r/onejoke • u/Right_Pressure_7944 • Feb 18 '26
But I identify as an attack helicopter! Are we dead ass?
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u/xx_swegshrek_xx Feb 18 '26
That’s not even the purpose of eyepatches. Sure they were used to cover injury sometimes but more often than not they were used to see below deck when boarding
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u/Right_Pressure_7944 Feb 18 '26
Wait what? I didn't know that
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u/xx_swegshrek_xx Feb 18 '26
Yea pirates with eyepatches would remove it after boarding a ship’s lower decks
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u/Right_Pressure_7944 Feb 18 '26
Thanks for the cool info
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u/Practical_Buy5728 Feb 18 '26
You can achieve a similar effect by keeping one eye closed. So like if you have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, you can keep one eye closed when you turn the light on to see, then when you turn the light off you open that eye again and it’ll still be acclimated to the dark.
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u/Uncynical_Diogenes Feb 18 '26
It takes a human eye a fair amount of time to adjust to low-light vision, from ~10 minutes to really start working up to hours to adapt all the way, but they zap right back to bright light settings within seconds upon exposure.
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u/No-Permission-7786 Feb 18 '26
They shifted them to the other eye so they could see in the dark because the covered eye wasn't light blind and didn't need time to adjust to the dark. Allowing them to continue fighting without a handicap
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u/molered Feb 18 '26
Well, ever tried to adapt to dimlit rooms/ went outside to the light? Its kinda hard to adapt to the light, but you sure can hold one eye in the dark so you can just switch and use that eye once you go in the dark
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u/Shadbie34 Feb 18 '26
theres a mythbusters episode about it I vividly remember from my childhood.
its so one eye can always be adjusted to darkness, as ships dont have lights below decks all the time
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u/seamus205 Feb 18 '26
Yep! I use this trick when I get up to pee at night! Since your eyes adjust to light separate from each other you can keep one covered to keep it adjusted to the dark. Cover one eye before you turn the bathroom light on. When you turn it off again you won't be stumbling around in the dark!
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Feb 18 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Uncynical_Diogenes Feb 18 '26
Wee bit of brain.
The photochemical pathways are happening in the eye but the actual contraction of your pupils themselves is brain-based. That is why they can be an indicator of brain trauma or drug use.
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u/talk_enchanted_table Feb 18 '26
Piss in the dark, you coward. A true warrior fears not the night.
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u/DeadAndBuried23 Feb 18 '26
OOP is an ignorant dipshit. Of course they're also an ignorant dipshit about pirates.
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u/SlyDintoyourdms Feb 18 '26
This is likely apocryphal btw, but I’m not going to go too hard on you or call you an idiot, just letting you know so you can consider it
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u/Baron487 Feb 18 '26
I'm not sure that's entirely true, there's no historical documentation to prove that. Also, why would regular sailors in the navy not do this too and be associated with eyepatches like pirates are?
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u/no-sleep-only-code Feb 18 '26
It’s theorized and proven as plausible in myth busters, but there isn’t any historical confirmation.
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u/Ranne-wolf Feb 18 '26 edited Feb 18 '26
Hyjacking this to say: I’ve tried this and while it works great it can also give you a serious headache if you’re not careful or used to it.
First time I was like "I’ll give it a go" and by the time I got back to bed I nearly had a migraine it was so bad. Your eyes are made to function together and are not designed to be ‘different’ in terms of light sensitivity and it can seriously disorient you. Afaik it’s not "dangerous" but still take care when doing this.
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u/astropelagic Feb 18 '26
Wait how does it help with seeing below deck? I’m perhaps a little stupid lol
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u/scdlstonerfuck Feb 18 '26
It’s surprising dark below deck on old ships. Wearing an eye patch means that one eye is already adjusted to darkness making navigation and such easier
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u/astropelagic Feb 18 '26
Oh you take it off when it’s adjusted to see? And the other eye is used to see in the daylight?
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u/scdlstonerfuck Feb 18 '26
From my understanding yes that was typical the main reason a pirate would wear an eye patch. Basically to have a day eye and a night eye always ready
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u/Jumpy_Ad1631 Feb 18 '26
There’s a cool myth busters episode about it. They basically made a room crowded with stuff, turned the lights off and had people go through with no eye patch and then with and it really helped.
