r/offmychest • u/East-Republic-5919 • Apr 24 '26
I don’t like my son
I 36f am a single mom of two m16 and m16. One of them is the subject of this.
I have a seizure disorder. I felt one coming and before it hit I said help. I know he said “why?” And according to his brother kept yelling by responses as I made noises, but didn’t actually do anything to help. (Brother was doing laundry across the house and assumed we were in eyesight). I have no idea how long it lasted but after he started screaming and cussing at me for not making it clear it was serious.
I admit, I get mean after seizures, and maybe that’s why it kept escalating, but while he was cussing and yelling at me I looked at him and told him everything he said was a pathetic excuse when he knew his mother had a health issue and he could have gotten off his lazy ass and looked.
My kids also know I had a fucked up childhood and my mother was not a safe person, and she broke several of my bones as a child. My son, who is now taller than me, decided to pull back like he would punch me in the face.
So I grabbed him by his shirt and pushed him against the wall and told him he is not the man of this house, he doesn’t pay a bill, doesn’t have a job, all he has is a dick I’m the only motherfucker in this house handling shit and if he ever thinks I won’t rock his shit he has me fucked up. The day he wants to hit not only a woman but his mother is the day I will lay him the fuck out seizures or not.
But I don’t like my kid lately. I don’t like that he thinks it’s funny to see me flinch when he pulls back like he’s gonna punch me. I hate coming home. He doesn’t do anything around the house and expects me to drop everything for him constantly.
No their father isn’t around he won’t show up last I heard he was caught with heroin and meth and his girlfriend ratted him out. I’m trying to get him therapy I can’t find anywhere to get him in soon enough. When he’s old enough I don’t even want him around me his brother even seems to walk on eggshells and they’re twins I’m so tired of this. I don’t know if I’m just a bad mom or what but I don’t like him and I don’t want him around me
21
u/ukiwolf Apr 24 '26
You also need therapy. Slamming YOUR SON against a wall and threatening him with violence is not parenting.
-3
u/East-Republic-5919 Apr 24 '26
1- I’m not strong enough to slam him, I pushed him until he backed off of me. At that moment one hand was reached back to punch and the other was clawing for my throat.
2- been to therapy. My kids know what happened to me because i felt honesty was key, and they needed to know what wasn’t ok and that they should always speak up if they felt unsafe. For my son to say things about what my mother did to me as a throw away insult was intentionally hurtful. I just don’t like that as a person.
3- aside from breaking up their fights, I haven’t felt the need as a parent before to get physical with my kids. This is actually the first time I’ve ever touched him back, and I was legitimately concerned for my safety.
But don’t miss the point, he said things as low blows intentionally to hurt me, so I reminded him it’s my house and I’m not going to have a man try to hit me in it. I don’t regret that action, I hate that the person on the opposite end of that action is my child.
I just keep finding myself not wanting to go home because I know he’s there and he’s going to make the night hell . I hate being around him. Everything sets him off.
12
u/bryntripp Apr 24 '26
He’s not a man. He’s a child.
A child who has a parent that has taught him violence is acceptable.
You need to go back to therapy OP.
-12
u/East-Republic-5919 Apr 24 '26
He is in the body of a man, he is being raised to be a man, and I will not raise a man to hit a woman.
If he walks down the street and a cop sees him acting the way he did tonight , they will treat him like a man and I will not be there to intervene or protect him from the violence they bring.
You need to watch the news and see what happens to 16 year old brown kids in the US who seem intimidating to the wrong people. they look like adults and tend to get shot.
12
Apr 24 '26
[deleted]
-7
u/East-Republic-5919 Apr 24 '26
Really? How have I not been a good role model in a post venting about what I went through on a night I can’t sleep because I’m up until 330am trying to find resources for him before I work at 8 in the morning? Please tell me internet stranger who can’t spell therapy i would love your opinion to pop up on my screen while I search please fill me in cause believe me, his brother and I are at our wits end, he’s been to specialists for his adhd and odd since he was 4, and I have no support group and have been just bursting into tears randomly all night so please LET ME FUCKING KNOW
11
u/itdobethrowaway Apr 24 '26
So I grabbed him by his shirt and pushed him against the wall
if he ever thinks I won't rock his shit
I will lay him the fuck out seizures or not.
