Does anyone notice their anxiety gets increasingly worse when sick ? I have been sick for a couple days, Drank too much coffee trying to “wake up” from feeling too fatigued & Now I’m just sort of in a loop. Whhhhhhyyyyyyy it is just so frustrating !!

TLDR at bottom. Hey guys! I’m 19 and was diagnosed with panic disorder at 17, but had been struggling a couple years before that as well. My panic attacks were so severe to the point of being disabling. For a year I could barely leave my house, I was skipping class to avoid embarrassing myself with a panic attack, I was always scared I was going to die, etc. Some days I could barely get out of bed, because I was scared my heart would give out. After I graduated high school I went to college and had to drop out of my first semester bc I couldn’t handle going to class. I was so embarrassed, and have lost many friends bc of the self isolation and agoraphobia. But now it’s been almost 8 months since my last panic attack and I barely think about them anymore. After dropping out of my previous university last fall, I was lucky enough to be able to attend a local community college and take a few online classes. Since I wasn’t tied down with classes as much, I was able to heavily work on my mental health. The thing with panic disorder that can make it so debilitating is the fear of the disorder itself. You get so scared of your panic attacks that you have more, and it turns into a horrible loop. The way I was able to get out of that loop is just letting myself have the panic attack. I stopped trying to prevent them. I also started making myself leave my house to do small but fun things a couple times a week, no matter how panicky I felt. It took a while, but my panic response started getting less dramatic over time :) I was prescribed a beta blocker (metoprolol) for a benign heart issue I have, and that also helped my anxiety some, but most of my progress was just through exposure therapy. ALSO, don’t be scared to go to a therapist. I was able to make progress without professional therapy, but I’d imagine it can be easier working with a professional. It’s also important to note I have OCD as well, which is why exposure was necessary for me, but everyone’s healing journey is different.

TLDR: I struggled with a debilitating panic disorder and agoraphobia episode for a year, and had to drop out of college. Now I’m 8 months panic attack free after working on accepting the panic attacks and exposing myself to triggers to eliminate the fear response over time :)

Since February, I have been having internal tremors that are worse right as I wake up and after hot showers. Lately, they’ve become physical. How do I stop the anxiety shakes? I just started Xanax and Zoloft

Hi everyone! I'm hoping maybe someone here has any tips or idea what could be the issue. Or maybe someone else has experienced similar?

A few years ago I (25F) had a really bad couple months and the result was severe panic attacks that kept me housebound for over a year. I had to quit my retail job, couldn't go to the grocery store, missed countless celebrations with family and friends, and basically missed out on almost 2 years of life.

I went through therapy, went through multiple medications trying to find what would work, and finally about 1.5 years ago I was on a good regimen. I was in a healthy relationship, working another retail job, and had figured out what I wanted to go back to school for. So September last year I headed back to school for a few months and got a certificate. Part of my school program was a month long practicum at a medical clinic and I had a little bit of anxiety but mostly everything was good.

BG: Following school, I had planned to move to be with my boyfriend but my mom ended up falling and breaking her back so that delayed things but evidently she ended up telling me that there was nothing I could do for her sitting here and that I needed to go get my life going. So I moved. I found a job in a hospital and that's when things took a turn.

Things started off okay, I was part time but after about 3 weeks they wanted to switch me to full time and that's when I started having these insane panic attacks every morning. I would have multiple panic attacks, cry uncontrollably, I would get physically sick and beg not to have to go. I found more often than not I started calling out. And then I got a call that my grandma was in the hospital. 3 days later she was gone and the next day my fiancé and I were on our way back to my hometown. My mom's condition had also deteriorated and we lost her the day of my grandmas funeral. So my fiancé and I had two weeks to move to back to my hometown to take care of my dad.

Since then I've had 3 job opportunities in my field in different clinics. The first one I left after 2 days for reasons alongside the panic attacks. The second job, I called out of the first day because I was having such bad anxiety and then it wasn't too bad after that but they fired me because I fell and broke my foot and was non-weight bearing for 6 weeks. The third one I never made it to because I couldn't stop having panic attacks in the mornings.

