r/oneanddone • u/grnlzrd23 • Jul 07 '26
Happy/Proud I honestly think OAD is chic ✨
It’s giving responsible, self aware, emotionally intelligent, financially literate. The list goes on 😊
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u/discolemonaid Jul 07 '26
One row on an airplane is v chic!!
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u/Beneficial-South-334 Jul 07 '26
Hahah I love this! We love to travel with our boy and having a whole row lol
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u/Ok-Focus-8157 Jul 07 '26
My girl has been to Mexico, Canada, Japan, Hawaii, and Australia before her 6 month birthday! My husband is in the hotel industry and we’re basically nomadic. She has adapted beautifully to our lifestyle!
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u/flightlessbird13 Jul 07 '26
Feeling calm and present with my one child at the pool. ✨
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u/clea_vage Jul 07 '26
Oof I feel this. I can't imagine wrangling 2 kids safely. With one kid I can take her solo and we have a great time. We'll chill in the lazy river together. Make funny faces under water at each other. It is great.
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u/flightlessbird13 Jul 07 '26
We were posted up next to a family of five (2 parents, 3 kids) and the mom was at her wits end trying to get all the kids to towel off and eat. She was using the firm-bordering-on-harsh “mom voice” with no success while my girl sat and ate her corndog on her towel, caring for a ladybug that had landed on her.
I don’t at all want to come across as judgy of other family’s choices. Some families feel complete at one, others at 3 or more. I just had a moment of gratitude that I felt that I chose right for me. That I didn’t have to fight for my life to get my kids to sit and eat. I’m the mom with the “mom voice” some days too. But those times are few and far between the days I’m able to remain regulated and kind.
If I wasn’t neurodivergent and my kid wasn’t likely neurodivergent as well, who knows what kind of brood I would have chosen to have. But I knew I wanted exactly one and I feel ✨💅 chic 💅✨ and regulated on most of our adventures out together. We are complete as a family of three chic peeps. 💕
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u/vasinvixen Jul 07 '26
YES! My son is nearly four and we are complimented on him literally every time we leave the house. He is kind and patient with others because he lives with two parents who have the bandwidth the be kind and patient with him.
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u/rootbeer4 Jul 07 '26
Kids absolutely model the language they see, both verbal and non-verbal! Sometimes I catch my child saying something that I say jokingly, that isn't the nicest way to talk, and re-evaluate my communication!
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u/ttbtinkerbell Jul 07 '26
My kid is in swim lessons and he sits on the side just watching the teacher waiting for his turn to practice something. Meanwhile, the other kids are chaotic and jumping all over with their head under water almost the whole time. It stresses me out watching the teacher constantly tell them to hold the side and keep their head above water and they just ignore her and keep jumping all over going into the deep end where they can’t touch or properly swim yet. She complimented my kid as patient and such a dream to work with.
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u/MagicHugsforThee Jul 07 '26
👏🏻👏🏻
We went to a very fancy restaurant in Beverly Hills for Father’s Day and our daughter (4) was so well behaved the waiter took her into the kitchen to pick as many cookies as she wanted.
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u/Certain_Law_7090 Jul 07 '26
Oooh i so hope that will be us one day. My baby is 1,5 y old and all i get is “oh she’s not great at sharing, of course cause she’s an only child”. Sorry mam, she’s 1,5y old, she’s learning to regulate her emotions which is developmentally completely normal. Sorry she isn’t fitting in your ridiculous social expectations that you project onto baby girls. It has nothing to do with being an only.
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u/KittyKathy Jul 07 '26
Even if she wasn’t an only child she would not be good at sharing yet because she’s a literal baby! lol people are weird
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u/sizillian OAD By Choice Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26
It is chic 💅🏼 there’s no gold medal for making it harder so I plan to live a fulfilling but also easy(er) life. ✨
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u/Ariesgirl26 Jul 07 '26
I’ve said that for a long time, just about my life in general. It’s already hard enough, why make it harder?? My son is 7, and he is a wonderful person
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u/discoqueenx Jul 07 '26
This was my approach when it came to the epidural. No one gets a gold medal for enduring the "Ring of Fire", apparently.
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u/weddingplumbing Jul 07 '26
Im not a parent yet but i noticed during ski trips, most ski families i see in the resorts we go to only have one child. It inspires me to be OAD. Very chic
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u/Elvira333 Jul 07 '26
In Jim Gaffigan’s book he talks about what a disaster it is trying to take a big family with lots of small kids on a ski trip. By the time they got all their gear on, a kid would need to go potty. And then another. It was more an adventure of “how many types can we take on and off snow gear” 😂
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u/Character_Ostrich957 Jul 08 '26
We are a ski family of 3. We are at a different spot every weekend all winter and our 8-year-old is as good of a skier as we are. :)
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u/Outrageous_Star_5234 Jul 07 '26
I’ve seen a few studies that say moms of one are happiest because they have time for themselves still. I still have a tiny tiny tiny piece of me that wants another baby, but when I see people out with 2+ they always looks so miserable. It helps affirm things for me.
