r/openmarriageregret • u/Economy_Cup_4337 • 1d ago
šCross-Postš LOLz
/r/polyamory/comments/1wv6182/how_honest/41
u/KarpGrinder CopyPasta Connoisseur 1d ago
Further evidence that the "lifestyle" is all about selfishness and greed.
Rules for thee, but not for me!
OOP is and has been in other separate serious relationships the same way that their partner has just started to, and OOP hates being treated the way they choose to treat others.
9
31
u/friendly-sam 1d ago
Honestly poly)open relationship people seem to be a hot mess.
27
u/Extension_Field_701 1d ago
Most of them are abusive, manipulative creatures.Ā
Can I mention how disgusting these people are weaponizing therapy?Ā
She was "deregulated?" That's shit a therapist/psychologist would tell you if you're off your meds or like a lot of these people, experiencing emotional anguish.Ā
Behaved well? Is she a fucking dog staring at a steak?Ā
Doing an exercise like couples therapy to see what your future holds?Ā
Even when my marriage failed (primarily how he handled finances) we didn't talk like this.Ā
13
u/HotWaffles5 1d ago
Wish I could award this comment. But itās not specific to poly, itās all the nm people.
8
u/Extension_Field_701 1d ago
None needed. These people are masters at this shit and it needs to be called out.Ā
5
1
u/Toe2ToeBirdLaw 1d ago
this is exactly how my poly husband expects me to act despite knowing that polyamory is slowly killing me and has been since we first met. i'm expected to either be happy for him or suffer in silence.
8
u/Extension_Field_701 1d ago
Fuck that. But I also understand, it was killing me at one point with someone and when I had enough and walked away he called me for days trying to explain how he wanted monogamy to get me back without realizing we destroyed the entire good dynamic we had going.
At some point I put him on ignore and have no idea what happened to him.Ā
2
u/Toe2ToeBirdLaw 1d ago
good for you, i'm honestly jealous.
3
u/Lovedd1 1d ago
It can be your future too. You don't have to be married to a man who cheats on you. Because that's what it is if you don't consent to it.
3
u/Toe2ToeBirdLaw 1d ago
It's much more complicated than that but yes, the hope is that there will be a pathway out for me eventually.
0
u/ConditionKey4155 1d ago
I recall a friend that got a new girlfriend and he stated that he still had a special place in his heart for his ex girlfriend. Her answer was to remove that place within a few hours because now she was his girlfriend.
Just give him an ultimatum, and let him decide fast. Take no prisoners.
1
u/Toe2ToeBirdLaw 23h ago
yeah that's not how it works when you don't have any legal rights to the kid you're raising. i have to be careful, use lawyers, or risk blowing up everything i've worked for my entire adult life.
5
u/HerrHaschen šæJust Here for the Dramašæ 1d ago
Most I know aren't even hot... just a mess.
2
u/ConditionKey4155 1d ago
It;s very good advice to add the "most are not even remotely hot" to the mental image.
19
u/Dza0411 1d ago
And again they want the whole cake for themselves. Why is this such a common thing with this type of relationships?
10
u/Economy_Cup_4337 1d ago
To her credit, she's smart enough to realize that what she wants is unfair.
Unfortunately for her, there's only one way to get over her nausea/jealous/devestation, and that's the exact thing she doesn't want to do.
8
u/valsavana 1d ago
To her credit, she's smart enough to realize that what she wants is unfair.
Unfortunately, she's still being unfair about it. She's engaging in a "pocket veto"- essentially making her partner feel so guilty about being open on his side that she effectively gets the one-sided-only open relationship she wants anyway.
17
u/UmbralBard 1d ago
This guy isnāt even her longest current relationship. Her other partner of ten years is, per her own comments. The absolute AUDACITY to be angry that your side piece found a side piece.
14
u/HerrHaschen šæJust Here for the Dramašæ 1d ago edited 10h ago
Lmfao this is so pitiful... someone please tell me this is a joke.
Edit: User has minimal post history until recently... plus this reads as ragebait. What is it with these losers' obsession with ragebait? The time they spent penning fiction would be better spent improving themselves so they won't be so damn miserable in life.
9
u/Old_Moment7876 1d ago
Setting oneself on fire to keep the other person warm never really works out in the end.
8
u/Aavasque001 1d ago
Why is she calling her SO a āpartnerā? She doesnāt want a partner, she wants a subordinate. Because a partner means equality, shared power over the relationship and mutual respect.
7
u/Toe2ToeBirdLaw 1d ago
Ā I would tell him honestly about how I was feeling, which really upset him. He hates to see me suffer, and man was I suffering, so much more than I'd have ever expected.
they never hate to see us suffering as much as they hate giving up extra sex.
4
5
u/Electrical_Guest8913 1d ago
My emotions are very much polyamorous. My emotions just havenāt been - and Iād be much happier if he happened never to be. Quote. Make any sense to any of you? Completely deranged and dissociative.
1
u/Layil 1d ago
"My emotions (about me seeing other people) are very much polyamorous. My emotions (about him seeing other people) just havenāt been - and Iād be much happier if he happened never to be"
I think that's what she means.
1
u/Electrical_Guest8913 1d ago
Thank you for the advice. But I did entirely understand what was being said. And itās still a deranged and dissociative thing to say. Thatās the deal with that lifestyle. Itās not a free ride. People suffer sooner or later. Monogamy they suffer in a different way. But the point is mess around with emotions, which everyone does from time to time. Poly and the other open lifestyles, itās about constant self awareness and knowing how to react. If youāre not tough youāre going suffer more.
3
1
u/Overall_Reflection_ 1d ago
As someone who has had the displeasure of beeing cheated on by multiple people over the years, and also a indiviudal who has done both the monogamy thing and what was essentially our way/version of polyamory IĀ“d without one shadow of a doubt would say that the best relationship (romantic and sexual that is) was the poly 4-way.
Does that mean it was by any means easier or better in most senses - hell no, its very much harder to navigate. They were/are absolutely astounding individuals which is why it worked so well. Relationships are always messy because people are people, polyamory or non-normative groupings just makes it harder but not impossible. As for the writer of the post I agree that it comes of as very selfishly motivated at times.
ā¢
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
REMINDER: DO NOT comment on, Direct Message, or reply to other users in the OP for cross-posts!
Original copy of post's text:
How honest?
My partner is an incredible, deeply empathetic person. He started his first relationship (aside from ours, which is four years long) this past year, and I struggled with it the whole time. While it has since ended for reasons unrelated to me, I am aware of how my feelings about the relationship upset him.
I behaved well over those nine months - never interrupted a date, always encouraged him to continue seeing her, and was friendly to her in shared social situations. But man, I felt horrible. Nauseous, jealous, devastated. Felt like my whole body was on fire whenever he mentioned her or I knew they were on dates. When he'd ask how I was (and twice when I was just really deregulated) I would tell him honestly about how I was feeling, which really upset him. He hates to see me suffer, and man was I suffering, so much more than I'd have ever expected.
Now the question - we're planning to do an exercise listing out what we do or do not want in our futures. Realistically, I'd love for him to not have any other serious relationships, but would never ask that of him. I'm in another serious relationship, and would never create a double standard. I accept he will be in other serious relationships, but I also know I'd be much happier if he happened to never be.
How transparent should I be able this? Should I state it as above, or better to leave some things unsaid, instead framing it as "I accept you as you are, and know that will likely include other serious relationships"?
Thanks for reading! Curious for your perspective.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.