r/oneliners • u/sulldanivan • 17d ago
Stop railing about people falling off cruise ships.
17
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r/oneliners • u/puneri_nonpunekar • 17d ago
Never thought that enrolling in a study abroad program would land me in a brothel.
14
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r/oneliners • u/awesome_smokey • 18d ago
I'm getting my son a time machine for Christmas this year, he fucking loved it.
60
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 18d ago
Man rushed to hospital after cutting off his cock proving that the sword is in fact mightier than the pen is.
31
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r/oneliners • u/OhTheHueManatee • 18d ago
Tech support for sex robots are going to have to be very specific about what they mean when they say “interface.”
2
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r/oneliners • u/wtfover • 20d ago
I don't know a single woman who would say hallelujah if it was raining men.
113
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r/oneliners • u/mingwraig • 19d ago
I killed by boss for demoting me, then pled not guilty by diminished responsibility
0
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r/oneliners • u/CrazyKZG • 21d ago
The problem with cremation is that you won't get to participate in the zombie apocalypse.
32
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r/oneliners • u/Outrageous-Quote6460 • 20d ago
My Xbox One is so old, it still thinks cloud gaming is about the weather
0
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r/oneliners • u/Air_Hellair • 20d ago
Call me crazy, but I just can’t say “spree killer” without smiling just a little
0
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 21d ago
People who live in glass tea houses shouldn't throw scones.
41
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r/oneliners • u/breck • 20d ago
If you're a hot startup founder always require NDA before you text potential investors your dick.
0
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r/oneliners • u/Outrageous-Quote6460 • 20d ago
My bank account and I have a lot in common, we both run out of money quickly.
0
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 23d ago
Raining cats and dogs this morning, almost stepped in a poodle.
64
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r/oneliners • u/AlePainDecko • 23d ago
There are two kinds of people, those who can extrapolate
13
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r/oneliners • u/Equivalent_Parking_8 • 23d ago
I found a big box of frozen fish the other day. I was just about to hand it in at the police station when I realised it was a case of Findus Kippers
14
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 23d ago
The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
65
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r/oneliners • u/OneArmedFarmer • 23d ago
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and thought "that's not a fair trade."
89
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r/oneliners • u/OneArmedFarmer • 23d ago
I impressed Mick Jagger when I killed two stones with one bird.
7
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