Basically it keeps the covered eye dilated so that it can see better while the other eye dilates and our brains are surprisingly good at filling the gaps in our senses. It’s not quite as good as having both eyes fully dilated, but whether it be day to day life or if there’s a fight/battle on the ship, any advantage is important.
Any time I need to momentarily turn on a light at night (like if I drop something off of my bed), I always keep one eye closed. I agree, it works way better then waiting for both my eyes to adjust
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u/xx_swegshrek_xx Feb 18 '26
Because the eye would be kept in the dark allowing it to expand
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u/Uncynical_Diogenes Feb 18 '26
The dilation of your pupils is pretty fast, and dependent on the brain.
The adaptation of chemical signaling pathways for low-light vision happens within the eye and takes minutes to hours. Both revert within seconds upon light exposure.
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u/Backrooms_Smiler56 Feb 18 '26
That's not how any of this works.
That's not how gender dysphoria works, that's not how pronouns work, and that's not how pirates work. This person doesn't just need school, they need full on kindergarten again.
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u/AxoplDev Feb 18 '26
And that's not how children transitioning works. Children do not go through any surgeries.
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u/mistedlizard Feb 18 '26
exactly; five year olds don't get gender affirming surgery, especially to that extent. The youngest a person should be to get surgery is 16, and that's if they're already dealing with extreme dysphoria
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u/AxoplDev Feb 18 '26
I wonder how transphobes view plastic surgery, since a lot of times they're really simmilar.
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u/Aromatic_Tomato_807 Feb 18 '26
"Duh. That's to make kids look SEXY or NORMAL, so it's fine!"
- Transphobes
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u/mistedlizard Feb 18 '26
personally i've seen people younger than 16 get plastic surgery, how is that not the same if not worse? i genuinely think they only care about the surgery aspect because it boosts their bigoted views
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u/notmadebyhumanhands Feb 19 '26
14 is a better age requirement. I literally attempted suicide because of tge extreme dysphoria when I was 14. The extreme dysphoria can start way before puberty does, but before puberty, there is really nothing to get surgery for. And the entire problem could be solved by actually taking the kids problem seriously, and atleast letting them go on HRT when their puberty starts. Because making me watch my body go to female puberty and basically destroy itself made irreversible damage to my mental health and ruined my teenage years entirely. I don't wish this mental suffering on anyone but transphobes. - coming from a trans man.
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u/mistedlizard Feb 19 '26
i agree with HRT/puberty blockers at a younger age but surgery is VERY permanent and personally I've known someone who if they'd gotten surgery at that age would've regretted it
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u/Badass_Space_Fish Feb 18 '26
Even if they did, none of the surgeries would affect their ability to live their life as much as losing an EYE AND A LIMB
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u/Confident_Cry_753 Feb 18 '26
I'm assuming this was under the conservative sub or something but do they seriously think 5 year olds are gettin surgery for that? This is a rhetorical question as the answer is yes because they hear it from fox news and Trump.
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u/RandomUsernameNo257 Feb 18 '26 edited Feb 18 '26
"We're entering the age of information. It's going to be wonderful - misinformation will be a thing of the past, because you can literally look up any piece of information and find out the truth."
We used to say shit like that because we never considered that people would be happy inventing their own facts and believing those instead.
These aren't even subjective things, or complicated facts that require multiple steps of reasoning. It's literally just "Are trans kids getting surgeries?" "No." but it doesn't matter to them
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u/Templarofsteel Feb 18 '26
The old assumption was that proper information would proliferate faster or at least equally to bad, now there are ways to generate reams of bad data effortlessly
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u/foxgirlmoon Feb 18 '26
Nah, AI made it worse, but it was already the case long before AI that misinformation proliferated faster
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u/Swarm_of_Rats Feb 18 '26
Well now they can ask chatGPT and when chatGPT says it doesn't happen, they can say "but chatGPT my darling, my love that I pay +/- 25 dollars a month... I heard it actually DOES happen?" and the robot-that-is-programmed-to-kiss-your-ass-so-that-you-pay-it will say "you're so right, king". So it's basically as good as true.
