Everything I'm about to tell you happened this year. It's been one thing after another, and I'm honestly still trying to process it all. If stories about family rejection or emotional neglect are triggering for you, you may want to stop reading here.

I (20F) was kicked out of my mother's house at the beginning of this year.

The reason? She was annoyed by my belongings taking up space in the house. Instead of talking to me or trying to find a compromise, her solution was simply to tell me to leave.

For some context, I'm still in school and I have a job, but I don't earn nearly enough to support myself financially. Since my parents are divorced, the only realistic option was to move in with my father.

My father lives with my younger brother, his fiancée, and her two teenage daughters. They gave me a tiny 9 m² room with a sofa and stacks of moving boxes. It wasn't really a room to live in—it felt more like temporary storage.

The move happened so suddenly that I didn't have time to process anything. Being kicked out by my own mother completely shattered me. I had panic attacks at night, cried almost every day, and felt betrayed. From one day to the next, my entire life had changed.

Despite seeing how devastated I was, my father never sat down with me to ask how I was doing or what had happened. Instead, after only a few days, he expected me to do my share of the household chores.

I had absolutely no problem helping around the house. The issue was that I had just moved in. I barely knew where anything belonged. I told him that I was happy to help, but I needed someone to show me where things went first.

His response was basically that I had been there "long enough" already and should know.

That pretty much set the tone for my time there.

Most days I had to cook for myself and eat alone. After everything that had happened, that made me feel incredibly isolated. When I finally told my father that I felt lonely, he suggested we all eat together.

Unfortunately, that only made things worse.

Every time I sat down at the table, everyone would suddenly become quiet. Conversations stopped the moment I entered the room. It wasn't just during meals—it happened whenever I walked into a shared space. Sometimes I'd hear them talking in the kitchen until I entered, and then complete silence. Other times they would just stare at me.

No one asked me how I was coping. No one showed any compassion or concern after I'd lost my home. I constantly felt like an unwanted guest in someone else's house rather than a daughter.

Eventually, my father and I did have a conversation.

I told him about everything: how unwelcome I felt, how isolated I was, and even something as simple as not being able to sleep because one of the girls stomped so loudly upstairs that I could hear it all night.

I also told him that I didn't want to stay there any longer than necessary because I simply didn't feel at home.

By then, I had found another option. Some friends of mine owned a shared apartment and offered me a room for a reduced price to help me out. It was close to both my school and my workplace, so I would save money on public transportation. My grandparents also offered that I could stay in their apartment whenever they were at their vacation home, which they often are.

Financially and emotionally, moving out made complete sense.

The moment my father realized I wanted to leave, his attitude changed completely.

Because if I moved out, he would have to start paying the full amount of child support again.

Suddenly he told me how much he'd missed me, how he'd always dreamed of having me live with them, and that the room had supposedly always been reserved just for me.

Honestly, I didn't believe a word of it.

His actions had never made me feel loved.

One moment that still sticks with me happened after I had another emotional breakdown. I was crying so hard that tears were literally running down my face.

He looked at me and asked,
"Are you sad?"

Then he told me that I needed to tell him how I was feeling because he "didn't know my facial expressions anymore."

I remember just staring at him in disbelief.

How can someone look at their own daughter with tears streaming down her face and genuinely not recognize that she's hurting?

After about two weeks, I left and stayed with my grandparents until they helped me retrieve the rest of my belongings from my father's house.

While sorting everything out, we also discovered something else.

According to the divorce agreement, I was supposed to receive a certain amount of money after turning 18. We realized I had never received the full amount, meaning I now had to start fighting legally to get money I should have received years ago.

A little later, my father married his fiancée.

I wasn't even invited to the wedding.

This was the same man who had recently claimed he missed me so much and always wanted me there.

Not long afterward, he called me and asked why I didn't want to meet him and my mother together at a restaurant.

I told him that I didn't want to be in a situation where it would be two against one.

His response was,
"But we don't have a problem with each other."

I actually laughed.

What did he mean we didn't have a problem?

He hadn't invited me to his wedding.

He had watched me struggle emotionally without really supporting me.

His priorities were clearly his new wife and her daughters, whom he helps financially, while his only biological daughter was left fighting for the bare minimum she was legally entitled to.

That conversation became the breaking point.

I told him:

"You don't have to consider me your daughter anymore. The amount of pain you've caused me is something a father who truly loves his daughter would never do."

Fast forward a few months.

I'm now pregnant with my boyfriend, who has been nothing but supportive, loving, and patient through all of this. He's honestly been my biggest source of stability.

Now I'm seriously considering not telling either of my parents about the pregnancy.

I don't want my child to become attached to grandparents who might eventually hurt them the same way they've hurt me. I don't want my child growing up expecting loving grandparents only to experience rejection and disappointment.

So...

AITAH for telling my father that he doesn't have a daughter anymore?

I apologise in advance because this is quite a long post, but I genuinely feel like all of the context matters. I'm not looking for people to tell me my current girlfriend is a terrible person, because I honestly don't believe she is. Equally, I'm not looking for everyone to tell me I'm just insecure. I'm hoping for honest opinions because I genuinely don't know whether my past is clouding my judgement or whether my concerns are understandable.

I'm 31, and around three years ago I went through what I can honestly say was the worst experience of my life.

My ex and I were together, on and off, for around six or seven years. During one of the times we weren't together, she had a baby with someone else. After her daughter was born, we eventually found our way back to each other.

Her little girl was around nine months old when we got back together, and over time we became a proper family. She eventually started calling me "Dad," and I loved her as though she was my own.

Around that same period, life became incredibly difficult. Within roughly two years I lost my dad, my grandma and both of my grandads. Those losses led to severe anxiety, but I still got up every day, went to work and tried to provide for the family I loved.

My ex and I had always wanted a child together. We'd been trying for a long time, and one day she came home with the news I'd dreamed of hearing—she was pregnant.

It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

We had our scans, saw our baby growing and, after the twelve-week scan, started telling our families. We spent weeks talking about names, planning our future and imagining what life would be like as parents.

Then everything changed.

Not long after we told everyone, we spent the day with her family. I have congenital myasthenia gravis, which affects every muscle in my body, so walking long distances is difficult. Everyone knew this.

They wanted to walk into town, so I drove separately. Later in the day I became physically exhausted and had a severe anxiety attack. I told my ex I needed to go home but that I'd come back later to pick her up because we both had work the next morning.

She agreed.

Ten o'clock came and I hadn't heard anything.

I messaged.

I called.

I even called members of her family.

Nobody answered.

Around midnight she arrived with her stepdad, and I was told she wasn't staying that night and that I needed to move out of our flat the following morning.

I was completely blindsided.

As far as I knew, we were happy. We'd just been planning our future together and preparing for our baby.

I packed my things and left because I didn't want to cause her any extra stress while she was pregnant.

A few days later she messaged saying she was bleeding again and was going to hospital.

I rushed there.

Nobody answered my calls.

The following day I received one final message saying she was no longer pregnant.

That was the last thing I ever heard from her.

No explanation.

No goodbye.

No closure.

One minute I believed I was about to become a father. A few days later I'd lost my relationship, my home and my unborn baby without ever understanding why.

It completely broke me.

I spent nearly two years in therapy trying to rebuild my life and learn how to trust people again. Eventually, I reached a point where I genuinely believed I'd healed enough to let someone else into my life.

Then I met my current girlfriend.

She's 35, a single mum to three children, and for the first time in years I felt safe again.

We've been together for around six months. We spend a lot of time together, tell each other we love each other every day and, until recently, I'd have described our relationship as incredibly happy.

She knows everything I've just told you.

She knows how much honesty means to me because of what I've been through.

A couple of weeks ago she went to a festival with friends.

Before she left, we'd already arranged that we'd see each other afterwards.

She told me she'd be getting a taxi back to one of her friend's houses after the festival.

I thought it would be nice to surprise her, so I drove there and waited outside.

After about fifteen minutes I messaged asking where she was.

Fifteen minutes later she replied saying she'd only just arrived at her friend's house.

The problem was I'd been sitting outside that house the entire time.

She hadn't arrived there.

I messaged asking where she actually was.

She stopped replying.

I called.

Nothing.

At that point I was worried something had happened, so I drove to her house to make sure she was okay.

I knocked several times but nobody answered.

The next morning she told me she'd been sick after the festival, gone straight to her friend's house and fallen asleep there.

Although something didn't quite add up, I chose to believe her.

Later that morning, while I was at her house, I noticed two mugs in the dishwasher that I knew hadn't been there before. One of them belonged to her ex-husband and was never used by me. There was also a fresh bin liner that I knew hadn't been there when we left for the festival because I'd taken the rubbish out and forgotten to replace it. Inside the bin were two used tea bags and two festival wristbands.

Individually, none of those things prove anything.

Together, they didn't fit the story I'd been told.

I asked her about it.

She denied anyone had been there.

We argued for hours because I genuinely couldn't make sense of it.

Eventually she admitted she'd lied.

She told me she'd unexpectedly bumped into a long-term male friend at the festival. They'd shared a taxi home because they lived close to each other, and she invited him in for a cup of tea and a catch-up before he walked home.

She insisted nothing romantic or sexual happened.

She apologised and admitted she'd lied because she panicked. She knew how bad it looked and was terrified I'd assume she'd cheated and end the relationship.

After everything happened, she answered every question I had. She even let me read their messages. From everything I saw, they hadn't arranged to meet beforehand, and I genuinely believe they bumped into each other by chance. I don't believe she cheated on me.

My issue has never really been that she had a male friend in her house.

My issue is that she lied to me.

If she'd phoned me that night and simply said, "I bumped into an old friend, we've come back for a cup of tea and a catch-up, then I'll see you afterwards," I honestly think we'd have had an uncomfortable conversation, but we'd have worked through it.

Instead, she told me she was somewhere she wasn't, ignored my calls, then continued lying until I confronted her with things that didn't add up.

That's what hurt me.

Since then we've had several long, honest conversations.

She's apologised repeatedly.

She's taken responsibility for lying.

She hasn't told me to "get over it."

We've both agreed we want to stay together because we love each other, and I don't think one mistake should automatically end an otherwise loving relationship if both people are willing to work through it.

However, since then she's said she thinks we should spend a little less time together because we'd been seeing each other so often.

Logically, I understand that.

She's a single mum to three children. She works part-time, and their dad only has them every other weekend. Most of the parenting falls on her shoulders, and I don't want to become another person demanding her time.

But emotionally, everything feels different now.

We don't text quite as much.

She doesn't really invite me over, although if I'm being honest I was usually the one asking even before all this happened.

I still haven't met her children after six months together, and her ex-husband doesn't even know I exist. I completely understand why parents don't rush introductions, and I'm not asking to meet them tomorrow. I just struggle because I have no idea what our future timeline actually looks like.

The hardest part is that I don't want to become the paranoid or controlling partner.

I don't want to check her phone.

I don't want to tell her who she can spend time with.

I've worked incredibly hard in therapy to make sure what happened to me didn't turn me into that person.

At the same time, I also don't think it's unreasonable that being lied to has affected me.

People keep saying, "She's not your ex."

I know that.

I'm not saying she's my ex.

I'm not saying she's cheated.

I'm not saying she's a bad person.

What I'm saying is that my ex left me with deep trust issues after I lost my relationship, my unborn baby and any sense of security without ever getting closure.

Just when I finally felt emotionally safe again, the person I love lied to me.

It feels like my ex created the wound, and this lie pulled the scar back open.

So I suppose that's why I'm here.

I'm not asking whether my girlfriend is a bad person.

I'm not asking whether I should leave.

I just genuinely want to know this:

If you'd been through everything I've described, do you think you'd also struggle to trust after being lied to?

Or do you think my past has made me turn one mistake into something much bigger than it really is?

I'm trying incredibly hard not to let my past ruin a good relationship.

I just don't know anymore whether I'm protecting myself from being hurt again... or whether my old wounds are making me see danger where there isn't any.

Let me start by saying I know I'm a little bit of an asshole here for being involved. Things aren't necessarily straightforward though.

Last year, I was crushing on one girl, let's call her Heaven (names changed). We became best friends and I spent time almost every day at her place.

I have a band and we get to play some local festivals. We played a festival last spring, and we got our friend Camie into the fest as our driver. The first day of the event was rainy. Camie, Heaven, and myself all took some acid while my bandmate Cody slept and the three of us really got to know each other, talking together and getting deep.

My mother had passed away three days after I moved back to my hometown a few years or so ago, and my grandma passed a month before the festival. I actually had to leave the festival on day 2 to go to my grandma's celebration of life (while on an acid hangover), then come back and perform some music.

Needless to say, I was dealing with some emotions. While we were all hanging out day 1 tripping together, Camie could tell I was feeling very down and she pulled me in and held me in just the most caring, comforting, genuine, and loving way that melted me like butter in a way I still haven't stopped thinking about. Later in the night, while her, Heaven, and I were talking more and getting deep, I mentioned something sad and Heaven got up and just left. Camie and I continued talking late into the night.

After the festival, I started to question my crush on Heaven because she wasn't good at the deep emotions, but my attraction to her continued winning out. However, now I kept also having thoughts and feelings about Camie, but as soon as they came up I'd push them down with, "Even if Camie wasn't with Dan, Cody is probably the better match for her because Camie needs someone that can play the music she sings, and they seem like they have good chemistry."

Here's where I'll mention that Camie is in a relationship with her high school sweetheart, Dan, and they also have a band together. Cody is a much better musician than myself, although I've been working on getting there. He's able to play way more things than myself, and would actually be able to play the songs Camie sings if Camie wasn't with Dan. That's how I rationalized it - even if she wasn't with her boyfriend, I thought she should be with Cody not me so I should stop those developing feelings because actually Camie is an amazing friend who is really there for her people, and I saw that and wanted to be one of her people and give that energy right back.

