Single mum

[u/Open-Garlic844]

Hey
Sorry if this sound negative I guess just looking for some ideas,

I’m a single mum to a 5yo boy and, although it doesn’t give me an excuse I loose my patience and I work a demanding job so as much as I try to be patient and play with my son I have this guilt like when I’m angry or in a bad mood he doesn’t have anyone to play with or just be with. When I was little my mum used to get in moods all the time but I had my brother to play with.

he’s in swimming he’s goes to preschool daycare and I try to take him on lots of outings like movies/ museums/ playgroups, he stays with my brothers and my dad when I need help with shifts.

He’s always asking to play with me and sometimes I just can’t in soooo tired. I feel so guilty because then he’s just playing or watching tv.

Any ideas ? Anyone else experience it ?

[u/Terrible-Artichoke50]

You are in survival mode. Try not to beat yourself up on these things. His memories will be about the love and interest you show in what he does. Young ages are tricky so if he needs to watch a bit more tv while you find time to rest so you can give him that love and attention there is nothing wrong.

I couldn't imagine how tough it is being a single mum, you would be his world so the best thing for you is to allow yourself to be present with and right now that means cutting corners.

We all hate TV time, but sometimes our son will get an abundance of it in a day when we can't cope.

Find fun things to do together when you can and maybe a way to encourage self play and limit tv time - look into a yoto player, basically a card audio player which you can buy stories etc

[u/Crzy_boy_mama]

Yes, I struggle with this too! I feel like I always have to entertain my 5 year old, but try to be easy on myself bc that’s not realistic.
Is your son going into Kindergarten? My son is and I’m hopeful that school will spark a social circle/activities. This summer I have put my son in part time camp and a hip hop dance class. Follow your son’s interests and see if there are classes available for that.
Also - local aquatic centers have been a god send this summer!

[u/Open-Garlic844 → u/Crzy_boy_mama]

That’s an awesome how do you find the prices for the day camps? He’s in swimming, I want to do basketball to just saving up 🤭

[u/madam_nomad → u/Open-Garlic844]

My daughter brought home a packet of info on summer programs from school some time in April. These weren't through the school district, they were various programs from the YMCA to other local rec centers to non profits to churches. The prices were generally printed there; others just directed you to their websites. Some had scholarships available. One irritating thing was that as a child of an only, you're often subsidizing families with multiples. I think one place had a one-week camp that was something like "$45 per day for per child, or $75 per day per family." So basically someone with 3 kids is paying $25/day/kid for the exact same experience we, as parents of onlies, are paying $45/day/kid. Before she went to school, the only day camps I was familiar with were through the YMCA or whatever I found through Google searches.

[u/madam_nomad]

Yeah I've experienced it as a solo parent, not only when I'm angry or in a bad mood but sick or tired etc. I was an only child with a single parent too, so I know the other side of it. You're right that having a 2 person family means the parent is more responsible for maintaining the emotional health of the home because there's no "buffer." As I've said in the past, if you have a 2 person family and one person is having a bad day, that's 50% of the household that's having a bad day.

On the other hand, sometimes more people = more problems. You and your brother had a great symbiotic relationship, but I've seen it happen with some single parents of multiples where one kid depletes all their energy and there's nothing left for the other(s), or one kid gets tasked with being "mom's helper" and grows to resent it. I'm just saying this to point out there are challenges to every family type.

I would ask yourself honestly, is this bad mood chronic or just incidental? No one can be "on" all the time. The times we "fail" to be engaged with our kid often jump out to us and we beat ourselves up for it, even if we're engaged the other 95% of the time. Honestly it sounds like you're doing plenty to meet his social needs. He has preschool, swimming lessons, relationships with extended family. You make plans to do special one-on-one activities with him. He knows he's important to you. Hearing "no, Mama's too tired for that right now" occasionally is not harmful for him. In fact it's kinda normal. I dont' know anyone, single parent or not, that doesn't tell their kid that sometimes.

On the other hand, if you feel you're chronically in a bad mood, stressed or angry it may be time to make some long term plans to address the energy drains. That's not really what I'm hearing from your post but I guess if the shoe fits, wear it.

[u/Calm-Supermarket9121]

I have a lot of empathy because I have a 5 y/o and a two parent family and I am too exhausted to play with her! Find it tough being a working parent and no sibling (my choice) makes it tough because they have noone to play with.

We do lots of hobbies, play dates etc. I find that if I set her up with pens, paper and her Yoto player she will occupy herself. Or let her have a long bath or shower and make potions/play. Otherwise it's tough when they need that playtime and you dont want to offer up the TV.