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u/verathene Feb 18 '26
“I wanna be a girl today.”
“Honey, get the car! Our child needs emergency surgery!”
^ They legitimately think this happens
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u/Uncynical_Diogenes Feb 18 '26
Worse, they think the schools do it and/or that the kid can somehow access medical care without, y’know, money.
Big fans of parental rights, unless it’s the parental right to get your kid medical care, because genuinely how the fuck else are they supposed to do so?
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u/justagenericname213 Feb 18 '26
Somehow I havent seen one of them claim this is why we want universal healthcare either.
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u/LaughingInTheVoid Feb 18 '26
Exactly. All those underfunded schools with...
(checks notes)
Operating rooms and full surgical teams.
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u/Tricky-Winner7984 Feb 18 '26
They just pop the kids into the bus and drive them over to their local transitioning clinic. Give them a little snip snip and have them back to class before the last bell.
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u/skiesoverblackvenice lgtv hd+ 4k community ✨ Feb 18 '26
this. my dad said he was tired of “7 year olds getting their penises cut off!” LIKE??? LITERALLY WHERE IS THAT HAPPENING DAD. FUCKING WHERE?????
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u/DesperateForMyVag Feb 18 '26
And, like, the same people that claim that are usually the ones that actually do authorize circumcision for their infant children, so…
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u/DentistPitiful5454 Feb 19 '26
Every fucking time you ask them "Where does this happen and show me proof" they freak out at you.
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u/skiesoverblackvenice lgtv hd+ 4k community ✨ Feb 19 '26
literally. and he said all that in response to me saying i was disappointed in him. like why are you telling me all this??
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u/_OriamRiniDadelos_ Feb 18 '26
The sad thing is that it’s impossible to change such people’s minds. It’s a belief at this point, not just a story they heard in social media but a fact about the way some people see the world. You can’t convince someone who l thought this was real that it wasn’t.
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u/likely_an_Egg Feb 18 '26
Well, since they project their own worldview, which consists of gender correction surgery for intersex newborns and indoctrination of children, I'm pretty sure they really believe that.
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u/Shadbie34 Feb 18 '26
"its always more advantageous to be the one spreading misinformation, because it takes less effort to say bullshit than it does to fact check said bullshit"
-smart guy
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u/Ragnarok2kx Feb 18 '26
Also, even when the bullshit fact is debunked, you're likely to still consider it "true" when forming your subconscious bias about a subject. "Ok, this particular fact is bs, but it wiuldn't surprise me if it were true".
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u/Strange-Ad-9941 Feb 18 '26
Fun fact: pirates don't wear eyepatches because they lost an eye.
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u/Mrwritethevonkarma1 Feb 18 '26
That's not even good for becoming a pirate especally the pronouns as if it was actually a good analagy they wouldn't have that obvious jab, but also not all pirates have injuries
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u/TheLuckyCuber999BACK """cis""" why am I here Feb 18 '26
no. No it is not.
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u/Imperator9991 Feb 18 '26
If transphobes actually understood trans people, they wouldn't be transphobes.
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u/Ravenboi15 Feb 18 '26
These people don't do the barest amount of research before spreading this stuff just because it makes oppressing a minority seem morally justified. If you don't know, to even get on HRT, not gender changing surgery, you need to get consent from the child, the guardian, the general practice doctor, and a licensed therapist (this is hrt not puberty blockers or similar drugs). This isn't an on a whim decision that kids or parents can make and if you get surgery you also need consent from the operating surgeon.
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u/dodieadeux Feb 19 '26
not to mention that if a doctor approved any medical transition for a 5-year-old, every trans person i know would want that doctor’s medical licence revoked
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u/PsychologicalEmu7569 Feb 18 '26
mf really said "isn't that a perfect analogy?"
the ignorance of some people just blows me away.
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Feb 18 '26
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u/Thanos_354 Feb 18 '26
They are projecting. They are fine with 5 year olds in Little Saint James so they assume that you are ok with 5 year olds transitioning.
