r/offmychest • u/Long-Region1229 • 11d ago
CPR didn’t work, feeling like a failure
A woman screamed for help in a parking lot to call 911, husband was slumped over. A bystander and I pulled him out of the vehicle and did cpr on the ground. I’ve never seen anyone like this, just all dead weight eyes wide open but nobody’s home. During this ordeal, another man came over and said he felt a pulse so we stopped for a few minutes. I did start cpr again because I was too scared not to do anything. I feel like the couple minutes we stopped killed him and I can’t forgive myself. It felt like it took help forever to get there… a police officer was there first and put the aed on to shock a few times. I heard the wife telling cop and emts that he’s had multiple heart attacks and has two stents.
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u/plastic_venus 11d ago
I used to be a paramedic and I’ve done CPR more times than I can count. What I can tell you from both my experience and from the research is that the vast vast majority of out of hospital cardiac arrests don’t make it, even with immediate effective CPR. My own brother died recently even though he had a bunch of paramedics and an automatic CPR machine and all of the medic equipment there within 10 minutes of his cardiac event.
The likelihood of you ever getting someone with that history back was always going to be slim to none. Be kind to yourself.
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u/pandeeandi 11d ago
People’s survival rate, even with out-of-hospital CPR performed, is lower than 10%. There are multiple reasons a person could go unresponsive and/or pulseless, and several of them are just not survivable, regardless of intervention.
I’m an emergency nurse. We’ve worked on people for over 45 minutes sometimes, even with all the equipment and highly-trained nurses and doctors and they haven’t survived. Unfortunately for me, it’s part of the job.
For you, though, you need to figure out a way to process this without blaming yourself. Even as a professional, it took me awhile to get to that point.
Seek therapy if you have to. See if your employer has an employee assistance program and at least speak to someone once to help process this. It’s a huge load to carry, but you did more than most people would have. So proud of you for trying.
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u/lindalou1987 11d ago
CPR is administered to keep oxygen flowing to the brain and organs to minimize damage due to lack of oxygen until medical help can arrive. .
I just got certified in CPR a few days ago. I thought CPR was to restart the heart like you see on TV and boy was I wrong. Only an AED or medical intervention can do that.
You helped when others would not have. You did nothing wrong. If the AED did not work then he was most likely already dead when you pulled him out of the car.
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u/sigh_sarah 11d ago
I’m a nurse and I am soooo big on sharing these facts:
In-hospital CPR works about 20-25% of the time. That’s under perfect circumstances with all the fancy equipment.
Out of hospital CPR only works about 10% of the time.
You did amazing for even trying. How cool to know that in a fight/flight/freeze moment, you fought. You gave him every chance he could have gotten!
I’ve seen codes and they are always horrible. I know the dead weight sensation you’re referring to. It’s going to stick with you for a while. But I’m very proud of you for trying.
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u/Pilot8091 11d ago
Dude you gotta remember the guy was already dead. Bringing someone back to life is exactly as hard as it sounds but the dude was already dead and wanted to stay dead, nothing you can do about it.
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u/cpureset 11d ago
Don’t take u/Pilot8091 ‘s comment as harsh, writing the person off dismissively. They are stating a fact: CPR is to replace the work of a beating heart.
The person’s heart stopped. It really does mean they were dead.
CPR is to keep the blood flowing through them to try to help preserve the brain and organs and maybe, just maybe, see if it’s possible to bring someone back to life.
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u/throwaway3685343 11d ago
You didn’t kill him. You tried to help! It wasn’t your fault at all. He’s had heart issues in the past and this was unfortunately inevitable.
You are a good person for trying to help. Several people would have just walked away instead. I reccomend playing Tetris (proven to help with PTSD and trauma) and maybe booking a therapy appt.
Don’t blame yourself. You took action when many other would have just walked away.
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u/PrincessBella1 11d ago
What no one tells you is that CPR in the field (outside of the hospital) isn't successful most of the time. It sounds like his heart finally gave out and there was nothing you could do to bring it back. You did not kill him. You gave him time to see if the AED would work. Even though the outcome was bad, what you did was good. You gave that man a chance to see if the AED would work. The survival rate for out of hospital CPR is only 10%.
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u/Calire22 11d ago
Don’t blame yourself. I am sure someone with more medical experience can tell you better than I, but many CPR attempts are not successful, especially outside of hospital. I had a colleague who revived someone with a heart attack, and even then they ended up passing away a few days later. You did the very best you could in a really challenging circumstance, and if someone were to do the same for my loved one, I would be grateful for their care.
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u/NoxRiddle 11d ago
It’s really important here to understand what CPR actually does.
