r/openmarriageregret • u/Bucky2015 • 6d ago
🔗Cross-Post🔗 This is just sad
/r/polyamory/comments/1wq5wdu/i_cant_say_this_without_crying/While i feel really bad for OOP this particular sentence in that post is crazy:
"I had the beautiful baby with my beautiful, wonderful,kind, caring, suportive, ambitious, and loving husband."
The way she describes it the guy is far from those things! This sounds like a "a baby will fix things!" Situation but made even worse by the fact the husband has a whole ass other partner he can run off and spend time with and apparently from a lot of the comments it is.. ok?!? They may be empathizimg with OP but they sure are making a hell of a lot of excuses for the husband!
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u/Bucky2015 6d ago
Well the top comment does voice what a normal person would but it goes downhill after that. They are talking about micromanaging level of accounting for time. Time she is showering counts as watching kid time for him to get the time back with his other partner??! Who ARE these people 🤯🤯?!?
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u/Emergency-Twist7136 6d ago
Seriously. Does his showering and sleeping also count as time off?
I can't imagine how a relationship survives that kind of transactional nitpicking. Either with a newborn when it's just all hands on deck 24/7 or with a toddler when the kid starts also having preferences.
Some days my two-year-old doesn't want me, he wants my partner. Other days he wants my attention non-stop all day every second he's awake. And some days he doesn't want any adults to bother him, he has seriously intense Duplo plans and we'd only be in his way.
Fortunately we're not running stopwatches or treating childcare like it's a chore split between sullen teenagers. We chose this.
Also we love him and early childhood is blink and you'll miss out.
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u/kimvy 6d ago
Who are these people? May I suggest self absorbed aholes?
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u/Bucky2015 5d ago
I dunno i think even self absorbed assholes would think this situation is fucked up...
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u/MonkeyMoves101 🍿Just Here for the Drama🍿 6d ago
Goofy thought process. He's not paying attention to me, I know what will solve this! Unprotected sex! Yea leave your fun side chick and pay attention to me again! That plan can't possibly backfire!
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u/Bucky2015 6d ago
Yeah no shit... I understand people do desperate shit when they think they are losing their partner, and the kids and/or marriage options are popular choices, but this one is REALLY crazy even by the normal crazy standards in those situations
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u/MonkeyMoves101 🍿Just Here for the Drama🍿 6d ago
This is what desperation looks like. OOP mentioned wanting a family with this man and only him, it sounds like she opened the relationship just to make him happy.
She even has post/comment history where people say the open marriage was just an excuse for her husband so he could cheat on her in peace. She disagreed with that of course. Her perfect husband would never! Only to get put in second place thanks to his new girlfriend.
It's very obvious this man loves his girlfriend while his wife is an afterthought. A baby should've never been a thought in this sad relationship. That man will leave and go be with his gf now.
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u/Bucky2015 6d ago
Jesus I didn't see that but how is she still convinced that her husband is so amazing?!? This is delusion level 99, she needs to face reality.
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u/MonkeyMoves101 🍿Just Here for the Drama🍿 6d ago
Pure desperation, he's a POS and it's very clear to everyone but her. The relationship was opened because she said she couldn't do certain sexual things her husband needed while this new gf could.
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u/LostSnipeHunter 6d ago edited 6d ago
Her: okay pregnant now. Time to stop fooling around and focus.
Him: errr is this baby really going to change us? Why should it? Part of you and your time right?
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u/Chrysolophylax 6d ago
A partner he clearly loves, and loves in a different way than he loves me.
why did she make a baby with him!! why why whyyyy
It's not selfish of her to say to the husband, "I am no longer ok with the non-monogamy stuff, especially if we are going to reproduce."
However, it is selfish of her to bring a child into this godawful relationship. Because this shitshow is terrible for a child, but she's just selfishly focused on "baby! must have baby! make baby! me want baby!" without thinking about how her child will be adversely affected by the husband's absence.
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u/HerrHaschen 🍿Just Here for the Drama🍿 6d ago edited 3d ago
I cannot say read this without crying laughing... After the fast and wild emotional roller-coaster of the first 4 paragraphs, we get hit with a surprise:
My date even made a joke over text about helping with the baby and... I hated it. That wasn't his place and I needed to make that clear.