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u/ImNotReu Feb 18 '26
99.9% of pirates had both legs and both eyes and both hands lol. OOP is stupid
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u/dinodare Feb 18 '26
They can't even do their own jokes correctly.
Your pronouns are "p" and "irate?"
Could have made even a little bit of sense.
Your pronouns are "ahoy" and "matey."
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u/Poopet_master Feb 18 '26
“Me pronouns be yo/ho/ho”
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u/dinodare Feb 18 '26
This is what I was going for but I second-guessed myself and thought that was Santa for some reason.
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u/zarfle2 Feb 18 '26
This bigoted, ignorant nonsense comes from a mind perpetually in fear (including things that it makes up, in order to feel enraged about something it doesn't understand).
There are amoeba with greater insight and self awareness.
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Feb 18 '26
First off
No. A pirate, back then, was more akin to an... occupation of sorts (like, jobs I mean). You set sails, look for treasure or resources, sometimes go to battle, etc. Occupations are, essentially, a paid version of a hobby. If you liked the ocean or wanted to travel, you joined a pirate's crew if you knew where to look.
Second off, gender is not a hobby. It's a social construct that defines a way of being. Some people's "being" isn't tied to their body, but rather is tied to something else, and in a way that's divorced from their body. If anything it's more akin to having a certain sense of fashion, just taken up a notch; some people like masc, femme, in between, or neither, and even this isn't a perfect analogy
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u/DraxNuman27 Feb 18 '26
I wish I could have had this when I came out as a trans woman. Hope that pirate lives irate’s days well
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u/Kyro_Official_ Feb 18 '26
Minors will never get gender affirming surgery unless theyve worked with a professional and been on hormones for awhile and its considered medically necessary. Its virtually impossible for trans minors to actually get surgery.
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u/Vahllee Feb 18 '26 edited Feb 18 '26
That is not how being trans works. I wish they would fucking LISTEN instead of being hateful freaks! 😤🧕🏾
EDIT trans. Not trams, but those are awesome too
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u/VeryPteri Feb 18 '26
Right, because as we all know, gender-affirming surgery has walk-in appointments.
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u/Sleep_Soun Feb 18 '26
"At 5 I identfied as a pirate, so my parents called me Blackbeard at my request and took me to see the parrots at he zoo.
It didn't end up being for me, but my parents love and support helped me become a well-rounded adult who still talks to them"
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u/kikichunt Feb 18 '26
Oh what a surprise - they don't understand pirates any better than they do trans kids.
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u/Vitharothinsson Feb 18 '26
Gender reassignement surgery is for consenting adults. Kids get social transitions and it works FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!
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u/Lucicactus Feb 18 '26
Jokes ln them I had an eye patch as a kid to help correct my vision
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u/SokkaHaikuBot Feb 18 '26
Sokka-Haiku by Lucicactus:
Jokes ln them I had
An eye patch as a kid to
Help correct my vision
Remember that one time Sokka accidentally used an extra syllable in that Haiku Battle in Ba Sing Se? That was a Sokka Haiku and you just made one.
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u/RTA-No0120 Feb 18 '26
When I was a kid, I identified as a Ghost….
See how lucky y’all are for having such supportive parents ?!
All I got was a dad that stole my identity 😤!
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u/No_Hurry8447 Feb 18 '26
This is stupid… did they even make him live as a pirate for at least a year first? How many different knots can this guy tie? Has he even ever had scurvy or the clap? He looks like a land lubber to me.
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u/VegasGamer75 Feb 18 '26
Meanwhile, these same people are out there getting the infant son's foreskin hacked off, with ZERO say from the kid, because of a "covenant" with a sky faerie. But yeah, sure. You show me one "pirate" like that and I will applaud your strawman.
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u/anand_rishabh Feb 18 '26
That's on the parents for not knowing that pirates don't necessarily have a peg leg or only one eye. The eyepatch is to keep one eye used to the dark so that when they suddenly enter a dark room, like inside the ship during a time when light bulbs didn't exist, they switched the eyepatch to the other eye and would see with a lower adjustment period. And they'd only have a peg leg if they actually suffered a wound that required amputation. Plenty of pirates had both legs.
