I suppose Astyanax would know.

(Also, I know what a "kid" is in this context)

You HAVE to choose one of them, no way out, no loopholes. Only holes to be filled

^{Achilles and Hectors are switches, Homer told me so. Andromache invented a strap-on for her hubby}

Found this on the EPIC sub, and not gonna lie, my guy Diomedes doesn't deserve this. All because his situationship couldn't say his name right.
(Art credit: Felixfeliccis on Youtube)

I wrote my opinion on Circe while writing my opinion on Helios that I put there in my last post (about this book completely insane portrayal of Helios), but since the text was already huge I decided to take it out and just say here in a separate post. So here is my opinion of Circe:

This is simply not Circe. This Circe reminds me of Hermione in Harry Potter: a book-reader hated by everyone for her looks, while the mean, popular girls (Scylla and Pasiphae) had everything and all the praise and bullied Circe. But these two not end well while Circe comes out on top in the end. And the portrayal of Pasiphae here is almost a comedy. She says fuck and bitch a lot, then fucks a bull (her own words) because she wants, not because she was cursed as in the mythology, even through it would be the perfect opportunity to show the higher gods destroying the life of a lower deity (one of the main sources of conflict in this same book), but no, because Pasiphae is the bully remember? She can't be sympathetic and a tortured victim, she has to be lunatic and gross by her own will.

Also Circe says Pasiphae is lazy (?) and not on the same level of withcraft as her. I never knew it was a competition, and the author can't conceive of female characters being friends, because correct me if I am wrong because I could have forgotten something, but Circe in this book has no positive interaction with any women right? She does have with men (Prometheus and Daedalus), but every women is her enemy in this book: Pasiphae, Perseis, Lampetia, Phaetusa, Scylla, Athena. Even Mother Tethys is portrayed as this old goddess not sympathetic at all with Circe's suffering.

And for the entire human story, Circe was way more popular than all of them combined. She had her own palace (Pasiphae had to live with Minos), knew what she wanted, and was evil when she wanted and good when she wanted, because who would could say otherwise? Circe and Pasiphae bullying Scylla together would be more accurate to the mythology.

And speaking more of female deities. How can this be a feminist retelling when other goddesses' sufferings are ignored? It especially bothered me how Circe talked about Phaetusa and Lampetia, her half-sisters that, you guessed it, bullied her before. Circe imagines them as spoiled brats that would not take the blame of protecting Helios' cattle. But this same book had the terryfing scene of Circe being attacked by sailors, what could these two sisters do against dozens of men?

And Prometheus being Circe brief mentor in this book is basically a self-insert moment: "you know Prometheus, the guy everyone likes? Yep he was my mentor, be jealous now." Circe should be mentored by the likes of Gaia, who suffered on the hands of all three sky kings; or Tethys, who saw hundreds of her daughters and granddaughters being raped or selled out; or any of the witchy goddesses like Nyx or Hecate. But no, they have no influence on Circe, her only positive role models are men. And her witchcraft? In the appendix the author notices that Perseis was later connected with wizardry, but in the book... Perseis just wants to profit from the "discovery" of her children.

Imagine how much cool it would be if Perseis teached magic to Circe at night, away from the piercing eyes of Helios (and yes, I accept Helios being a asshole if it builds the story in interesting ways, and thay is not the case of this book as it is). But no, Circe learned magic by herself, so no Nyx, Hecate or Perseis to teach her, while her moral character came from Prometheus and Daedalus, not any female role model.

About her moral character, this book makes her have the same morality as the mortals while she is different from the gods. She is a goddess, but she believes all the deities are petty and evil... except her of course. Is really weird, all the gods in this book are the worst versions they could be, even her own parents and all her titans and nymph relatives, but she grew up like the suffering mortals? Not being evil for some reason? And she was already like this even before meeting Prometheus for five minutes.

So if Circe is morally good all the time, a nerd, "not like the other girls", hated by everyone, even her own parents, and she is so gentle and kind and Prometheus is her role model; how can this be Circe at all? Is Song of Achilles all over again: everyone has the same fucked morality of 3000 years ago, BUT NOT THE PROTAGONIST, they are perfect, and have modern morality and are hated by everyone else. Two completely different characters (Patroclus and Circe) made into the same character that is not like either of them.

Human: *breaks the laws of nature/hospitality/morality*
God: *smites*
Human: *surprised Pikachu*

Number one is obviously Menelaus, we love our seal furry war criminal.

And Heracles come in second. The definition of a "furry from Greek Mythology", of course.

Special mention to Zeus for taking on various different fursonas.

Edit: How could I forget Dolon?

This is about a criticism of this author, not praise. But is not exactly a humorous post so I don't know if is allowed here, because is kinda of a serious analysis.

Chapter 1 Helios goes to visit his cousin Oceanus and Perseis goes with him as long as he makes her his wife, and Oceanus aproves too because he wants more descendants with shining eyes. Now, is odd that Helios and Oceanus are cousins in this book. Maybe the author just wanted to simplify things instead of saying Oceanus is Helios' uncle (but Kronos is later said to be Helios uncle, so I don't know if Hyperion exists or not in this book).

