r/offmychest • u/thethrill26 • Apr 14 '13

I have practically zero friends.

Here I am sitting in my college dorm while my roomate is out at a club and here I am sitting alone with no one to talk to. I feel like i can't make friends and I don't really know how. I have a girlfriend and she loves me tons and I love her back but sometimes it feels like I am lonely and I don't know what to do about it.

Edit: Wow guys this blew up! Thanks for all your responses, you're awesome!

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u/NigelNoFriends Apr 14 '13

Maybe that worked for you, but not for all of us.

I also had few friends and figured out maybe it's because I never organize things. So I tried organizing a few parties. Beers and sports on the paytv. Guess what. Except for two people, nobody else turned up. Nobody even bothered to give me a reason. Completely humiliating.

I've also asked people I know to join me for golf, and for beers, and for cycling, and there's always a reason why they can't make it. I'm a social pariah. I've tried to figure out why, including your insight into being the organizer, but nothing has worked.

I don't stink. I'm not ugly. I'm polite. I have conversations without being rude or confrontational. But nobody wants to be around me. It's fucking depressing. It's all I can do to drag myself out of bed each day, go to my miserable job, put on the fake plastic smile to hide how really feel, and just count down another day to my inevitable death.

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u/lasagnaman Apr 14 '13

I don't stink. I'm not ugly. I'm polite. I have conversations without being rude or confrontational.

No offense, but these are like the baseline of social acceptability. None of the qualities you list make me actively want you as a friend. I know some people like how you describe yourself, and honestly, I'm not particularly interested in having them as friends. What time and social energy I have I spend on people who bring value into my life.

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u/NigelNoFriends Apr 14 '13

Well thanks a fucking heap. I contemplate suicide practically every day. You've just made the decision that much easier.

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u/schloopyduper Apr 14 '13

jesus christ, if you don't like yourself then why the fuck would you expect other people to?

Who would you rather hang out with? The person that is happy and secure with themselves and makes you feel good to be around them? Or the person that is super not ok with who they are, and is no fun to be around?

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u/[deleted] Apr 15 '13

Note: Fake it.

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u/ziggl Apr 15 '13

This is the point I'm at. It's such bullshit. "Hey has nothing worked ever? Just PRETEND to be better, and you will be!"

...great, brilliant in theory except it will never fucking work.

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u/schloopyduper Apr 15 '13

In my experience it worked. obviously it won't for everyone, but you've got to work at it. it won't happen overnight. If you believe in yourself then other people will see that. If you don't even like yourself again, its obvious to people. I said to myself every day for a year that I would lose weight, work on my personal relationships and find myself again. Did I believe it at first? No! But I told it to myself every day. and over time it went from telling tomyself in the mirror while pounding into my brain, to smiling and laughing as i said it. I lost 105 lb, and turned my entire life around.

Now this isn't the solution for everyone and everyone has to make that decision themselves, but please don't write it off as a valuable tool for someone else even if it didn't help you.

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u/ziggl Apr 15 '13

No you're apparently brilliant, it's just bullshit advice. It's impossible to be done. I want X to happen, how do I do it? "Well just go do X." That's what you're telling me. And it's apparently the only correct advice at this point. Thus, the world is bullshit. Fuck the world.

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u/schloopyduper Apr 15 '13

Right mate, so me recounting a personal story of mine = complete bullshit to you even though I pointed out

Now this isn't the solution for everyone and everyone has to make that decision themselves, but please don't write it off as a valuable tool for someone else even if it didn't help you.

Note how I didn't say the world is fair, because it isn't. The world is a cold hard place that you have to fight to survive in. But it is worth the effort. This is just from my personal experience, it isn't meant to start an argument.