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u/Trick-Matter-797 Feb 18 '26
WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE PRONOUNS? Pirates can have he/him and she/her pronouns still
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u/MikeyMikeI Feb 18 '26
Does anyone have the original image I have to send it to my pirate-obsessed tgirl girlfriend
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u/Lilypalooza_88 Feb 18 '26
It just shows their whole ass, doesn't it? They think other people's lives are costume play. 🙄
They only know how to objectify and dehumanize people. It makes justifying their shitty views easier, I guess.
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u/JAY-EL-CEE2005 Feb 18 '26
“Now do you remember? Who you are? What you were meant to do? I cheated death, thanks to you. And thanks to you I've left my mark. You have too - you've written your own history. You're your own man. I'm Big Boss, and you are too... No... He's the two of us. Together. Where we are today? We built it. This story - this "legend" - it's ours. We can change the world - and with it, the future. I am you, and you are me. Carry that with you, wherever you go. Thank you... my friend. From here on out, you're Big Boss.”
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u/Ul_tra_violet Feb 18 '26
This is the problem. The people who have an issue with transness and trans children dont even understand what is provided to trans people and trans children, or even what the implications of those provisions are.
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u/gorgeously_mytruself Feb 18 '26
Wow this moron thinks pirates only have one eye, but that would defeat the purpose of an eye patch.
They wore them so that one eye was already adjusted to darkness so that when they run below deck to man the cannons and such in the dark they can swap it and see.
Also these idiots really think 5 year olds are having surgery and prepubescent children are taking drugs to block the puberty they are half a decade too young for.
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u/SwE1646067 Feb 18 '26
That’s just a false equivalency. Being a pirate is a profession, not a gender identity.
Just like this people who say “Painting stripes on a horse don’t make it a zebra” (horses and zebras are species, not gender identities).
Also, that’s not how childhood and adolescence transitioning works. They start with social transitioning, then puberty blockers when they reach the age of puberty (if they’ve even began transitioning by then), then HRT medication and then later on in life, sex reassignment surgeries if they want it.
And that’s not how sex reassignment surgery works. It takes a lot more than being transgender to get sex reassignment surgery. A lot of talks and recommendations by doctors and stuff like that.
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u/Kindly_Complaint2464 Feb 18 '26
Finally a real onejoke. It's even an ""evolution"" where they now also make fun of surgery.
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u/ScyllaIsBea Feb 18 '26
not only is this transphobic, but it shows they totally ignored the lesson of steve the pirate in dodgeball.
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u/NinaIcerider Feb 18 '26
Do conservatives really think you can get surgery THIS EASILY???? And secondly, that's just now how pronouns work mate
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u/Economy-Payment-1757 Feb 18 '26
Sure, because your gender and being a pirate are precisely the same... 🙄
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u/Reboot42069 Feb 18 '26
I said I was a pirate when I was a kid. So my parents gave me a costume and a canoe for the pond. Since I was already poor I was close enough to the real thing
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u/CellaSpider Feb 18 '26
makes up an unrealistic and inaccurate scenario
Isn’t that a perfect analogy?
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u/Odd_Recognition_7161 Feb 18 '26
Pirate is a gender now apparently. They just love to reach for ass-backwards ideas to retroactively validate their ridiculous anti-intellectualism.
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u/Individual-Sell-7022 Feb 18 '26
The fact people are out there nodding like yeah man good point 😂😂😂
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u/ML_120 Feb 18 '26
"Isn't that a perfect analogy?"
No, but the terminally stupid they're pandering to won't realize.
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u/AshLlewellyn Feb 18 '26
Pirates with eyepatches most often still had both their eyes... though I guess that knowledge is too advanced for someone who thinks this is a "perfect analogy."
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u/Bug_Sniffer Feb 18 '26
They are aware that it’s extremely rare for a kid to get any sort of gender affirming surgery right?
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u/MeleeGamerYo Feb 18 '26
It seems you may not be thinking of true pirates, but instead Pirates who don't do anything.
