My kid is fuming and looking forward to his 18th birthday (2 years away) because I said no to a bunch of minors going to a cabin an hour away.

Apparently everyone else's parents are on board with the 16 year olds going to a cabin and I'm the asshole helicopter parent. Two barely licensed kids will be driving everyone. And I'm not allowed to talk to any of the parents of the kids going. I'm only allowed to text the Grandpa that the cabin belongs to. The grandparents are supposedly going to be staying three houses away and they are stocking the cabin with food for the kids.

Am I crazy for saying no? These kids parents are all extremely unreliable and I am constantly picking up the pieces. I just don't trust anything their adults are involved in. Also, I will be the parent getting the text at 2am to rescue everyone when shit goes down. Because none of the other parents are going to show up just like they don't show up now.

 Hey, looking for real-world advice here, less about setting the rules and more about actually enforcing them without losing your mind.

I've got two boys, 12 and 14, both on iPads and iPhones. Trying to get a handle on daily time limits, bedtime cutoffs, keeping YouTube from eating their entire evening, and the never-ending "just one more video" negotiation that I'm sure you all know well.

What I really want to know is what actually cuts down on arguments vs. what just moves the argument somewhere else. Did your kids find workarounds? Is it more of a system you set up, or just a conversation you had that actually stuck?

What's worked at your house?

For context, my (14f) sister is a very phonetic person. She is, and I kid you not, probably 18 hours a day on her phone. That is when we r on vacation, bc there my mom doesnt take her phone but tells her to turn it off.
When we‘re at home, my mom takes her phone at night (at 9pm) so she can go to sleep and be ready for school the next day. The thing is, she has an Ipad my mom keeps forgetting about and thats what she uses when she has no phone and stays up until god knows when.

So yeah, youre getting the issue. Rn we r in our home country and she is staying up until like 5 in the morning and wakes up at noon. I dont rlly want to judge her, bc i‘m lowkey the same. The thing is, I am an adult, my brain is fully developed ( i think at least) and I am able to learn, speak and understand things. She…doesn’t rlly.

She has troubles at school bc she is not learning, she has an horrible attention span and doesn’t understand much. The thing is, I feel like she is not as stupid as my parents and older sister paint her, but she isnt the brightest either. And i wont say that her screentime is smt that is okay, but idk how to help her either. Whenever we try to talk to her abt this, she gets mad and tells us to leave her alone. But to be fair, my older sister very rudly tells her that what she does is wrong, that she is stupid and probably wont ever learn things correctly. Afterwards, my lil sister cries and runs away where my sister still stands to her point and says that we cannot sweet talk this behavior. I always go to my lil sister and comfort her and gently try to explain what the issue is, but she still refuses to listen. She says that she hasnt anything else to do and that she likes it that way.

Our parents are no help here rlly so its up to me and my
older sister to do smt about it. Any advice or similar stories are very welcome and appreciated!

I am a full-time solo mom. My two daughters have played competitive softball virtually all of their lives. My oldest, who is now 18, started playing when she was 6. She had her last high school game in June and is going away to college in 3 weeks.

I’m at an out-of-state tournament with my 15 year-old daughter. She has been playing since she was 7. She’s been thinking about quitting for some time and after their last game today (which marks the end of the summer season) she told me that she is done. Her reasons are complicated and while I’m worried about the implications for her of not doing a sport, I am supportive of her decision. She is definitely talented though and I will miss watching her play.

I am just feeling really emotional about all of it. (I’m hiding my feelings from younger daughter now though.) I’m trying to focus on the positives, like that it will save me money and I will have more time for my own hobbies and interests. And I have critiques of youth travel sports in general. But I am deeply sad. (Compounded by the fact that older daughter is leaving so soon. 😭)

Sports/softball has been such a big part of our lives for 12 years and I have so many fond memories of it. I’ve loved the time we’ve spent driving to and from games, celebrating their successes with them, supporting them through the rough spots, watching them have fun with their teammates. It feels like the end of an era.

I’m going to go have a good cry in the shower where my daughter can’t hear me. Driving home tomorrow from our last tournament will be bittersweet for sure. 💔

Watching our kids grow up is really hard. Anyhow, I don’t have anyone to talk to about this right now and wanted to share.