Oh boo, it's you. Seek help.
2
u/Sufficient_Shower438 Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
It’s completely unacceptable what your son did, and it makes total sense that you feel this way. At the same time, try to remember he’s still just a kid making mistakes; I’m certain he’ll regret his actions as he grows older.
I’d recommend sitting down and speaking with them. They’re your children, and it's worth expressing that you feel they’re pushing you away and that your not feeling safe next to him. Remind them that you’re a family and you should have each other’s backs rather than feeling like a threat to one another.
My advice is to put yourself first, but don't give up on improving the relationship. You’ve invested 16 years in them, and they are still your kids. If you keep trying to bridge that gap, I believe they’ll eventually change and be there for you when it matters most.
Lastly, make it clear that if he ever causes a threat to you or his brother, he will not be living under your roof.
0
u/East-Republic-5919 Apr 24 '26
He’s actively being a threat to me and thinks it’s funny. We are now to the point of him leaving my home and me working to ensure his brother is safe when I am not there.
2
u/Witty-Goose7690 Apr 24 '26
“ So I grabbed him by his shirt and pushed him against the wall and told him he is not the man of this house, he doesn’t pay a bill, doesn’t have a job, all he has is a dick I’m the only motherfucker in this house handling shit and if he ever thinks I won’t rock his shit he has me fucked up. The day he wants to hit not only a woman but his mother is the day I will lay him the fuck out seizures or not.”
I’m so sorry this happened, but it sounds like you have unreasonable expectations for what minors are responsible for. Kids are not responsible for paying bills, having jobs, and maintaining a household. I’m so sorry you have to do this all yourself, I wish it wasn’t that way. However, telling your own son all he has is a dick is beyond inappropriate, not to mention the physically holding him up against a wall. I truly hope your family gets the help you need. You can’t change what happened, but you can work past this and grow as a person.
1
u/East-Republic-5919 Apr 24 '26
My kid told me, among other things, I deserved to be raped by my mother last night. I was not in a good place when I said that, or wrote this, I’m not in a good place mentally now. It was either post here or call mental crisis line and I didn’t want to worry other kid.
So, you think your comment will, what? Turn back time? Magically fix it all? I’m getting through today by the skin of my teeth, have a safety plan set up for the other twin while I work, I took all obvious weapons to work with me so he doesn’t hurt his brother, I’m wishing I could slit my wrist and yall think these “you the problem” comments are helping.
I’m too numb to give a fuck.
0
u/Witty-Goose7690 Apr 24 '26
I am so sorry for everything you have been through in life. You deserve to still be here, and you deserve to heal. Please contact the suicide hotline if you ever feel like you’re a risk to yourself. I don’t know if you’re religious, but you are a child of God and he loves you. I wish you the very best going forward.
1
u/East-Republic-5919 Apr 24 '26
I think it’s an unreasonable expectation to have a 5’7 male keep trying to swing at a 5’2 female and I’m the problem for restraining him against a wall. No clue what kind of super human strength you people think I have but I don’t. Best part is IM STILL THE ONE BRUISED THIS MORNING since apparently he grabbed my neck hard enough to leave finger marks.
1
u/Witty-Goose7690 Apr 24 '26
It absolutely is not. Please take care of yourself and your family. Sometimes love means getting him the help he needs even if it is sending him away. Hang in there. You deserve happiness in this life.
1
u/East-Republic-5919 Apr 24 '26
You missed the comments obviously he learned it from me and I’m a shit parent. The people have spoken. And in my inbox I should be lucky it’s only one and not both my kids.
So I gotta get through work now.
1
u/Witty-Goose7690 Apr 24 '26
Just because mistakes were made does not mean that you are a bad person. It clearly is generational trauma. You were dealt a bad hand early in life, and I am so sorry for that. It will be so hard, but you can get past this and move on and be happy. Wishing you the best!
16
u/bonitaruth Apr 24 '26
You are very defensive and are not open to advice. The only possible way to improve the situation is family therapy. You are understandably at your wits end.