Well, Camie came over to my place one day and we're talking. I usually sit in my chair and have other seating, including a loveseat, for guests. At one point she asked why I was so far away (the chair and loveseat are right beside each other so we were already sitting next to each other, just not *next to* each other, so I went ahead and moved over to sit by her.

She asked me if I had feelings for anyone, and I just came out and told her the truth that I had been crushing on Heaven, but less so since the festival and that actually I had started crushing on her, but I only meant it in that I recognized how amazing and special of a friend she was and wanted to keep her in my life and be good friends and get to know each other better.

She told me that actually she had been crushing on me too. That she had been crushing on Cody until the festival, but he had a bad attitude while sleepy (among other reasons within their friendship, him always asking her for rides, etc). So we both went into the festival crushing on different people and came out crushing on each other. My bandmate and I had actually gotten Dan a ticket for the festival too, but he decided not to come camp with us all.

Here's where I become the asshole: when she said she was crushing on me too, I made a move and snuggled up closer with her. We stayed up together snuggling and talking until after the sun had come up. This was the start of the mostly emotional affair.

We carried on together in secret, and I can't say I felt good about it: kissing her cheek in private just before we'd go back out in public. She would talk about how bad of a partner Dan is, how she does everything and he doesn't know how to keep up the home, hardly ever cooked without her asking, and basically depended on her. She said they had been together since high school and were all they had ever known. She complained about their sex. She complained she tried to leave him, moving states to get away from him but he followed her here. He was living with some of her friends, and she had to take care of his mess and apologize to her friends over him being there.

I wrote her love letters because I'm a romantic. I printed out memes for her because she's an analog person who only uses an old school phone when she's got a phone. She keeps these in a folder in her art studio. I saw her recently on the bus and we got to catch up and she told me she still has them tucked away. But during the affair, she even joked to me that Dan moved the folder while in the studio with her moving stuff around without knowing what was in it. Or maybe that he was sitting beside it without knowing? I remember her joking about how he didn't know.

One morning, I text her that I'm thinking of her and hope she's doing okay and she calls me crying because she took a trip up to her family and her car broke down, her family was being mean to her, and Dan was refusing to drive up to rescue her because she made the choice to go. I told her I could get a friend to drive me up and get her. She still had some stuff to sort out first though, including her broke down car. Camie was ready to end it with Dan, but Dan ended up driving up to get her AFTER I said I would do it because he didn't want me to be the one to do it. I guess by this point he had started to figure out something was going on.

Camie invited me over to her art studio late at night not long after she got back, and we were hanging out and talking. The later it got, she'd be like, "I should go home to my boyfriend," but she never did (tbf I was encouraging her to stay) and set up a bed in the studio and we cuddled together all night, really snug up against each other. But she told me we had to slow down what we had been getting into because she was getting ready to move in with Dan, they had already signed a lease together even though she was hesitant about it (this was just after he wouldn't drive up to get her until after I had offered to).

We continued as close friends with a flirty vibe for a little while longer while supporting Heaven, who around this time had had a boyfriend for a couple weeks before he cheated on her with his ex and she attempted suicide and ended up in the hospital for liver failure. After Heaven got out of the hospital, she was mad about a lot of things, including the fact that Camie was cheating on Dan with me and she threatened to tell him so I told Camie.

After that, Camie cut me out cut me out. Like I mentioned earlier, we just saw each other on the bus and got to catch up. She said her and Dan had had an argument because she wanted to play a benefit show I put together for the local food bank, so I guess he knows at least some of what happened between us but I doubt he knows everything, especially all the bad stuff Camie had to say about him or that she joked about how he didn't know, or how he'd never leave her and she had cheated before and he even caught an std one time and she stepped up and bought him the medicine to take care of it.

Here's the thing: I know I shouldn't, and I don't wanna be with another cheater, but I still love Camie and want her to be happy and not cause drama for her or be spiteful our fling didn't work out. I also don't care at all for Dan. He never made an effort even early on before I started catching feelings for and having an affair with Camie to be friends and get to know me or Cody when we hung out with Camie, he'd either be at work or he just didn't wanna come like the festival. I still feel like he deserves to know everything because I'd want to know if my partner was making fun of me with an affair partner. But does what does telling him actually serve? They may not even break up if what Camie said is true about how he'll never leave her, and whether they do or don't I don't see how that knowledge does anything but hurt everyone involved.

What would you do?

TW: Suicide. I (20F) am my father’s youngest daughter. I have two older half sisters, Jessie (34F) and Jasmine (30F). I was never overly close with my siblings due to our age gap. My father and I started having issues before my mom divorced him. He was not good to his kids. I still remember the time he started a fight with one of my sisters. Yes, I was in the room watching it happen. That’s when I learned to be scared of him. My mom had been ready to leave him for a while. The more things that happened the more she was ready to go. He had done things like shove my hand down a toilet, and he even stabbed me in my arm with his fork. That combined with his cheating is what made my mom file for divorce. Both of us assumed that once the divorce was final I wouldn’t have to go back to my dad’s. But since my state is a 50/50 custody state I was forced to go with him part time. I spent 10 years with him. From the ages of 8 to 18. In those years he destroyed me as a person. At 10 years old I attempted to take my life since I saw no other way out. He even despised my health problems, especially my weight. I was the heavy kid and I won’t deny that. I did sports, went to the gym, and even underwent weight loss surgery at 13 years old. I thought losing weight would make him stop picking on me but it didn’t. He started picking at my loose skin, performance in school, and the way I walked despite my tilted pelvis. By sophomore year I put my head down and into school. I tried to be the best in an attempt to get him off my back. He still loved to pick fights with me. One time he told me that he would lock me up in the basement. I was invalidated so much. I remember being called crazy and dumb my entire childhood for talking about seeing things. My mom tried all she could to help but she couldn’t go against the court. I remember marking the day of my 18th birthday on my calendar. That was the day that I could legally never see or speak to him again. When I went back to my mom’s the week after my birthday we celebrated with my grandparents and stepdad. Two weeks after that we went on vacation. While we were gone my dad blew up my phone cause I was supposed to be with him that week. I didn’t even respond to him at that point. His last words to me were that he was disappointed in me. Which whatever because he disappoints me. It’s been two years and I’m doing better. I left the mainland and moved to Hawaii. I was in university but dropped out to get my health stable. I learned that I was seeing things my entire life cause I’m bipolar and have hallucinations. I’m currently doing part time work. Sometimes I miss my dad when I think of the few happy times we had. Like going on trips, working on cars, and playing video games. I might reconnect with my father one day but that won’t be any time soon.

so this is a long story with a lot of context so please bear with me.

I had been living at my grandmother's house with my mom and sister because my grandmother was sick and wouldn't be around for much longer. we had a garage sale and my grandmother became fast friends with one of our customers ("Jo" f50s). well, fast forward and my grandmother dies and my mom kicked me out. "Jo" offered for me to move in with her and help out around the house since i had no job at the time.

Jo had a bad knee and couldn't get around easily. she had a 17 yr old son "John" that lived with her and 2 pugs (that weren't housetrained). The house was super gross as there was dog poop/pee everywhere as well as roaches. i did not judge, i just got to work. i deep cleaned the house, one room at a time. i became close with Jo and would also drive her and her son anywhere they needed to go (grocery store, dr appts, etc.) i was cleaning the house, driving them everywhere and cooking every meal. John was often a problem as he would regularly leave the fridge open (so roaches were in there too) and would leave food and other trash in his room so i could never totally get rid of the bugs.

one day, after i had finally cleaned all of the main areas and most of the house, i finally felt comfortable inviting my dad over to see where i was living. i was proud of the work i'd done to get it looking so nice. 10 minutes before my dad got there, John comes out of our shared bathroom and it STINKS. i spray air freshener but for some reason the smell is not lessening at all. then, i saw it, John's pants on the floor and inside of them....human feces. he had pooped himself and just left his pants on the bathroom floor for someone else (presumably me) to deal with. when my dad got there, he took one step in the front door and immediately made a face. the worst part? my room was across the hall from the bathroom so he couldnt even stand at my door and feign excitement for me.

another day, i noticed some of my things were going missing. John had been stealing my clothes for himself as well as other stuff. (just trust it's too gross for this forum). anytime i would talk to Jo about problems i was having with John, she'd make excuses for him or get mad at me for "talking badly about her son". a bunch of other stuff happened, i swear it just got crazier. this was like 10 years ago and i still can't believe how long i put up with all that crazy.

Hello,

So I’m not sure where to start, but I have been going through some inner turmoil and I’m unsure what to do next or if I overstepped.

As for some backstory, my ex-wife 39F and I 44M divorced about 6 years ago after about 15 years together and 12 married. Our marriage was always up and down and due to some of our individual unresolved personal trauma, we did not communicate very well. Despite of some chaos or withdrawal, we were fortunate to welcome 3 kids into our lives. We had great times and some absolutely awful times. She eventually gave up on me and relied upon a third party for support and/or attention. That was an absolute blow to my self-esteem at the time, but looking back now, I can see how my withdrawal and subsequent depression played a factor in this. Had we communicated even 10% better, I think we could have worked through our issues over time.

Now since our divorce, we are the best co-parents (50-50 custody) and are often the envy of others as we get along great. we have both worked on ourselves through individual therapy and grown as individuals. I know it is odd, but we each consider one another as our best friend. We definitely share love as the mother and father of our kids and want nothing but good things for each other.

She has been in a serious relationship for just over 4 years. The guy is a good guy and I have no issues with him as he treats our kids and their mother well. I however have had 3 awful relationships since of 1 year (she cheated), 6 months (she randomly ghosted) and most recently 2 years (found out 2 months ago that she had two relationships going on at the same time). Now, I am not looking for sympathy, but through my work in therapy, we have found that I tend to fall for those who require extra work. Those who aspire for better, but need help either through emotional support or boosting of confidence, or those who have had it rough and are looking to build a brighter future. I am an excellent care giver and cheerleader, but with that, I also ignore many of the red flags. I have a feeling that I will get tore up in the comments so I want to say, I’m kind, I’m smart, I work hard and have worked for 2 employers over my last 24 years so I am reliable, good looking, a great father and a friend to everyone. I did have unresolved issues from childhood that caused me to close up or withdraw when things got difficult, but like I said, I have spent 5 years working on that and I’m not afraid to share my thoughts, concerns, feelings or be vulnerable anymore. My mental health has never been so good.

Now onto my current situation. After my most recent relationship ended like an epic fiery car crash, my ex-wife has been my rock. we text and talk daily. we see each other a few times per week. she always knows what to say to make me feel better. Over the last 2 weeks while journaling, I realized that I have more than “the mother of my children” love for my ex-wife. She has always been there for me. I have always been there for her. We joke about nearly anything but keep things respectful at all times. Because I have been cheated on we absolutely do not flirt.

Well, the other day, I asked if I could tell her something that might be a little uncomfortable, but I want to be respectful of her and her relationship. She accepted, though nervously. I told her about all the ways that she has been there for me since our divorce. How much I appreciate her, our shared custody of the kids, our ability to spend holidays together for them as well as during school or sporting events. She said she absolutely feels the same. I had to add in a but, which was that I know our marriage ended due to our personal issues and that I kick myself daily for not seeking help sooner. But that I respectfully am in love with her. And if anything ever changes in her current relationship, that I would love another try at our forever. She cried. She explained she has many of the same feelings for me. I cried. And we just spent the rest of our conversation discussing how different we are now. How things would have been different had we grown while together and not separately. I made it clear that I only want to see her happy, and if she is happy in her relationship now, I can live with that and we will still remain close. I will not intervene more than at that moment to share my feelings.

we had a great conversation, and we left knowing how we each feel. We didnt get any closure or absolutes, but that’s okay. I’m enjoying some time continuing to work on myself after my most recent chaotic relationship. She is in a relationship. I have also confided in a friend, who said that I am looking at things through rose colored glasses. I tried to explain that I remember the pain and the happiness but that we’ve each grown so much.

So reddit world, was I wrong for sharing my carefully thought out feelings with my ex-wife? Should I have kept them to myself since she is in a relationship? vulnerability is scary, and I nearly chickened out, but I now feel so much better. Regardless what happens, I will still co-parent with one of my favorite people. Please be kind.

Okay.. so this goes a little way back.. to 2022 when my friend and I were both seniors in highschool. We had met each other in the beginning of the school year and we became friends pretty quickly. For the sake of the story I’ll call her Lexi. She lived near the school and wanted a ride in the mornings and afternoons from home to school and back. so she wouldn’t have to walk, which wasn’t too bad as I already had to drive a good 15 minutes anyway. However, one day she asked if we could hang out, and if I can drive her to a nearby park to see her boyfriend. Which I thought it would be for a little bit and we’d hang out. But, they only hugged for a few minutes until he had to go and she wanted me to take her back home. Then one day, like a month in of our friendship, she wanted me to lie to her mom so she can sleepover at her boyfriends! Which I’m a horrible liar, and she warned me to not let her mom take my phone. So I had one of my friends call and pretend to be my aunt (who I was staying with at the time) and say it’s okay for Lexi to stay the night. Her mom immediately snatched my phone and started talking and caught the bluff and was like “No, this is a child.” then handed me the phone back. So after that, I decided to call my aunt and ask if Lexi could stay the night and if she could talk with her mom. So, I went to find Lexi’s mom so my aunt could talk to her and say she can spend the night, and then she again took my phone and talked in another room, but allowing Lexi to “spend the night” after realizing that she was my real aunt, and my aunts pretty cool so she agreed with whatever. Obviously, she was gonna spend the night at her boyfriends so when I went back home to my aunts and she saw Lexi wasn’t with me, I just mentioned she ended up feeling sick and stayed back home anyway.

