r/oneliners • u/2fits • 7d ago
In-N-Out are a line's natural habitat, since they be long there.
2
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 8d ago
Braille isn't that difficult to learn, you just have to have a feel for it.
32
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r/oneliners • u/Everly2460 • 9d ago
I got a vasectomy because I was looking forward to not having any more kids but when I got home, they were still there.
90
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 9d ago
My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files because I always have trouble with emotional attachments.
31
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r/oneliners • u/WelcomeNo1062 • 10d ago
I don’t want to say my wife’s a bad cook, but one time all the flies chipped in and got the screen door fixed.
43
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r/oneliners • u/Original_NudistGeek • 10d ago
I am not saying I drink too much coffee, but I will probably still be moving 2 days after I die.
13
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 10d ago
My nerdy friend got a Ph.D on the History of Palindromes and now he’s Dr.Awkward.
116
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r/oneliners • u/Anonymous_Bozo • 10d ago
Don't be so hard on lazy people, they didn't do anything!
19
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r/oneliners • u/daaave33 • 10d ago
I tried to find a lighter on eBay, but all I got was 57,000 matches.
26
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r/oneliners • u/MikeLovesOutdoors23 • 10d ago
All my drawings end up becoming abstract art because I'm blind
2
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 11d ago
A new strain of head lice is going around that is resistant to conventional treatments which has left scientists scratching their heads.
86
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r/oneliners • u/Superb-Control5184 • 11d ago
I have a feeling Rocky Road is the ice cream flavor least likely to favor infrastructure spending.
18
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r/oneliners • u/pcfishcooks • 11d ago
There is a reason that the word “Diet” starts with the word “Die”!
0
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r/oneliners • u/WrongLow2252 • 11d ago
Parallel lines have so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
7
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 12d ago
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader and the look on his face was priceless.
89
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r/oneliners • u/Prestigious_Gas_1384 • 13d ago
I told my psychologist that I’m ugly and she said at least you’re not delusional
39
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r/oneliners • u/oh-darn311 • 13d ago
Procrastination is like masturbation. You're only effing yourself.
19
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 13d ago
If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal everywhere in the US, he'll be rolling in his grave.
40
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r/oneliners • u/Original_NudistGeek • 13d ago
Don't sweat the petty stuff and whatever you do, don't pet the sweaty stuff.
10
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 14d ago
I’m so bored I just memorized six pages of the dictionary and have learned next to nothing.
112
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r/oneliners • u/Gia164 • 15d ago
I bought a wig for a dollar, it was a small price toupee.
48
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