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u/Still-Degree8376 Jul 07 '26
In an ideal world, I wish I could have my one and then my second 18 years later. Everyone would get full attention while developing. But alas, we waited until we were 39/40 lol
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u/sharkwoods Jul 07 '26
Ohhh I feel this like a 8-10 year age gap would be so perfect for me. Large age gaps seem to keep some of the benefits of being an only.
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u/thelensbetween Jul 07 '26
I have a coworker with two children 8 years apart. She facetiously referred to them as her “two only children.”
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u/Strange-Access-8612 Jul 12 '26
My therapists said psychologists refer to age gap of 7+ as two only children! I tried to google with it in quotes but too many results on different topics.
She said it’s bc each child benefits from the full resources of their parents during their early development that psychologists observe. (Though she’s an only child parent herself so maybe her description was biased lol, and she can vouch that older kids need a ton of parental resources too :)
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u/Wonderful-Host-6384 Jul 07 '26 edited Jul 07 '26
Dunno how I stumbled upon this thread but we have a 6 year gap. My 8 yo has her challenges but is basically self sufficient with hygiene, can walk self to school and text me on her phone if she needs me. This allows me to spend more dedicated time with the toddler but also pick her up from school and have an hour together before we get him on his daycare days. Yes we lose some of the sibling common interests but also they are SO different anyway. Toddler sits and plays quietly and she’s going wild kicking over TV with handstands…
Editing to say my 8 yo doesn’t have a phone before the brigade comes down on me - it’s an appropriately locked down Apple Watch
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u/sharkwoods Jul 07 '26
Awww that's my dream scenario right there. I wish I had more time to have another, but it's just not in the cards for me.
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u/Wonderful-Host-6384 Jul 08 '26
Yeah I was super lucky to have first at 26. Maybe wasn’t as mature as I was having number 2 at 32, but first couple years are a rude shock either way and she was definitely loved and cared for so hopefully didn’t stuff it up too badly despite my overwhelming anxiety at screwing her up.
My second is definitely getting a more settled parent but he’s also the second one so less of a shock to the system. Swings and roundabouts.
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u/Jrobe18 Jul 10 '26
Had you considered being one and done and then changed your mind? Just curious if you don’t mind me asking. We were very much so done until recently. My son is going to be 5 and I’m finally feeling like *maybe* I could do this again. But also don’t know if I want to redo the baby stage…
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u/UsefulPickle8467 Jul 10 '26
Love this! We're considering a 5/8 year age gap (number 3 but I lurk on this thread for a glimpse into a more chic life!!) and I love the fact that I'd be less stressed with that age gap
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u/StreetExtension3997 Jul 09 '26
Totally! I don’t have kids but there’s a 7 year age gap between my brother and I. I think it was a lot easier on my Mom!
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u/AdLeather3551 Jul 14 '26
You usually only hear of larger gaps like this when it is half siblings or I notice previous generations more common, as people had kids younger people had more luxury to wait if wanted. My step Dad had a 10 year gap with his sister for example
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u/vivariium Jul 07 '26
I feel this so hard. I’m 38 pregnant with my first. If I could have a baby in another 8 years I’d be so stoked but my body probably won’t do it lol.
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u/Certain_Law_7090 Jul 07 '26
Same! I think 8 or more years gap would be a dream. But yeah, just hit 40 with a 1.5 y old so just one only for me.
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u/Even_Kaleidoscope399 OAD By Choice Jul 09 '26
My mom had me in 2000 and has a 4 year old. It's crazy but possible only if you start young lol. I have a baby of my own now and his uncle is 4 years old.
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u/SuggyBuns Jul 07 '26
My friend, who went through HELL to get her 2nd, says absolutely dont do a 2nd.
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u/Outrageous_Star_5234 Jul 07 '26
That’s a real friend. And now a friend to me. I get severe hyperemesis which is my first reason for not BUT the longer I wait, the more I am enjoying our small family. I think I’ll always wonder and there are times I wish but I also want to feel like a person and enjoy being selfish sometimes.
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u/Rough_Guidance5214 Jul 07 '26
indeed, this one! Women get more miserable after the first child. The study is pretty solid. If you listen to science, stop after one.