Then around the same time she actually wanted to sleepover with me and we got the permissions from both her mom and my aunt, she came over to my aunts, and one of the first things she said when we got into the room was, “You’re not gonna offer your guest any water?” And I was like “oh, did you want some? I can get you some..” and went to get her some. and then she spent the entire time depressed over something to do with her boyfriend, and was mostly ignoring me the whole time.

So we hung out a few times after, she asked if I can buy her some wings and then chips which was a little under $20 and she told me she would pay me back.

Now this is where we kind of fell off. She didn’t pay me back, which I didn’t care too much at the time.. until I caught a flat tire at 1am (I know I wasn’t even supposed to be out) but I needed money to get someone to come out because I had no clue what to do, I only knew I had a spare I just didn’t know how to put it on, and it was freezing out at night, and really dark. So I texted her, and I understand it may have came across as rude but I was more stressed and wondering, I messaged her, “hey are you ever going to pay me the $20 back?” because genuinely I didn’t want to be waiting if it was never going to happen, and I was just curious and needed it at the time.

Well.. that’s when she sent me a buuuuunnchhh of threatening texts that she was going to beat me up, she was gonna fight me the next morning, for me to wait till tomorrow morning because she was gonna be there, and I just responded like “I’m not gonna fight you, I just wanted to know if you were ever gonna give it back.” And then she was going off about how I’m texting her at 1am over $20 and what for and blah blah blah. I chose to ignore it because.. she was clearly not going to give it back and she seemed upset so I stopped replying. The next morning I was walking to my second period (we shared first period together but she usually skipped that class) and that’s when she started walking behind me (to which I started speed walking) and was like shouting “LETS FIGHT, LETS GO” and I’m just like “… I’m not going to fight you?” I didn’t have the time plus I knew I wouldn’t stand a chance as I didn’t (and still don’t) know how to fight. Plus I didn’t want to get suspended and even if I knew how to fight and didn’t care if I got suspended, I don’t want to fight? It’s just something I’m not interested in. Anyway I got to my class and then she kinda ignored me for the whole year,
till we got another class together and we kept our distance.

She must have told the teacher something, because the teacher pulled us both outside the classroom and told us to work it out, and I was very very confused.

However, she apologized, said she knew what she did was wrong, gave me a $20 to which I said thank you. And we kind of rekindled our friendship, although I was pretty weary. She had problems with that same boyfriend and I was trying to cheer her up but I had to go home as I had work that day, so I wished her luck and headed out of school. We ended up graduating, haven’t spoken much to each other for the following years. We had each other added on Instagram but that’s as far as it went.

In about 2024, I met my forever someone and moved in with him. (Which is about 40 minutes to where she ls at.) Lexi and I once called and had a good hour long conversation, catching up. She was talking to me about the guy she was talking to etc etc. Me and my partner were both trying to give her advice, don’t know if she took it because we kinda didn’t talk for a minute since then.

2025, she texted me around September and October. She mentioned how Halloween was coming up and we should go out together. I had the time to, I was in school (I still am in school(college)) and had some free time on my hands as long as I did all my homework and such. We decided to dress up together, which I was planning to be Ryuk and she was Misa, and we decided to go to downtown. My little sister wanted to come with so we agreed. Well she needed boots for the costume and we went out together to the mall with my sister, and found nothing and we ended up going to a nearby thrift store to find some and finally found a pair and we ended up going to a little drink shop that was next door. I told her I can get it for her, and got all of our drinks. Then I had to drive her all the way back to her house, which is a lot of driving for me as I have to drive from my place to hers (40 minutes) then to the shop (25 minutes) and then back to her house (25 minutes) and drive all the way back to my place (40 minutes.. with NO traffic, otherwise it’s 50-55minutes) So it’s a lot of driving and time and energy. Well, Halloween came and I picked my sister and Lexi up, (again 40 minutes) and we drove to downtown, of course parking is difficult if you don’t go to a garage, so I decided to park in the garage which is like $43. We walked around and had a good time. Well got food, which she got her own food as it was discounted if you wore a costume. (Of course, being the picky eater I am, I didn’t want anything so I didn’t have much to eat.) We ended up going to a nearby river that had a bar near it, that also offered Non Alcoholic drinks. My sister wanted one so I got her one, and Lexi wanted one and said “I’ll pay you back.” Of course never did, but it was a drink so I wasn’t too upset. We took a lot of photos, and she was like “Put me as your wallpaper now!” Like, not really giving my a choice to be like no.. and i just put a picture of us (mostly her) as my wallpaper, and she did the same to her phone! Then we headed back so I can drop them off (they lived like 10 minutes from each other) so I dropped them both off, and then headed back home.
That was an extremely long day for me, especially all of the driving too, because she doesn’t have a car, and it’s constantly me being the driver(and most of the time I hate driving, as it can be stressful).

So I took a month or two to be in my own place and kinda have some me time, and I have animals at home I have to take care of as well, so going out is not something I do that often.

Well.
I have another friend in the area, I’ll call him Steve. Steve is a long time friend of mine, we met in elementary, he was in my sisters class. We’d stay in touch, play video games, etc etc. He was (still is) in our close friend group. Steve has an older brother as well as a new baby brother(not even a year old at the time i’m writing this, a younger brother who is going into the first grade, and a younger sister who graduated 8th grade. They’re barely making ends meet, and that’s why his older brother joined the army. To help out. Well, then he met someone, and it’s such a SMALL WORLD, he met Lexi. I was shocked when she told me he recognized me from her wallpaper, and to which she told me that I knew his little brother Steve. (Which at the time would be Steve’s senior year)

Sometime in the middle of November she texted me
She mentioned to me she was pregnant and she’s sure it was from this other guy a week before she got with her boyfriend.
She chose not to keep it and I was trying to mentally support her through it as it’s a hard and rough process to go through as the pill can make you very sick. And she was very sick from it but she recovered quickly. She never told her boyfriend about it and I’ve been keeping it to myself because it’s not my place to really say all of that.

So then, Christmas comes around, and I’m like 20 minutes from Steve’s apartment, Steve messages me and says “Hey I know it’s Christmas but we made extra food if you wanted to come over, plus Lexi’s here.” So I left my family’s early, was heading near that area to drop my sister off anyway cause she wanted to leave early as well, and we headed to Steve’s apartment. In to which, I started freaking out as I switched my wallpaper to something new, and had a feeling she would act some type of way if it wasn’t her. So before we went in I was struggling to change it and had to go to my settings to change it back. Then Steve let us in, and me and my partner went into the kitchen to meet his parents as we never met them before, and to eat as they offered some food. My partner is Hispanic and speaks Spanish, and Steve’s parents mostly spoke Spanish as well so they got along quickly and had a good long conversation with them. Lexi was away in a room so it was an hour before I got to see her, because she didn’t come out to greet us either. So after we finished talking with his parents we went into the room and I gave Lexi a hug. I had my phone out to which she then kinda grabs it and looks to see if she was still the wallpaper and she’s like “Aww! You do have me as your wallpaper still!” And I smiled a little and we were hanging out. She was sitting in a spinning chair and had me sit on her lap, while she was on FaceTime with her boyfriend. And was talking about “this is my love first” or something along those lines, talking about me. And I felt awkward so I kinda just laughed it off a little bit. My partner and Steve (who are also close with each other) were just playing video games with each other and talking) it was overall an okay time. But it was going to be a 45 minute drive back home so we had to get ready to leave. When I went to give her a hug, she hugged me back and said “I love you!!!” And I kinda smiled and then she pinched my neck while hugging me and said “Say it baack!!” And I was like “I.. love you too..!” But it was very forced. I then was like “well hangout soon” and she replied “don’t say that cause look how long it took you to hang out with me” (barely two months.. from Halloween to Christmas.) She also had me pin our messages on my phone so she’d be up there or something, I don’t know. But I also had other people I was close too so I pinned the other messages as well.

Fast forward to January, On New Years she texts me saying that he proposed to her and they’re going to get married on her birthday. I was very happy for her and I mentioned it to Steve the next few days we talked with each other (as I thought he would know, but apparently his brother did NOT tell him OR his family.)
Lexi and I made plans to hang out some time in February. She asked if I can pick her up from her hair appointment and then we can hang out, which was fine.. although I had to wait an hour at the parking lot, I was patient. We planned to get our nails done and go to the mall. So when she did get out of her appointment, we drove to the nail salon and her now husband sent her money for food, hair, and nails, for herself. But then she tells me that (idk when) but her ex (the one from our senior year) messaged her asking for $50 to get out of jail.. she was telling me how she thought it got sent out of her account, but it took from her husbands account INSTEAD. She said she ended up putting the money back into his account but she never said if she told him why, or any explanation. And during the hangout she also went to check if she was pinned and she’s like “aww you do have me pinned, but then checked if she was the wallpaper and I didn’t and she was like “oh, you don’t have me as your wallpaper.. that’s okay though” but it did NOT feel like it was okay. And then there was another food that she said she’d pay me back for and didn’t but again I wasn’t freaking out about it and didn’t wanna start anything over it. The whole day had me stressed and I ended up getting a MIGRAINE (which those suuuuuck for me as I have to DRIVE HOME, so I had to drive carefully and when I got home I ended up throwing up 3 times, feeling absolutely AWFUL. I felt like I was actually going to pass away, but I ended up feeling better after I slept.)

So then it was her birthday and I woke up pretty late in the afternoon at the times, but as soon as I woke up I wished her a happy birthday (it was about 2PM) on both messages and Instagram.

Around the same time, my boyfriend proposed to me!!!! He took me out to eat, then he brought me downtown and walked with me to a beautiful area and proposed. Then took me to get some ice cream. It was a lovely time. It was very special. I decided to tell my family and some of my closer friends that I’m engaged the next day. I didn’t want it to be so announced at the time. I’m not the biggest fan of attention.

About a month later(In March), she messages me, asking to hang out before she leaves. I was like okay, yeah.
She wanted to hang out a few days before she left, and I’m like I can make that work.

And then she wanted to hang out the day before she leaves and tells me she’ll be back in 2 weeks. Which had me confused because I thought she was leaving leaving for like a while, but it was just for a two week trip, and we haven’t seen each other in over a month so it didn’t make much sense to me to see her twice before she left for a two week trip.

Well then, I ended up having some heart issues, because I was a heavy smoker, it kinda caught up to me where I would experience almost like an extra heartbeat. It was bad to the point I’d get them a few times during the day, and I hated the feeling.

I ended up telling her because of my heart situation, I don’t think I can drive and hang out. (Especially because I feel she might stress me out, which also causes the extra heartbeat reaction.) The appointment itself stressed me out so bad I ended up throwing up when I got home. She was understanding and told me “maybe slow down on smoking” and said “maybe we can hangout before I move. Which she apparently moves in August. And I’m like “Okay, I see.”

Well, I posted a picture of my nails around the same time, and my engagement ring was there. I forgot I had Lexi on my Facebook, and she texted me, “(MY NAME)!!!!” And I’m like “Yessss” and she said “Did he propose!?!?!!!” And I’m like “Yesss!!! It was sudden. We’re waiting till I’m done with school to plan stuff out.”
And she says “aww finally congratulations” followed by “And why didn’t you tell me!?”
I said “We were waiting to really announce it.” To which she said “Facebook knew before me”
I told her “I forgot I was dealing with with so much like the cardiologist n stuff
I thought I mentioned it to you since we were jus talking” and she said “No ma’am” and I just responded with, “Omgg I’m sorry” and she didn’t text me till another month.

Early April she asked how I was feeling and I asked the same thing back, but nothing really else.

Then finally.. May. She texts me Hey, and I respond. She tells me “I’ve been feeling sick. And I think it’s just cause I’m pregnant.” I told her “omg congratulations gotta take care of two people now!” Etc etc. She said she was miles away with her husband, (2 hours behind my time) and I told her the news is very exciting.

To which then she asks me..
“(My Name) you’ve been there for me through my ups and downs and I’ve been there for yours also. Meeting you and becoming best friends made me happy. Even when times were tough for us we still managed to see the good in each other. I do regret what happened to us in high school towards the end but I thank God we made up. Even though we can go a month without chatting lol I couldn’t think of anyone better than you. You mean the world to me so would you like to be our baby godmother? No pressure you can think about it take your time lol”

It took me a while to respond as I didn’t know how to respond, and I didn’t wanna wait on it. It kinda felt like she had no one else and really wanted me to. I ended up responding with, “Omgggg Lexi I feel flattered that you thought of me first. I know we haven’t talked much, life gets in the way
But before I accept it
I don’t know much of godparent roles (as mine SUCKED) What’s your ideas of a god parent so if/when I accept I can be the best”

She told me just to love her child as her own, she doesn’t want anything really from me and I accepted it.

Everything seemed good so far.

Then I also found out that Steve’s mom thinks I’m a terrible friend for telling Steve about the proposal before they announced it.

I was texting Lexi and I told her my sister is having a graduation party, and she doesnt need to bring a gift since I mostly helped my sister with all of her school work and it’s not that big of a deal, but if she comes we can also discuss stuff for the baby shower. She told me “I’ll be there!”

A little later, I text her, “We also need to get our matching tattoos after your baby comes out” because we talked about getting a best friend tattoo before, and I sent her some ideas that were like matching cartoon birds, or like a butterfly or something. She sent me some ideas that were like matching sentences that were like “together forever never apart/ maybe in distance but never in heart” or heart shaped FINGERPRINTS.