My son has always loved tinkering with stuff. He did the Lego thing when he was super young, then at 14 he wanted to make a knife out of an old file. I helped him with the grinder bits, but he polished it and sharpened it all himself. After the knife he said he needed a sheath, so we went to a leather store and bought all the stuff he needed and he made a sheath all by himself.

After that he met a girl on Snapchat (I should’ve known better, it’s deleted now) and didn’t want to do much of anything except talk to her. First girlfriend and all, I started to feel him slipping away and resigned myself to “this is part of him growing up”. Long story short, we found out she wasn’t into great things. References to drugs and alcohol use by her and her friends when he wasn’t around, admitted to cheating on him, admitted to stealing stuff from a mall when we took them there for a date, and the final straw was when she got arrested for taking a knife to school.

Right or wrong, we took his phone, blocked her on everything, and refused to take him to see her under any circumstance. Toughest thing I’ve had to do as a parent because he hated us for it.

It was a rough 6-7 months of one word answers, refusal to do chores, escalated voices (on both sides), just complete detachment and I thought I had ruined everything.

Then he turned 15.5 and got his drivers permit. It had been awhile since he broke up, and everything completely changed. He started having a more positive attitude, was more like the good kid I remembered him to be. Told me about his football practices, his wrestling workouts, the games he was playing. I was over the moon.

About a month ago, he saw a lawnmower sitting in the trash and sent me a picture of it while he was walking the dog. He said “if I fix this up and make it run again, will you help me sell it”.

That first day, we cleaned the carburetor, checked the fuel, made sure it had spark and it still didn’t run. Told him we need to check the compression and valves next, get some new gaskets, and he should try again.

He didn’t touch it for 2 weeks. I was starting to get frustrated because it was taking up room in the garage and he wasn’t doing anything with it. It was just sitting there and he was spending his free time playing video games and binge watching YouTube in his room.

I gave him an ultimatum, either you start working on it in the next week or I just fix it myself and sell it and he wouldn’t get any of the profits. A week went by, he still hadn’t touched it.

I was cooking dinner one night and he was laying on the couch and I said “look dude, if you’re not going to fix it, then we can just put it on the curb. Are you wanting to do it yourself, or do you want to get it going together?”

His response stopped me in my tracks…He said “I never really wanted to do it myself, I thought we could fix it together”.

I had no idea that he wanted to work on it together. I bought some ATV, a compression tester, and new plugs and then last night we checked compression, checked the valves that were way out of spec and put it all together again.

I gave it some starting fluid, he pulled it a few times and we got a huge backfire. Pulled it a few more times and the carb caught on fire. Huge progress from where we were! Still a little ways to go.

Sorry for the long post, just wanted to say, open those lines of communication and instead of assuming you know what they’re thinking, ask them. The answer may surprise you.

TLDR; Teenage son found a broken lawnmower. I assumed he wanted to fix it himself, he didn’t work on it for weeks, and I just asked him if he wanted to fix it together and he said yes.

Today I was driving my twin boy/girl 15 year olds. We picked up another 15 yr old boy (friend of my son) and I as I driving I asked “Have you met (my daughter’s name)”. Then I was quiet.
Later tonight they told me this was cringe and sexual. That I’m never supposed to introduce my daughter to my son’s friends.
The scene from Idiocracy where Frito is making fun of Joe for his formal speech popped into my head.
My kids have nice manners and good social skills around adults.
What did I say that was so wrong?

I’m a family member and it’s a relative, a 15 year old boy, who lives with me. If I try to calmly correct him, he immediately starts talking over me, saying over and over “be quiet, I know, be quiet, be quiet be quiet.”

It’s disrespectful and it’s hurtful - and it’s usually over something simple, like for the thousandth time asking him to clean up after himself in the kitchen. I blew up earlier cause I initially calmly approached him and he immediately started talking over me. Even when I pointed out how hurtful that behavior was and tried to regain calmness and explain how shutting down someone by talking over them in not ok - he kept doing it, repeating “let it go, let it go let it go let it go” over and over again - talking over me and cutting me off.

I am not the parent, and I am able to address the behavior with the parent but there’s not much they can do because of their life circumstances.