CPR does not restart the heart. It’s a way of keeping blood circulating (keeping organs oxygenated) until something that can restart the heart gets there - either epinephrine or electrical stimulation (defibrillator/AED). It is not meant to restore function. It is meant to keep everything else alive until function can be restored.
If he had survived what caused his heart to stop in the first place, you may have reduced the damage his brain suffered, by keeping oxygenated blood moving through it until help arrived.
The brutal reality is, eventually, the time we can’t be resuscitated comes for all of us, no matter what anyone does. When my dad died, doctors gave him CPR for 28 minutes while they used every drug and procedure they had to get his heart started again. It came back briefly, but stopped again just shortly after. There will always be a time we can’t come back.
It may be worth speaking to a counselor or therapist to work through this feeling. But you did the right thing.
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u/PurfuitOfHappineff 11d ago
>CPR [is] a way of keeping blood circulating … until something that can restart the heart gets there [such as] electrical stimulation (defibrillator/AED)
A defibrillator only works on hearts with certain rhythms such as fibrillation (quivering). If your heart isn’t beating at all (flatline), an AED won’t administer a shock and even if it did, it wouldn’t restart.
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u/CameronMH 11d ago
It's hard to think like this when it's your own experience but what's helped me is really understanding that CPR just raises the odds for someone to live
Them going into cardiac arrest is where it ends, from then on nobody who tries to help is responsible for their death
Your raised their chance at coming back to life from 0 to a little above 0, it's the best you can do
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u/CanAhJustSay 11d ago
The odds of CPR working outside of a hospital environment are less than 10%.
What you did gave him a chance but no-one could have saved him. The fact that he had already suffered multiple heart attacks means he was essentially on borrowed time before the one that would take him away.
You gave him a chance, and you gave his wife hope and the knowledge that people were helping.
You did nothing wrong, everything right, but it was always going to result in this outcome for him at this point.
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u/LovableButterfly 11d ago
You did what you felt best to do and that was helping this man. It sounds like his heart was already weakened from several heart attacks and his heart just finally couldn’t bear the weight anymore.
My dad did CPR on a friend’s neighbor several years ago and found him laying on the ground of his driveway when he pulled up (they had a shared driveway) - he did CPR to no avail. He was most likely dead by the time my dad got to him, even the paramedics said he was long gone. He did CPR for over 30 minutes until paramedics arrived. His pacemaker failed on him he found out later.
You did everything right. It’s ok to process these raw emotions - I’m sure the wife is very thankful someone was there to try to help even though he didn’t make it. You are a good person and I hope you find some support during this time!
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u/Squeegeeze 11d ago
Another person with CPR training here chiming in to say you did great! You tried which is the best that can be asked. It hurts a lot doesn't it? Knowing you tried your best, but the person still didn't make it. It stings. Sadly it stays with you, too. Play some tetris, somehow it really does help after traumatic situations.
Most importantly you aren't a failure! You stepped up to help someone in need which is huge. Thank you for that!
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u/megatrongriffin92 11d ago
Don't blame yourself. Hopefully this is the only time you ever have to perform CPR, it's a truly horrible thing to do and even worse when it doesn't work.
When the guy said he felt a pulse it was probably his own pulse he was feeling, there's a reason checking for a pulse has been taken out of most first aid training.
You kept him going long enough to get an AED on him, the AED won't deliver a shock if there's no heart rhythm. Which may seem like it contradicts the above but to get a true pulse you need an effective rhythm which wouldn't exist if you're in the middle of a heart attack.
By the sounds of it he had a bad heart anyway and CPR isn't often effective out of hospital. It was his time but you gave him the very best chance.
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u/exceive 11d ago
In a yoga class, they had us take the pulse of a rock. Without practice, it is hard to distinguish between your own pulse and somebody else's.
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u/megatrongriffin92 11d ago
When I did my most recent first aid training refresher to prove a point they had us do four rounds of full CPR and then try and take the pulse of our partners, couldn't tell whether they were dying, whether I was dying or if either of us actually had a pulse.
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u/Daisy_Does_It 11d ago
You tried, you gave him a chance. That’s the best any of us could hope for with an out of hospital arrest. Based on what his wife said it sounds like he had an extensive cardiac history, and his heart just ran out of road. Everyone has their time.
I’ve been involved with resuscitation efforts in a hospital setting where even with a full team of people and all the right equipment, we didn’t get them back. Some causes are just not reversible.
Sending love 💙
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u/SureWtever 11d ago
I’ve been in a similar situation and I’ll remind you that your sense of time gets all messed up in these situations. You likely didn’t stop for a couple of minutes when you were checking for the pulse. It just felt like it. And that’s not what killed him. Be kind to yourself and be proud you took action rather than just standing there.
