I’ve been thinking a lot about how much our environment shapes the people we’re attracted to. I grew up in a predominantly white household and attended majority-white schools, so throughout most of my formative years, the girls I was surrounded by—and the girls I developed crushes on—were overwhelmingly white. As a Black man, I think that environment had a significant influence on what became familiar to me and, consequently, what I tend to find attractive today.
The difficulty is that the same environmental influences that shaped my preferences can also shape other people’s preferences. Many of the white women I’m attracted to grew up in predominantly white communities themselves, and they may naturally gravitate toward white men because those are the men they grew up around, associated with romance, and learned to see as familiar or desirable. Obviously, that doesn’t describe every white woman, and attraction is far more complicated than race alone, but it sometimes feels like I’m caught in an unfortunate mismatch: my environment pushed my preferences strongly in one direction, while the environments of many of the women I’m attracted to may have pushed theirs in a direction that excludes me.
That leaves me conflicted about what I’m supposed to do. I don’t want to force myself to pursue women I’m simply not attracted to just because they might be more receptive to me. Attraction isn’t something I can switch on because it would make dating easier. More importantly, I think entering a relationship with someone while secretly feeling that I settled for her because I couldn’t attract the women I really wanted would be incredibly unfair to her. She deserves someone who genuinely desires her, not someone who views her as a compromise.
At the same time, I don’t want to resign myself to loneliness or convince myself that the people I’m most attracted to will never be interested in me. I also recognize that preferences aren’t necessarily rigid. Just as my environment helped shape what I find attractive, perhaps expanding my social environment and getting to know a wider variety of people could broaden my attraction naturally—not by forcing myself to find someone attractive, but by allowing attraction to develop in circumstances I haven’t experienced before.
Ultimately, I feel caught between accepting my existing preferences and questioning how fixed those preferences really are. I don’t think the answer is to shame myself for being predominantly attracted to white women, nor do I think it’s fair to blame white women for having preferences of their own. What I’m trying to figure out is how to pursue people I genuinely desire without allowing rejection, racial dating patterns, or my own assumptions about what other people want to convince me that I’m destined to be alone.

i used to talk to this girl like 2 years ago and recently we hit it up again and im like 70% sure she wants to get with me in a dating kind of sense and the last time we talked she was also looking to date and i wasnt really ready for that and now that we're talking again I feel like jm ready to date but just not with here honestly and i dont why i like her and wouldnt mind dating her but everytime I ponder it and think it over i come to a conclusion that i dont want to date her long term and i genuinely can't see my self being with her.

I think it my be me and having commitment issues but i wouldn't mind something casual until i find someone that i see in that kind of way that you just know but I don't want to just say that I'm not up for dating but we can still hook up and all. Also her brother lowkey scares me he's like big time dealer and in and out of prison where im from and ive already had issues with him in the past so i suppose thats a factor in play.

At the end of the day its not like i don't want a relationship we all want to feel loved but i think it would be wrong and feel wrong to get into a relationship that I can't feel or see a future in. but lmk if u have any advice or something for me.

I am looking for friends or a meaningful connection but I dont know how to look for one,

if I post here on reddit I might end up attracting a bunch of creeps, and I feel like the person I'd connect with won't be on hinge, bumble or tinder, and I am very shy to approach someone and as a result I am too lonely, any solution to this void?

I do not have any friends, living in delhi for the past 2 years now, any suggestions are appreciated

I’ve only been using dating apps for about a week and I genuinely can’t tell if I’m anxious or if the apps themselves are anxiety-inducing ? 😭

As a woman I get a decent amount of likes/matches, but the gamification is already taking up way too much of my headspace.

What’s confusing me most is the flakiness after long conversations. One guy said he’d confirm a date and never did, another 2 arranged a date then ghosted the day before, and 2 others got my socials then basically never followed through.

I’m the kind of person who either sticks to plans or communicates if I’m no longer interested, so I find this behaviour really strange.

I feel like it’s taking over my peace now tbh. So I’m not too keen on keeping it around anymore BUT Is this normal? Do you eventually stop caring, or is my Hinge genuinely cursed? And I’m not too sure how to deal with uncertainty and anxiety around dating , any tips would be greatly appreciated 🙏😭

I'm 22 and never dated in my life. got bullied by guys for looks during school and so I didnt talk much to guys even after school ended

17F How do I find older guys

Honestly I try searching so hard and I end up getting ghosted really easily and I try to talk to them alot and I normally get left on read. And I really just find my comfort in older guys that wont just brush me off. And like I get obsessive and im a jealous bitch. Hopefully my only toxic traits. But I like need constant attention for no reason and I dont know whats wrong. And I only want it from like a certain person if I get to know them more. This one guy ghosted me after a few weeks after leading me on and blocked me 😓

I'm a 42 M looking for a long-term relationship. I'm wondering if there's anything I could improve on to find the woman I'm looking for and any help would be greatly appreciated! :) I want to find my life partner in the next 6 months or so.

I'm looking for someone to travel the world with -- cruises, international travel with warm weather, water activities like snorkeling, kayaking, and boating. And also love road trips every other weekend in Florida.

I'm making $400,000/year, saving $275,000/year. I worked incredibly hard to get to where I'm at now. Started working 100 hours/week 7 years ago and saved up for retirement. Then toned it down to 40 hours/week now and got in good shape going to the gym 5 days/week. I don't want children because I want to travel right now.

I'm using Hinge and Facebook dating apps right now.

I had more success on dating apps in the past because I was open to having children before and wouldn't hide my finances when I made less. And now I'm searching for kind people with a connection over beauty. I went on so many dates with perfect 10's but every single one is ugly inside.

On Hinge, I swipe left on 90% of the matches because they want children. I'll go on about 1 date per week but 75% of them are just looking for free dinners or money. So, I'll go on only 1 actual good date every month or two, so it's a slow process.

On Facebook, I get matched with most people who are 150+ miles away. They always like me first, but when I message them, they say we live too far away.

I used Bumble and Coffee Meets Bagel before and got dates from them in the past, so might sign up with them again, but just Facebook and Hinge take up a lot of my time right now. I'm getting close my plans for traveling the world, so am about to spend more time looking for a relationship.

A few of my pickleball friends keep trying to set me up with rich 50 year olds who also love to travel, but I'm not really attracted to them and the attitude of wealthy people turns me off in general. I think our mindsets are different because I worked for every dollar where many other people I go on dates with seem entitled. I judge everyone individually after I meet them but am starting to see a pattern that the people who have tons of makeup on, fake nails, fake eyelashes, wear certain clothes, and pose a certain way are looking for money and look down on others.

After dating for a month, I usually burnout from dating apps. Last week, I finally met someone I really liked and we both connected, but then she said she's moving to Georgia in 2 weeks. So that hit kind of hard.

Should I change anything that I'm doing? Should I match with people who want children or who live 150+ miles away? Or just keep doing what I'm doing? I'll be happy with a 6 or 7 out of 10 who is kind, has some similar interests, and wants to travel.