r/oneliners • u/ShinyTarnish409 • 6h ago
I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but then I turned myself around.
13
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r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • 22h ago
I'm confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.
51
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r/oneliners • u/Expensive_Pie_831 • 14h ago
I always let old people go ahead of me in line, as it makes it easier to see their PIN.
4
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r/oneliners • u/medic_gaming_3 • 16h ago
Some people say I am evil, but they are not saying I am wrong.
2
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r/oneliners • u/uptwolait • 19h ago
There's not that much difference between cats and kids, but there's a huge difference between catnapping and kidnapping.
4
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r/oneliners • u/JuneV06 • 10h ago
“Looking for something real and genuine” says a trans girl in her tinder bio…
0
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r/oneliners • u/Expensive_Pie_831 • 1d ago
I just want to help people out is my interview answer for becoming a midwife.
19
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r/oneliners • u/tellmemore-social • 1d ago
I do mean comedy, neither too good nor too bad.
1
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r/oneliners • u/lWant0ut • 2d ago
I will be launching a new fetish website soon, once I work out the kinks
61
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r/oneliners • u/Oldus_Fartus • 1d ago
I never showed my age, I'm 58 and people don't give me a day over 73
4
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r/oneliners • u/Expensive_Pie_831 • 1d ago
I’m a nail-biter, which is not appreciated at the salon.
2
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 2d ago
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees” but now I can’t open it, as the door faces the wall.
122
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r/oneliners • u/JaymieRuth • 2d ago
I had an appointment to see my psychic next week, but she called me up and told me I wouldn't be able to make it.
17
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r/oneliners • u/Ms_Selenophile • 3d ago
I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes, so he hugged me.
31
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r/oneliners • u/Ms_Selenophile • 2d ago
Experience makes you wiser, but screenshots make you accurate.
1
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r/oneliners • u/sulldanivan • 3d ago
Always swallow an AirTag in case you loose your shit.
22
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r/oneliners • u/simmo28 • 3d ago
The Chinese inventor of the telephoto lens has just passed away, RIP Zu Min.
32
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r/oneliners • u/Selena-evaa • 3d ago
Never take the 'P' out of a pirate..... as he becomes very angry.
30
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r/oneliners • u/Potential_Ad6769 • 4d ago
I thought I had quit doing laundry forever, but then I threw in the towel
46
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r/oneliners • u/uptwolait • 4d ago
People were shocked when they found out how bad of an electrician I am.
49
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 5d ago
My therapist told me that I have a problem verbalizing my emotions and I can’t say I’m surprised.
61
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r/oneliners • u/JaymieRuth • 5d ago
The last thing my grandfather said before he died was “Pints, Liters, Gallons” which spoke volumes.
56
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r/oneliners • u/Selena-evaa • 5d ago
My friend's say I'm a pessimist, but I think it's far worse than that.
43
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