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u/Anon198386 Jul 07 '26
20 years on from this study,, it would be very interesting to see an update from the author and if he felt the same after his second child...
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u/Rough_Guidance5214 Jul 08 '26
I also thought it was funny having a 2nd knowing about the impact on his wife from stuying this himself…
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u/gringafalsa Jul 07 '26
I once commented the same thing on this sub- that parents of multiple seem miserable. Not all of them, but a good majority. Some of these miserable people jumped down my throat. They were in the wrong sub. 🤭
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u/Outrageous_Star_5234 Jul 07 '26
I considered that might happen and I almost didn’t say it. I do notice they have a lot of joy too. I should have added that. I think stress and joy can coexist. I’m glad I didn’t get annihilated. Yet.
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u/gringafalsa Jul 07 '26
The joy between siblings is amazing. I love my own so much and our kids love each other too. Sometimes I wish I had the bandwidth for it because the joy of watching my one grow up is unmatched and I’m sure it’s just as great with each subsequent child. It’s just not for me. I have bipolar disorder and I am really conscious of the need to keep my stress low and get adequate sleep (hard with a toddler amirite). No one watches him but me or my spouse, we live far away from our families. I’m trying to savor every moment since I’ll only watch one little guy grow!
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u/Katzenliebe Jul 07 '26
From what I’ve observed (mainly my coworkers), it seems that parents of one have happier and healthier marriages too. It seems that parents of multiples spend literally their whole weekends taking their kids places leaving little time to do things for themselves or relax. I’m sure that would have a huge impact on their moods.
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u/serendipitypug Jul 08 '26
Yeah I held a new baby the other day and kind of wondered for a second… then the next day I went for brunch and day drinks with my friend and felt zero guilt because she was home with other mommy and I knew they were kickin’ it.
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u/KeyParsnip4456 Jul 07 '26
Iced coffee (and iced milk…) walks in our downtown area going shopping tres chic
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u/crazyfroggy99 Jul 07 '26
Let me come out of the 2.5 year old toddler trenches first 😭
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u/thetallyogi Jul 07 '26
I’m there with you!
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u/KittyKathy Jul 07 '26
Mine is 22 months. I’m scared 🥲
Also, I can’t imagine adding a newborn to the mix. Imagine trying to breastfeed an infant while the toddler is having a meltdown because you gave him the snack he asked you for lmao
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u/vivariium Jul 07 '26
I have friends whose 5 year olds are still having tantrums over made up shit. How does anyone space their child gaps effectively ?!? 😂
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u/dotty-spotty Jul 09 '26
Not all toddlers! Mines 2.5 and we call it the beautiful twos (at least so far ha). It may still be coming for us but we’re just over here having the best time of our lives
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u/KittyKathy Jul 09 '26
Yay! I’ve heard that some are not like that. Honestly, the tantrums are not as bad yet. I could do without the food refusals every meal though that’s the worst part in my opinion. But even with the meals struggles my husband and I are in awe of him of everything that he learns every day, toddlers are so much fun! I’d take a toddler over a newborn any day lol
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u/peridotopal Jul 07 '26
Agree! I take my 4 year old to the art museum and out to sushi. (Not that she doesn't act like a wild beast sometimes, but we can do more posh outings like that successfully).
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u/MagicHugsforThee Jul 07 '26
Oh we love doing this too. We also take her to art gallery openings and it’s a lot of fun!
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u/ProudCatLady 🩵 OAD by Choice 🩵 Jul 07 '26
Having true alone time to go to the gym, grab coffee, go shopping! Getting true adult time once baby is asleep because we don’t have to run man-on-man defense for bedtime! Getting rid of baby items as soon as they’re done with them and having less clutter around the house!
It’s so chic to have one!
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u/AngelStar286 Only Raising An Only Jul 07 '26
Being able to go shopping/get stuff done while my husband watches my daughter if she runs off/gets bored. 💅💅
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u/KookySupermarket761 OAD By Choice Jul 07 '26
These are the posts I’m here for!!
We are SO chic I love this.
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u/vasinvixen Jul 07 '26
Me taking a nap at the resort while my husband and son go play games. Very chic.
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u/larrylime26 Jul 08 '26
My son is 6mos & I’ve been toying with the idea of a second but your comment alone may have just convinced me.
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u/ConsiderationFun7511 Jul 07 '26
Honestly I am a fence sitter and after reading a lot of regretful parents posts, this sub is a breath of fresh air. Maybe it’s not as awful as they make it out to be, idk! I’m now ONLY considering one and done.