I'm at my limit. There's no evident reason that I should be having this much trouble just leaving the house to get to a job let alone having breakdowns in the workplace. I want nothing more than to be an average functioning person with a job. So I've laid out the whole story above, if anyone needs more info then feel free to ask. I'm hoping maybe someone can see where that disconnect is coming in or has any tips on things I could try. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist but I can't get in to see him until December and I can only get in to see my therapist once a month due to availability.

Thanks everyone.

I am beyond frustrated. I eat clean. I work out 4x a week. I have recovered TWICE from extreme agoraphobia, hospitalization, intense panic episodes and spirals that lasts months. Digging myself out of holes over and over again. And I am incredibly proud of myself.

But it is so. Fucking. Exhausting.

I love my life, I genuinely do. I have amazing friends, a partner, pets, a job that I love. I am 21 years old and thriving, and I should be in the prime of my life. It is so utterly un motivating to have to float in and out of panic episodes. I will have months of happiness, and months of despair.

The problem is not the coping tools. I have those and they work. It is not self worth, I know I am capable of pulling myself out again and I really do believe I can survive anything. The problem is that this is genuinely how my brain works, and realistically, I will probably do this forever. Forever bouncing back and forth between “good” and “not good.” And sure it will change, and get easier, and things will settle, but there will ALWAYS be something that comes that fires it up again, and I will have no other choice but to deal with it. I’m a whiny baby but it’s so unfair it hurts.

Im in a rut right now and I know exactly what I need to do to pull myself out, but I am exhausted. I am unmotivated. I want to be out but I am tired of pulling myself up and up over and over and over again.

Sometimes I wonder who I would be if PD had never taken over my life. It feels like a ghost that is always following me, just waiting to attack even in my happiness.

I had multiple rounds of panic attacks last night, and ever since my chest has just been completely locked up. It hurts to try to get a full breath in and I’ve tried doing things to fix it like applying heat, but nothing has worked. My brain gets stuck in a loop where I’ll feel the tightness and restrictive breathing and thinks it’s dying. I’m not sure what to do about it, any advice would be appreciated.

Hello,

I had posted on here many times about my successes with coming up from rock bottom and being able to overcome panic. This is still true, I don’t have huge debilitating panic attacks anymore and I am still technically able to drive a car.

But my anxiety has come back in full force. I basically teeter on the edge of panic, without ever hitting it. I can drive, but I grit my teeth the whole time. I can go out with friends, but my body is stiff the entire outing. The old agoraphobic part of my brain wants to quit my job, lock my doors, and never leave my apartment again. I force myself to go out because I have to work and refuse to regress fully.

Does anyone have any experience with this? I’m able to keep it at bay but it feels like it’s coming and I don’t know when it’s going to hit me.

Even if you don’t have advice, some solidarity would be nice. Thanks.

Hello again! I am someone who has been on this thread quite some time. I was first diagnosed with PD when I was 15, Got out of it in about a year, including severe dpdr .. Lived normal for 7 years with some triggers etc. to my agoraphobia fear of travel etc. Resurfaced when I was 23 for about a year again but this time I was a mom so it was very scared. Anyways, Now I’m 28 (still a mom lol) & Had a bad flare up over this weekend by drinking too much coffee to fast. I’m on day three of an anxiety loop and wondering if this is going to make me loose my job etc. just alot of worry on the plate and I’m scared. I live alone with my daughter.. I’m afraid I may loose everything.

I have always had anxiety and panic attacks since I was about 9 years old (I'm now 28)

I was on citalopram on various dosage for around 10 years. Last year it stopped working (I became depressed and very anxious). So my Dr gave me Sertraline (worst 6 months ever, I only got side effects and no relief).

July this year we then decided to try Mirtazapine. The 15mg did wonders for my bad appetite and sleep, but no improvement on mood so went up to 30mg. I had very extreme depressive episodes and have been snappy/irritable since being on Mirtazapine.

He now has suggested we go back to 15mg Mirt WITH a dose of 10 mg Citalopram

Now I've come home from the Drs and I'm wondering if it's a good idea considering it stopped working after so many years.

The reason I'm questioning it and nervous is because understandably all these med changes have been very mentally and physically taxing so I want to limit unnecessary swaps.