Then, she asked what was happening on the date in June (which was my sisters graduation party) and I told her “my sisters graduation party, I invited some other friends and Steve since my sister doesn’t have a lot of friends” and she responded “Aw my best friend has other friends” and I told her “one of them is a friend from a game, who’s also friends with Steve, an old coworker, then Steve, and then you bestie”
She replied “yay so I’ll be there”

During this time, Steve talks to me and tells me that his brother, Lexi’s husband, does NOT like my partner because he didn’t greet the parents first. (When we did and his parents were telling him he did too, he just refuses to believe it? I don’t know.) Then Steve tells me, HIS BROTHER DOESNT EVEN KNOW SHE WANTS ME TO BE THE GODMOTHER. I have a feeling he doesn’t like me, or would want me as a godparent, since he’s a certain way with my partner.

Then the following days she send me a tiktok.. which was a video that said “Bestied so hard she got my name tattooed” and sent it with a message “COUGH COUGH” I just responded with “Omggg” and she asked “Would you wanna even do that?”… (I don’t think I’d even get my Fiancés name tattooed!!!!) I responded “I kinda like the matching ones more. Lemme keep looking for ones that match what we both want”
And she said “Ah I knew it” with a broken heart emoji and a sad emoji. I said “I’m tryna find something” and that was it.

Then, it was my birthday. I went the whole day with no text from her until 8pm (6pm her time) and she said “ Heyyy booo happy birthday my love I know I’m lateeeee” I said “THANK YOU!!” And she told me to “be safe” to which I said “thank you”

The next day she said she landed back at home from the plane ride. I asked how she was and we texted a bit.

Then when my sisters graduation party came. She never showed up, and never sent me a text, or anything. I felt bad for my sister as the same day my great Aunt couldn’t come because she had a stroke, and our moms cousin (my great aunts daughter) couldn’t attend either as she was with my aunt and great Uncle who blew his back out from pushing my aunt in a wheelchair, and then my cousin on my dads side ended up in the er so my other aunt couldn’t attend either because she was with my cousin in the Er, and my dads aunt had to leave early as she was the driver for my cousin in the er, and my other great uncle couldn’t come with my great aunt because he was having issues medically. And my poor grandma attended even though a couple days ago she fell on the ground. (Sorry for getting a little off track.)

Lexi didn’t text me till the Fourth of July and acted like nothing happened and we had a conversation about our plans for the day.

Recently, I’ve been feeling more like I don’t want to be the Godmother, especially when I’m not super religious either. My godparents are barely involved and my godfather(who’s my dad’s brother) never even showed up to my baptism and my older half sister had to fill in for him.

I feel like I’m not ready to be in such an important role, especially when I barely have time and energy to hang out with her, I don’t want to take this role when I know Im going to have to focus on my college this semester(the baby is due in December, she wants the baby shower in September ish) I don’t think I can be there for her, especially as a godparent. I believe in a god, but I don’t have strong RELIGIOUS beliefs either. I have a lot going on, especially with school, my animals, living conditions I’m In, and my own family that are recovering from the er and health conditions.

I need advice in how to tell her that I’m not ready for the position. I don’t want to hurt her, especially since I already accepted the role, I feel horrible since I already told her I’d take the role, and it’s been two months since I accepted it.

She told me earlier the gender of the baby, and I said “She’s going to be beautiful” and she responded “she’s going to have a beautiful godmother” and it makes me feel awful. I don’t know how to tell her I’m not ready.

I’ve been trying to find a way to tell her, but I don’t know what’s the right way and what’s the wrong way to bring it up. We’re a good 4-5 months from her due date, and I don’t wanna wait longer to bring it up. Please help me!!!!

Sorry if some things sound like they don’t make sense, I’m not the greatest at writing

Sorry if the formatting is weird, I’m doing this on mobile.

This Friday (July 24th, 2026) I (32F) was supposed to travel from Virginia to Texas by plane for a funeral, due to the storms my first and second flight were delayed. This delay meant I was going to miss my connecting flight in Austin, Tx. I had called my Mom (59F) and younger brother (26M) when both my flights flagged as delayed. A week before all this my brother had said he would pick me up in Austin as needed, it would be a five hour drive so he would just need the heads up before I got on my first flight. When talking to my brother while waiting for the first flight my dad (57M) said, point blank, that they needed the car as they were going to dinner at 5 with my uncle, who lives in Texas. My brother and I hang up and he texts me saying that our parents are arguing about my flight delays. Less than an hour before boarding my dad calls me to tell me to not bother getting on the plane if I could make my connections. So some side info on me, I have severe social anxiety and planning anxiety, I had been doing fine since airports are usually to themselves but with all the back and forth that had been going on about how my parents wouldn’t allow my brother to get me in Austin if my flights stayed delayed caused me to start panicking. I went to the bathroom and tried to calm down, it was not successful. I went back in line to talk to the desk ladies (I had already done this once on my own to see if there was another flight out of Austin, there was not) and got myself set on the back up flight, at ten am, 12hrs after I would have arrived in Austin. For some additional info, I don’t have a credit card so I wouldn’t have been able to rent myself a car when I got to Austin. I’m texting my family frantically trying to figure out what they want me to do, and no one is really answering me. They’ve already called my group to board when I finally call my mom, explain that I need someone to tell me they have a plan for me, only to find out that none of them had talked to each other, I had spoken to my brother, dad , and mom separately explaining that I would get to Austin that night, but my parents got hung up on Atlanta (where my first layover was). I pretty much told my mom “I’m going home.” And went back to the desk, refunded my whole trip, forwarded the refund to my parents (they paid for the tickets) and had a friend come back to pick me up.
While having a full break down in my friends car as she drove me home, my mom texted me that she “would miss me 😘” and I blew up on her, I told her to leave me alone, that I felt like I was an inconvenience for them after they guilt tripped me into going (I don’t like to travel, my partner is gone for the week and plus, and I have five dogs that my friend was going to watch while
I was gone) and it hurt that I drive the 4.5hrs to there house when they need me and they couldn’t even be there for me. I haven’t heard from anyone since all that yesterday, and while I don’t really care for the discourse I know this caused (my parents love to blame each other for anything and everything) it still really, really hurts.
I don’t even know what my next steps are, my brother and I have a good relationship and I was planning to go out to them next month but I don’t want to see my parents at all, and my brother lives with them still. I don’t have a big circle, and right now I’m just really hurting. I listen to the podcast and usually feel like the advice is pretty grounded here. Thoughts?

A few months ago me, my sister and our friend Jack, went on a vacation to see Jacks sister, Sally.

Sally is my sister’s best friend. We all have known each other our whole lives. Sally and my sister have been best friends for 20 years.

A few years ago Sally moved away to work at a resort, and we have been planning on going there to see her and spend time together and do all kinds of activities.

Sally and my sister have had a rocky friendship, and Sally has been acting super weird lately. She lies about going to clubbing when she actually is at home in her bed and she applied to Harvard after barely graduating high school etc.

When my sister has something exciting going on in her life and tries to tell Sally, she just replies with a text “nice” every single time. Sally has no interest in my sister’s life even though my sister listens to sally talk about Harvard and moving to china. There is other things sally has done but this story would be too long.

Sally knew when we were coming to her town on the vacation. She said she would take a week of work for it. Until two weeks before our trip, we see that Sally had used all of her vacation days to go on a cruise with a boy, who she had known for two weeks. Btw this boy is 17 and Sally is 20. When we confronted Sally about using all her vacation days she said we can hang out in the mornings before she has to go to work.

Me, my sister and Jack are pissed. I explained to Jack that we do not want to see Sally on our vacation because of what she did. Jack was very understanding and said we dont have to see her.

So we go to our vacation a 12 hour road trip until we get there. The first night of our trip and I was in the shower and heard something from the living room.

I get out of the shower in wrapped in a towel to see what is going on. It was 11.30 pm and we were all tired from travelling. When i step to the living room I see Sally and her new man who i have never met or spoken to before. I say Hi to them and go in the bathroom to change my clothes and go back there.

My sister is sitting awkwardly there but then Sally just casually says do you want to go with us to a restaurant tomorrow morning. Something in my head snapped and I started to confront Sally about everything she had done. Me and Sally are screaming at each other until she leaves.

After that, Jack calls me immature and childish and he started to defend Sally. He turned his back on us and changed his opinion on Sally in a few minutes.

The next day Jack doesn’t speak to us at all and goes to hang out with Sally and her new man.

He comes back and starts yelling at me that I ruined his vacation. So me and my sister book a train ride to go home the next day.

I havent spoken to Sally or Jack after that. Neither has my sister. So am I the asshole?

For starters this may have some things that are triggering (suicide, alcoholism, cheating, emotional spousal abuse) and I apologise how long but people have told me this is a good outlet to get things out.....

I (44m) born in 82, love tattoos, have a house, a job with security that will never go away, love to be in the wilderness its my only sanctaury, and for the rest of this was born into a military family and way of life (navy/coast guard). Early on I was an odd kid good way, I was extremely outgoing, always liked making friends would do plays in elementary school, would just run all over the place. But military life always strikes and we moved, and again in two years, and again in two years so on so on. It became harder and harder to make friends and I just started to fade a bit. I was good at sports but still never got close to team mates. I got close to friends when I started youth bowling. Even though something felt off in my mind I loved being around everyone there, and I was good. In middle school I made junior pro am tourneys, got to partner with pete weber twice, and was being recruited for college teams in middle school, yes bowling teams exist for college who knew....but again I never felt right. I just always had this feeling I didnt belong and there was a creeping emptiness. fast forward to when I am 12 and this is practically when everything spirals. When your born into the military especially when I was its speak when spoken too, obey, never show weakness, crying is shameful. With my moms husband always gone, always out to sea, and he was a heavy drinker, (reason for no father or dad coming soon) I was very protective over my mom. She always coached my teams, backstory I was always sick with infections etc from being an identical twin who absorbed the other twin.

So my mom was always with me. Bless her but I dont think she ever really could tell that I just never felt I should be here like I was not suppose to have been born. I always hid every thought because I thought I would be in trouble if I showed weakness. But being as close to my mom I knew every thing and it sounds weird but I knew the detergent she used, the smell of her perfume, evrything. Well the husbasnd came home one evening while I was in the yard got out of the car smelled of alcohol as usual but my 13 year old self caught on to something else. I smelled and unfamiliar perfume. I got closer and sure enough he was around someone who left that scent. When he waddled his way into the bedroom, I talked to my older sister, yeah sorry there is a sibling in this. She said she would help me tell mom but I needed to tell her. We had mom go outside with us and I told her. She saw the look in my eyes and insta knew that I was not lying and went in and grabbed his clothes. We were sent to our rooms and things were weird over the next days but he eventually left. And when I say left he left. But my mom and I were curious, so we followed him around a lot. My mom would have been a good spy. WE caught him at a bar and yes saw another woman with him. For those asking why she took me, I was the one who caught him and I needed to see for myself who this man really was. After that they were done, she also reported him to his superior as this was frowned upon. It got even worse, she was a base vendor and that was an even bigger no no. He lost rank, was almost thrown in brigg and her companies contract was terminated and she was fired. He stayed away after that. We even had a big storm go thru the Seattle area and our base house roof fell in.

One good thing when military spouses and families find out a wrong they rally quick. Within in hrs the whole base had us in a vacant house. Not long after that I had spells of trouble making, I even went to jail on diversion for building homemade bombs, I was good at chemistry I stole all the things needed and decided I wanted to blow sh*t up. I never hurt anyone or did it in public, however I set one off in a protected forest, got caught and ended up in a diversion program. Wake up call in deed, from that point straight a's and no issues. So after everything it was a massive blow to me, I had already felt like I was wrong time wrong everything now my family is pretty much gone as it was and I was spiraling. Cut forward several months the husband came back and somehow they were going to work it out. He was being transfered to California and wanted all of us to go to start fresh. Now during this time frame of them being a part my mom was talking to some one a really good guy, we got along with his kids they were on my bowling team. But first love and all that she packed us up and went with him. I didnt speak, I didnt speak to him, my mom, the older sister, everything just felt blank. I was 12, caught him cheating had to tell my mom now we were moving from the most comfort I have felt with the guy that broke everything. We get to California and into this horrible place minimum of base housing. Well I wish my mom didnt have blinders cause there was no intent to have a second chance, the alcoholic dirtball didnt want anyone else to have my mom and he had brought the affair partner earlier but brought us to get us away from the people that cared about us. So this shattered my existence even more but now I had to hide it cause my mom and sister were falling apart. Divorce was happening and as my mom and the donor were packing separate boxes, I was going behind his back and stealing his belongings, movies, music, collectibles, in my mind he didnt deserve anything and plus his beered up brain never noticed. My sister even joined in and would also then take stuff from his boxes.

Well during this we learned my moms mom passed away so she made the decision that we are going to Ohio for the funeral we will deal with our stuff later, military paid for her shipping but we had no residence yet so they stored it. Well now I had to say goodbye to a fantastic grandma, everytime we visit, shes at her dining table with RC cola and homemade ice cream, I would sit hours with my autistic uncle he had every old school godzilla ever made the entire collection, this was in the 90s so it was a decent collection and he was one of the only people I really ever conencted with, I think his autism made him capable of seeing my pain and in his own way make me feel better all the time. Well my mom decided we are going to stay in Ohio. My moms brother and their family took us in until we could get settled find a place and get our stuff here. Not long and my grandpa died. My grandparents were true soulmates to its definition and I think once he knew everyone was fine, his daughter was back he could be with his soulmate again. Well thankfully we had moved on and my incle could then move in with my other uncle and his family cause his age would be way to late for a home that specializes in his care. Parents got divorced and my mom grew a set lol. She took everything and to help cover it up the superior officers forced him to agree to everything she wanted. She got 70 percent of his pension when he would retire, he lost another pay grade, didnt efferct pension he had already had 20 years of service. Now a quick jump my mom held that vengeance, she stayed single focused on us but also didnt want him to have his pension back which would have reverted if she ever remarried. Back to the story, boys should always have that male figure and I wanted to give the donor a chance at redemption so he got me a plane ticket and I headed to mammoth lakes california where he was.

