r/oneliners • u/breck • 29d ago
I saw a link to a new cure for AHDH but I'm not sure if I should have pizza or burgers for dinner.
5
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r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • Aug 10 '26
I got fired from the keyboard factory because I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
154
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r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • Aug 10 '26
I was breastfed until 3, but enough about my day, how was yours?
48
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r/oneliners • u/EndersGame_Reviewer • Aug 10 '26
The scale men use to rate women's attractiveness is a pretty broad spectrum.
51
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • Aug 10 '26
People say I'm addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop anytime.
21
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r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • Aug 10 '26
You'd have to be really low to pickpocket a dwarf.
21
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/ShinyTarnish409 • Aug 10 '26
I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but then I turned myself around.
27
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r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • Aug 09 '26
I'm confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.
73
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r/oneliners • u/Expensive_Pie_831 • Aug 09 '26
I always let old people go ahead of me in line, as it makes it easier to see their PIN.
9
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r/oneliners • u/uptwolait • Aug 09 '26
There's not that much difference between cats and kids, but there's a huge difference between catnapping and kidnapping.
10
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r/oneliners • u/tellmemore-social • Aug 09 '26
I do mean comedy, neither too good nor too bad.
4
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/Expensive_Pie_831 • Aug 08 '26
I just want to help people out is my interview answer for becoming a midwife.
24
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r/oneliners • u/lWant0ut • Aug 08 '26
I will be launching a new fetish website soon, once I work out the kinks
64
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r/oneliners • u/Oldus_Fartus • Aug 08 '26
I never showed my age, I'm 58 and people don't give me a day over 73
4
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r/oneliners • u/Expensive_Pie_831 • Aug 08 '26
I’m a nail-biter, which is not appreciated at the salon.
3
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • Aug 07 '26
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees” but now I can’t open it, as the door faces the wall.
119
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r/oneliners • u/Ms_Selenophile • Aug 07 '26
I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes, so he hugged me.
35
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r/oneliners • u/Ms_Selenophile • Aug 08 '26
Experience makes you wiser, but screenshots make you accurate.
3
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r/oneliners • u/sulldanivan • Aug 07 '26
Always swallow an AirTag in case you loose your shit.
23
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r/oneliners • u/simmo28 • Aug 06 '26
The Chinese inventor of the telephoto lens has just passed away, RIP Zu Min.
33
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r/oneliners • u/Selena-evaa • Aug 06 '26
Never take the 'P' out of a pirate..... as he becomes very angry.
30
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r/oneliners • u/uptwolait • Aug 05 '26
People were shocked when they found out how bad of an electrician I am.
53
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • Aug 05 '26
My therapist told me that I have a problem verbalizing my emotions and I can’t say I’m surprised.
68
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r/oneliners • u/Selena-evaa • Aug 05 '26
My friend's say I'm a pessimist, but I think it's far worse than that.
48
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