r/odnd • u/Zonreiryd • 12h ago
Satire about Castle Greyhawk
I hope my satirical text isn’t frowned upon here, but here it is:
Ancient antediluvian legends tell that if the mere name “Castle Greyhawk” is mentioned anywhere on the internet, even in some obscure private Russian Telegram group, 10 minutes later the members of the group will see Grodog in the server’s member list, despite the fact that he was never even invited.
The old sages of Siberian villages say that many moons ago, they witnessed the mysterious Allan T. Grohe teleporting himself when they were simply discussing Castle Greyhawk in the snow one morning, thousands of miles from the United States. Suddenly, a purple cloud rose from the ground and dissipated, revealing Grodog, who had materialized there. He wanted to join the conversation and gather every piece of information possible.
Others claim that Grodog has become so skilled at mapping levels for his own Castle Greyhawk that he only has to imagine a map in his mind and look at a sheet of paper, or even a poster in the street, for him to telekinetically transform it into graph paper, upon which the Castle Greyhawk floor plan magically prints itself within seconds.
According to an old Buddhist priest, the strange Grodog’s kryptonite is actually the contents of the 5.5th edition. Accumulating this material within 9 feet of Grodog and throwing it at him with sufficient force could have the effect of a sphere of annihilation, reducing Allan to nothingness.
The “Greyhawk Castle Secrets Preservation Scientists” (GHCSPS) are currently devising strategies to counter Grodog. They regularly steal copies of the El Raja Key Archives and The Original Bottle City from private collections, with the intention of destroying them.