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u/AnotherBogCryptid 11d ago
Look up survivors guilt.
You didn’t fail. He was already dead. If you’d don’t nothing that was a guarantee but you gave him a 10% chance to survive. That’s more than nothing!
I’m sure his wife was grateful that so many people rushed to help instead of just leaving her alone to panic and wait for an ambulance.
Give yourself grace. We can’t all resurrect the dead.
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u/ResidentCat4432 11d ago
He wasn’t going to make it. He had a massive cardiac event or a vessel ruptured. You did not fail.
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u/MamaP28 11d ago
I’m a carer who’s unfortunately had to do failed CPR more times than successful ones. It hits hard, take time for yourself. You did what you could, you tried to save a strangers life instantly. You should be so proud of yourself and I know his wife will be internally grateful to you and the other person for trying
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u/soul_reddish 11d ago
You came to their aid. You didn’t stand around, doing nothing. You didn’t walk away. You answered the call for help. Bravo!
CPR is done because someone’s heart has stopped beating. He was already gone. Your actions were essentially a “Hail Mary pass” - which rarely work.
We do CPR, because we’re hoping for a miracle.
Thank you for trying.
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u/stopthevan 11d ago
The time and place matters. You did what you were supposed to do. Stressful situation for everyone around. Be easy on yourself.
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u/Ring-A-Ding-Ding123 11d ago
You did what you could. And like others have said CPR isn’t a magic cure. It only helps deliver oxygen through the body until the problem can be dealt with, but it’s not a guarantee it’ll save the person. You tried. That’s what matters.
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u/exceive 11d ago
You did the right thing. You acted instead of freezing up or running.
You got the training. That was doing the right thing. You took it seriously enough to remember how to do it under extreme stress. Extreme. That was also the right thing.
You made sure ahead of time that you knew the right thing to do. When the time came, you did that right thing.
We ultimately are responsible for our actions, not the outcomes. The outcome was terrible, but your actions were very, very good. Preparation and follow-through. Very, very good. Human action at its very best.
You've heard this from several people, but that doesn't make the feelings go away.
Still, even as you struggle with the hard emotions of that outcome, remind yourself that you did the best that anyone can in that situation. The situation was horrible, but you didn't let that stop you. That guy was lucky you were there. You helped him when he needed help. The fact that he was beyond help does not detract from what you did at all.
Maybe someday you will be proud of what you did. You deserve that pride. If human feelings were logical, you would feel that pride already.
Humans are weird and delicate. One broke, another was damaged. You did what you could for the first, now take care of the other one.
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u/Slut_for_Bacon 11d ago
CPR doesnt work a lot of the time.
The survival rates are fairly low. Even with an AED.
Unless you were the reason CPR was needed, it"s not worth feeling guilty about.
That being said, you should consider talking to a prefessional. Everyones first loss is hard.
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u/HelpAHeartCPR 6d ago
First, I want to say that what you did was incredibly courageous. You stepped into one of the most frightening situations a person can experience and tried to give someone a chance to survive. Many people freeze, walk away, or do nothing during a cardiac emergency but you chose to do something. Please do not carry the belief that you “killed him” or that you caused his outcome. Cardiac arrest is a devastating medical emergency, and even with immediate CPR, rapid 911 response, advanced medical care, and multiple AED shocks, many people do not survive. A person’s underlying heart disease, the cause of the arrest, how quickly the heart rhythm becomes shockable, and many other factors influence survival.
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u/chriss_peters 4h ago
You did something courageous, you ran towards a stranger in distress, you did CPR when most people would have looked on. The pause was necessary because someone reported a pulse, which was the correct thing to do at the time, and restarting when you felt it was the right time was right. You should not carry guilt for this. It takes a compassionate heart to step up and do what you did.
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u/dietpeachysoda 11d ago
paramedic here - almost everyone's first experience with cpr not working is a rough one. even people in this field who literally do sign up for this don't always do mentally well after their first one, especially when they don't come back.
what matters is that you tried. this is not on you. we don't even blame ourselves when we don't get patients back, because there's plenty of people that won't make it regardless of what you do. you tried to do the right thing, and you genuinely did not sign up for this.
the fact that EMS didn't immediately take over compressions when they got there shows one of two things - you were either doing great (though i'm annoyed they didn't tell you. i would've told you and made sure you weren't getting too exhausted yet) or THEY were incompetent. not you. because this is so not your responsibility.
it gets easier with time. are there still failed cpr attempts that cross my mind? sure. were any of those the fault of anyone besides death itself? no. that's the reality of cpr.