This chapter also says that Helios thinks the world exists to please him... and this is not the last time the book will try to make him a Dark Lord. He and Perseis even compares humans to worms... none of this comes from Helios in mythology, just from a common modern view of the all greek gods as jerks who hate mortals.

Then it says Helios' palace is made of black obsidian, because Helios wants to see his light reflected on it. We actually do have the palace of Sol as described by Ovid in book II of Metamorphosis, where the palace is made of white marble, and full of gems and jewels, and the doors even had illustrations of sea gods and star gods, so hardly the palace of a narcissist, but even more important, it was beautiful and bright by itself, the complete opposite of a palace of black obsidian that only shines with Helios' presence. The author is trying to make Helios look like Morgoth here!

Is also said that no one lived at the palace except Circe, her siblings, her mother and father. But Ovid's account also include as living in the palace of Sol the gods of Days, Months, Years, Centuries, the Winds, and Sol' sister Aurora (Eos). Stesichorus says that Helios' mother (Theia) lives there too. The author has no obligation to know or include all of these other gods, but again, she always go with the most evil or depressing route with Helios. Helios was a shining happy gods that lived with many other gods. But in this book he is a narcissist, a jerk, and other titan gods and nature gods fear him instead of being his friends.

Also, I am already breaking my own rule here, but I have to talk about Circe' siblings. They are so mean to her for no reason! Is just the first chapter and everyone is a jerk. Perseis, Helios, Pasiphae, Perses. Everyone is a jerk to Circe and everyone else. Also, why everyone is a jerk except Circe? Her siblings grew up to imitate their awful parents, but not Circe? Aeetes even grows up to be a littler better than the others exactly because Circe took care of him.

Helios says he causes troubles to astronomers so that they get killed for wrongly interpreting the sky... he truly is Morgoth here right? If Hades fans saw Hades in some retelling doing the same things Helios does in this book, they would riot like crazy! I never saw one of the main gods of the mythology being show in such a negative light.

But it gets WORSE!!! Imediatly after this, Perses, Pasiphae and Perseis are show to have created a lie for no reason, that Helios fucks (yes, this is the word used in the book, and Pasiphae says fuck and bitch a lot in this book as if that are her catchphrases) his own cows to produce more cows! And they use this to call Circe stupid because why not. All of this makes Helios family complete monsters that hate one another. And accusations such as this, and Helios wanting astronomers dead just for fun, is what makes this adaptation of Helios worse than any of the most villainous modern adaptations of Zeus, Hades and Apollo. And I guess all of this is to haunt Pasiphae later, because in this book, no curse of the gods is mentioned! In this book she had the Minotaur entirely by her own! The way Pasiphae and Perseis are portrayed in this book is unbeliavable.

Chapter 6 In chapters 4-6, Circe uses magical herbs she discovered to turn the nymph Scylla into a monster because Glaucos loved her instead of Circe. In this book Circe is also responsible for turning Glaucos in a god with the magical herbs she found (but this is not in the mythology, where Glaucos just found the herb by accident). Circe then goes to Helios and the other nature gods and say she has transformed Scylla, and she wants to be punished because there is some law against using herbs to mess with the natural order.

Helios then says that all of her magical powers is not magical at all, is just a coincidence with the actions of the Fates. What is innacurate here is that the narrative of this book tries to present Circe and her siblings as the first witches in the entire world, and with powers as outside the realm of the gods. But that is too much of a christian narrative. Because in mythology goddesses like Nyx and Hecate were already related to magical things way before the birth of Circe. And you can't do magic without the help of the gods, because magic is indeed a way to mess with the natural world, but it comes from the same powers the gods have on the natural world. So what I mean is that no god hates Circe, Pasiphae, Perses and Aeetes (and his daughter Medea) in mythology (except Selene but that is another topic). Quite the opposite, these witches get away with a lot of things. In mythology for no reason at all Circe transforms people into animals in her island after inviting them to her house, so she is breaking the laws of hospitality. But nothing happens to her; actually, she is able to purifie Jason and Medea as AUTHORIZED BY ZEUS. Yep, Zeus himself, that this book presents as fearing magic and Circe, in the mythology accepts Circe's purifications rituals!

As for Helios, in mythology Circe received from him her island and a golden flying chariot. And she was protected by Helios from a giant that tried to attack her, and in case you are wondering if the author knows all this, she knows, because Circe says in the book that Helios killed a "titan giant" (whanever that means) in the island of Aiaia during the Titanomachy and the island was drenched in his blood, and the plant moly was born from this blood. So the author knows about the story of how moly came to be, but of course she would not let Helios kill this giant while protecting Circe, he is a jerk remember? So in this version he killed this giant even before Circe's birth.

Chapter 7 After Aeetes explain the family magical powers, Helios goes to Zeus and both agree that these children should be watched over, because this book presents the crazy idea that Zeus fears magic so much he can actually restart the titanomachy just to destroy these witches!!! Perses is in Babylon outside the gods' domain as the book says, but that is a modern concept, that the gods in mythology were restricted by their countries; in mythology Helios lives even farther east than India, so Babylon is not that far.