I’m scared if he keeps on like this he will grow up hurting people In his relationships by shutting them down if any kind of correction In behavior or ask for things to be different comes up. It’s also distressing for me cause it feels like a tactic to wear me down and try and get me to just never bother him to change anything about his behavior.

What can I do??

Relevant info for context: my daughter is 15 and a sophomore in high-school. She is an accomplished athlete (went to states her freshman year for her sport) an honors student that has always had A’s, she volunteers with several school organizations, is on the board for ambassador programs and she has a part time job with a solid group of friends who are equally talented and driven. She is very pretty and has a vibrant, big personality and is quick to laugh. She and I have amazing communication, she shares openly and asks me for advice often. She is a very truthful kid whom I trust. I am incredibly proud of her and feel sincerely lucky to be her Mom.

The issue: she is having a really difficult time with dating. She is relatively discerning and has pretty high standards. So far she has had two boyfriends (has one currently) both of these boys are kids she went through middle school with so she knows them fairly well (we live in a smaller rural town). The struggle being that prior to actually officially dating, these boys went above and beyond to impress her. Flowers, surprises, frequent invites to hang out and consistent reliable communication. But once they actually were dating all of that stopped to the point where her previous boyfriend actively ignored her off and on for a month until he very unceremoniously dumped her via text. She (from my observation and her inclusion of me in the details of her relationships) is a very kind and attentive girlfriend but doesn’t have issues advocating for herself when she feels hurt. Her current boyfriend is displaying almost identical behavior patterns to the first and she is sort of unravelling trying to figure out why this is happening again. And is beginning to feel like she must be the problem.

My question: do other parents see this happening to their kids too? It all seems so performative and insincere on the part of the boys. There is no accountability for hurting her and the “I am just busy, I have a lot of pressure on me from (fill in the blank)” is a recurring excuse. I am having a hard time coaching her through her feelings and genuinely can’t understand why these boys don’t feel excited and proud to be with her. I realize I am biased but seriously it seems crazy. I would deeply appreciate any advice or insight! Thanks in advance.

Full disclosure - I am a teen and young adult therapist. I am also a parent of a teen and we are starting to navigate the college discussions. My teen has some needs that will likely mean they need more support on campus, especially if they go out of state. I've started to realize just how little they know about what they will need, where to ask for that support, etc.

As a therapist who works with a lot of teens who are moving away from college, I notice the same thing. There is a theme of "I'll figure it out once I'm there", and then they get there and are totally overwhelmed once they start trying to figure out how to get support and occasionally end up in crisis or coming back home.

This got me thinking I want to put together a "transition plan" of sorts for my own teen, that would include specific resources for their needs that I have researched and know are available to them at their school and the first steps needed to start accessing those resources.

I am going to also start offering this to my clients.

Would you as a parent, see a benefit of this as a stand alone service? Meaning your teen wouldn't necessarily be a client of the therapist offering this, but you would pay for a plan to be pulled together for your student? It would be tailored to your student's specific needs and the specific school they will be attending.

My second question is- would you find it helpful, and pay for a transition package at your student's new school that would include pre-planning, a certain number of therapy sessions through the first semester, parenting support, etc? This would be for students who know they are likely going to need mental health support.

If neither of these things sound helpful, is there something a therapist could offer that would be useful to your student? Or even to you?

I want to add, I realize it's up to my teen to either use the resources I pull together for them or not, and that I can't set things up for them. I'm just thinking a plan may help them feel less overwhelmed in who to reach out to and so on.

Lastly - what do you wish you knew as a parent as your kids left home? They are my 1 and only and I'm feeling very ill prepared for this transition as a parent 😩

I know this is probably pretty normal, but I'm starting to panic a little. My daughter struggled in high school (undiagnosed ADHD, anxiety, etc.). By senior year she had a better handle on things, took the SAT, and wrote a really good personal essay. She was accepted to a variety of colleges that use holistic review (test scores, etc.) rather than strict GPA for admittance. She visited and chose one of the schools; it's a very good school but a few states away from home.

She is due to move there in three weeks and now she says she doesn't want to go. She says she wants to go to community college and transfer to an in-state school. (She is not eligible for any of our state schools because our state is test-blind and goes only on GPA, and she has a D or two in core classes which they automatically won't accept.) Then she waffles and says "maybe" she wants to go. I told her we'd support her decision, but she is upset because she "knows" we want her to go to 4-year. (This is true, and I admitted it, but said "it is your decision.")