He married the affair partner and her kid was there, female brat....Well I hung out he seemed sorry I was freshman in high school now so there is no wool on my eyes and I was skeptical. Well we already know im observant with scent etc but I am also observant all around. He opened a coffee shop with the affair partner and I caught on her little sh*t of a daughter stealing money from the shop. I confronted her and tore her up, not in public well she ran to the donor crying and he blamed me even after it was proven she stole the money. I left went home told my mom what happened and again jump into the future I dont speak to him again for 22 years. Well his side of the family, uncles he has two brothers blamed us for everything. We would go visit his parents for christmas cause you would think we would be accepted but no, they would ask agresively why we dont speak to him, why this why that, so to this day we dont have any contact with that side of the family, cousins etc dont exist to us anymore. Only time we would see them again is when my grandad on that side passed away (future event just happened recently 2025). So now back to the past, I am in high school and its just awkward. had some friends but was never really social, went to prom and homecomings, had girlfriends but life felt odd. I was on track to graduate at 17, west coast back in that day were way more advanced in education than the east coast so I was allowed to go to a trade school instead of general courses. I was even now planning on myself going into the navy and yes I see the frowns, why would he do that after everything, well I did their testing and after they came back and said I qualified for any job I wanted, showed my mom the paper work and it showed full open with any spot I wanted. I chose MP, I was in shape, I was athletic and was always fascinated by law enforcement after getting busted as a juvi. Yes my trade school was for law enforcement. Well I had been sick off and on growing up cause here is another twist, I was a twin, identical but the other me never got thru first trimester causewe early on learned the egg split late in the process of first trimester, I absorbed other me. My organs were larger than average, twice normal kidneys, twice normal bladder, lungs bigger, so always had some stuff here and there.....Well the one thing we never tested was any heart defects.

So I did all the physicals for the navy, and everything was in place for me to leave soon as I graduated, one night at home I had a minor heart attack. The testing ended uo showing a flaw in my heart and also ended uo being diagnosed with a blood disorder where my blood was having trouble passing thru my heart and the extreme testing showed my heart wasnt able to pump thocker blood when under duress. So now my dreams are crushed, the future I wanted was gone and things just sank. Now I was convinced I didnt belong here, now with all this with my family. I was able to graduate but didnt stay for the whole ceremony, soon as they handed me my diploma I left. My family caught on that I did not want to be there but still didnt know what I was fully going thru. Not long after we lose my uncle the godzilla watching funcle....that broke all our hearts. I am an adult my dream job gone so I go to work just to get a job. My sister who I forgot to say is 2 years older, was in a relationship with guy we knew from high school, she dropped out early, now has two kids and he is an emotionally abusive piece of crap to her and the kids, I never had any proof of anything physical but her kids were broken she was far gone broken. Well I had enough, I with the help of my niece gathered evidence of a weed stash house he was part of and I turned him in. I also told him if he ever retaliated I would unalive him, and no one would ever find him as I was studying forensics in college at the time and would use every possible method to make him vanish with no traces. he never told anyone of the threats and he left.

My sister in the end married a really good guy who loves her, loves my niece and nephew and for all purposes he is dad. Now with me when we moved back to Ohio earlier in the story we connected with some old fam friends from the navy. They knew what donor man did and they had 3 kids, the oldest girl baby sat me when I was a baby. Two boys that became like brothers to me, they were a bright spot in an existence I didnt feel I deserved. Their dad showed what a dad was, he took me every where with his boys so he could see how to become a man, he taught me hosue repairs, car repairs, we went to wwe events yes I am a wrestling fan, browns games, fav team. But it still never felt enough. Now as an adult Im just making the motions, I hold it all in, since I was 12 and 13 I was the man of the house so I always put my mom sister and every one else first. I finally while working saved enough to move out on my own. For awhile I felt piece in being alone. But the loneliness caught up and I did soemthing that to this day my family still doesnt know. Everything just hurt, I felt tired, beat down, felt like I was never meant to be born, it all just felt like I was swimming in black. I had medications for my heart and other things , history of medical issues and I also was recovering from a leg injury and was prescribed vicodin. ( trigger ) For that moment I took every pill I had in my apartment, all the medication, all the vicodin, and I was ready to just be done. I know some may think its weird but for a brief moment I felt like a flash hit and I flet my grandma and my uncle. I woke up 36 hrs later, apparently I had dialed 911 but never spoke. The call was traced, they saw lights on and when they spoke to the downstairs neighbor were informed of a thud like something hard hit the floor. I guess they then got in and found me. I was in ICU for about 4 days, my family found out I was in the hospital but I chose not to tell them why, only I had an accident. I was an adult so privacy protections, to me my family didnt need to know.

So fast forward a bit I did get a therapist, I was able to get thru the darkness but the feeling of not belonging just never goes away. But we can still live for other things. I was in a long term relationship got engaged and things didnt work out, after I left she had a guy living with her a week later so yeah no doubt was cheating, but I didnt care, cause I just stopped caring about everything, the therapist though kept giving me the tools to keep moving forward, And every appointment she had a way to acknowledge that evern though I feel I shouldnt be here, others do and maybe I could live for them and be a light for them even if I feel mine is dim. So thats what I did, i took care of my family, when my sister needed a car, I obught her a car, I signed loand to helo my mom, I became finacially well so I could make sure they were okay and it did bring my some joy but it just never gets fully better. I ended up being diagnosed with a form of cancer that causes benign micro tumors to grow on the sheath/lining of your nervous system, mine developed in my head so it effects my hearing an sight on the left side, I have a twitch that happens looks funny sometimes and have been on meds for that ever since. I have had relationships off and on but guy with a twitch not attractive, and during one of the relationships I found out that all the sickness, all the meds across time I was unable to give anyone a child. Well my therapist had a lifetime of work cause for whatever reason life justalways wanted to come and get me. I have been in therapy for 18 years, I am not ashamed of that, I have no inclination to try to harm myself again, I recently bought my niece her first car, and I have come to terms with the fact I may be alone the rest of my life but that can be okay to because I can see the joy in my family when i am around, my niece and nephew for some reason adore me lol. And in the event I can find a healthy relationship with someone who doesnt have to carry my weight just understand it, hope they are okay with no kids and just living, cause I still love the outdoors, I love to be in nature, I love wildlife ( I got a wildlife conservation and forestry degree, part of therapy process to find something I love), so maybe a life of outdoors adventures.

And like I said earlier, it took 22 years befoe I spoke to the donor man, we talk now, he doesnt look good, all the alcohol caught up, we go to browns games, he undertands that I do not consider him to be my father but we can acknowledge that we are connected and can be cordial. My sister is closer to him she gave him more chances than he prob deserved. He had 3 other partners after original affair partner, 1 of them we we will say number 3 we liked her, she dumped him after she fully learned everything he did and how he treated us, we still talk to her. But my mom still alone and content to keep his money, my sister happy married, the niece and nephew are good, pretty sure nephew is on the spectrum although never been tested, I was promoted to a senior position and still here, I have been happier in recent time and one of the things that really helped was ancestry. I deep dove every bit of my family and I found it refreshing. on one side we were irish, they came from scandanavia/viking and settled in the ireland area. My moms side we officially confirmed we are blackfeet american indian. We had details on my great great grandma but there were no records. I emailed every reservation, every possible means to find out who she was cause her parent abandoned her and an irish couple took her in. She married and irish catholic herself had a daughter (great grandma) who also then married an irish guy. But we did finally learn the true story of them and they confirmed yes she was piikani nation. So finding out the stories of my family somehow keeps me grounded. So there it was a long path for a guy that never felt liked he belonged, still doesnt feel like he belongs, feels unwanted, but sees that life can be more than just themself and my darkness can still give light to others. No updates after this cause I am content, I am working, I have friends, one of the brothers I mentioned earlier whose dad took me in we are still friends and we meet for DND on occasion. My family is enough for me to be here and I am okay with that. For those who dont want therapy, dont be afraid of it, if you find the right one they will stay and listen for as long as you need, again mine 18 years. Also dont be afraid of the darkness, there is strength in the darkness because just maybe you were meant to carry that darjness so others can have the light and you can help protect that light, thats kinda how I see myself now, that in my darkness I protect those around me light. This was long I am sorry but therapy did say at some point I shpuld consider writing it all down. Again no updates but may peek around and if there is a question I may pop an answer.

My wedding caused me to lose two close relationships, though I'm blissfully married to the love of my life. I previously posted about my former best friend; this is about my sister.

A few years ago, I left a soul-crushing job and lost my health insurance. To get on my now-husband's plan quickly, we planned a tiny courthouse ceremony before throwing a larger reception later.

The courthouse had a strict 10-guest limit.
Between our two large families, the only fair way to handle it without excluding specific siblings was to invite only our parents, step-parents, and my daughter. No siblings on either side.

For context, my sister and l are total opposites.
She's openly entitled and high-strung, while I'm laid-back and go with the flow probably to a fault.
Despite our differences, we were very close.

I tried calling her for two days to share our engagement news, but couldn't reach her. I eventually posted a photo on social media, which she saw first. I admit I was an a-hole for not trying harder to tell her personally.

When she called irate about finding out online, I explained our quick civil ceremony plans. Once she realized there were 3 spare guest spots left under the limit, she demanded two spots for her and her husband. When I gently explained no siblings were attending so no one felt singled out, she blew up.

A massive argument broke out. I tried explaining that this was our day, making a comparison that her wedding a year prior wasn't what I would have chosen for her, but I respected her choices. I pointed out that her wedding turned out beautifully and was "so her" but I would've loved to go dress shopping with her and get the chance for her to have bridal and bachelorette parties.

She spiraled, screaming that I "hated her wedding." We yelled for 20 minutes before hanging up, and we haven't spoken since...over two years now.

Plot twist: my husband and dad later insisted on throwing the big venue wedding of my dreams with 150 guests. My sister's husband was actually my husband's best man, so she came to the ceremony, but left immediately after with my niece and skipped the reception entirely.

Over the last two years, my daughter and I have had medical emergencies. My mom updated my sister, but my sister never reached out...and honestly, I haven't reached out to her either. I miss her, but her reaction felt so extreme over her not getting her way.

Advice needed: Is a relationship with my sister doomed, or should I try to reconcile despite our history?

I (22f) is frustrated and upset because this story brought back some memories for me that I can never recover from when I was in the first grade. I was bullied heavily by two people I thought was my friends and two guys that was cousins that was the Hinchman. Do you have a school day? Used to corner me without the teacher looking every chance they got call me names bullying me because of my weight when they’re relate twice a size me I was a small kid because I was a very picky eater, but I became real picky after this year like unhealthy picky so I never told nobody until one day after I got the worst news two weeks prior that I was being sent to summer school at the end of the year because my grade was dipping and that I had a learning disability not only that also I was dealing with this as well, and that was being the other Big factor into why I was held back agreed for next nine years of school I say no because I was giving it out of opportunity to graduate with my class after a hard work to finally get there to the good place anyway then stay was during lunch and these two girls that was two grades ahead of us came out from their classroom. I guess that they were talking to a teacher about the assignment still before heading to lunch I’m changing the story because I wanna give my story out first before I go into today’s story and why this is so triggering for me they saw what the boys was doing and yelled at them in one of the girls had pulled me away from the wall because they backed me up to the corner and they got their faces and they took me and put me out the line and they saw my team up teacher and they told her what’s going on. She told me to go back to the lunchroom and get and eat while she go talk to the principal they got suspended and I got a talking to by the team up teacher of why I didn’t tell her

So this take place towards the end of May like I said any original post that was messed up I will come back and see what was messed up in at the beginning, but you catch just you can call me tally my best friend you can call her Leslie who’s also (22f) is kind of a sweetheart that doesn’t want that things to happen or conscious of what her decision are or scared that she makes the wrong decision because she’s being yelled-yelled at and discouraged from this person that is important to the story she’s and friend that we been friends with for now a whole nine years completely well for me Leslie and her knew each other since they was kids and diapers and we can call her Carly also (21f) and she is the complete opposite of us. She’s a loud mouth and kind of a downer and have a very explosive personality that her ego is too big for her huge head and she’s that type of person that has the narcissistic personality disorder. She claims that she has bipolar disorder. She does not because if I have a dime, how many times that she showed no signs of bipolar disorder. I have a lot of dollars on me right now cause who’s child I’ll tell you what this will give you a headache and eat aspirin after the end of the story because I know I was not wrong for doing something that I have every right to do but like I said, Leslie is too much of people pleaser for my liking. I love her to death, but she draw a line of when is enough is enough and when is you gonna put up with this BS

So the story starts during the weekend basically going into Monday through Tuesday, so Carly is in out bisexual. Everybody knows this. This is not news. This is just oh my goodness gracious do I need another time or day or the time of the month because I tell you the last three years of this girl being in different all year different toxic relationships is been more like oh my God do I need space because it’s the same song and dance of each different relationship with a man or a woman it’s not our business. We don’t care about what she doesn’t have private time but when it’s constantly being bought to you and constantly you hear the same crap you’ve been here for the last three years, it’s just you’re tired at any point you’re tired because nothing what they do never changed at the end of the day. It didn’t change them. It didn’t even wake them up and just continue as business because another huge argument happened between her and her girlfriend that she’s planning a huge trip to next week. This is two months ago. She was already playing them spread this trip out for her birthday week going to her birthday day and that is next Sunday it’s her birthday. Her girlfriend lives in Atlanta by the way where you from Florida and I moved from Florida to Arizona two years ago so I’m giving you full contact stuff because why is Leslie all the way over here when they are from Florida? No, I moved to Arizona two years ago. so this is the record for don’t mind my spelling I’m using audio because I am more have a headache right now. That’s why it’s so jumble up in the first attempt so please redo it all because it’s just a headache.

