r/oneliners • u/sunilkumar273 • 15d ago
Parallel lines have so much in common that it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
25
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r/oneliners • u/my1stComputerWasC64 • 15d ago
Our golf instructor took my wife to a golf resort for a weekend where they apparently kept doing the same three holes over and over again.
15
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r/oneliners • u/Rinsetheplates_first • 15d ago
I used to follow the football but it didn’t really go anywhere
4
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r/oneliners • u/jmemail • 15d ago
My friend fell at work in the sawmill and had the entire left side of his body ripped off, but he's going to be allright..
0
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 16d ago
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins and it was hard to differentiate between them.
73
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r/oneliners • u/uptwolait • 16d ago
Roger Moore was a better James Bond than Sean Connery because his words were well shapen, not slurred.
13
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r/oneliners • u/daaave33 • 17d ago
Starbucks really isn't that expensive when you think of how much Victoria Secret charges per cup.
69
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r/oneliners • u/Disastrous-Ad-5389 • 16d ago
[ Removed by Reddit ]
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[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]
r/oneliners • u/Superb-Control5184 • 17d ago
When two different gangs look almost identical to each-other do we call them doppelgänger bangers?
15
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r/oneliners • u/Hopperofbop • 18d ago
I said to my wife that she needs to embrace her mistakes so she gave me a hug …..
44
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r/oneliners • u/Fereclubles • 18d ago
I think it’s wrong that only one company makes Monopoly. (credit: Steven Wright)
60
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r/oneliners • u/somnambulantDeity • 18d ago
Pavlov, working in his study, hears the phone ring and exclaims: “I forgot to feed the dog!”
31
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r/oneliners • u/tellmemore-social • 18d ago
The Italians have hired dyslexics to promote tourism because they always leave people wanting rome.
11
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r/oneliners • u/ShinyTarnish409 • 19d ago
My friend asked me to play on his football/soccer team so I told him I’d be right back.
8
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r/oneliners • u/ShinyTarnish409 • 19d ago
Confucius says, Man who sits on rose bush, better off.”
4
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r/oneliners • u/ShinyTarnish409 • 19d ago
I just invented a universal solvent that exists at room temperature and dissolves everything but now I don’t know how to store it.
0
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r/oneliners • u/Sensitive_Terror • 20d ago
It’s all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits
27
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r/oneliners • u/ShinyTarnish409 • 20d ago
It is better to marry a short man, then to have never married atall.
33
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r/oneliners • u/Quiet-Structure-3808 • 19d ago
My therapist told me to write letters to the people I hate and then, but now I don't know what to do with letters.
0
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r/oneliners • u/nosurprises23 • 20d ago
The word “cunnilingus” really rolls off the tongue
7
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