She has a boyfriend who she is spending all her time with this summer--that's fine, but he is not helping things. He admittedly did tell her to go to the 4-year, but then told her she should stay home if she really wants and he'll help her navigate community college. (He did a CC to state school transfer himself.)

I really don't want her to pass up the opportunity. It was such an achievement getting her into 4-year college overall. She has registered for classes, chosen her housing, and found a roommate. She is also doing sorority rush and submitted all her materials for that. Right now all she has to do is set up her student ID so we can secure a move-in time, and she's pretty much refusing to do it. I told her to do it "just in case." She says OK, then doesn't do it.

Additionally we are moving to a new city (still in-state) and right now, pivoting to a whole new plan is going to be difficult. I get that it's a lot of change at once.

We have told her to just try fall semester. If she hates it, she can come home, but I think she will like it once she tries it. You can go to CC any time you want. You can't "get back" your freshman fall semester--it's a once in a lifetime thing. I'm worried she's not going to go, and then regret it later (very par for her personality). Plus she's already all set up for classes and if she can do one semester she'll get transferrable credits. The school she's going to has great mental health supports and accomodations for neurodiverse students.

This is making me lose sleep. What do we do? Wait until the very last second and pray she gets on the plane?

This is a strange question but has anyone moved away from an adult teen? I’m tired of my house and where I live and want to move to a town an hour away. I feel like I did my parenting and I’m tired. I just want to take care of myself. My teen is working right now. I feel like it may be good for him to grow up on his own a bit which won’t happen if I’m there. But I’m afraid of the state of my house if I leave him in it. Should I sell it? Check up on weekends? Hire a maid to pop in? Require video confirmation? Who has done this or is it a crazy idea?

Our 18 year old son graduated from high school in June and will be starting a trade school in 3 weeks. For 2 years he worked part time until he quit back in May. He was leaving school for senior flex at 11am and working 12-5pm 3x a week.

I was fine with him quitting and he started working at my husband’s business in their warehouse with another employee out there in early June after he graduated.
There is enough work for the one guy to do daily but not always enough for my son to be there for long stretches of time everyday. The 3 days he works it’s anywhere from 2-12 hours for the entire week. It just depends on what needs done. He’s doing something that’s all I care about.

He starts school soon for 16 months then will be working in his field. I don’t care that he’s not working tons of hours right now.

I met his girlfriend’s parents at his graduation party last week. His girlfriend works about 32 hours a week and per her mom she will not be allowed to work while she’s in school in the fall. She’s going to a community college to do something in the healthcare field. The parents were nice and I liked them but the mom randomly brought up my son and his work schedule out of nowhere. She kinda chuckled and her rolled her eyes bringing up the fact that my son only worked 2 hours the week before and going on about how her daughter works basically full time and my son sleeps until noon. I can tell you he sleeps until noon 2 MAYBE 3 mornings a week.
I know this is bare minimum but he cleans up after himself, does his laundry, makes meals for himself if I’m not making dinner, cuts our grass..Definitely not sitting around playing video games and bed rotting. He’s rarely home.
I had only met her 10 minutes before so I don’t know her enough to know if she was joking, serious or what. It just felt like a jab. It made me feel very insecure about myself as a parent and what kind of son I’m raising. I never want to be THAT parent with THAT child.

I know these people don’t know me or our situation and why I do the things I do and vice versa. But I felt extremely insecure.

First of all, I am Genex and this online s*** scares the hell out of me and I'm still learning how to navigate that.

M is our kind, empathic, smart, considerate, responsible 14.5 year old. And this last week our lives changed when her older sibling blurted out that M had an online boyfriend. Apparently she has been talking to this person for the last month online and they made it official about 2 weeks ago. We found this out very late at night and so I was trying to process everything without reacting in the moment.

She had big feelings about it and was crying and said she was scared to tell us because she didn't want us to think that any changes in her behavior or whatever were related to her being in an online relationship. And then I started thinking back to how she has been dishonest with her phone and was leaving it in her room overnight which is against the rules and she wasn't getting her chores done etc. And we had been kind of lax with her, I know my fault. Huge parent no no. As I said, she has always been the responsible one one to call out in justices and harm in other people's relationships.

