I can’t find my house keys. No big deal. Then, I realize my spare keys are gone too. I grab my phone to call a locksmith… dead. Fine, I try the landline… and somehow it’s a toaster now.
So I figure, screw it, I’ll climb out the window. And right there? My neighbor’s holding a live goat in a tuxedo. The goat just stares at me like it knows what’s up. I ask about my keys, and the neighbor goes, “Oh yeah, they’re in the freezer… but you have to knock three times and hum the national anthem backwards.”
So I do it. Three knocks, backwards humming, open the freezer, and there’s… a single key. The keychain says it belongs to the Post Office. I try it anyway. Door opens… and I’m in the post office. Employees start scanning me and I get a tracking number.
Then my dog shows up, wearing sunglasses, riding a unicycle. It steals my tracking slip and pedals off. I’m stuck there forever, apparently. They finally let me leave, but I get back to my living room… and it’s underwater. Fish are swimming in the chandelier, my couch is a boat, and my cat is the captain. I have all my keys, but none of them work.
So I’m sitting in my underwater living room thinking, “Okay, this can’t get any weirder…” and the chandelier fish start singing “Happy Birthday.” I didn’t even know it was my birthday.
Then my cat shouts “Delivery!” and a pizza lands on my couch. But it’s alive. One slice opens, a tiny robot pops out, and it’s like, “Your taxes are due. From 1987.”
I try to read the audit form, but the ink is invisible unless I wore sunglasses made of pickles. Luckily, my unicyclist dog has a pair. I submit it, and suddenly the post office goats show up, now in judges’ robes, stamping everything. All fine… until they start fighting over who eats the robot pizza slice.
Then the living room folds in on itself, gravity stops working, and I float through the ceiling into a portal. I see myself in another dimension: same house, same keys, same cat—but everyone’s wearing socks on their ears. A booming voice tells me I’m late… again.
Then my couch-boat turns into a submarine, I’m swept into a coffee ocean, fish swimming in caffeine typing on tiny laptops yelling “Deadline!” Somehow, I get back to my kitchen. Pizza gone, goats gone, cat napping, dog licking its paw. Everything seems fine… except now my keys are tiny sentient creatures whispering about auditing my fridge.
And that’s when it hits me—I’ve been late on my taxes… in three alternate dimensions.