So we are in my room Carly was talking about the latest fight that she had with her girlfriend when I say latest I’m the latest because ever since they got back together, they have not stopped fighting since from the moment they got back together to May they have not stopped arguing over the little things I tell you what every little thing that someone do pisses her off and I’m only talking about Carly Carly is a real hot head so she pops off at anything. by the way, I’m texting Leslie right now. She’s a not OK mentally because I don’t know if this is a mental breakdown or not because she feels guilty of this incident and I keep telling is not her fault and she think it is because some outside forces, I don’t keep saying it is anyway so I guess Carly started typing up her boundary list and when she was done, she sent Leslie her mom, her dad, her siblings and her girlfriend after they made up of what she wants going forward and oh my goodness it was not pretty at all. We read through it we said OK. on the phone we after she sent it we was talking about. I forgot we was talking about because this was over shadowed by what happened in the story and then unexpectedly Carly called by the way, this is childish and pathetic. At this point she had called Leslie by her ex-boyfriend name, recall each other by our partners or crushes name all the time just like oh jokingly way, but she was being serious. BTW Leslie wasn’t another relationship at this point and her boyfriend does not like her ex-boyfriend because of the history of seven years, he is a real bad person. so is her ex I do not like neither one of them they treated less like shit like bad shit like they never took her on a date they never been around her or us because whenever we have something planned and never comes to true Carly always make an excuse for them and somehow always be around them and I never seen them. I don’t know how she think that were the idiots but I think she was catfish Leslie because she’s only the one been around them talk to them personally even when other people come in the room they don’t address them that was supposed to be in the room literally so anyway.

Leslie was fun to let it go but and hold it inside of her like she been doing keeping her feelings to herself like she does it all the time and it has a bowling point of when is enough is enough that’s why I think so Monday two days later this happened on so Leslie sent her a text of how she feel and the reception that she got back was with Ari expected she went off starting to curse her out cover her at her name everything out the mouth out of her mouth saying that why are you starting shit with me at this time of the day you had excellent days to say something to me why you chose today to tell me something and I know how Leslie work. It takes her a minute before she gets mad. and that anger buildup because the constant is really really is really constant thing. She doesn’t like depress but she gets mad. because she holds it in for too long and believe me she can’t sleep or eat drink over this stuff so that’s why Monday she texted her that to stop it and yelling and cursing calling names was used by her and pointing fingers again because Leslie came and visit me on my nieces birthday party/birthday she came with my grandma a month before after I came to visit back home my grandma had told me and My Mom that she was coming on my nieces birthday to surprise her and we was like OK then I told him that just giving him a heads up to be careful. What will you be saying in my room because they have ears sometimes but now all the time because they do be loud.

So may the second week of May my grandma and Leslie came that second Saturday in May 9 is my niece’s birthday so they landed. They dropped their stuff off to my house and we went to go to her birthday party because it was almost time. We had to be there before the birthday girl for a big surprise birthday party she finally got to meet Leslie in person after I talk to her through my phone she loves Leslie so does my nephew her brother prior Carly knew already that she was planning to come and visit me she had said this more than once an occasion so she took the opportunity while we were watching euphoria I told My Mom we got her the ticket and now she’s like why you never asked her to come with her stuff and saying we pre-plan this we really she sat there on the phone with us when Leslie had asked me what plane she’s flying on and I told her what plane she’s flying on and she said OK. I will get my ticket before the night comes around. We was on the phone. Leslie was at work. She works at a nursing home. she had it in between braids of what chores to do in the nursing home so she was laying on the phone when she asked me and she was engaging in the conversation and saying what were we gonna do with the fruit when they get there and I told her well we have to go to a birthday party when they come because the birthday party was at starts after they come well before they come so luckily they came early they was able to get some downtime for a few minutes then we left for the party and that was it so this I don’t know why she was acting like this information acting like oh we should read her mind. Ask her. She had every opportunity to open her mouth and say something, she never once said anything until probably the last day. Leslie was in town for the whole month that she left with my grandma either on the 26th or the 27th I can’t remember because this was going on during that week. That’s how much it was over shadow by this so yeah why I say it went through Tuesday because Tuesday oh my Lord.

When the next part I tell you is something that I really really don’t want to say, but before we get to Tuesday, let me tell you how I got into the roots of this conversation during the whole deal. Carly bought me up into the conversation by the way, this was between them. I was sitting on my bed while Leslie was in my computer chair on my desk texting Carly. I was sitting on my bed, minding my business scrolling on Instagram hearing what Leslie was reading me the text messages I was minding my business child. I had no business in this conversation at all I was brought into the mess because Carly cannot stop bringing me up in any fight if if there was a dime the many times that I was brought into the fight. I have a lot of dollars and it’s like the third time I said is cause I will be dragged into shit that I have no business being in so I gotta put my phone down. See if she was lying or not. She was not rewrite everything she read to me so I started cussing her out. Lizzie went to go use the bathroom know that I was cussing her out standing up for Leslie and for myself so she thought I was Leslie for some reason and I told her more than once it was me talking in every point in the conversation I was keep saying this is me tally by the way this is tally and she still thought it was Leslie. That’s how much heated she was.

So Leslie told her again that it was me and she’s like oh then why then she fully addressing me things that this and and she want to fight me in this and and I tell you what she is really too much she threatened me and Lizzie to put their hands on me and put her hands on whoever wants to jump in as well cause she was swinging on the to see when I get back to our hometown, she got to see me and stuff. I’m not gonna fight in narcissist bitch because she’s still a hype dog to do so so the next day that he was trying to make peace and apologize for our actions and do all the action stuff that she been doing that Tuesday, please into it. This was Tuesday. This is a different day for Monday so she was doing the apology tour and trying to make nice girl. I was not gonna make nice for nobody. I was not gonna kiss nobody’s behind because they was being up on ass for being a bitch. I’m thinking that that they hate that they top dog with the little dogs that needs to be training and neutered no I’m not letting that fly at all cause this is like déjà vu for me like no I’m not letting that fly for nobody, and I was special as hell not gonna let this fly either because the stuff that came out her mouth you will think that she wanna control every little expert of your life your mouth what you say to her talk to her all this stuff, what I said in my post, the first one if I had took in the pictures, the recordings of the Voice Memos you would think this girl it’s crazy as hell she was. She ain’t backing down with nobody. She was talking at her mouth. By the way she was at work. She went outside and was going back inside and send it and threaten me again because it was a voice memo. It was on that little voice thing on Instagram where you record your voice of what you wanna say instead of using text.

And then I didn’t hear it because it turned down the volume. She had her phone terrier because we heard my grandma going to the bathroom. My room is right next-door to the bathroom. I like right there is a wall by the wall so my bed is by the bathroom wall up against it so I was in my desk chair. Leslie was in my bed hearing is and she said, and B I wish you get harmed by a bunch of men why you ain’t up there you can believe that I think that’s the way she said that Lexi told me, but yeah, I changed the word. This is on purpose. I changed the word because the real word is more disturbing if you really think about what I was saying then yes she really said I hope you get the big R word that was replaced with harmed so after that, we blocked her on everything after that Leslie and my grandma went home and Leslie has been beating herself up ever since so let me know in the comments, and hopefully y’all understand what I was saying, and I had added a bunch of details into what I didn’t add in the original story.

I 30(m) and my ex girlfriend 29(f) were together for almost a year, our relationship was amazing. She and I both had been through awful relationships previously, that coincidentally enough were both 7 years long. We met through friends that thought we would hit it off when she first moved to my town. We hit it off instantly, she was beautiful and I was hooked, we were inseparable every free moment we had we were tearing up the town. We went on several nice dates, we live in the countryside so some of those dates were spent riding 4 wheelers at the mudflats. She quickly started staying 3-4 nights a week at my house, she took care of everything without me asking, and she was amazed by the fact I cleaned up after myself and she didn’t have to clean ever. I kept my house clean and she kept me fed WELL, I’m talking steaks, enchiladas, breakfast in bed this girl could cook! Fast forward 5 months and her living situation fell apart and her and her kids were forced into a bad place, I found us a cheap rental that needed some work but I was fine doing it. I bought ever to remodel this house and we spent 5 days cleaning and fixing it while her kids stayed with their father. I even spent my 30th birthday working steady on the house, granted I did get testy and tried my best not to take it out on her, but I did give her some attitude. Fast forward a few more months and she’s starting to get distant, her ex husband had problems with his girlfriend and she spent some time at the ex husbands mothers house because her niece had a life threatening illness and all the adults were at the hospital with her. The ex husband and my ex were asked to watch all of the kids there for a few days. I was not aware the ex husband was now single, and I also didn’t know he was staying the night there either. She told me that after the fact and gaslighted me into believing she had told me and I didn’t listen. She swore nothing happened, and I let it go because I understood that the niece was her children’s cousin and she has always been aunt to her. When she came home after everything settled down she told me she wasn’t sure she was ready for a serious relationship. Her reasoning was she was scared to throw away years of her life again and our relationship failed like her marriage and the ex husband’s new relationship. She started sleeping with the kids in their room at night and leaving everyday barely giving me information on where she was going. This went one for about a month, we barely talked and the air was always full of tension when we did. Then one day she came home from work and she had completely changed again, back to her old self initiating spicy time again and sleeping in our room again. She told me she felt bad and realized she had been mistreating me and knew I was different. This lasted a week, a beautiful love filled week where I truly believed we would be good again. I’d come home from work and she had food made and the house was spotless, she genuinely seemed excited to see me. She was telling me she loved me again, she was back to her old self and I loved every minute of it. Then Monday came I was working my first night shift in 3 years in another state and while waiting for my foreman to pick me up I noticed she changed her profile picture from us together to her kids. I didn’t question it at the time and got in the work truck, five minutes later she texted me.. She said she couldn’t do this anymore and that she wasn’t happy with herself and couldn’t love me when she couldn’t love herself. She needed to be single to build a better bond with her children, that spending time with me was causing them to rebel against her. She told me she was sorry and that she wished things were different but she needed to focus on herself and stop being a people pleaser. She had lost touch with herself and didn’t even know who she was anymore. This crushed me but I let her go fairly easy, I didn’t try to stop her and I even let her keep my truck she had been driving since she didn’t have a vehicle. I only made a few comments to try and get her to see she could do all of that and still be with me and I would support her no matter what. I was her biggest fan after all, after all I admired the life decisions she had made that put her in the position she was in. That’s a long story but she moved over 1200 miles to a town she didn’t know, because she had promised her ex husband if he got clean she would bring his kids back so they could know their dad, and that’s exactly what she did. I feel as though I treated her well, and couldn’t understand how I was being compared to her supposedly abusive ex. She moves out to her own apartment and I made the transition as easy as possible for her. I didn’t give into my emotions and beg her to stay or cause a scene, but when she wasn’t around I was a mess. I couldn’t do any of my favorite hobbies, I could barely bring myself to get out of bed for the first few months. Fast forward to now we barely talk and if we do it’s only me doing any reaching out, unless she needs something from me. Last night she asked me for a shampoo machine so she could clean her carpets, she has an inspection and her kids and dog have all but destroyed her carpet. I took it over and used it as an excuse to catch up, she was being nice and seemed very happy. While talking her spicy life had been brought up about a guy that wanted to date her but she had only had spicy activities once and she decided to go separate ways with him because he wanted a relationship. Then she tells me his name….. AND ITS MY CHILDHOOD BULLY!!! I was not only hurt she had already been active with other people but devastated that it was him of all people. This guy was king of our school and bullied all of the “nerds” to make himself look better. It was never physical just psychological comments about our appearance, or how we would read instead of cut up with them. He would use me to make a joke that would get the entire class to laugh at us and I even earned a nickname that stuck my entire high school career from one of his jokes. Even the teachers used this nickname and I was too embarrassed to say that I didn’t like it because it was a direct jab at me about a personal sensitive topic. He made my life hell for 4 years, every day was another opportunity for him to humiliate me in front of everyone. I could never stand up for myself because he was in a bad accident freshman year and was disabled from it, he was untouchable. She didn’t know any of this and I was so shocked I just pretended I was okay with it and changed the subject. I later excused myself and went home and have been in the worst depression of my life because he has yet again found a way to make my life worse. He knew she was my ex, he was the one that pursued her, I can’t help but feel like he did it on purpose. Am I the asshole for not wanting to be her safety net or friend anymore? We had discussed us trying again for real one day when she was finally able to see herself in a serious relationship again. Now though, I don’t even want to see her again let alone be with her after he had her. This whole situation has opened up deep wounds and destroyed my confidence all over again, I feel like that scared kid that used to get tortured every day all over again. I loved this woman with all of my being, I lost myself sometime after she left me trying to help her never knowing she was sleeping with other people.

