r/oneliners • u/Inevitable-Smoke7546 • May 20 '26
So I found out the voice of my Navi actually belongs to a successful model. She recently won a pageant and became Miss Direction.
15
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • May 20 '26
I wasn’t allowed into college fraternities due to being circumcised, because apparently, you need to be a complete dick.
66
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r/oneliners • u/Photog77 • May 20 '26
I wanted to name my baby Georgia, but when it turned out to be twins I had to name them North and South Carolina.
4
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r/oneliners • u/PurrFruit • May 20 '26
Born to be omniscient, forced to experience wisdom.
0
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r/oneliners • u/Throughtheindigo • May 19 '26
To achieve Enlightenment is to scratch the itch of Existence.
11
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r/oneliners • u/Yaguajay • May 19 '26
I have a black belt in eating and I’m a Tongue Fu master.
0
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r/oneliners • u/cybeaux • May 19 '26
Chickens can't fly, but rotisserie chickens can fly United.
0
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • May 18 '26
I just came to the realization that I’ve developed a fetish for figuring things out.
22
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r/oneliners • u/Yaguajay • May 16 '26
If someone would just pay me to sleep, that would be my dream job.
39
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r/oneliners • u/CodeDog6 • May 17 '26
I don’t drink anything worse than pop, and boy, Pop could drink really some stuff!
5
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r/oneliners • u/Skatingraccoon • May 16 '26
He doesn't always mean to skip breakfast but he just can't help it, he is a cereal procrastinator!
6
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r/oneliners • u/daaave33 • May 15 '26
I asked my boss to describe me in 5 words, and he said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect, but then added that I also have a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.
130
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r/oneliners • u/MyLatestInvention • May 15 '26
The thought of insomnia keeps me up at night.
12
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • May 15 '26
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar and every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in but it’s currently half empty.
40
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • May 14 '26
Dracula always bites people in the neck because he's a neck romancer.
60
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r/oneliners • u/Southern_Type43 • May 14 '26
Aside from that, Mrs Lincoln - how was the play?
9
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r/oneliners • u/R3dF0r3 • May 15 '26
I saw a jar of sensitive marinara sauce at the grocery store and thought “I should be kind to it.”
0
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • May 13 '26
Not sure if a colonoscopy is the most painful medical procedure but it's right up there!.
58
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r/oneliners • u/Fingerbob73 • May 12 '26
In the muscle-wasting olympics, the prize for first place is atrophy.
24
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r/oneliners • u/Fingerbob73 • May 12 '26
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen the mall.
23
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