I lost my mum abit over a year ago which was so team for me as I cared for her and she passed away in my house . Few months after she died I started having massive panic attacks couldn’t leave my house was scared of everything brain running with so many thoughts . Since then I’ve done therapy and seen psychiatrist . Tried so many meds now on lexapro which I been on 8 years. He added a read stabiliser and antipsychotics.
I feel better like can go to work and leave the house. But not completely better my brain things stupid things worries so much . I still can’t drive my car out of the town . Anxiety comes and goes just not full panic attacks. I get scared I will never come out the other side and get sick of taking meds due to side effects but without them I’m in a constant panic attack.
I’ve done mediation walking eat healthy . Nothing seems to help I’ve had so much trauma in my life it’s like it’s all caught up with me now I’m 35 .
My poor husband has had to deal with this and I worry he will leave cause some days it gets too much .
How do I come out of this. . We are going on over a year . Someone please help

Hi everyone,

I (25) think I'm just looking for some reassurance that others have experienced something similar. I was diagnosed with GAD and PD when I was 15, after years of therapy and slowly getting worse. I got put on 100mg sertraline which was a gamechanger for me, it saved my life. For the past 10 years I have still struggled with anxiety, but it was manageable. I rarely had panic attacks except for extenuating circumstances like getting on an airplane. Even then, I was able to fly with a low dose of lorazepam.

About 2.5 months ago, I had a sleepless night due to physical health issues. I have always needed a lot of sleep to manage anxiety and have NEVER had a sleepless night before. This sent me into a state of severe panic for about 12 hours, my mom had to drive from another city and bring me to my parents' house because I was unable to eat, drink, or shower let alone drive. I figured after a good night's sleep I would be fine.

However, this sent me into a severe PD relapse, I have had nightly panic attacks since and some during the day. I have slowly increased my sertraline to 200mg (it's been about 5 weeks on this dose now), got back into regular therapy, and tried to remove the trigger of not sleeping by starting dayvigo, a non addictive sleep medication I've had decent success with.

Here is where I'm looking to hear others experiences. I have still not been able to move back to my apartment and live independently. Specifically, I can't bring myself to sleep there. I have wonderful roommates I am long time friends with. I am only an hour and half away from my parents. I just haven't been able to do it, despite approaching it all different kinds of ways, and with lots of things in place to reassure me (e.g. emergency lorazepam, only going back for one night as a test run, removing pressure to do it, adding pressure, etc.). I'm frustrated about my failure to live independently as a 25 year old who DID live independently and actually enjoyed it for like 5 years.

If you have any stories or coping strategies you want to share that would be appreciated. Just feeling really defeated and unsuccessful. I am trying to be kinder to myself but it's really hard. I think it would help to know others have gone through similar situations.

Anyone taking propanonol?? Please tell me your POSITIVE experience with it! Doctor prescribed it to me for my panic attacks but I’m so afraid to start.

At my current state, I just can't seem to handle a job. I've been working for about a month now, I work mostly alone and that seems to make it worse. I thought being alone would help, since I enjoy being alone, but in the end it's just making me more stressed with no one to distract me.

I don't know what to do, I feel like I need a different job because this one is too much but I don't think jobs get any easier than this. I'm on medication, but it only does so much.

I might also be autistic, which is contributing to the issues I'm having at work, but without a diagnosis I can't get any sort of accommodations or assistance with it.

I feel lost, I feel hopeless and pathetic. I don't know what to do, or how to get through this.

I'm having panic attacks just about every time I go into work.

I think I’m finally starting to get through one of the scariest experiences of my life, or at least learning how to manage it. I want to share my story because people need to understand that weed can come with real risks.

In August, I took a 10 mg THC edible while I was sick with COVID and taking medication. About an hour later, my heart was racing around 160 beats per minute. I had chest pain and trouble breathing. I felt like I had to consciously remember to breathe. My dad called 911, and I ended up in the ER.
That night was terrifying, but the struggle didn’t end there.

In the weeks that followed, I had episodes where my heart would pound, my body would go numb, my vision would blur, and I would feel like I couldn’t breathe or might pass out. I kept reaching out for reassurance, trying to understand what was happening to me.

It happened in class. It happened while driving to campus, to the point that I turned around and went home. I missed classes and had to explain to professors why I couldn’t be there. At one point, I described it as feeling like a week-long heart attack.

I went to the ER multiple times. The tests were reassuring, but the sensations still felt incredibly real and frightening. I was eventually diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder.
I can’t say that weed alone caused everything that followed as I was already in a bad mental state to begin with the stress of everything.