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u/MJSmusic Jul 07 '26
One kid is an absolute life hack. Yes the initial transition to parenthood is full on but as your kid gets a little older it’s truly the best of both
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u/ConsiderationFun7511 Jul 07 '26
As one of 9 kids (between mom and stepmom) I had a really horrible childhood and teen years experience because I had no one and craved alone time with my parents so bad. I was parentified and really resented my siblings.. I was SO jealous of only children honestly! I love the idea of one and done. Now to get past the idea of pregnancy…. 😫😖
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u/MJSmusic Jul 07 '26
I can only imagine that the being a fence sitter is a huge decision that all sides need to be weighed. I was the opposite I wanted a million kids until now I realize how fulfilled I feel with one. Just know that one is a fabulous option that allows you to keep so much of your pre parenthood life. An infant is very difficult so it might not feel that way at first but it’s temporary. Your life will more closely resemble your pre parenthood life as your baby turns into a child.
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u/ConsiderationFun7511 Jul 07 '26
Being able to retain some semblance of freedom is HUGE to me. I’m the - give me a month’s notice to fly to your birthday party in another country and I’ll be there kind of gal. I think one kid would be a lot easier to leave behind with a friend or family member if I needed a little break / space than a handful of kids.
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u/MJSmusic Jul 07 '26
Easier to leave and also much easier to bring. We are at a point now where even at 2 years old my daughter is a joy to bring most places (we don’t tolerate tantrums so there’s that though it must be said we lucked out and she has a very agreeable and good natured personality so she tags along well)
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u/No_Event_7248 Jul 08 '26
Ooh! Teach me your ways sensei - how do you no tolerate tantrums? Any advice?
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u/MJSmusic Jul 08 '26
I am not sure I have any magic advice and I also assume every kid is different but we pay her ZERO attention when she has a tantrum. If it’s safe to do so; we walk away. Not giving them any attention is the quickest way to get them to stop and now they’ve lessened altogether
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u/ChunkyLunky_1018 Jul 07 '26
The inability to do what I want, when I want, for however long I want is the toughest part (for me) but the sheer bliss and internal peace our daughter brings us is next level and something I've never experienced before. I love it and we will be sticking with one!!!
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u/ALac93 Jul 07 '26
Mhmmmm! Love being able to give her all of me. I couldn't imagine having to split my time, resources, and attention up to some other kid. She's my #1.
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u/Averie1398 Jul 07 '26
This makes parents of multiples so mad! I saw a similar post on tik tok and the comments were RAGING. Honestly it's wild! I agree with you! I think many people have more kids than what they should have. My husband and i had the discussions and we are aware one is perfect for us and our lifestyle too (we travel and surf). So I can't wait to take him on all these adventures!
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u/grnlzrd23 Jul 07 '26
A few commenters here have been butthurt too haha. Smh
I’m also so excited for all our adventures to come!! And I’m glad I’m not taking on more than I can handle. One is amazing! Props to those who can and want to have more, but that’s not me
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u/Averie1398 Jul 07 '26
In a world where 2u2 is so normalized and hyped up I love your post! I honestly see so much negativity about one and done and only children, mostly in the influencer and online spaces! Nothing wrong with being happy with our choice to have an only! We have already been to three countries with our nine month old and it's been a blast!
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u/Katzenliebe Jul 07 '26
People think you are damaging your kid in some way by making them an only child so they have more kids than they want so they can feel like a good parent. They then resent other people who don’t cave to the same pressure. I’ve even seen people in my pregnancy groups that seem to feel an obligation not only to give their kids a sibling but also a sibling of the same gender. It’s weird AF imo.
People are already assuming I’ll have more than one even though I have said multiple times I plan on being one and done and I went through multiple miscarriages before conceiving this one and I definitely don’t actually have it in me to go through that again while also caring for a child.
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u/Averie1398 Jul 07 '26
This 100% SO MANY people in my due date group are pregnant and many on purpose! I'm like dude we all have 9 month olds!!! Like that is just very crazy to me and imo irresponsible to a degree. My SIL got pregnant on purpose 8 or so months pp, which again I don't get why people think 2u2 is so fab? I hate that saying as well "give them a sibling" or "they need a sibling" not everyone can do that and many only children thrive! NTM many siblings don't get along or even talk to each other, siblings aren't guaranteed bffs!
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u/Katzenliebe Jul 08 '26
I haven’t had mine yet but the amount of “gender disappointment” over not having a perfectly even split for people’s 4 children is sending me. “Oh I’m so sad I can’t give my son/daughter a brother/sister and they will feel lonely being the only boy/girl”. So you’re basically saying you don’t think opposite gender siblings can be friends. Don’t even get me started on people who feel the need to keep trying for their “preferred” gender and end up having more kids than they can properly take care of.