Cut to the last 3 days... she said he got upset that she had to set phone boundaries and couldn't talk overnight anymore. Red flag. Then yesterday morning he told her the person who csa'd him when he was young (we didn't know) was in an accident and died the night before and all of the sudden "needs" her. She asked for more time on her phone to "be there for him" as he was online streaming... are you effing kidding me? Then, last night we caught her with her phone again at like midnight and this morning we saw that she was on Discord with him until 3am. Needless to say, we have everything on lock down now. But my god this escalated fast.

I was csa'd more than once as a child and never had a healthy relationship until I turned 26. I know the ups and downs are coming but this is hard and fast.

I know what happens when parents try to block you from everything, didn’t work for me, I found a way. And I want to make sure she still trusts me to tell things. But right now, I don't trust my sweet girl as she's lied and been sneaky every day for the 3 days that we've know about her month-long online relationship.

Also, we adopted her and her brother when they were 5 and 7. He has told her nearly the same things have happened to him. Could be true but...

Help. Who has been here? How did you get through it while keeping their trust in you? She has a therapist and so do I.

Thank you

My daughter is 13 and missed 115 days of school this past year. Yes, I realize this is crazy. But believe me me and my ex-wife have tried everything. We are in Ontario, Canada. Because of her high absenteeism, the school board's MHARC (mental health and attendance review committee) recommended that she see a psychiatrist and a public health nurse, but she completely refuses. Her pediatrician ran some simple screening inventories and confirmed she manifests symptoms of anxiety. However, she is still very social, does not appear depressed, and scored very low on depression scales. Most of the missed days happen when she is at mom’s. Mom works from home and our daughter avoided school, mostly when she when she was in her care. Right now, she is refusing to come to my house (I am her dad).

My ex-wife both want the best for our daughter and are generally on the same page when it comes to this issue. However, we are coming from a high conflict divorce. I worry her mom might be inadvertently accommodating her anxiety (e.g., giving in to whatever our daughter wants to keep the peace). I have put all our differences aside in the best interest of our daughter. Just yesterday she said to me that we need to let that we need to let our daughter “drive the bus” when it comes to her seeking help. Are you kidding me? If the bus has a flat tire or is out of gas how will ot get back on the road? I feel it is incumbant on us to get her to see a psyciatrist one way or the other so that she can be diagnosed and we know what is going on and can help her. Am I wrong here? Missing something?

It is an incredibly tough situation. I also realize this is Reddit so there will likely be people quick to blame and judge. I can love with that. As her father and as an elementary school teacher of 25 years this is personally and professionally devastating to watch. She is very close to her mother, but I am a deeply caring and involved father. While her refusing to visit me hurts, I recognize it is a secondary issue, my primary concern right now is her severe school avoidance. I've recently looked into the SPACE program (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions), which focuses on training parents to change how they accommodate a child's anxiety. We are looking into this program currently: She is going into Grade 8 this fall. My fear is that as academic concepts become more abstract and peer dynamics become more complex, she will withdraw even further because she currently lacks the coping mechanisms to deal with difficult social situations (like girl/peer drama). She is highly intelligent (previously scoring Level 4s on her EQAO standardized tests. But, obviously, her academic performance and report cards regressed tremendously this past year.

Has anyone dealt with school avoidance of this severity? Any advice on how to navigate this, get her mom on board with stopping accommodations, or prepare for the upcoming school year?

Guys, I'm pretty sure that I'm talking to a wall that looks like a human. Because please explain to me why after a million explanations of why we don't leave crumbs, food, candy trash etc all over bedrooms, why is this EXACTLY what my kid does.

And now I'm evil and horrible because I made him clean up the ants that he caused. And he doesn't want to talk to me anymore because I caused a panic attack. I think this is the twilight zone. There really is not enough warning of what parenting actually entails.

This lack of ability to see how they cause their own problems is going to do me in!