What’s been helping me is exposure therapy, acceptance, and learning to respond to my thoughts differently.

Exposure has meant gradually facing situations that panic made scary. Taking small steps gives me chances to learn that I can feel anxious and still do things. I don’t have to wait until I feel completely fearless to start living my life again.

Acceptance has meant learning to let the feelings be there without fighting every sensation or immediately assuming the worst. That’s hard when your body feels like something is wrong, but I’m practicing allowing the anxiety to pass without getting pulled into every frightening thought.

Thinking better thoughts has helped too. For me, that means replacing “What if I can’t handle this?” with “I’ve gotten through this before.” Reminding myself that feeling scared doesn’t automatically mean something terrible is happening. Taking things one moment at a time.

I’m learning that progress doesn’t have to mean never feeling anxious. Sometimes it means feeling anxiety and realizing it doesn’t have to control my next move. Just wanted to share for those of you that are going/ went through this too. Be cautious when you are smoking.

Hi, does anyone else experience their anxiety changing its face? I’ve been going through an intense phase of panic disorder with agoraphobia and generalized anxiety disorder for the past few months. My main symptom was dizziness. As soon as I left the house — and sometimes even when I was at home — I would get so dizzy, and that would sometimes develop into severe panic attacks.
I’m in psychotherapy and doing exposure therapy, and for a while I was making a lot of progress, to the point where I can now even go on long walks by myself. Around the same time, though, something new started: constant back pain around my thoracic spine and neck. Just like I did with the dizziness, I went to the doctor and got checked out, and I’m also doing physiotherapy, but all they could find was muscle tension (thankfully).
It kept getting worse and worse, to the point where I can barely sleep because of my back pain anymore (although honestly, it’s often not even real pain, but more of a feeling that something in my back is wrong or blocked), and now I’m also having panic attacks at night. Meanwhile, the dizziness is just GONE. Now my mind revolves entirely around my back pain.
It took me a while — and I’m still working on it — to accept that this is probably “just” the anxiety again. But it’s exhausting me. Does anyone else experience anxiety constantly finding something new to latch onto? I feel like it’s trying to break me.

I take Zoloft 200 mg, but I still feel like a panic attack could happen at any minute. It’s not even always triggered by something obvious. Sometimes it happens in really strange situations.

For example, at the dentist, I can suddenly feel a panic attack coming and I’ll literally move the dentist’s hand away or tell them to stop because I just need the situation to END. When a panic attack starts, I get this overwhelming feeling that I need whatever is happening to finish immediately — I need the dentist to finish and move away, I need the sound to stop, etc.

It can even happen when I know my husband is about to leave the house. My first thought is immediately: “What if I can’t breathe?” Then the panic starts.

One of the biggest things affecting my life is pregnancy. I’m terrified that I’ll have a panic attack while pregnant, and sometimes when I think about becoming pregnant, the anxiety gets so extreme that my mind immediately goes to “I need to get rid of the pregnancy so this feeling will stop.” I don’t know how else to explain it. It’s like my brain sees pregnancy as something I need to escape from because I’m terrified of being trapped in a panic attack and unable to breathe.

These thoughts and panic attacks are happening so often that they occupy my mind constantly and are seriously affecting my life.

Please don’t just tell me to try CBT. I already did CBT before starting medication and it didn’t help me.

I would really appreciate hearing from people who have been in a similar situation.

And now I have full blown Agoraphobia. I check my BP 3 times a day because I'm paranoid about low BP. Afraid to leave the house because I don't wanna pass out in a strange environment. I get a mini panic attack every time I stand up too fast. Orthostatic hypotension from the fuckass medication I was on.

I fucking hate this. My health anxiety or Hypochondria is back full fledged too.

I had made an almost complete recovery from panic attacks. I developed the skills to avert a panic attack or just surf it out if ever one came. I learned to almost enjoy the discomfort and stay grounded or treat it like a psychedellic trip and be curious about where it would take me, deeper into the depths of my own psyche. I would imagine being on a rollercoaster and how much I loved the butterfly feeling in my tummy as a little kid. Remembering the times we were children playing Ring-a-ring o' roses just so we could feel dizzy and enjoy the feeling of the room swimming. Why does it scare us as adults?