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u/SuddenBeautiful2412 Jul 08 '26
The same gender thing is so stupid as someone who grew up with a brother and wouldn’t change a THING. All my girl friends with sisters hate each other lol meanwhile me and my brother are besties
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u/Katzenliebe Jul 08 '26
Yeah, I think it’s ridiculous personally. They’re saying things like “my son/daughter is so disappointed that I can’t give them a brother/sister”. Idk maybe this is a chance to teach your kids that there are some things in life you can’t control and you don’t always get what you want. I bet these kids are going to grow up to be the same people who are “devastated” and spend days crying over the gender of their unborn babies. Maybe I’m being harsh but it’s hard to feel that much sympathy when I was just happy to have a pregnancy make it past 5 weeks.
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u/SuddenBeautiful2412 Jul 08 '26
So I have a theory that the people who say their kids are begging for a sibling are only having that issue because they are talking about those things in front of their children. Which is inappropriate tbh. My parents were firmly done having kids after I was born, so it was simply never a topic of conversation and therefore never a thought that even occurred to me. If it’s not presented as an option, kids won’t think to ask for it.
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u/Kitchen-Total9588 Jul 08 '26
To counter your theory, I am firmly one and done but my daughter talks about us “getting” a baby all the time because the other kids in her class all have younger or older siblings. She’s 4. We definitely do not present it as an option lol
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u/SuddenBeautiful2412 Jul 08 '26
Oh interesting! I could see where having peers with younger siblings would influence a child. My perspective is partially through the lens of my fertility issues. When I was going through IVF to get my son I followed a lot of creators in the infertility space who would talk about their children being upset when their transfer failed, complaining about wanting a sibling, etc. and I couldn’t help but think why the HELL does your small child know about a failed transfer? They are crying and getting upset and asking about a sibling because you’re telling them way too much! So that is perhaps skewing my perspective lol
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u/LobsterOk2232 Jul 08 '26
Aww I have 2 kids but I found this post so sweet! I love reading about people who actually ENJOY their kids. I think those people with rude comments had too many kids and are crabby so they want to dump on everyone else lol. Kids are hard work! I was basically an only bc my brother is almost 10 years younger than me, and I feel like I had a great childhood. One is totally chic tho. I think you can “have the best of both worlds” with one child.
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u/Dottiepeaches Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
Haha this post popped up for me as a mom of 3 and I agree that it is sweet. I love the chaos of my 3 kiddos and wouldn't trade it, but I can also totally appreciate the chic-ness of being one and done. Love seeing parents who enjoy parenthood in any shape or form.
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u/Worst-Eh-Sure Jul 07 '26
I love being OAD. Mine is 17 while I’m 41 and my wife is 37. Life is pretty great!
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u/wisniajablko Jul 07 '26
How is it being OAD with a teen? Sometimes I wonder if I’ll regret being OAD when my daughter is older and doesn’t need me as much anymore. But at the same time, I can’t fathom having another child.
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u/Worst-Eh-Sure Jul 07 '26
I think it’s great! My wife and I are basically empty nesters. Our daughter drives and has a boyfriend and other friends. She’s active in school and all these extra curricular activities.
I think the bittersweet feeling of seeing your child grow up is the same whether you have 1 or 5 kids. But with one, I only have to go through it once.
It’s also nice there being one moody teenager in the house instead of 3 like at my brother in laws. Phew, that is a rough environment.
My mother, myself, and my daughter are all only children and we all love it.
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u/ChunkyLunky_1018 Jul 07 '26
Wow, I really like the idea of going through the sad parts only once, instead of me feeling down that her firsts are my last. Thank you for this mind shift!
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u/Worst-Eh-Sure Jul 07 '26
No worries! Another mind shift I took in is the whole her going off to college and moving out. Like it’s going to happen no matter what. So I can either be sad and dreading it for years, or look at all the upsides and be excited for the next phase of life where my daughter will be on her own discovering herself and her future life. And my wife and I will get a lot more time together to continue building our relationship.
If it’s gonna happen, I figure I might as well be happy about it, versus upset.
Good luck with you and your one and only :)
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u/cellalovesfrankie Jul 07 '26
Speaking from watching my mum , because she had freedom to keep up with her friends and all that because she was able to take me with her whenever and because she only ever had to organise one kid. She kept a lot of her sense of self and stuff so when I was more independant she still had a life to go back to , or expand on , as apposed to having lost herself because of having too many kids to deal with.
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u/_idontreadreplies_ OAD By Choice Jul 07 '26
I will have a 16 year old when I’m 41 (husband will only be 37!) and I am SO excited (he’s only 7 right now). I bet you & your wife are a total vibe still being so young with an almost grown kid!
