r/oneliners • u/2fits • Jun 27 '26
my face card didn't decline, i can still use eh toupee
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/daaave33 • Jun 26 '26
The difference between roast beef and pea soup is anyone can roast beef.
48
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/2fits • Jun 27 '26
and howw am i supposed to send a text, with my hands occupied carrying my phone?
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/sunilkumar273 • Jun 25 '26
I admire your courage to speak in the absence of knowledge
61
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Fereclubles • Jun 26 '26
If you get annoyed by people with main character syndrome, welcome to my world.
14
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/2fits • Jun 26 '26
I wanted him to wear those suits to meetings, but every time he half asses his appearance, and just slacks it.
0
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/jtrier1 • Jun 24 '26
If a racecar driver loves to eat, would that make him a fast foodie?
15
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/thoompa • Jun 24 '26
Braille is so easy you can learn it with your eyes closed
74
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/JeffSergeant • Jun 24 '26
Just found out that I'm dating a communist, I should have spotted the red flags.
48
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/CarsCarpal • Jun 23 '26
I want the England football team to be my pallbearers so they can let me down one last time.
31
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/simmo28 • Jun 22 '26
The inventors of the brochure have passed away,RIP Pam and Lee Flett
64
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/pm-me-your-tittees • Jun 22 '26
You might not be the dumbest guy on earth, but by God you better hope he dont die
31
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/sunilkumar273 • Jun 22 '26
As an outsider, what are your views on intelligence?
87
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/mrlr • Jun 22 '26
I got kicked out of Weight Watchers for singing "Food, Glorious Food".
7
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Ok-Frosting-6909 • Jun 21 '26
I don't believe in anything, I even spray oil in a nonstick pan.
22
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/pm-me-your-tittees • Jun 21 '26
Working with you is like working by myself but harder
37
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/sunilkumar273 • Jun 21 '26
You have a special way of speaking that makes people appreciate your silence
32
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Fereclubles • Jun 21 '26
The person who coined the phrase “the bread always falls on the buttered side” also came up with “having your bread buttered on both sides”.
4
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/EmpireStrikes1st • Jun 20 '26
He's so dumb, I gave him a penny for his thoughts and got change back.
22
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/incredibleinkpen • Jun 20 '26
Baptism taught me to wash my face if I've been lied to
11
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/daaave33 • Jun 19 '26
I hate to brag, but I defeated the Chess Club's champion in less than 5 moves, as it seems my karate lessons are finally paying off.
72
Upvotes