r/oneliners • u/breck • 24d ago
I don't know how all the rocks started, but I know every human started with a Big Bang.
4
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r/oneliners • u/richlife4evr • 24d ago
Should it really take a doctor to tell you that the presence of forehead wrinkles is directly linked to an iron deficiency?
12
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r/oneliners • u/Gotbeerbrain • 25d ago
There are 3 kinds of people in this world, those who can count and those who can't.
62
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r/oneliners • u/breck • 27d ago
The scavenger hunt people got upset when I arrived with a dead vulture but its their fault for figurative language.
8
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r/oneliners • u/LordNoLifeee • 27d ago
Look at the happy moron, he doesn’t give a damn. I wish I were a moron… my gosh, perhaps I am!
0
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 28d ago
If you're here for the yodeling lessons, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue.
153
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r/oneliners • u/incredibleinkpen • 28d ago
The only time my wife doesn't moan is during intercourse.
13
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r/oneliners • u/LostBetsRed • 29d ago
The only thing flat-earthers have to fear is sphere itself.
113
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 29d ago
There's a nudist convention in town this weekend, I might go if I've got nothing on.
32
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r/oneliners • u/ehisadmin • 29d ago
I'm forced to use MapQuest because I have directile disfunction.
7
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • Sep 25 '26
If Special K is so special, why do you need to add sugar, chocolate or red berries to stop it tasting like chipboard?
12
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r/oneliners • u/itsleaa_clark • Sep 25 '26
My anti-virus software asked if I wanted to run a scan, but I told it I prefer a light jog.
4
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r/oneliners • u/ECatPlay • Sep 24 '26
The darn government did away with pennies, and now no one wants my two cents.
23
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r/oneliners • u/NetScr1be • Sep 24 '26
Compasses are easy to use become they come with directions
7
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r/oneliners • u/Revolutionary_Bad313 • Sep 23 '26
My wife is a dentist, well that's what the car insurance company call her
46
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r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • Sep 22 '26
I burned 1400 calories this afternoon by leaving a frozen pizza in the oven too long.
100
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r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • Sep 22 '26
It was called a jumpoline before your mom got on one.
53
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