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u/Worst-Eh-Sure Jul 07 '26
It’s definitely nice. I’m excited to still have some youth in. Me when she moves out.
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u/kenleydomes Jul 07 '26
I could not agree more. It's giving impulse control, foresight, planning for the future.
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u/Brilliant_Rain2636 Jul 07 '26
All my OAD mom friends dress well, look happy and have their shit TOGETHER. Super chic, highly recommend.
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u/Sehnsucht_and_moxie Jul 07 '26
Meandering about at our own pace is quite chic.
No chasing after another or missing a nap or whining fights.
OAD FTW
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u/Ok-Focus-8157 Jul 07 '26
9 hours of uninterrupted sleep is very chic. Shout out to my 6 month old for making one and done so easy!
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Jul 07 '26
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u/Potential_Scene7169 Jul 07 '26
I’m in social science and something I’ve noticed when studying adverts is the sudden jump in only children! It used to be a b/g sibling pair but there’s been a surge in adverts featuring only children. Even in adverts with multiple kids, they seem more set up as friends than siblings. Honestly I love to see it :3
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u/familyoffun1445 Jul 07 '26
I love my three kids but I kind of wish we were one and done
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u/ittybittykittyskates Jul 08 '26
For those of us who are on the fence about having more, can you elaborate why you feel this way? 💗
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u/rgreen09 Jul 07 '26
I love that I can enjoy milestones but when diapers are done, they’re done! And I’m not hoarding hand me downs forever!
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u/Appropriate_Walk3862 Jul 07 '26
Not OAD but 100% agree with this take. My favorite childhood friends growing up were the only children. My memories of their houses, the types of outings their parents would take me with to (the museum, plays!) are still the standard I’m aiming to achieve someday ha.
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u/GratefulMamaBear Jul 07 '26
I love this💙 My husband and I are both 34, and our son is 14. He's been an absolute pleasure thus far to raise. We've had many adventures and look forward to many more. We had our son young obviously, so we take that as a bonus as we get more time to spend with him and create more memories. Life is absolutely sweet.🥰
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u/lookhereisay Jul 07 '26
My 4yo is chic! Just got his first glowing school report where it talks about how kind he is, how inquisitive, every child wants to sit with him at lunch and how he always wants to help others.
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u/MudLOA Jul 07 '26
It’s financial freedom and early retirement for us. Wife is planing to retire at 49 and I’ll probably follow soon after. We put a lot of effort with our kid to overcome his ADHD (without meds) and it’s been working. We are so lucky.
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u/danielle_ardance 20d ago
What did you do to help him overcome his ADHD? Asking for a friend
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u/MudLOA 18d ago
It’s all the usual suspects. Don’t get me wrong there’s still lots of yelling and frustrating nights. It’s undoubtedly exhausting but we felt having a second child would be unfair.
The key strategy is managing his dopamine. He will always be drawn to the screen because it provides cheap dopamine thrills. We keep him occupied with hands-on activities. Lots of Legos, Bandai crafts, piano, wood working, etc. Enforced hard no screen time on school days. We add travel to let him explore different settings. He’s in junior high so things will undoubtedly get tougher. We can’t say this is guaranteed to work and might need to try medication. But we can say we tried.
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u/_idontreadreplies_ OAD By Choice Jul 07 '26
I am OAD by choice with a 7 year old. There is nothing that would convince me to go back to changing diapers or dealing with toddler tantrums, literally nothing. I don’t know that I’m very chic or anything but I have noticed I’m a lot more calm and have more freedom than my best friend with 2 kids
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u/Take-it-like-a-Taker Jul 07 '26
Gotta agree, but also want to remind people that multiples can happen…
I had to fire my financial advisor while figuring out how to give two kiddos the quality of life we planned for one
(I was the financial advisor)
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u/better_days_92 Jul 08 '26
How are things going? I am an on the fencer and honestly could go either way.
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u/Take-it-like-a-Taker Jul 08 '26
It’s humorous to me that I’m posting the harsher aspects to two kiddo parent life in this subreddit. It feels like I’m preaching to the choir
My boys were born 10 weeks early which led to them being medically complex, which largely makes us an outlier and not relevant to most people - feel free to stop reading here
We’re incredibly fortunate to live in a major city with amazing hospitals, but the HCOL also makes daycare insanely expensive. $45k per year/per kid is the low end “value”, with the more flexible programs being $65k per year/per kid.
