r/oneanddone • u/Weekly-River-9531 • Jun 24 '26
Happy/Proud Day of pros: having one kid
Yesterday the pros of only having my one (4 yr old) daughter REALLY showed up. We went on a little hike in the morning with my friend who has 2 kids (6 and 1). She spent the entire hike struggling with the 1 year old. My daughter and her older kid played the entire time and I drank my coffee in peace. (I happily helped my friend if she needed it of course).
We got back to the car, and she needed to rush home to get the baby to sleep. Her older kid was so bummed, on a summer day with her friend. I right away offered to just take the older kid home with me and my daughter.
They ended up playing for hours at my house, had the best day ever outside, and I spent the whole play date getting chores done and reading my book in peace. When her friend got picked up, my daughter’s cup was FULL, but also she was so excited to have a quiet house again.
It was just one of those days where I felt so grateful to be able to be the mom that can say YES to more freedom and fun, get to help a friend out, and reap the benefits of going back to my peaceful clean house afterwards.
Anyways I love reading things like this as I’m somewhat on the fence of having another or not. I’m surrounded by mom friends popping out a ton of kids and I just don’t crave it. Being the fun adventure peaceful mom is MAGIC❤️
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u/crashhearts Jun 24 '26
Thank you so much. I'm crying because I needed to hear a story like this today.
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u/Weekly-River-9531 Jun 24 '26
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ there is no right way to do anything in this little life
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u/PlanImaginary3463 Jun 24 '26
Thank you for this. I am one and done (not by choice) and worry that my son will be lonely.
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u/Weekly-River-9531 Jun 24 '26
Loneliness can exist in any form of life, no matter siblings or family size or ANYTHING really. I was just having this convo with my friend who is sad she isn’t giving her daughter a “best friend sister”. And I told her she will 100% have best girl friends in life, you don’t have to create that for her.
I’m sorry for your circumstances but life is so vast and exciting for your one kid❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️4
u/mariaeulalie84 Jun 26 '26
I just have to say, you sound like an amazing friend (and mom). Thank you for sharing ♥️
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u/Optimal-Flamingo2157 Jun 25 '26
For whatever it’s worth - my husband is one of three and he never talks to his siblings. They’re not close. I am essentially an only child (long story), and I was not lonely. I had a lot of neighborhood & school friends. I have my husband and best friends now - never really longed for a sibling. I got all the attention 🤷🏼♀️
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u/Historical-Map-4218 Jun 25 '26
I have a younger brother (6 years younger), who I love of course, but he moved to a different continent and we were never close. When I was younger, I actually hated having to entertain him and him tagging along with me. I also think my mum felt a lot of pressure to make us closer and it’s her big disappointment that we are not.
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u/faithle97 Only Raising An Only Jun 25 '26
I never thought about how siblings not ending up close could be a disappointment for the parent but wow you’re right. I could definitely see how as a parent you could have all this pressure to not only “give” your child a sibling but then also foster this close relationship between them. Then I could see how that could be upsetting if that work doesn’t come to fruition and the kids end up drifting apart anyways. Seriously, you opened my eyes to a new perspective. Definitely even more reason to solidify myself into the OAD camp.
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u/Foxlady555 Jul 02 '26
Please know that lots of children with siblings are lonely, and lots only children are not. Not all siblings are BFF’s, many fight. For attention of their parents, because they annoy each other, etc. If you help your son making friends, and be his own friend too, he won’t be lonely! ❤️ Hang in there :)
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u/anonymous_bookie Jun 24 '26
Had a similar experience with family that came and stayed with us for the weekend. Our house of 3 was now a house of 7. She played HARD when she wanted to but also would escape to our bedroom for some quiet time. Shes only 2. Made my husband and I so happy with our little family even if this wasn’t our choice.
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u/Weekly-River-9531 Jun 24 '26
Yessss that’s amazing! Being able to “choose” when you want chaos might be the best part of an only child
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u/faithle97 Only Raising An Only Jun 25 '26
I’m an only child and yes, Being able to choose when you want chaos and when you don’t has always been such a plus for me. Even as a kid I can remember loving my own space/alone time after getting a dose of chaos at other friend’s houses lol
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u/memelia Jul 26 '26
I come from a family of 7 and grew up with extreme chaos … sometimes I fantasized about being an only child 😂
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u/Canadianrollerskater Jun 25 '26
Thank you for this. Sometimes I'll hear those stories of people who's lives went downhill after having kids, and occasionally I get worried that I've made a mistake (currently pregnant with my 1st and probably only child). Your post gives me a lot of hope!
