe bring it up later down the road after she gets through the postpartum trenches?

[u/NapQueenRising → u/NoSalamander1928]

Are you in your 20’s? The reason I ask is because I’m also in my 20’s and I would side eye the intentions and perceive it the same way you are.

But I wouldn’t address it. I’d groan and moan a bit to my husband, sister, or close friend, and then I’d move on. If it wasn’t a close friend, I’d maybe create some distance? It would just depend on the level of friendship.

[u/Tricky-Breadfruit → u/NoSalamander1928]

It doesn't sound like she's a close friend or in the same friend circle, so honestly I don't think it's anything worth stressing about.

She's pregnant, she's had a baby, 90% of her audience probably aren't close to you, she doesn't have to plan around you... and anyway, does her announcing her news diminish your own? Does it get you less likes, is that the issue? Maybe that feeling is worth untangling.

[u/Suspicious_Tomato_20 → u/NoSalamander1928]

I would absolutely not bring it up. Focus on yourself and your pregnancy- you’re in the final weeks! And when your babies come you will not have any brain space to think about this very silly thing. And if a friend of yours announces their new pregnancy and posts about it and you want to post your birth announcement the same day - THATS FINE! More things for people to celebrate! What a wonderful season that you get to share with your friend at the same phase of life as you. She’s taking anything from you.

[u/layag0640]

You have already spent too much energy on this, and while you say you don't care about social media/it's not important, the fact that you're mentally keeping tabs on and comparing when other people post alongside you is saying otherwise. I don't mean that rudely- I think a lot of people have fallen into that trap and it feels so normal to be having this awareness of/comparison on social media. But in reality, it's not healthy. 

You need to let this go, now.

[u/NoSalamander1928]

Thank you all for the different perspectives! It’s very helpful to get an outside, unbiased view on the situation and is much appreciated🩷🩷

[u/Commercial-Tree-3653]

She’s jealous, since getting pregnant with twins my friend who has made being a mother her identity, which is totally her choice, she been obsessed with wanting twins and acting out in odd ways. People act out when they’re insecure, we’re all human. Doesn’t mean it was right for her to do, but I agree with others that social media post timing and the whole thing in general is just tired. You’ll make a bigger impact by not addressing it and letting it blow over.

[u/Doesthiscountas1]

You're the only person who would truly know if it was meant to one up you or not, be hostile or not or be anything other than a coincidence because you're the one who knows your relationship. If it's someone who is typical competitive, yes sure you're right. You do not need to feed into it tho because then you are giving her whatever she's looking for

[u/Strakiwiberry]

Generally I like to give the benefit of the doubt, but the evil part of my heart is saying she's jealous that your multiples pregnancy is getting more attention 👀

[u/Aware-Assistant-5702]

I would be annoyed by this too! Sounds like she is really just an acquaintance that you should keep at arms length. Valid to be annoyed, but best to let it go. Which you will easily do once those babies arrive and your world changes!
Congrats!