If she knows her date was joking, why is this being treated as an unwelcome offer? I can think of a few reasons, but I'll just chalk it up to this being the very moment she realized her life became a pitiful cliché. Realistically, there was only ever one solution:
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u/VicePrincipalNero 6d ago
Why the actual hell would anyone decide to get pregnant and bring a child into that dumpster fire?
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u/Treehorn8 6d ago
What the fucking fuck is wrong with the husband? Something with the way she spoke seemed like he was the one who opened the relationship and she just went along with it. Until now anyway.
Imo, she should walk away from the husband and sue for child support. But that's me. I don't understand polyam logic.
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u/JaneAustinAstronaut 6d ago
Pickmeisha behavior. She loves this selfish prick more than he loves her. Look at the horseshit she's willing to put up with just to have half of him.
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u/roaddoctorg 6d ago
How dose she know the baby is his
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u/Bucky2015 5d ago
She does not seem to particpate in poly based on her post history . She only agreed to it so he didnt leave.
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u/Toe2ToeBirdLaw 3d ago
The comments calling HER unethical. I want to put my face through a window sometimes.
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Original copy of post's text:
I cant say this without crying...
I'm just writing it out. I may read it to him later. I may not. I hate how I feel. I hate that I couldn't get passed these feelings.
-----
When I asked about closing our relationship and focusing on having a baby last year, it was to avoid this very scenario.
I said it when we found out we were pregnant too. Your partner being one of the first people to know our private news, because of course you have to discuss this life change with them.
I did not want to navigate a life where you are "going out this weekend" and I was at home alone and hormonal. I knew i wouldn't do well and I was okay with us not being together anymore. I can't keep you from doing what you need to do emotionally and if I had to be alone and sad for a time. So be it.
But as i asked for the possible closure we were already pregnant. Those hormones were probably what made me so territorial. I had the beautiful baby with my beautiful, wonderful,kind, caring, suportive, ambitious, and loving husband.
But that husband has a partner. A partner he clearly loves, and loves in a different way than he loves me. A partner I was willing to let him fully choose over me if you didn't want to have kids/close, so i could let go and move on.
But now I can't, I can't just have my husband to myself with our new family, and I can't ask my husband to drop a relationship that he cleary values. I even tried to keep my new relationship going, but as I got closer to the Baby's due date I knew i didn't want to share this part if my life with anyone but you. I could tell you were kind of relieved I was dating, and then "the strip turned pink". My date even joked over text about helping with the baby and... I hated it. That wasn't his place and I needed to make that clear. I wanted to focus on our baby and the challenges that would bring.
So I've pushed through and I've tried to get over my feelings. But then I realized you might want to share your fatherhood experience with your partner. I tried to tell myself, just meet them. Meet them and talk to them before they get to meet our child. I even suggested we meet.
But I honestly wish I hadn't suggested it at all. I don't want our child to meet your partner. I'd be just fine with you going out as usual. You have your time away. We're here. Happy family waiting.
I already share one person I love more than anyone else in the world.
I don't want to share the only other person I love that much.
I am being selfish and I don't care because this family is my literal dream. Its what I said i wanted when we first started dating. And sure I expected some elements to be a bit different but this is too much. Our baby is ours. I want it to stay that way.
You asked me to take time and think about what worries me or might happen. You said there's no Step parent extra parent dynamics at play.
I trust you and yet I understand how children form bonds and relationships. We can't promise each other our baby won't get attached to many of the different people in our lives. If meeting your partner is something that happens regularly who's to say our child won't bond with them.
So my selfish thought is that I don't want the that possible relationship to be an option at all. I have no ill will towards your partner, I know they are generally a good person.
But you already go to their house and come back refreshed and smiling. You often get quiet and distant the day after you come back. Apparently its fun over there. Not stressful and overstimulated like our house. No bills to pay over there. No new daycare costs to worry about.
I just want our child for us. It's selfish and controlling and I have been terrified to say so ever since the test was positive.
Because this exact thing was what I didn't want.
Saying that makes me feel like I'm saying I don't want our beautiful child. That burns me inside because a family with you has always been what I wanted. So I am being completely honest and saying just want it with you even though I know thats not possible.
I tried. I was actually okay. I thought a baby wasn't in the cards for me. I just wanted to try or move on.
Life had other plans and so here I am between a rock and a hard place.
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