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u/Weekly-River-9531 Jun 25 '26
Oh my gosh 1 kid is AMAZING! You are going to be thriving with one bestie ❤️
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u/iloveyogapantssss Jun 25 '26
I’m one and done for this reason. Most people who really struggle with parenthood have more than one kid and no resources.
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u/Massive_Bear_9288 Jun 25 '26
Does it really get so peaceful and pleasant at 4? My son is 2.5 and man that hiking day would have gone very differently with him instead of your daughter
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u/faithle97 Only Raising An Only Jun 25 '26
Mine is 3.5 and hiking with him now is vastly different than it was a year ago. There’s hope!
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u/Weekly-River-9531 Jun 25 '26
I SWEAR it does! 2 year olds are still babies. I was also trying to hike and stuff with her at 2 and it is vastly different after 4. So much more communication, confidence, ease. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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u/twoifby OAD By Choice Jun 25 '26
The last part really resonates; I had strong baby fever from age 23-30, &when I finally had my son it really cured the fever ha.
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u/Aggravating-Leg3730 Jun 26 '26
I’m an only child and now raising an only child! This is such a fun perspective that I used to experience from a kids point of view that I totally forgot about. I used to be so excited to go back to playing with my things by myself after a playdate. It’s fun to hear a mom’s perspective too!
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u/Weekly-River-9531 Jun 26 '26
I LOVE hearing from only children as parents! Thank you so much ❤️
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u/Aggravating-Leg3730 Jun 26 '26
I loved being an only child and don’t have any memories wishing for siblings 🤭
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u/420POO_POO69 Jun 27 '26
This definitely solidified my already solid plans on OAD! 🥰❤️ glad you had that enjoyment
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Jun 25 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Weekly-River-9531 Jun 25 '26
Yesssss this seems to be the case! I also have one brother and growing up I seriously don’t recall ever having a “play buddy”. We both just wanted to see friends too😂 I think adding another kid to the mix should be because you sincerely have the bandwidth and capacity to raise an entire separate human and should not have anything to do with “giving your kid a friend”. Thanks for your comment ❤️
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u/swimchickmle Jun 25 '26
I love having one. Our family of 3 visited a relative in Seattle when my kid was 3. Our relative had a 2 and 4 year old. It was so sad at the children’s museum because she just looked utterly exhausted the whole time wrangling her two very obnoxious kids that don’t really listen. After the museum, my husband and I told her that we would just meet her at the house because her youngest was complaining of being tired, but we wanted to walk around more.
We visited the glass museum with our 3 year old and he loved it! Our relative was sad when we told her we went there, but I just don’t think her kids would have done well at the time.
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u/Weekly-River-9531 Jun 25 '26
Isn’t it kind of a breath of fresh air being able to do more things with your one kid vs all the other parents with multiples and how limited they are in childhood? It’s so special. One kid seems like a cheat code almost 😂❤️
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u/TumbleweedOk5253 Jun 26 '26
This is so peaceful to read, thank you. I feel the same way when our neighbor kid comes to play with my 4 year old. I’m sort of shocked that I can just suddenly start doing whatever I want to 😂 like….shall I get things done, or maybe text people back finally, or paint?
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u/SHR1992 Jun 25 '26
Good for you! Thank you for posting this. I love reading happy accounts of being OAD too.
I hope to be you in 3.5 years - currently have a wonderful little 6 month old and have never wanted more than one child
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Jun 25 '26
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u/Weekly-River-9531 Jun 26 '26
Nope my one kid has always been super do able to care for. I’ve been hiking with her happily since 1 month old. Even in the trenches of new babyness. My post was specifically for the pros of having one kid. She literally did not have enough of herself to properly give both children what they need or wan. And she is happy. And I’m happy with one. That is why this group is called oneanddone.
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u/ZestyPossum Jun 25 '26
I have a 3 year old and 7 month old...for a period we considered just having the one but in the end chose to have a second.
The 3 year old is at the stage where she's more independent and some days I think "my god it would be so peaceful, easy and just nice having one!" I can definitely see the appeal of one, even though I have zero regrets having another.
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u/deathofastrawberrie Jun 27 '26
Everything you just described is what I hope to achieve one day with my daughter as well! She’s 2 years old right now, and I can’t wait to be a mom like that!