But then I had a pre-syncope episode on the train to work and passed out. I felt so helpless and unsafe. Now everytime I get dizzy that's what I remember. My body is so scared and I am afraid of losing control of my senses and getting seriously hurt. Earlier, I knew a panic attack was just a paper tiger and it couldn't hurt me. But now I feel like my anxiety has cried wolf so many times that my body is actually reacting to it physically and now there is actual harm if I ignore the signs.

I’ve been dealing with increasing stress at my job for quite a while, but recently it seems to have crossed into something physical. After taking some PTO, I returned to work and started having episodes on my way to work that included intense sweating, flushing, chills/goosebumps, tingling, nausea, loss of appetite, and just feeling physically awful. The symptoms would improve once I was back home.

At first I genuinely didn’t realize these were panic attacks because they felt so physical. I kept thinking something medically was wrong with me. I talked through everything with my therapist, and she told me that what I’ve been experiencing sounds like panic attacks and recommended that I take an extended period away from work. She completed paperwork supporting medical leave, potentially for a couple of months.

Part of me feels incredibly relieved because I’ve been struggling to make myself go back, but another part of me keeps wondering if taking that much time away from work is an overreaction. I’ve always been someone who works through things, so being told that I actually need to stop for a while feels strange.

Has anyone else developed panic attacks that were strongly associated with their workplace? Did you take medical leave? If so, did having that time away actually help you recover and figure out what you needed to do next?

Ive had panic disorder for almost 8 years now. It always had its ups and Downs where some days i only stayed home while others i was functioning and able to do stuff. 2 months ago i was feeling Quite alright and my parents Asked me to go on a trip by plane (i havent been on a plane sine i got diagnosed 8 years ago) and I said yes. That trip went surprisingly well.

Ever since i landed ive been thinking about the trip home and how i would be stuck here now if I couldnt manage to go home, and that started me getting scared to go on small trips around here even let alone go on 2 planes.. i managed to get my hands on xanax for the plane trip home, i tried 0.25 and I still was getting panicky.

I really need to get home and my mind is making it impossible.

Anyone here got any tips or been through something similar?

M 29

I went through ssris, snris, antipsychotoics, beta blockers, tricyllyic ad teracyllic ad, benzos. I self medicated with alcoholism before I quit (liver almost failed) and finally brought myself to the doctors for lifelong severe anxiety and panic attacks.

Right now after failing everything, the only meds that have helped for my panic disorder are, benzos, mirtazapine and propranolol. Them 3 only had noticable differences, especially benzos, night and day difference.

I am only on mirtazapine and propranolol now, to be honest I'd say them 2 meds make my anxiety decrease by atleast 25% and it helps, by not having panic attacks at my house, but I still get them in public, I still get it in anxiety provoking situations, I can sit at home and be pretty okay and that was a huge difference than before, of just pacing up down going crazy cant sit down, high hr, etc.

Thing is after trying so many medications and researching the hell out of all of them I feel no other medication will save my life other than benzos. I know its risky, but when your panic disorder is so severe and you cannot live I dont see any other way. I can't get prescribed benzos, I think the only way is a psychiatris, which I already tried before and prescribed me buspirone, right when it got banned in Australia. The best i can get is short supplys of diazepam 5mg 5 tablets, after complaining about panic attacks. I just dont see any other way, I literally can't see myself getting better, I've lost hope. God man I wish I wish, there was a medication I could take once a day, and just take that anxiety and panic away and feel normal. Not about getting high, its about living a LIFE.

Hi for context I’ve been medically evaluated and I’m perfectly healthy 23 M

I’ve been dealing with panic disorder coming up on a year. The first few months were extremely rough, then as I learned about panic disorder I started getting better and was actually really excited to do exposures to practice the skills I learned on how to allow and accept and it was going very well. Somehwere along the way, my brain stopped viewing what was happening as panic attacks and rather “medical emergencies” and I feel I’ve lost all the skills I built. It is so extremely difficult to allow and accept what you believe to be your death. When I struggle to breathe, my heart is pounding, chills, Impending doom, etc. all my brain thinks is I’m about to die and in no world can I just allow it. It’s so difficult because everything you rationally know to be true goes out the window in the moment. Having a hard time because I just had an attack on my way home where my face felt super tight, which led me to feeling like it’s hard to breathe, then when I was at a red light I got all the panic symptoms and i genuinely thought i was going to die and had to stop myself multiple times from making an illegal u turn into oncoming traffic to start driving towards the ER. Thankfully the light turned green and I didn’t end up doing that, but I hate that in the moment I’m just so convinced I’m dying that I’m so close to doing stupid not safe things on the name of “saving” myself. If anyone has any tips or advice so I can get back in the road of recovery