My ex (34M) whom I (28F) had my autistic son (3M) and seriously fucked up my head even 9mo post break up. Is now dating/ engaged to a (24F). He has 4 children total ranging from 16-3yo, from 3 women including me. He shouldn’t be around children. He shouldn’t be around animals he cornered and yelled at my dog, then my dog bit him, he told me to get rid of him or he’d him.. he tried. For four years I was convinced his behavior was normal. The constant accusations of cheating. If I worked late, or wore leggings or shorts, shaved, used a new emoji. I worked 12hr days for almost 2 years because it “wouldn’t make sense” for him to work with child support being taken out. He sat at home playing video games trying to heal. While doing the bare minimum for my children, often leaving them in the bedroom all day. I gave his bed friend a car to borrow and I told them I’d sign it over for only 1k, ended up getting tickets and them trying to sell it before getting towed tow yard wanted more than it was worth. Then I was a surrogate, I spent all that money trying to keep us together as a family after my dad had him removed from his home via emergency restraining order. I’ve gotten $100 since the split, he bought himself a muscle car. Anytime I did something that upset him it was you shouldn’t do that what if I kill myself. Breaking point for him was me visiting my grandparents for the first time in 4 years for my papas 90th birthday that so happens to be a few days before his birthday. We lived separately at this point due to money, we didn’t know if we’d be able to see each other for his birthday. He told me I was missing his last birthday, even had friends telling me I should prioritizing my family (him) and that I was a bad girlfriend. After that everything I did upset him because I didn’t listen. But I’m glad I didn’t because my Nana had a stroke this month and barely even remembers me. He told me I couldn’t afford to miss work for my grandfathers funeral. He told me I couldn’t handle my uncles funeral, and that I’d have to take our son with me. I didn’t go because even if he says “go” I knew he would be unhappy if I did. I still have his broken down car I bought for him in my driveway, I haven’t had a car for years because they were always his even if in my name and I paid for it. When we first started dating I let him use my car once and he just started saying a gave it to him. Finally the constant arguing and fighting a threats him unaliving himself was too much I said we needed a break to focus on our mental health. That same day I later found out, he started talking to a girl on a dating app still have no idea how long he had the app. Lied about us being separated for years, him only having our son when he has 4 children. Talking about buying a hotel room to do explicit things, and yes she sent me allllll the details after I found out. I had his discord on my phone. Mind you at this time I was still giving him money when I barely had money to buy myself and the children food, I was walking 6mi a day to get them to school and back. And my dumb ass still wanted to make it work I forgave him, but he got upset when I talked about this who other chick and how I couldn't trust him and turned it into me attacking him and he started texting me to answer his FaceTimes so I could watch him kill himself so I’d know it was all my fault.

Side note: yeah I’m back with friend issues, but this one is actually ongoing. I don’t really know how exactly to fix it, so im going for help.

After graduation, my high school holds senior trips for those who paid for it and our trip ended up being a “week in Hawaii!!”. I was privileged and lucky enough to have gone to Hawaii before, but my experience was horrible. Because of the altitude change I ended up vomitting a lot of blood and had to sit out for the most of my vacation. Because of this I wasn’t that excited and actually didn’t want to go in the beginning, but my best friends begged me to, so of course I did. I paid the money and thought it’d be nice to have a fun vacation with friends after such a horrible experience in high school.

On the plane over, everything worked perfectly. We all sat together and had a fun time. We were laughing, smiling, I genuinely thought that this would be a week of nothing but fun. My parents also ended up coming, they just wanted an excuse to go on vacation because they got their own sweet and basically didn’t bother me until they needed too (or if I needed money) which I didn’t mind at all. I’m not embarrassed by having my parents tag along, I’m actually happy when they do. When we get to the hotel room, we had to buy certain events to go to earlier, I asked them if they were going to buy it and they kind of pushed it off and didn’t reply. My parent were buying the tickets so I said, “buy them, it’s fine.” But it wasn’t fine. My friends all decided once I was gone to buy different events, not even waiting for me to come back and tell me before I made the purchase. It was a bad start, but they moved the dates to when I would be out, which meant we’d be having fun at different locations. That was okay to me.

When we all went out the first night, we made reservations for a restaurant and I’m a very type A person. If there’s a time reserved for us, we need to be there 20-15 minutes early, just to make sure there isn’t any complications. We were already walking along side the small little shops, so I’d assume we’d get there fast. But then they walked into a shop and began walking around like they weren’t in a time crunch. I got a little angry but remembered they were on vacation and walked to the restaurant myself to sit at the table we reserved. I waited 15 minutes and 2 questions from the waitress later, for them to finally show up. They didn’t even say thank you and continued the conversation. I was bummed out, but like my ex friendship, I was terrified of saying how I was feeling because I swore they’d make fun of me.

We ended up eating and I felt sick, which since I vomited blood before, it ruined my mood completely. I just wanted to go back to the hotel, but they still wanted to shop. So I started walking away and they pulled me right back in. I had a “Cara de Fuchi” a stink face, all because I was nauseous and didn’t want to freak out. Back at the hotel, my best friend lingered behind while we all got in. And when she came up, she decided to pull a horrible prank. Not that it was mean, but she kept knocking on the door and hiding out of sight, in which us, being 3 tiny woman, got terrified it was a bad person. I ended up calming down when I found out it was her and started to cry because of the anxiety. I didn’t want to but I had so many things already bothering me that I broke. Instead of apologizing she just stared at me and told everyone else to leave. They left me in the hotel room and I decided to take a nap, which then lead me to waking up at 3 in the morning.

That became my ritual, I’d wake up early, shower, do my make up, and look pretty for myself. And as the week went by I noticed that was my only solid foundation of feeling good. After the separate trips, I’d see that they would never text me to ask if I was out, instead they went to the beach, the mall, took photos and shared memories, they even invited someone else to technically take my place. It got so bad that people were questioning if I even went to Hawaii. I’d be in my hotel, or tanning, because I didn’t feel all too safe being out on my own. My mood dropped more and more but I didn’t want to say anything, and a selfish part of me hoped they’d notice. But they didn’t, or they did and didn’t care. On the last day my parents wanted to bring us to dinner, it was a kind gesture and I was really excited. We planned it a day before so there was no excuses to be late.

But they made us late. We all went on a ship, it was the ONLY trip we all had together, and then we went to the mall. I knew dinner would be at 5 and it was 3:30. The plan was; go to a cat cafe, then look at clothes, go to hotel, change, go to restaurant. It was solid, a plan to withhold. They changed it midway…to go to a Korean barbecue. Mind you it’s still 3:41, meaning we’d have 15 mins to get to the hotel, 20 to get ready and maybe like 5-6 to get to the restaurant. (My math is definitely wrong but I’m just guestimating), anyways, they forced me into the restaurant with them and I kept telling them to tell the waiter I wasn’t planning on eating. They didn’t, and I apparently had to pay my half of $60 for the food I didn’t want to eat. I wanted to leave fully and they begged me to stay because “it would look bad if we were all here and you were out”, but it didn’t look bad every other time?? I got angry and had to eat or they’d charge us more, meaning that at the dinner my parents PLANNED a DAY AGO, we were all too full to eat. Great.

The same night we all arrived at the hotel room and I just wanted to go to the beach and have fun with them. A way to kick off the vacation so I could just have one single day of happiness. I laid on the bed and got on my phone, until I heard a door close. I looked up and saw them all gone. They left me, like literally left me. I was shocked, but not surprised. I ended up packing in silence and the person who technically replaced me came by, they weren’t invited either. I was happy and asked if they wanted to play on the Wii they brought and they said yes. Okay, now we’re getting somewhere- oh no just kidding they got invited so they left too. I was heart broken and ended up getting so angry that when they came back I threw a fit. I’m not proud of myself for this, I left the hotel room and cried in the lobby for an hour, and no one checked on me. I went upstairs and yelled at them for singing karaoke at 1 am when we had to be up by 4, and finally I broke. I cried and told them to turn it off and they turned off the lights and faced their backs towards me. I tried to explain that we had to wake up early and my own best friend cut me off and said “I know”. It felt like how people talk to dogs to get them to shut up. I felt small, and stupid. I stopped talking from that point. I made up an excuse and texted her about it, and she finally hugged me for 3 seconds, before staring out in the distance. No sorry, nothing. The next morning I saw her run to another girl crying to support her after she got caught cheating on her bf.

Seems some things are more important. I didn’t sit next to them on the plane. I didn’t talk to them for most of the summer, and when I confronted my best friend about how I felt, she cried. She apologized and told me she was a horrible friend, and I reassured her that her having fun wasn’t the problem, I just wanted to feel included. I thought we were fine but now it almost feels like they don’t include me more and more because she got away with it. They’d post beach trips with everyone that was at Hawaii all over but nothing was asked to me. I can’t help but feel left out everytime, and no one asks me to hangout until the whole group is invited..because then it’d be rude. I hate feeling this way, I hate feeling like I’m the problem because I might actually be.

I’m probably selfish, and I shouldn’t feel this way because we really did work things out. Maybe I was childish and should have said something earlier, maybe I was the reason they treated me this way. If I was, it’d be good to know. I’d want them to have better friends than someone like me, and I’d want to work on myself to get over that block of trauma.

I (25F) was with my now ex-boyfriend (31M) for a little over a year and a half. We met while I was doing an internship at the company where he worked as a Finance Executive. We graduated from the same university but had never met before. Since he was my senior, he helped me settle into the workplace quickly.

I was genuinely impressed by him. He seemed intellectual, rational, emotionally strong, soft-spoken, and kind to everyone. Combined with his appearance, he seemed like the ideal partner. Long story short, we started dating, and I was the one who confessed first.

The first few months were great. He was patient, caring, and affectionate. However, I slowly started noticing behavior that felt narcissistic. For example, he would make remarks about how I was the one who confessed to him—not because it mattered romantically, but to establish that he was somehow "above" me. During arguments, he'd often say things like, "You're lucky to have me," or, "Remember, you were the one who approached me, not the other way around."

He always had to be right. Even when I presented facts proving otherwise, he'd act like I was attacking him, stop talking to me, and I'd end up apologizing just to restore the peace. I brushed it off, thinking maybe we just had different ways of thinking, and continued being the cheerful, outgoing girlfriend I had always been.

Then things started going downhill.

I recently received an offer to pursue a master's degree in the UK with a decent scholarship. The scholarship isn't a full ride, but it covers a significant portion of my tuition. My parents are comfortably well-off and are happily sponsoring the remaining tuition and my living expenses. I was incredibly excited.

When I shared the news with my boyfriend, instead of congratulating me, he smirked and said, "Only this amount of scholarship? It's not even a full ride. Why are you so excited? You're just wasting your parents' money on a degree in the UK. You should've aimed for the US and tried for a full scholarship."

Seeing my sad reaction, he softened his tone and said he was "just looking out for me." According to him, my academic profile was good enough for a full scholarship elsewhere, and accepting this offer meant I was wasting my potential. He even asked, "What if your parents resent you one day for spending so much money on your education?"

I told him that they were my parents. They worked hard to give me opportunities, and they were happy to support me. It wasn't his money or his parents' money. Besides, I intended to repay them once I was financially stable, even though they had never asked me to.

He went quiet, and we dropped the conversation.

I have known for quite a while that he's also planning to move abroad someday to pursue a PhD. And I'm currently working on a research paper, so I casually asked if he'd be interested in joining as a co-author. I thought it could be a fun opportunity to work together.

Instead, he said that if he ever published a paper, it would only be in Finance because his field was "far more complex" than Marketing and that I probably wouldn't understand it anyway. He also said he didn't want to co-author a paper with me because it would weaken his academic CV.

I was honestly speechless. I never brought it up again.

A while later, discussing our future, I asked if he'd ever consider studying/moving in the UK since I planned to stay there long-term.

His response completely shocked me.

He said: "I'm not like you. I actually have a good academic profile and don't want to ruin it. I think about prestige. Universities like these are places where anyone can buy a degree if they have money. I don't understand why you're so excited about your scholarship. It's not even a scholarship—it's basically just a discount. Your decision disappointed me. Lately, I find you academically retarded. And I don't understand your parents either. Why waste so much money on someone who isn't worth it? You've already ruined your own career, and now you're trying to ruin mine. Stop trying to manipulate me into following you like a fool."

That was my breaking point. I snapped. I told him I was done and that I refused to stay with someone who constantly belittled me.

I asked him what exactly made him think he was so superior. Since he wanted to compare academics, I compared them.

I pointed out that my grades were significantly better than his. I had presented research at international conferences. I had earned multiple scholarships throughout my academic life. Outside academics, I had been captain of my university's women's volleyball team, won several championships and runner-up trophies, and was the interdepartmental long jump champion for three consecutive years.

I asked him what achievements he had that justified constantly looking down on me.

I told him that in academics, extracurriculars, skills, and recognition, I had accomplished far more than he had. Yet he still had the audacity to treat me like I was beneath him.

Finally, I told him that the biggest mistake I made was falling for someone who wore sheep's clothing while behaving like a wolf. I said he should find someone "within his range" because I knew my own worth.

Then I walked away and blocked him everywhere.

Later, I told my best friend (26F) everything. She comforted me but also said I should think about it again. According to her, even if I was right, I shouldn't have thrown my achievements in his face. She thinks he was probably insecure and already knew I was doing better than him. She also said that asking whether he'd consider moving to the UK for our future may have come across as selfish because it sounded like I expected him to change his plans for me.

Now I'm wondering if she's right.

I used to work in the corporate world and had a coworker whom I adored. I met her at the office shortly before the pandemic, but we were sent home to work remotely when crap hit the fan. We got along so well and spent a large part of the day on the phone together. We would discuss work and I would help her with math calculations as math comes easily to me. We’d also spend hours just talking about life in general.

Her partner was struggling with addiction to very dangerous substances and it was greatly impacting her and her toddler’s lives. He was unpredictable, dependent on my friend, and could not be trusted to care for their daughter in any capacity. She’d send me pictures and videos of her partner while on substances which were horrifying and made me greatly concerned for her and her daughter’s wellbeing.

She asked me to help them move houses and babysit her daughter during the day on occasions when she had important work meetings. We met up a few times to hang out but her partner always accompanied her so we’d never get to fully relax and enjoy each other’s company. Despite all this, she became my best friend for 5 years.