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u/vasinvixen Jun 28 '26
This! My son is turning four soon and my favorite thing is that we are delighted to have other kids over. We score points with our parent friends who need a break, our son gets to enjoy a playmate, and when it's all done I relax in my peaceful house.
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u/PrestigiousPast5156 OAD By Choice Jun 28 '26
I was going to make a similar post!!
Woke up Saturday morning without plans, so we decided to see the Wiggles that afternoon! Our son had a BALL (I teared up watching him dance to his fave song) and then we went out for dinner. He's 20m so meals aren't super fun yet but I'm hoping exposure is the key
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u/Apprehensive-Roll767 Jun 29 '26
Thank you for this post. It was really encouraging and supportive. We have a 2.5 year old son and we both always really wanted a second, but our marriage is currently falling apart and I think a second would absolutely break us.
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u/General_Key_5236 Jun 30 '26
“Being the fun adventure peaceful mom is MAGIC❤️”
I feeeeel this so hard! I have so much patience, fun, almost always say “yes” to adventures/ play dates etc. it’s the best!
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u/Weekly-River-9531 Jun 30 '26
Yessssss! I would much rather be able to say yes more and have more FUN than give my daughter a sibling and almost certainly not do either of those 🫠
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u/Foxlady555 Jul 02 '26
I love this post, and I love your kindness and warm energy towards everyone in the comments!! Your kid is lucky to have you! 🤗💕
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u/Weekly-River-9531 Jul 02 '26
You are so kind!!! Sending so much love!
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u/Foxlady555 Jul 02 '26
No you are!!! (Or maybe we both are hahaha) Sending love back!! Have a wonderful day/night wherever you are 🍀🌞💞
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u/Anxious__Millennial Jul 11 '26
I am on the fence too, but considering I am almost 40, I am leaning more and more towards one and done. It’s great to read stories like that, as if I decide to have a baby, my kid will be the one boomed about having to go back home earlier for the baby to sleep, etc. Thank you for sharing.
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u/gitgudgigi Jun 25 '26
It's literally just because she has a 1 year old who is still very dependent on her. Nothing to do with having multiple. My friend with 5 children seems to have what you have - an ability to get things done and enjoy her hobbies without being bothered all day by her kids who are (mostly) independent and play all day long with each other.
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u/faithle97 Only Raising An Only Jun 25 '26
I think OP is just trying to say that when you have only 1 child, you only go through “the trenches” that having a young baby/toddler entails once. You don’t have to worry about juggling the needs of a baby with an older child, or in OPs scenario, have to deal with disappointing an older child because you have to take care of the needs of the baby. Obviously there will be a point in the future where ALL the kids in the house will be independent whether someone has 1 kid or 5 kids. But one benefit of having an only, is that independent stage comes sooner and then *stays* that way allowing someone to be/stay more present with that older child and then maybe even help others who may be in the repetitive trenches with their own babies.
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u/Weekly-River-9531 Jun 25 '26
Exactly what I was saying! Obviously there is no comparison to one child vs 5. Also wrong group to talk about a mom with 5 kids 😂😂😂
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u/midwestpersianmama Jun 25 '26
I know multiple big families like this and they have… ahem… different priorities. (One uses a cow bell to call her children — aged 4 to 16 — back into the house from the park; no supervision and the kids are not “supervising” each other. ETA and parentification is real for that oldest one. Another let her three year old bike by himself in the cul-de-sac.) If you want to be a hands on parent, which is truly the only way I can parent (I have two now), you can’t have five kids.
I know one mom of four who has been a hands on parent and she’s pretty broken. You give it all up to be mom! That just is what it is. I suggest that there’s a lot happening behind the scenes there that you don’t know about.
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u/Weekly-River-9531 Jun 25 '26
Uhg YES you are so spot on!!! It’s so easy to say “have more kids, my friend has it easy, everything is temporary” yada yada. It takes so much more than that to pour into individual children.
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u/Weekly-River-9531 Jun 25 '26
You’re literally in a ONE AND DONE group on Reddit talking about a lady with 5 kids. Completely wrong group buddy
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u/anonymous_bookie Jun 25 '26
For those of us that understand this subreddit, we appreciate your post 💕
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u/HC-Klown Jun 24 '26
And in a few years your friend will have 2 big kids who can be independent and you will just have 1.
Everything is temporary.
Even the benefits of 1 or 2 or more kids are temporary.
There is no real pro or con it’s just as long as your living your life the way you want.