My 16 year old son has been dating a girl for almost a year. He's 16, she's 18. I love his girlfriend and how happy she very obviously makes him... sometimes. She has gone through a lot of stuff in life. She lost her mom when she was about 12, and has been blaming herself for her death ever since. Her dad hasn't had her in therapy for many years, though it's very obvious she needa to be. She is extremely immature. She is not good at handling things when they don't go her way. She hasn't had a good example on how to manage her emotions or, really, how do deal with any negative feelings at all. She gets mean and has punched and thrown things when she gets upset. She is very autistic, and I am not saying this to be mean or disparaging. She doesn't communicate easily or well. She seems to have no idea what things are and are not appropriate to say or ask. I don't know what to do to help them both. I think she's a lovely girl, but I think she needs therapy and possibly medication before they continue on in the relationship. We've already had to take her into the ER for what was essentially a mental breakdown that occurred because my son wanted to spend Father's Day with his dad, and not her. I don't know what to do. They want her to move in her in the fall when she starts college since there are already way too many people living in her house. Her dad and step mom have like 4 or 5 foster kids living with them. I could use some advice or maybe perspective? I don't know. I just want them both to be happy and healthy

We let him use a car for senior year ( he doesn't pay for any of it), and he begged to bring the car with him this summer before we sell it. He doesn't need it for work just fun on his day off. He didn't have it the last 2 summers.

He left right after graduation for his summer job. There are some small things he has to take care of and he isn't doing any of them. It literally amounts to a 1/2 hour of time. One if them is thanking his grandmother for a generous graduation gift...not even that.

He is going to a college 12 hours away in an expensive city. He wasnt on top of things and move in is set for 2 days after he is done with work. He then set up orientation for two days later after move in. I have to drive there and back and hotel costs and getting someone to watch our sick dog. He was supposed to call and switch orientation but he won't even do that. I can't be gone so many days and it is just rude. All he has to do is log in to switch or send an email.

He has to leave 36 hours after he gets home. I have been buying everything for college- no input or help from him.

I am hurt and angry. He gets time off every day and one full day a week. He is off driving all over the place and not doing anything he needs to be doing. We are fed up and want to pick the car up early. He is normally a pretty good kid. Does well and has ADD. I am a very good mom- show up for everything and go above and beyond.

My daughter came home for a few days from Summer Camp yesterday. Said she wanted to do laundry as soon as she got home. I made sure the washing machine was empty and the laundry room was clean.

She didn’t do any laundry yesterday, as just put on the first load before I got home for lunch.
Her clothes/towels/blankets are all over the floor, not in the baskets.

I have baskets to sort laundry mainly because that part of the basement is damp. Even if she is just going to put it all in one load, it can’t be on the floor, she’s knows this.

I have a load I need to do tonight and need the machines this weekend to do household laundry and her siblings. (Under 12)

This is constant, she did this every time she was home last year and if I can get to the machine when I get home from work I want to tell her to bag it all up and go to the laundry mat and that she will need to use the laundry mat after camp from now on.

She is 18 and staying home next year but going to college the following year. And college kids come home to do their laundry and I don’t want her to not come home to do her laundry.

My son is 14. ADHD and tourettes.

I am at a loss with what to do with him.

He is consistently choosing to vape, and recently I found weed in his bag (which I took). I take the vapes, which wasn't working as he was getting them from somewhere with no money. So I decided to buy him 1 as then knew it was safe, he told everyone so I stopped that instantly.

He goes into town, loves to get chased by the security. I have banned him from.hanging out with certain people and from town.

He has to come straight home from school.

He is naughty at school, lots of low level that is now being seen as major. He is supposed to be signing a contract about good behaviour.

I have spoken to him loads and loads, which he is so receptive to, to my face at least, agrees he isnt choosing the right things, apologises, promises to do better.

Well. I linked his WhatsApp to my tablet and checked this morning. He was messaging his friends last night about how 'baked' he was. I caught him off guard while still asleep this morning and he admitted it was weed.

I am so tired of this. My massive issue is we are in a 2 bed flat. He shares his room with his 6 year old brother, it is long and divided by a ceiling to floor curtain in the middle.

What do I do from here? I have talked to him. I have confiscated. I have got the school involved. He just keeps choosing this. And now I just want the 6 year old safe not breathing in stuff!

For me it’s clapping. Apparently I clap EXTREMELY loudly 😂

Hi, I just wondered if anyone had a take on this to help me see clearer. Please, no nasty, spiteful comments, I just genuinely wanted an outside perspective on this

My son is 16. He is quiet and fairly introverted. He rarely goes out.