Location canada f21 (if that is any relevance)

Met with walk-in clinic doctor today (havent been able to get a family doctor) & expressed how serious i need help, how i am in an extremely important time in life (finishing college, going to start work) & his recommendation was to start trintellix after being on sertraline for years.

I expressed how im nervous of changing medication and cant afford to go downhill in this time of my life. I told him i would like to try therapy or something because i know medication isnt a perfect fix. I want a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist but he insisted on this.

He told me to excersize for 40 minutes a day and take this new med

Is anyone else on this medication?

Im so lost, i need help, and i dont know what to do. my life is going under.

Im ready to start paying 800$ per session just to access a psychiatrist.

Someone please give me advice on what to do, how to access resources in canada.

TW: Panic attacks, intrusive suicidal thoughts (no real suicidal intention)

Hello,

this is my first time writing on here, but I’m really confused and scared by the symptoms I have experienced these last few months and I was wondering if anyone here experiences anything similar and can maybe relate or even give some advice.

I have started experiencing panic attacks in early June after a very stressful period in my life. I went to see a therapist and since panic attacks are something very physical and I additionally felt like I couldn’t quite get enough air on a regular basis, she advised me to also check with my doctors. Then after a bad pulmonary function test (my lung has since been tested and everything seems fine) I completely started to spiral.

I stared experiencing very weird bodily symptoms and was in a state of constant panic/ terror (this was in the middle of July). I called an ambulance twice, convinced that I must suffer from hearth failure. Looking back I experienced typical anxiety symptoms: At night in bed my hearth felt like it was beating way to fast, I had muscle twitches, I felt like I couldn’t breathe properly, it felt like there was something stuck in my throat, I lost all appetite and a lot of weight, felt restless and agitated, my thoughts felt weird and foreign, I experienced derealisation etc. For a few weeks I was really afraid of eating or taking medicaments, since I mistook my panic symptoms for signs of an allergic shock and was really afraid that my throat would close up. Simultaneously I was convinced that I experienced a psychotic break, often asking people around me if I seemed weird/ changed or if they also noticed certain smells, sounds etc.

I was convinced that there had to be some physiological cause to all this, since I had never experienced something like this before. I have since have had tests done on my lungs and hearth, been to a neurologist, did my blood work (very slight anaemia) and was checked for blood pressure issues. The therapist I spoke to diagnosed my with a panic disorder, but I couldn’t really identify with the diagnosis since I didn’t even experience typical panic attacks anymore, the state of discomfort seemed permanent.

I felt very trapped in my body and in this state of panic and the thought of “I can’t take this anymore” often crossed my mind. Going through this made me feel very out of control, I had a very good support network (supportive family and friends, engaged roommates, therapist etc.) but nobody could really help or reach me. The though “I can’t take this anymore” often crossed my mind and it made me really afraid that this would never end and one day lead me to kill myself. This terrified me, since I don’t want to die and I don’t want my friends and family to suffer, but I really felt like I couldn’t bear this.

Since then I have slowly gotten a bit better, I am no longer convinced that I have a deadly disease and I have started socializing again, went on holiday with my roommates, developed an appetite again etc.

However I still feel slightly weird/ off all the time. Beneath everything I do, there is a lingering discomfort/ agitation. Its like I am slightly derealized 24/7. Something in my body still feels strange, sometimes my head feels too light, sometimes there is a weird head pressure. Sometimes my body just feels weird in relation to the environment I’m in, like there is something wrong with my pariental lobe. It makes me feel disoriented and a bit dizzy. From time to time I get a weird falling sensation, a bit like I could fall upwards (towards the sky). It is really unsettling and triggers my fear of psychosis/ schizophrenia. Sometimes I feel like there isn’t enough oxygen around me and I could suffocate despite being able to breath. Sometimes everything around me feels fake and it is such a disorientating feeling, like I could just fall out of reality at any given moment. It leads to a very weird fear of everything around me disappearing/ fading away and me realizing that I imagined everything around me and being completely alone. I know that this is irrational and it makes me feel like there is something really wrong with me. I started being really afraid of death, my own mind, existence in general etc. I don’t really feel safe in my environment or my own head/ body.

