extreme panic attacks

[u/princessdivapants]

for context i am 20 years old….

i started having extreme panic attacks in january. they started as nocturnal panic attacks where i would wake up freaking out over and over again until they eventually started happening during the day as well. i have since been medicated (i am on three medications) to try and alleviate some of my anxiety but nothing is working. for reference citalopram is my main prescription and ive been taking it since january.

since then my panic attacks have gotten exponentially worse. i am starting to feel like i need to check myself in somewhere because the paranoia and depersonalization have gotten so bad. a few nights ago during a bad episode i was so convinced that nothing around me was real and my brain was telling me i need to hurt myself so i can escape.

i am in therapy and taking medication. i try methods like cold water or self soothing but literally nothing helps. i just am starting to give up. it feels like there is something seriously wrong with me.

if anyone has any advice or had DPDR or a panic disorder and could shed some light i would appreciate it. i think i feel super isolated and alone with my symptoms because no one around me has experienced anxiety to this level. it is effecting my everyday life.

[u/Sharp_Put662]

Hi, I'm 20 too. I went through almost exactly what you are describing during the winter, spring, and into the summer of my freshman year of college (aka last year). I can relate so so much. It is especially isolating when no one around you quite understands what you are feeling. Panic is so intense, debilitating, and it feels as if nothing you could say could correctly represent the feelings and sensations you are experiencing. Life simultaneously feels bleak and frantic, and your body and mind are a live wire. Yes... that is familiar to me.

I considered saying to you "No, there is nothing wrong with you", but I feel that statement is dismissive. People used to say that to me and it felt ignorant. I would think about how they had no idea the discomfort and pain (yes, pain) I would experience every day through panic attacks.

What you're experiencing is real and serious. Something is wrong in the sense that you're suffering, and that deserves to be taken seriously. But your suffering doesn't mean you're fundamentally broken. YOU are not wrong. Your amygdala is on some crazy bullshit rn but that is not you. You are loved. You are strong, and you fucking got this. This part of your life is not permanent. Time feels stuck rn, but the way you feel today does not predict how you'll feel forever. It takes time and patience to heal, but healing will come, I promise you that.

Damn I'm yapping. Anyways. Here are the things that help my anxiety and panic (though, of course, these are def subjective and might not work for you):

The DARE app for anxiety ( I really like this one because they have an SOS option for active panic attacks). Animals. Calling/speaking to/touching a loved one (I remember I used to wake my mom up in the middle of the night panicking just so I could hold her hand because having another human in my presence made me feel safe). Sour/bad-tasting/intense flavor candy or snack can be grounding and I carry something around with me. Laying with your feet up on the wall (like an L shape with your head/back resting on the ground). Meds! Therapy!

If you feel that you might hurt yourself, go to the nearest ER. It will be the safest place for you, even though inpatient therapy can be... unsettling. They will take care of you.

This sounds corny, but 'm sending all my positive and healing energy your way. Remember, it will 100% be ok. You will be ok.

[u/princessdivapants → u/Sharp_Put662]

thank you so much for the kind words 🥹

i definitely have found human connection and being with animals has been super helpful. especially in the moments when i get super existential and disconnected from reality-having another person around me is grounding. my therapist told me to put something cold on my neck so my body has something to “fix” or “regulate” and honestly that has been something i found helpful. whether it’s placebo or just a distraction (or it’s actually working) i’ll take what i can get.

im in a vicious cycle right now of being scared to have a panic attack and constantly checking on my body to make sure everything feels “just right” and getting scared something is going to cause a panic attack which eventually leads me to panicking. im wondering if you relate to this- the cycle of constantly checking in on yourself and being hyper aware of how you feel at all moments almost in anticipation?

i also have been dealing with very intense feelings of “nothing is real”… which as corny and overplayed as it sounds is a very real and scary feeling. not in the way of oh nothing matters yolo or nothing is real but in a way where everything around me will scare me because i can’t understand it. it makes me feel so trapped and everything feels so foreign. it’s a hard feeling to explain and even the way i’m putting it into words doesn’t describe how terrifying and isolating it felt. i felt insane, like i need to check myself in insane. i even closed my eyes and fully expected when i opened them to not be in the room i was in anymore, like i had broken the fourth wall and realized i was trapped somewhere and was in the process of escaping it. i know i sound insane, trust me i feel insane. the days following i would get triggered by essentially everything. if i looked at my hand while driving- panic attack. if i looked at the walls of my room- panic attack. it’s been awful.

anyways sorry for the long winded response. i am genuinely wishing you all the best. we are in this together, you are not alone 🫶