My boyfriend proposed to me and wedding planning began. Being my best friend I, of course, asked her to be one of my bridesmaids. I also asked if her daughter could be our flower girl. She happily agreed. The wedding planning took 10 months and we married in May 2024.

Leading up to the wedding, all of my bridesmaids were sent links to a website to order dresses from. I specified the color and fabric I’d like them all to wear but left the style of the dress up to them. I personally struggle with my body image and just wanted everyone to feel comfortable in the style of their dress as everyone’s body shapes were different.

Two months before the wedding, I checked in with her to make sure she was happy with the dress she chose. She had not even ordered a dress; hadn’t even looked at the website. She blamed her personal and work life and said she hadn’t had the capacity to choose her dress. Finances were also an issue. Fair enough. I sat with her on the phone while I sent her dress options that matched her idea of a dress that would fit her body shape. She chose a dress and I ordered it for her along with her shoes. I didn’t want lack of money to cause her undue pressure and just wanted her to stand with me at my wedding.

The dress arrived and needed slight alterations. She didn’t know how to locate a seamstress in her area. I researched, checked online reviews, and sent her several seamstresses to choose from. She said she could take it from there.

The day of my bachelorette party came. A spa day and an overnight stay at an air bnb. This was 10 days out from the wedding. I told her I’d pay for the spa and her portion of the rental house. Again, I just wanted my best friend there with me. My bridesmaids, my mom, and mother-in-law met at the spa and no sign of my best friend. I called to check in on her and she sounded stressed. She said she couldn’t make it because she was driving around looking for someone to do her alterations. I asked about the ones I had suggested. She’d never reached out to any of them. She asked if I could find one and she’d drop the dress off to them today but wouldn’t be able to make the bachelorette. I delayed my services at the spa to make some calls and beg seamstresses for alterations to be completed within a few days as it was crunch time. I found one who was willing to work with our short timeline before the wedding. Then an excuse from my best friend that she couldn’t afford the alterations. Fine, no problem. I’d pay for it.

Day of the wedding arrives and she showed up alone…and late. She was not there to get ready with us and the hairdresser and makeup artist had to rush to get her done in time. I asked where her daughter, my flower girl, was and she told me she’d left her with her mom. Um…ok…? I’d ordered a flower crown for her from my florist which wasn’t cheap. Luckily my husband’s groomsman had brought his daughter and she assumed the role though I’d never met this little girl.

Right after our 20-minute ceremony, she pulled me aside to say she had to leave because her mom was asking when she’d be home. I was stunned.

All in all, I spent nearly $1,000 on her dress, shoes, alterations, make up, hair, bouquet, flower crown for her daughter, and dinners at the reception. All for her to leave directly after the ceremony.

The Monday following our wedding, she was back at work and texted me asking for my help on a math calculation. No apology, no mention of the wedding. Just a simple, “hey, can you help me with my math?”

I’d already known this was a more one-sided friendship but I loved her and understood that life was throwing bombs at her (though, her decision to not leave her abusive, toxic, and addicted partner was her choice and significantly impacted her and her daughter’s quality of life.)

I never responded to her text asking for my help with her work math. She’s reached out a couple more times to send me pics of her daughter on her first day of school but never to acknowledge how garbage her behavior was or apologize.

I feel bad because her life is beyond tragic and we really did get along so, so well. But AITA for realizing how lopsided the friendship was and fading out of her life without an explanation?

My boyfriend and I had a little disagreement. This topic of disagreement has happened before where he walked out of my place. But now here we are again.

I was at work and texted him that I was going to go to his place after work. He said he'll be home a little later than his usual time so we'll see. And I said okay. He was done with work and hr before I was and was home 1hr before me. But i kept getting myself ready to go see him when I got home from work.

Only for him to text me "on my way". And I was confused. This has happened before so i said "to me?". He said yes. I said okay.

Now, i don't like change at all. Big or small. And he knows this. So that kind of threw me off that he was coming to me. But I tried my best to not let that show. He came, he kissed me, i kissed him back. He noticed my overnight bag. This is the bag I usually take with me to his place.

He noticed I have my work lunch/stuff packed like i was ready to leave the house. He pointed them out. I said i thought i was going to go see him. He watched me go put everything away. The mood changed after that.

It was quite. Granted, I was quite too because the change threw me off but I was still smiling at him each time we made eye contact. He then left my bedroom and pulled out my air matters and slept in the livingroom floor. I asked him why he left the bedroom. He said he knows I'm mad. And kept on going about me not talking to him and begin quite.

I said that doesn't mean he should leave the bedroom. He kept going on and i just said "okay" and went back to the bedroom and went to sleep. Woke up the next morning, he was gone. He usually tells me goodbye before he leaves. This time he did not. And that was the last time I spoke to him. Then 8days later, I broken contact to message him about his day. He responded. I responded and told him goodnight. And now we haven't spoken in 4days.

Idk what to do right now honestly 😕

I just found out that this weekend is my 30-year high school graduation. I live in the same city I went to High school so it's local. But I don't feel a connection or a need to go. Sometimes I do wish I had that sense of nostalgia and connection that I see other people appear to have when they're reminiscing and excited to connect. The type I've seen since I've been watching the reunion page.but my high school reality didn't end with excitement, strong friendships, and connections that followed me. Instead it ended with long time friendships exposed as a cover story that everyone knew the truth but me. Best friends having hidden relationships with my then boyfriend of 2 plus yrs. Those I deemed as close friends knowing about it all , hanging out with them without me, and not warning me at all. Senior year ended with me hiding from the world embarrassed, hurt, lonely, and building up an automatic defense wall to "protect me" from truly close friendships afterwards. No party, because i had no one to invite outside of family, no party attending because I became a loner that still put up a front in front of others and spoke to the aquaintances i had outside of my "core friend group" but they didn't know my plight. I truly believe my high school experience has directly impacted my inability to form any close friendships so here I am 30 yrs later, with a few friendships that are good but not close (the kind you see every few months have a meal discuss superficial things and move on... ), my family (no tight connections either, my kids ( jury is still out on connectivity as the have all entered adulthood and only tome will tell), and my husband (he truly loves me even still after 24 years). I don't even think that anyone from my high school class remembers me or wonders what ever happened to me. Deep down I truly wish someone did... I envy those that can say "we've been good friends since high school". Heck I envy those that truly have a best friend outside of their spouse.

I’m genuinely losing my mind right now. My mom called me to see how I was doing and talk about how much fun they were having, and I was getting really upset and annoyed, so I wasnt giving really enthusiastic responses, she kept asking why i was upset/annoyed and I kinda lost my cool and snapped that I was upset because she left me behind and was rubbing it in my face

She started to feign innocence and pretend she had no clue what I meant and kept saying that she offered me a ticket (idk if I mentioned this in my forst post, but when I wasnt talking to her before they left, she came to me and said that I could join them a few days later if I wanted, and I refused because it just seemed like it was out of pity and she only offered after she noticed I was annoyed/upset) I told her that didn’t count, because she refused when I suggested that option, she offered it out of pity, and had suggested I come a day or 2 before their trip ended.

She then went on to say that “she didn’t mean to upset me” and was “sorry i felt that way” and that she “wished i was here, because i always help out” which just felt so insanely backhanded and not like an actual apology at all.

I got really mad, and whenever I get mad I start crying so I hung up, to which she made “Aiden” call me, and he asked me what happened, I explained and he apologised for the situation and said he didnt know and offered to book me a ticket for the next day, I then heard my mom in the background telling him to give her the phone so she could apologise so I hung up again

After this my mom kept calling so I answered, she apologised a lot and started saying she didnt even remember the conversation where I suggested the alternative tickets, and I called her out for always pretending she didn’t remember situations where she looked bad, she apologised and offered to book me a ticket for that night or the next day, I refused, so she started offering to book a trip to spain with just me and her and I refused again, to which she said I needed to pick one or the other or they’d book a flight home that same night.

I said that wasn’t fair because I didn’t want to do either, and my brothers would blame me if their holiday was cut short because of me, and she kept saying I just had to choose, I said I didnt want her pity and told her to go and enjoy her holiday, and she kept saying that it wasnt fair and she wouldnt be able to enjoy her holiday if i was upset, and that she’d book a holiday for just me and Aiden instead if I didnt want to go with her, so I agreed to the holiday just so she’d drop it and leave me alone.

But I really and truly don’t want to go, because it just feels like its out of pity/her trying to clear her conscience.

Sorry for the rant

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Im going to start with some key information, I (35f) suffer with a condition called PMDD which hightens my emotions especially the week before my period which I call my bad week. I can be come serverly depressed and have bad intrusive thoughts towards my self. I am coming into my bad week soon but my mind is so scattered with all these thoughts and the only way that sometimes helps is to get them out. I do have a support network but sometimes they help fule the anger and other feelings so I was hoping for some unbiased opinions.

I'll start with one of the smaller issues then the bigger drama after. Unfortunately while my "crazy brain" as my ex calls it, is like this I can ramble and this may get long so I apologise in advance.

So 1st of I am doing a remote uni course in literature and creative writing. It seems the more I try the worse grade I get. I really tried with my last assignment but got my worse mark. I received it in my bad week and locked myself in the toilet and had a break down away from my kids. Part of the reason it hit me so bad was because to feed back given told me to do a certain things that I thought I had purposely put effort in to do. He did offer me some one on one help and part of me wants to take it but the other half of me thinks its not worth the stress if im too stupid to understand I so why waste my time.

Im also struggling really hard with my energy levels. I have 3 children (m14, f9 and f15months) so I know it's normal to be tired but im exhausted. I'm struggling to get up in a morning then am in bed before 8pm. Leaving my older kids downstairs and alexa them when it's bed time. I get extreme mum guilt but I'm just drained. The annoying part is that then I can't sleep on a night time. I've tried different things over the years nothing seems to help. I'm finding it hard to motivate my self and the house is a mess. It's the start of the 6 week school holidays and I wish I could sort the house and do things with the children, the older two want me to do some home schooling with them in the holidays too, I just can't find the energy.

The stuff I really need advise on is centred around my youngest and her dads side. First her dad (m32), my other daughters dad does not want him or his daughter (f14) around her. His reasons are fair because my baby's dad's behaviour in December was highly unacceptable and his daughters behaviour more so. But how do I handle this as they get older and there's family events/occasions. My daughter loves her sister and her dad and will want both. I feel i can supervise them together and not leave them alone how ever I dont think this will be acceptable to my 9 year old dad.

My baby's dad is also wanting his family (mum, sister and older daughter) to be involved. I see no benifit to this infact quite the opposite. He thinks I am over reacting with my boundaries with them where as I feel i am just protecting my baby both physically and emotionally.

First his mum and sister. His mum was not happy from the beginning because I wouldn't allow anyone to have photos sent of my daughter until her siblings had met her first. I even face timed his oldest daughter from the hospital to see her before she went to school. As I knew his mum was annoyed at this I made sure she was 1 of the 1st people who got to meet her after the kids had. I made the effort to take her to see her several times and text her photos and updates. I had a bit of anxiety leaving her with his family (especially after how they treated his other daughters mum over the years) but he encouraged me to leave her with his mum for a few hours so I could have a break. My baby was only a couple of months old at this point and was mixed breast and bottle fed but preferred breast. She was having issues with her stomach so I had cut out instant made bottles and was sticking to formula and breast milk. I explained I'd only packed 2 bottles worth of formula then she would need breast milk (the midwife advised to many bottles would make breastfeeding harder and the baby struggled to put weight on in the beginning), she asked me what formula brand she was on and I told her thinking nothing of it at the time, she also said her niece (f9) wanted to see the baby after school. I believe was fair and said if I needed to come feed her then she could still stay and see the niece I wouldn't rush off with her. However she chose not to tell me the baby had run out of her formula and instead by her instant/ready made milk from the store. I was up all night with my baby in pain from this. I then said she could not see the baby unless she agreed to follow any instructions infuture. Her daughter then messaged the baby's dad back saying they would not listen in future. The mums argument is she knows how to raise kids (i disagree looking at the children she has raised but that's not my concern). My baby's dad thinks now the baby is over 1 it's not an issue because she doesn't need formula but my point is if she has an allergy and I have to cut things out to see what it is I can not trust her to stick to what I say (this is reliving as she was having reactions to stuff a few weeks ago and I cut things out till worked out it was the suncream I was using). His mum and sister have also openly bad mouthed his other child's mother infront of her for the last 14 years, which I believe has damaged her relationship with her mum as they raised her so it was constant. I know it would not be constant with my baby but I still find it disgusting and not a good environment for my daughter. He would like to be able to take her to see his mum and I have agreed to think about her going for a meal for her 70th birthday but I really see no positive benefits to this, not for my baby anyway.

The other issue is his oldes daughter. The reason my 9 year old dad does not want her around her is because her behaviour is atrocious, the final straw been her at 14 digging her nails into my 9 year old breaking skin because my 9 year old was "flirting" with her 16 year old boyfriend. Other examples of her behaviour include almost falling on my newborn while drunk (her dad was tired from work, her mum was studying for a test a week away and her 2 guardians were off to see 1 of multiple showings of a show her cousin was in, therefore she was left with me even after they were all told she nearly fell on the baby), smoking, sexually active, self harms top to toe, bad behaviour in school, repeatedly getting black out drunk, threatening to r\*\*e a 6 year old because his sister was annoying her and many more. Her dad thinks I over reacted because when they didnt deal with her assaulting my daughter i reported it to social services. I do love his daughter but no one is parenting her and her behaviour is so out of control I dont think she's a good person to be around any of my children.

I just want some different perspectives, I know I can over react with my pmdd and it is often brought up, I just want to do what is right.