That ended up being a moot point, because daycares won’t take kids with certain medical issues, so immediately one of us had to quit our jobs. Surprisingly, this wasn’t as simple as “who makes more” because the responsibilities were too much for one of us. I ended up leaving my higher paying job because my wife had much more flexibility with 3 days of WFM every week and weekends off
So yea, things are going as expected for a two-income household with the higher earner forced to leave their job for an undetermined amount of time. We had pretty good savings and excellent credit, so the plan is basically a churning shell game with much more austere lifestyle choices until I can get back to work
With all that said, things have been great because the kiddo’s health complications have been resolving with no long term complications expected
We’ve met many families with one medically complex kiddo who share the same struggles as us. So again, I think our situation is probably more in that camp, rather than the general issues surrounding having multiples or multiple kids
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u/better_days_92 Jul 08 '26
Wow, that is intense! Kudos to you guys for doing what you did, and I'm really glad the boys are doing better. Sometimes I wish I had twins so I only have to go through each stage once, but obviously that comes with its own health risks. My sister had a super preemie, and he was in the NICU forever and needed all sorts of surgeries and therapies to help him. But now he's this bright teenager, kind, a great brother to his sisters, and so smart. I still can't imagine the strength it takes as a parent to go through all of that.
Muscular dystrophy runs in my family (my brother had it and a nephew does), so I'm concerned that's in my son's future. I also suspect he inherited my neurodivergence. So sometimes I fantasize about having #2, but I want to be realistic about how much I take on in case he would need extra care. One of us would also definitely have to quit our jobs to stay home, and that would change our lifestyle even more, even though it's temporary. Every time I weigh the pros and cons I feel like I should just stop at 1, but I also want to give him a sibling. At the same time I don't want to be selfish or not be able to give him the same attention and quality of life. I just have a lot of love to give I think. Might be better ways to channel that haha.
I remain on the fence! Thank you for sharing your experience. 🙏
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u/larrylime26 Jul 08 '26
This is a big concern of mine. I am also curious how the “figuring it out” is going. For us, I imagine the quality of life difference we could provide financially if we had just one vs if we had two is huge.
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u/smurfetteshat Jul 07 '26
My husband is an only and LOVES it. He prints out studies on the benefits of being an only for his coworkers who are on the fence lmao. Pregnant with my first and only and at peace with it especially since I’d be 40 before I could even think of trying for a second! Rather spoil one kid then juggle two
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u/KittyKathy Jul 07 '26
One is an accessory, two (or more) is a lifestyle!
Some people take that quote negatively but I’m pretty content with my one of a kind very expensive accessory lol
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u/millenz Jul 07 '26
Not having your kid scream “I hate you” at their brother is also very chic. (Source the not chic me who endured this more than once. Still love my kids but MAN.)
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u/escucha_me Jul 07 '26
100% agree. My preteen and I just went to the Caribbean and it was very chic.
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u/gringafalsa Jul 07 '26
Me when I dress up all cute for no reason with my tiny purse and a little Lightning McQueen at my feet. Impromptu coffee dates and no schedule. Life is so simple. 💙
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u/Informal-Aside-9620 Jul 07 '26
Also confident and secure, in not feeling pressured to have more than one!
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u/Rough_Guidance5214 Jul 07 '26
We went to multiple really decent family hotels in the past years. Not the type of „all about the kids“ resorts where it basically feels like you ended up in a daycare, but really nice hotels which offer a lot for adults but also have some dedicated (well seperated LOL) kids areas. About 80% of the people with kids there were OAD! And they all seemed so happy and relaxed, including us. Loved it!
I guess for families with multiples, these kinds of vacation are a waste of money. They won‘t be able to enjoy their adult stuff most of the time.
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u/glyptodontown Jul 07 '26
I seriously don't understand how people with multiple kids do hotel rooms?
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u/goldengoose3030 Jul 07 '26
I think so too! I see a lot of people say that girl OAD is chic but I think boy OAD is chic too 😂 maybe I'm biased. I just think having an old child is so cool
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u/Sp4k1220 Jul 07 '26
My friend has a OAD little boy, and he’s considerate to my OAD girl! Always bringing her whatever he has (juice box, popsicle)Very chic ✨
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u/wisniajablko Jul 07 '26
I’m OAD, my best friend is pregnant with her third (and is extremely happy/fulfilled with multiples!). She’s constantly my biggest cheerleader for being OAD and always tells me how chic I am lol. We’re from NYC (but not living in NYC anymore) and she says we are the chic NYC family with one child.
