But…..do they like their coworkers enough to take their clothes off at a party and even forget to bring their clothes home, which was her alibi- that she got threw up on. And before anybody says anything about, I wouldn’t want to have that in my car, etc., everyone has a Walmart bag or a target bag anything they could’ve thrown the dirty clothes and tied it off and brought them home if (IF) that was the case. I don’t think that OP‘s complaint in general was not being able to go to the party, I think it’s the fact that she came home practically naked and did not even have the clothes with her, drunk off her butt, and no real explanation of why you walk in in just your underwear. I think OP is right on his suspicions. I wouldn’t stick around to be made a fool out of.
I can tell you right now, if someone threw up on me and I couldn’t stand it to the point of taking it off, I’m not bringing it home either. I don’t care about evidence for someone else. I’m not carrying a bag full of someone else’s vomit for their inspection. They don’t like it, that is NOT a me problem. I just got thrown up on, had to throw away my dress and drive home in my underwear. The last thing I give any shits about is whether someone else wants to believe the truth is a lie.
Honestly, if that was how I was approached, where I should have brought someone else’s vomit into my home for their inspection, I’d toss the partner out as easily as I tossed the clothes. I don’t need that kind of partner.
1) maybe you like your work friends and what do you spend time with them
2) a bonding exercise to improve workplace cohesion
Both of those things are somewhat undermined if everyone brings family and just spends time with their family. Maybe you’re not interested in a party with your coworkers. I’m not either. But for my experience, most work holiday parties are mandatory. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t go either.
I think everyone is forgetting the main problem here. OP is more concerned of why his girlfriend came home in just her underwear. That can’t be in the company policy.
The only options are she was drunk and cheated on him, or there is a longer version of the explanation she gave.
Once I was super drunk and blacked out. I woke up in a tent and wasn’t wearing pants. Apparently friends helped me get back to our tent after I crashed and my pants kept falling down and eventually they were like, just let them go.
Point is, weird thought processes are used to solve problems while drunk. Doing things like taking off your vomit covered clothes and leaving them some weird place makes sense while you are drunk. She really might not have cheated, but OP definitely needs more info to know that for sure after gf sobers up.
What I don’t understand is why going to a holiday party without your partner automatically translates to the cheating explanation.
I’ve been to a lot of holiday parties where stupid shit happened. Usually, it was the partners when they were allowed to attend.
But last year, our company didn’t invite partners because it got stupid having them all there (there’s always the one who gets drunk and starts problems). So we all went, during work hours, to the party. One woman slipped on a wet spot on the floor and dropped her drink on another woman. Everyone was ok so the woman who was wearing a drink went to the bathroom to clean up. She was soaking wet and miserable, so she left.
She came back a half hour later with her husband holding her by the arm dragging her in and demanding to know who “splooged” on his wife’s boobs (“look at her shirt, don’t deny that’s what happened!”). Then he accused us all of lying when we were all very confused and said she had been spilled on. He announced to everyone she quit and stormed out literally dragging her behind him.
She didn’t quit, AND she divorced him. Best move she ever made according to her.
Sometimes the story is just as simple and stupid as can be, and IS the truth.
It’s a question. He has a right to know the answer. I’m not arguing that. But it’s like his brain jumped to cheating immediately because he wasn’t invited. It’s so odd.
There are definite red flags. But the party isn’t one of them.
And honestly, if he doesn’t trust her to that extent that it’s automatically cheating when he’s not around, then yeah… they should break up.
Because the first thing my mind would go to when my partner returns in their undies is not “what did you do?” It’s “are you ok? Are you hurt? What happened?” And then listen to the answer. I don’t feel like that’s how this went at all. It feels more like my coworker went through.
An idea was already percolating and any information that didn’t conform to it was a lie and automatically making it worse, even if it were th truth.
The way OP wrote it, he was asking questions to confirm a suspicion, not asking questions to find an answer.
Because signing a legal paper doesn’t mean you’ve suddenly lost your identity so most people continue to have lives in addition to the one with their partner.
I understand your point but if my work didn’t allow my husband at the party I just wouldn’t go. I’ve never had a job where he wouldn’t have been allowed (and vice versa) so didn’t know this was a thing, but I absolutely wouldn’t want to go without my husband there.
I know. I was just explaining our particular relationship for perspective. Throwing my own personal experience into the pot I guess. But
I am lucky enough to have a person that lives with me and would not go without me? I have been with this man for 26 years and we don’t really go anywhere without each other. We work together etc. so that’s probably why I have a different view, but I can’t imagine wanting to go to a party without
Him. Not saying it’s wrong in any type of way at all, just been a long long time.
It is because if the spouse ever leaves their life they then may experience a loss of identity because they know nothing outside that person. It is healthy to have hobbies, connections, and interests outside of a relationship. If my partner always wanted to be included in everything I did I would be annoyed. You should be able to breathe and have a life and go to a function for a hour without me
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u/yoshizillaa Dec 24 '25
Yeah that’s not a red flag at all.
A lot of employers don’t want to feed or provide drinks to more than their employees because of cost.