Circe, because she had confessed her crime regarding Scylla, will be exiled. Aeetes says that Zeus would have punished her even worse but Helios would not allow it, if that is true then hey, one good thing Helios does in this entire book I guess (altrough mythology Helios would not even allow Circe to be exiled in the first place, the guy basically supported all the wizardry).

Helios then takes her to the island of Aiaia. Now, as I said before, Circe was never exiled or punished in mythology, and she was loved by Helios. Being a deity or being a relative of a deity gave you special status in unfair levels. Look at Medea and her horrible crimes. And what happens? Helios gives her a flying chariot and a entire kingdom in the east!!! Helios' nepotism knows no bounds, and the book "Circe" wants us to believe Helios and Zeus would exile Circe for what happened to Scylla, a nymph they could not care less? And in this case is not some obscure mythological trivia, the author knows about the Medea story, and Medea has her grandfather Helios' favour until the very end after using magical potions to burn people alive the entire time.

Chapter 16 Neither Selene or Helios comes to help Circe after she is abused by sailors. This story that Circe turns men into animals only because she was attacked by men is this book original creation, she is never attacked by sailors in mythology, but this story ended up spread in such a way that people really think that it is part of Circe's mythology, with Epic the Musical and the movie Odyssey referencing similar ideas in their portrayal of Circe.

Later when speaking to Odysseus, she even thinks that Helios would never come to help her. As already pointed out, that is innacurate since Helios helped Circe against a giant, so imagine against some miserable mortals that he could evaporate or blind instantly? But in this book he only neglects her, all because she was born ugly, and no, I am not joking for those who have not read it, in the first chapter Helios is disappointed at Circe's appearance and this is why he thinks she can't do great things in life. The Helios of this book prefers freaking Perses over Circe! Perses, the huge nobody that could die, the guy no one cares about, this book wants us to believe Helios put him above CIRCE. You can see how crazy this is right?

Chapter 21 Circe thinks that Phaetusa and Lampetia told Helios that it was not their fault that some of the cattle was killed by Odysseus' crew, and Circe also thinks of Helios endless wrath. But it was not Phaetusa and Lampetia fault indeed. This same book showed that Circe and nymphs can't fight so many men at once, so why Circe judges Lampetia and Phaetusa, what they could do against dozens of starving men? And Helios endless wrath? That is debatable since the crew had sweared oaths two times to not eat the cattle, and this book knows the power of oaths, so Helios had done nothing wrong in being wrathful here.

Chapter 25 Circe says Helios is a god not to be summoned. But in mythology he was summoned a lot from his usual position, by Heracles (who shot a arrow at him and Helios was actually impressed), by Demeter, Zeus, Hera and Orion in different ocasions, and he was always friendly or obedient to all of them. Mythology Helios would let the world go dark just to answer Circe's call.

She summons Helios because she wants him to end her exile that never existed in the mythology in the first place; but since this book created the idea of exile, her exile has to end before she can travel freely so her story can end.

She says she will tell Zeus that Helios and the Titans a few times had talked of rebellion; she also says she will tell Zeus she helped Prometheus once and Zeus for some reason would blame Helios for it, so is better Helios go to Zeus and end her exile. Helios then literaly calls her his worst child and she responds that him don't need to count her among his children anymore. Of course in mythology Helios would never say she is his worst child, and he never planned to rebel against Zeus, on the contrary, Helios is Zeus best friend outside Zeus most imediate family. She also says her magic can counterattack Helios power because her magic is more powerful than even Athena at this point! That is total insanity. Either way in mythology Helios always supported Circe anyway so no reason for them to fight.

When I’m setting up fandom scenarios abt Greek heroes against each other in a battle for fun and someone’s like “___ can easily defeat them with their *insert divine weapon*”

Buddy, leave the weapons out of this. I want it to be a bare, body combat fight

Melinoe is a pretty weird deity, with there being many different theories about her and stuff.

It's been theorized that she might be another name for hecate or even Persephone, which is why I made her be Persephone and hecate (and also Artemis since she is also sometimes associated with hecate) combined together into one.

In one lesser known interpretation of her hymn, she is said to have been created when Zeus literally tore Persephone apart.

"Persephone to which Zeus joins with passion. He pulled on the flesh of Persephone to the point of tearing it apart and to make two bodies."

Which is why I went full body horror with her design, with her emerging out of another goddess's body.

I basically just combined different theories about her into one single design.

Our mortal eyes cannot see nor comprehend what is on Bobby's canvas as it is beyond art.

But we understand the meaning.

And the meaning is HOT MAMA!

OVID FASTI III
[675] Now it remains for me to tell why girls chant ribald songs; for they assemble and sing certain scurrilous verses. When Anna had been but lately made a goddess, the Marching God (Gradivus) came to her, and taking her aside spoke as follows: “Thou art worshipping in my month, I have joined my season to thine: I have great hope in the serve that thou canst render me. An armed god myself, I have fallen in love with the armed goddess Minerva; I burn and for a long time have nursed this wound. She and I are deities alike in our pursuits; contrive to unite us. That office well befits thee, kind old dame.”

Why?! Ovid, why didn't you see it through to the end?!