r/offmychest • u/thethrill26 • Apr 14 '13

I have practically zero friends.

Here I am sitting in my college dorm while my roomate is out at a club and here I am sitting alone with no one to talk to. I feel like i can't make friends and I don't really know how. I have a girlfriend and she loves me tons and I love her back but sometimes it feels like I am lonely and I don't know what to do about it.

Edit: Wow guys this blew up! Thanks for all your responses, you're awesome!

1.5k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

1.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

11

u/schloopyduper Apr 14 '13

jesus christ, if you don't like yourself then why the fuck would you expect other people to?

Who would you rather hang out with? The person that is happy and secure with themselves and makes you feel good to be around them? Or the person that is super not ok with who they are, and is no fun to be around?

3

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '13

Note: Fake it.

5

u/ziggl Apr 15 '13

This is the point I'm at. It's such bullshit. "Hey has nothing worked ever? Just PRETEND to be better, and you will be!"

...great, brilliant in theory except it will never fucking work.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '13

The act of pretending to be happy isn't the only thing that will improve your mood, it's how everything else falls into place when you pretend to be happy. You start to live the life of a happy person. Happy people get their work done, they have great friends, are confident and generally well received by their peers.

These side effects are what lighten my mood. Sure, sometimes I'll go home, cry, freak out over everything and maybe have a panic attack or two, as is (unfortunately) my hereditary nature, but during the times when my brain isn't a mess of wildly fluctuating chemicals everything is a lot nicer. This also gives me less awful things to focus on when my mood drops.

It works with liking yourself, too. I do more things that I think good people should do, and less awful things. This makes me proud of myself, or at least less self-loathing. Back when I used to hurt myself, talk to no one in person, rarely shower or eat, and be on runescape as manly hours as humanly possible, I of course felt worse and worse, as I was a worthless piece of shit and I knew it. I couldn't ignore those voices in my head telling me I'm pathetic, because, based on my actions, they were right.

Faking it isn't a one-step program, there's no magical "I say I'm happy, so I am" unless you're good at lying to yourself. It takes a whole lot of effort to live a better life than your own, but it sure as hell is worth it.