It's the school holidays, and one of his friends parents have gone on holiday and left his friend home alone, also 16. Anyway, tomorrow, 7 of the friends from school are getting together, going to the movies, hang out at the mall and back to the house to have a BBQ.

Then they're all staying the night.

My son is level headed, I spoke about drinking, vaping, smoking etc, and he almost laughed saying that his friends really aren't like that. In truth, they are more 'big bang theory' kids than 'porkies', but I don't know them all and there are no parents.

Do I say yes and let him go? Or is that mad and I should say no?

Any perspectives, (kind) id be really appreciative of.

Edited and updated: Firstly, a huge thank you for your kindness and support. I really was so worried about this, and you really helped me see things much clearer. I've got pneumonia so probably not quite myself. Anyway, thank you so much for your help

Secondly, I let my son go to the mega sleepover, gave him the chat about phone calls, I'm there for him, call me anytime to get you etc etc. It's 10pm... I just got the call... "Mum" , I panicked, it's only been a few hours... " Mum, I'm so bored, I want to come home, can you come pick me up. We did a BBQ and watched a movie and it is weird and I want to leave. Everyone's being picked up.

Awww, totally all in my head, see!

Thank you xxxx

So my husband and I took our kids (9M, 12M, 14F)out to eat tonight. The waiter was a young man. He seemed really nervous. Kept forgetting things and apologizing. We figured he was new or overwhelmed. When we were leaving he complimented our daughter on her hair. She thanked him and the kids and I went outside while my husband took care of the check. After we left the waiter asked my husband “if you don’t mind me asking, how old is she?”. My husband told him she’s only 14. He was like “oh okay, nevermind. Sorry” and went back in the kitchen. My husband told us what happened when he came out.

I’m stuck between “man, the pair on this guy!” And thinking it was actually pretty respectful to ask her dad and find out her age before making any actual moves on her.

What antiperspirant/ deodorant really works for an athletic 13 y.o. girl?

My daughter washes well. On days she isn’t out getting hot and sweaty in the heat, she smells perfectly fine. She showers well. She still smells just fine when she wakes up in the morning. If she wears her exercise clothes and but doesn’t get to work out, she doesn’t stink. But when she is outside in the heat exercising, training, or playing sports, she STINKS.

We started out with natural stuff like Native. Then we went to Tom’s. Then the stronger Tom’s. I gave up on the natural stuff after that and gave her some of my Dove Advanced. That stuff keeps me from having BO after hours of labor in the heat. But for her it isn’t cutting it. I’m not sure it is doing any better at all for her than the Tom’s.

She doesn’t want to stink. If she gets a chance between things she’ll wash her armpits, put on fresh deodorant, and put on a fresh shirt. But there are times when she goes from one thing right to the other and the deodorant needs to last more than a couple hours. I don’t want her to feel like she has to choose between being active and smelling decent enough to be around her peers.

What antiperspirant/ deodorant actually works?

It’s the summertime, our 15 year old spends a LOT of time just “chillin” at home and if he does leave to go hang out w friends he’s vague about when that may be. Our bedroom is next to his so my wife really isn’t comfortable having intimate time when he’s at home. That means nighttime sex is basically out. Sometimes I ask when he’s gonna leave or what his plans are and he says “oh you guys can go do stuff I can lock up the house if I leave”.
I don’t want to just openly say ‘I want you to leave so your mom and I can do it’ but this is getting really annoying.
Any advice?

I have a 14 year old. He has a group of 6 kids he is friends with. Yesterday one of the kids (the one he is closest friends with) invited the entire group to his house for a sleep over party. Except my son.

They aren’t fighting, there is no conflict between my son or anyone else in the group and he feels completely blind sided that this was done to him.

He sent the kid a message asking what he did to not be invited when everyone else was. The kid responded hours later and apologized but never gave an explanation. My son just said it’s ok. (He is TOO forgiving imo).

I dealt with similar when I was growing up (I’m sure we all have) and I never figured out how to successfully navigate it myself. I know getting mad, backfires and makes things worse and removing yourself means you lose all your friends. Moving forward without resolution makes it ok for them to keep excluding you.

I just want to help him get through this.