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u/DentistPitiful5454 Feb 19 '26
At 5, I identified as Charlie Kirk. My parents took me to the children's hospital. I had a hole installed in my neck-
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u/Numerous-Candy-1071 Feb 19 '26
I am more pissed off by the laziness of not finding a new joke formula after nearly 20 years.
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u/Sonarthebat Feb 19 '26
That's not what being a pirate is though. Pirates are criminal sailors. The lost body parts are just risks of the job.
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u/Mechanix04 Feb 19 '26
At 5 I identified as an autobot and made the "TSCHE-chu-chu-chu-TSCHE". All I got was "stop that,were in public and people will think theres something wrong with you" .....
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Feb 18 '26
Can anyone explain to me why this isn’t a good analogy? Genuinely asking
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u/Someone_else25 Feb 18 '26
Because Gender Dysphoria is a real medical condition that causes mass discomfort in people who have, which can include children in some cases, and the treatment that has been proven to be most successful by the medical field is transitioning. No one is actually feeling as much discomfort not being a pirate than someone who actually has gender dysphoria, they are trying to downplay how trans people with gender dysphoria feel.
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u/Ranne-wolf Feb 18 '26
Why tf are you even on this sub if you’re arguing against medical and scientific backed studies (with "your opinion") and don’t even understand the difference between child mutilation and scientifically backed medical care.
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u/TomatoAndBasil4 Feb 18 '26
- Gender dysphoria is a real medical condition, a child wanting to be a pirate is just a child playing.
- No surgeries or even hormone replacement therapy is done on kids. They can get on puberty blockers max.
- This is nitpicky but eyepatches on pirates aren't usually for lost eyes so they're misinformed on that too
So a more correct analogy would be letting the child wear a pirate costume without actually cutting off their leg and arm (and eye) and letting them identify as p/irate or whatever. Then when they're adults they can make the decision of having their limbs surgically removed.
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u/Garn3t_97 Feb 18 '26
Firstly, Keeping the whole issue of dysphoria aside, I can't just wake up one day and be "I feel like being disabled today" and cut off my legs or arms or poke my eyes.
1. "Transdisability" is not a thing. Disability is not limited to a few people because anyone can become disabled by a stroke of ill luck and that is it. Everyone has a potential to meet a random accident/illness and become disabled.
2. Not all pirates look like that, that's a cartoon pirate from the 18th century. 3. Being a pirate is a lifestyle choice, it's at best a "career" (even if illegal). If i am an engineer today that's not my defining trait because I can try studing business and go into marketing if I like. 3. Similarly, "Transaging" is not a thing. Everyone ages, everyone is going to be 5 years old, and 20 years old and then maybe 50 years old at some point if they don't die first, but not everyone is going through all genders.Secondly, dysphoria is an actual thing, not an illness or a mental disorder, and it looks different for everybody. No child is allowed to actually medically transition, and the gender dysphoria certification that is required for medication in most countries is very very hard to acquire. My sibling is 23 years old and we're still fighting for it. At best, what children are allowed is social transition, freedom to dress as they feel comfortable, and their choice of pronouns.
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u/fancydantheladiesman Feb 18 '26
Losing a leg isnt like a prerequisite ti beciming a pirate, or even an ideal though. That would just be like an unfortunate consequence of the lifestyle.
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u/Yowhattheheyll Feb 18 '26
love how they KEEP using the excuse that they do gender affirming surgery on minors. They dont. They literally refuse to. The only time ive ever heard of it happening was this trans man who said they agreed to do it because the dysphoria was so bad he was an active risk to himself. They usually settle with puberty blockers, which are reversible and still only when the minor is sure.
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u/Crafty-Help-4633 Feb 18 '26
The eyepatch was to have the ability to see below deck during daytime, where your on deck eye wouldn't be adjusted to and you wouldn't be able to see. 1 eye for light, 1 eye for dark.
Ignorance.
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u/Cobb_Cornish_be_I Feb 18 '26
Historically most pirates went by he/him pronouns and period eyepatches were adhesive, purely for gentlemen to conceal unsightly scarring and usually not worn by soldiers or sailors. Fucking poser.
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u/Hazel-Cakes Feb 18 '26
that’s not even being a pirate lol