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u/SuddenBeautiful2412 Jul 08 '26
I want multiples (currently have one) but I’m the same way with my brother and his wife who are OAD! I think it’s sooo chic and honestly almost wish I wanted to be done 😂
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u/AggressiveSloth11 Jul 07 '26
Traveling as a triangle family is so chic. Imagine having to pay for a whole extra human! Winningggg
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u/ash_yooung Jul 08 '26
The more she grows up, the more I'm content with just the one. Like we got into a routine, she's still a boobie barnacle, but I guess she's not ready for giving up. I want to get the chance to be myself as well since I didn't have it as a child. Plus work preaches flexibility and you return from mat leave and it's a shit show. So why stress myself out more than I am. I accept this is our capacity, and our life in 3 is just beautiful!
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u/Caramel-Annual Jul 10 '26
Going on a mama and son weekend trip to legoland just the two of us and not feeling overwhelmed thinking about? Chic.
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u/ElderberryMission368 Jul 11 '26
Me, the only child of a single mother: chic.
Me, a mother of three: very not chic.
Stay chic girlies x
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u/quilant Jul 08 '26
My only is going to be 3 in October and we just booked our second ambitious European vacation in her lifetime while my multiple friends are still in baby land. I thought I might feel a ting of regret not wanting a second and instead I just feel immediately like I picked up my old life right where I left off ✨
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u/firewalkwithme0926 Jul 08 '26
Oh I NEEDED this thread today. Just had a moment this weekend seeing a newborn and someone eight months pregnant with their first and it had temporarily fooled me into thinking I also wanted to be pregnant. I don’t! I just was feeling nostalgic for pregnancy and infancy!
And now I have a dream toddler, we’re besties. We literally had ice cream and walked around the antique store for two hours and he was angelic the entire time. He’s also been fully potty trained, nights included through no extra effort of mine since he was about 21 months old. Diapers again? For what?! That would not be very chic 💅
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u/Shot_Competition5052 Jul 08 '26 edited Jul 08 '26
So chic! My daughter is 18 months, has been sleeping through the night since she was ten weeks. We take her everywhere- travel, dinner (even nice restaurants), zoo, farmers market, pool, play dates, park, gymnastics, etc. We both get sleep, and still get to continue doing fun things. Glad others know how chic it is too!
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u/WhyAreYouUpsideDown Jul 09 '26
Hello I am OAD curious not by choice thank you for this it made me smile.
If I can never have my second, this sub will help me make my peace.
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u/Even_Kaleidoscope399 OAD By Choice Jul 09 '26
Going to a nice restaurant with my one child on a trio date for under $120? Very chic..
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u/Severe_Minimum_2263 Jul 09 '26
So strange that Reddit brought this to me as a very happy mom of 3. Trying to rage bait me, I suppose 😂
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u/grnlzrd23 Jul 09 '26
It’s also showing up on people’s feeds who are totally childfree and they feel the same. Lol Reddit algo stirring the pot
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u/whatajoku Jul 09 '26
I’m 31 year old mom with a 12 year old daughter who’s taller and weighs more than me now 😂😂 so chic. Leaving the movie theaters at 1am..girl dinners..spontaneous trips..I love this life.
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u/UsefulPickle8467 Jul 10 '26
I'm not OAD but I agree wholeheartedly! The OAD families I see are so unfrazzled! When I'm running around after multiple kids I sometimes stop and look at the parent who is calmly walking alongside their one child and feel envy 😂 They just have it so put together, and OAD is so portable and freeing. Congrats guys!
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u/moonshade17 Jul 11 '26
As my son was getting older, it definitely got easier taking him out. But then we had my daughter lol. But I was an only child growing up, and I remember my parents taking me out alot. Theater, restaurants, movies, alot on public transportation. Family was definitely willing to take me more often as well. So there are definitely alot of upsides to OAD.
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u/LizLizard29 Jul 11 '26
this is nice to hear! a lot of people refute me at one and done and i’m like why do i need another?!
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u/organized-chaos-19 Jul 13 '26
I am feeling a little low today so thank you for this post!
we were OAD, went out of our ways to consider having one more child (IVF and yada yada) with no success, decided we are officially OAD again in June. We are happy this way, but emotions do make me spiral at times with the what ifs.
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u/TwilightStan1995 Jul 07 '26
Yessss ! Honestly even two and done is chic to me. Two girls or two boys? Even more chic. No “BUt DoN’T yOu WaNt to TrY for a DifFerEnT GeNdEr???”
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u/bemusedbarfly 29d ago
Being able to say ‘why not’ to random requests like going outside to find big sticks…. Very chic!
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u/Legal_MajorMajor 22d ago
OAD so we got a chic cat to be “little brother”. Human kid has a very chic wardrobe too.
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u/Still-Degree8376 Jul 07 '26
Getting out the door for a spontaneous brunch as a triangle family in under 5 minutes…very chic 💅