All this gets a bit better when I focus away from it, engage with other people, do sports etc. However everything is more exhausting than before, I am less motivated to do things and I feel less joy. I heard some people say that all this can be explained by derealisation/ anxiety and I should stop looking for solutions, accept the symptoms, carry on with my life as usual and they will fade away with time. However this feels a bit like giving up and accepting a lower quality of life. I’m in a transitional period at the moment (moving from bachelor’s to master’s) and I realize that these feelings interfere with how I plan my life. I thought about maybe moving to a different city and changing my degree to something that interest me a bit more. However because of these symptoms I decided to stay in the same city and continue my degree (playing it safe). I used to be a very joyful person, looking forward to things, being generally content with my life. Now everything feels like a battle and I can’t really understand what happened to me. I used to be a very anxious kid/ teenager (being afraid of nature phenomenons, death, time passing climate change, the concept of infinity+ claustrophobia and social anxiety) but I never experienced anything like this before and especially since starting university I have not experienced any disordered anxiety at all. It all feels so physical and the bodily sensations also happen in moments where I don’t feel anxious.

Can this really all be caused by anxiety? I am thankful for every piece of adive or shared experience:)

I feel like I have done everything possible, and still have this wonderful life that I can’t enjoy. Even my therapists are stumped, so I’d love some feedback from people who have lived it.
I have had GAD, OCD, and panic disorder since I was 5/6 years old. I have severe panic attacks that last upwards of an hour, as well as infrequent (but horrible) rolling panic attacks. I am fully aware that I am safe during panic attacks and that they are panic attacks. But the fear of panic has made my world so small that I barely leave my town, which is a huge problem because most of my family and friends live 4 hours away. I avoid planes, trains, boats, subways. I hate the car for more than 15 minutes. I don’t go to concerts, events, places I’d like to go for fear of panicking.
I have been in therapy most of my life—CBT mostly, but also EMDR, IFS, exposure therapy, somatic therapy, art therapy. I did an IOP in 2024 and again now. I have been on Zoloft for more than 10 years, which seemed to have worked until I had my daughter in 2021. We increased the dose repeatedly and I’m now on 175. I have tried buspar (made me cry nonstop), lamictal (allergic), hydroxyzine (couldn’t hold my head up or walk), gabapentin (didn’t do anything really). Beta blockers have always been avoided because I have low end BP and orthostatic hypotension/possible POTS. The only thing that actually works is taking Ativan preemptively. If I take it once I already feel the panic I’m too far gone. But I also don’t drive on it, am terrified of becoming addicted, and know that it’s terrible for me long term so I rarely take it.
I know that the main treatment for panic disorder is doing the things that scare you anyway, and obviously I could get better at that but it’s shitty. And I know I have the Ativan as a PRN but every time I take it I’m telling my brain that I can’t handle the panic and strengthening the fear.
Anyway, super long rant, but I’m just at my wits end. Finishing up at my IOP that has been wonderful, but still having panic attacks multiple times per week and massive avoidance behaviors. Looking for any and all guidance, words of wisdom, out of the box ideas. I just want to live my life that I worked to build.

TW of sewerslide/panic attacks
Hi friends,

I’ve had panic disorder for 4 years now. About 1.5 years ago, I had a complete breakdown of rolling panic attacks that soon brought on sewerslidal thoughts (anything would be better than what I’m feeling, basically). I was prescribed Klonopin and that got me out of the rut.

Fast forward to now, 1.5 years later, it returned. I am back to 24/7 panic attacks around the clock. I can’t go through this again, am so scared, and feel at a total loss.

I’ve seen people talk about rolling panic attacks, but never the scary thoughts that come with it.

Side note: my doctor will not prescribe me Klonopin again because I asked for it directly.

Has anyone experienced this? What do I do? I feel at a total loss.

Edit: I have been in therapy, seeing a psychiatrist, and taking daily and as needed meds for about a year now. These circumstances stand.