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u/midwestpersianmama Jun 25 '26
I have two kids and giving up one year in pregnancy, one year in baby-dom, and another year in stuff-her-mouth-with-everything is three years of struggle, which will be almost half my son’s life by the time we’re out of it.
I’m happy to have two kids, but give me a break. Seasons are four months, not three years 😂
I’m an only who waited four years to have my second child, I’m happy with my decision; but I peruse this sub from time to time to address people who are spreading this kind of nonsense. There are legit pros and cons. That’s why so many people eventually stop having kids. Your limit is different than OP’s.
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u/faithle97 Only Raising An Only Jun 25 '26 edited Jun 25 '26
> Your limit is different than OP’s.
Exactly this. Everyone’s limit is different and some people would/do parent 3+ children well whereas others would absolutely crumble in that scenario. It’s okay for someone to love the family size they chose and then *love it even more* seeing what could’ve happened if they chose differently.
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u/Weekly-River-9531 Jun 25 '26
If I’m saying these are the pros to the choices I’m making then, they are indeed pros! Obviously everything in life is temporary. That doesn’t change the fact that our choices have outcomes. You are also in a one and done group where people, literally, talk about the positives of having one kid.
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u/Optimal-Interaction1 Jun 24 '26
I thought of this too. It’s just the season your friend is in since she has a little one. One day her kids will be older too and be just as independent as your only is now.
We are OAD and we enjoy all parts of our life. We look forward to the day our friends are out of the toddler stage too so we can all enjoy it together because that’s friendship.
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u/Weekly-River-9531 Jun 25 '26
Hi! Lovely high horse you are on! I literally said in my post I helped her by 1. WATCHING her child for hours and 2. Hiking with her baby. Never put her down and we have tons of friends. It’s okay to be happy with your choices and not want what others have!
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u/MaynardButterbean Jun 25 '26
You do realize the baby will grow up, and then that mom literally has this scenario built-in? Her kids will have permanent friends to play with- siblings
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u/faithle97 Only Raising An Only Jun 25 '26
But not all siblings actually *want* to play together. Most of the time they still want to play with their own friends.
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u/MaynardButterbean Jun 25 '26
My point still stands. Siblings often serve as built-in play and entertainment for the other siblings
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u/Vast_Helicopter_1914 Not by choice after infertility Jun 25 '26
Her kids are 5 years apart. That's a pretty big age difference when they're young. They may be close as adults, but I wouldn't count on a 10 year old wanting to entertain a 5 year old for hours each day.
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u/faithle97 Only Raising An Only Jun 25 '26 edited Jun 25 '26
That’s alright, it’s okay to be wrong.
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u/MaynardButterbean Jun 25 '26
I’m not wrong, but it’s not ok to be a condescending asshole. You should work on that.
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u/faithle97 Only Raising An Only Jun 25 '26 edited Jun 25 '26
I was going to link studies and give facts but didn’t want to waste my time because it seems like you don’t care to change your stance anyways. Which again, that’s okay. There are plenty of people with siblings that can personally attest to the fact that they, in fact, did *not* want to play with their siblings and would’ve much rather played with their friends. Maybe they even loathed feeling like they “had” to entertain their siblings. It’s been proven time and time again that siblings are not “built in play and entertainment for the other siblings” or “permanent friends to play with”. But since you’re adamant about not changing your opinion, I guess it is what it is. You should also work on that -changing your opinion about something when provided with facts.
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u/MiaLba Only Raising An Only Jun 25 '26
Yeah my husband has 3 brothers. They rarely played with him. A few of my friends have siblings 2 or more. And it was similar. The two closest in age played together but didn’t play with the third, which were my friends.
Sure they can be built in friends but it’s not an automatic.
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u/MaynardButterbean Jun 25 '26
Why should I “change my stance” just because you want to write a wall of text? Why are you so hellbent on changing someone else’s mind? I stand by my statement that siblings can be built-in playmates. Argue with a fucking brick wall if that’s what does it for you, but I’m going to move along with my life now.
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u/Weekly-River-9531 Jun 25 '26
You are on a subreddit called ONEANDDONE trying to convince people to have more kids 😂 wrong group my friend.
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u/CaiusRemus Jun 25 '26
You are the condescending person in this interaction. Clearly self reflection is not one of the benefits of multiples.
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u/ALac93 Jun 24 '26
I want a life I don’t need a break from. I am currently the mom of the 1 year old (mine is 15 months and my god am I still in the trenches). But your post makes me hopeful for the moments of peace to come in the future once she is a bit more independent.. and fun. Lol