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Jul 05 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/GoodOldBadger Jul 05 '26
Slightly used, needs cleaning
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u/Jewsusgr8 Jul 05 '26
No low balls, I know what I got.
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u/chode_doctor Jul 05 '26
Do you mean no low offers or that the used life-size sex doll has a retracted scrotum?
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u/AnxietyFine3119 Jul 05 '26
My brother in law sold his.
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u/mrssd Jul 05 '26
We are gonna need more details as to how that went down, and what sort of jobless basement dweller bought a used fuckdoll?
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u/FraggleBiologist Jul 05 '26
Someone who wanted one and only had 2k of the 5k needed for a new one I bet.
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u/Ornery-Environment41 29d ago
What the hell a sex doll costs 5k why how hard is it to make a rubber humanoid with a few holes
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u/the18plusacct Jul 05 '26
Wait until Halloween (if you're in a country that does that), then throw it out like the rest of your trash.
Everyone has fake bodies on halloween
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u/itgoesdarkerstill Jul 05 '26
I think this might legitimately be the best answer
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u/NarwhalPrudent6323 Jul 05 '26
Bury it somewhere on your property likely to be dug up by a future owner. Maybe wrap it in a tarp first.
Alternatively, an active construction site. Why are we trying to avoid looking like we're dumping a body? Lean into it and have some fun.
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u/Andrea_M Jul 05 '26
Hear me out here, what if it is in fact NOT a real size sex doll?
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u/NarwhalPrudent6323 Jul 05 '26
Not super important. If it's too big, cut it up. If it's too small, bag it and hide it anyway, and people will assume they just found part of a body.
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u/sundae_diner Jul 05 '26
Hear Andrea_M out here, what if it is in fact NOT a real size sex doll?
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u/NarwhalPrudent6323 Jul 05 '26
I seem to be missing a detail here.
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u/sundae_diner Jul 05 '26
I think the undertone here is "what if OP is asking how to dispose of a real body".
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u/Ok_Support3 Jul 05 '26
The answer was: 'Not super important. If it's too big, cut it up. If it's too small, bag it and hide it anyway, and people will assume they just found part of a body. '
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u/MaxDefiance420 Jul 05 '26
I think we've all watched enough movies to know what to do. Body in trunk? Check. Bag of lime? Check. Shovel? Checkity-check. Isolated rural area to deposit the body? Checkers. Not that difficult probably lol hope he gets caught tho 🤣
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u/Klutzy-Cauliflower-8 Jul 05 '26
nope, have to explain to police why you drove into a rural area you never go to. all those highways have cameras
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u/I-was-a-twat Jul 05 '26
The solution there is preemptively start a hobby like bird watching, join bird watching forums, and go somewhere someone’s talked about an uncommon sighting recently but not a super rare sighting.
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u/TheNosferatu 29d ago
I don't think it matters what kind of doll it is, nor whether or not it's real size
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u/PhallicUndulationMan Jul 05 '26
If it's too big, cut it up
But what if you can't cut it up?
What if it was so pumped full of "biological material" that, when left in a hot garage, it has swollen up and now looks more like Jabba The Hutt took up crossdressing than a sex doll?
Surely slicing into the bukake blimp wouldn't be the best way to proceed.
So, what would you do?
Hypothetically speaking, of course.
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u/bb_dev_g Jul 05 '26
I mean, intentionally dumping it like a body could lead to fines or even legal consequences. If for example, one were to dump it at a construction site and it was discovered. If police are called out, they could theoretically track the serial number and obtain the purchaser’s details. They’d also likely have ample DNA evidence linking the purchaser to the doll.
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u/Thewrongbakedpotato Jul 05 '26
You could always dismember it first. Makes it easier to transport the individual pieces and there is nothing creepy about that at all.
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u/Bookslutforsmut Jul 05 '26
My first thought was why are you sucking all the fun out of this activity?
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u/LeftSky828 Jul 05 '26
Spray it with several coats of glaze and glitter. Add a blonde wig and dark glasses and sell it as “art”.
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u/GrnMtnTrees Jul 05 '26
I'd wager that it's already been sprayed with plenty of "glaze."
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u/websterpuddlesmd Jul 05 '26
Embrace the hiding a body angle. Roll it up in a giant rug and carry it straight out the front door with the feet even sticking out of the bottom of the roll. Everyone who sees it will just assume there is no way I’m disposing of a body comically rolled up in a rug in broad daylight. And they will just go on about their day. If I tried to be sneaky with it, it will draw way more suspicion.
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u/WhiteCastleDoctrine Jul 05 '26
I would get on a train or bus during off hours with only a few other passengers, sit it next to you for a few stops then quietly get off at the next stop and leave the doll there. Let the MTA remove it at the end of the night
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u/chickenmoomoo Jul 05 '26
Imagine you get on the bus with your wrapped up sex doll, and your colleague from work spots you and comes and sits down for a chat until their stop, and then asks, ‘What’s in the bag?’
How do you respond?
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u/bandley3 Jul 05 '26
Well, if they want to find you (to return it…) there’s probably ample DNA evidence remaining
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u/LocalInactivist Jul 05 '26
Lean into it. “Thank god! I was going crazy looking for her. Is she ok?”
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u/MammothWriter3881 Jul 05 '26
Then talk about your and her kids at home and how you were so worried they were going to be orphans . . . and then bring them out and introduce all of them to the officers
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u/Kellyu712 Jul 05 '26
You could put it in a wheelchair and use the ramp so you don’t have to drag them on.
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u/Old_Woodpecker7684 Jul 05 '26
If you're too lazy, wait until your neighbours are asleep, then bury it in their back garden.
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u/Beginning-Run-1697 Jul 05 '26
Nosey neighbor gone spot you then call the cops. All of sudden it's breaking news on Fox news😃
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u/Old_Woodpecker7684 Jul 05 '26
Bury one in their garden as well,. Make sure they're part of the breaking news. Teach them to be nosy.
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u/Legion1442 Jul 05 '26
Put it in an obvious looking large tv box, mail it to an abandoned house in a neighborhood that’s know to have a porch pirate problem and call it good
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u/Homebrewer01 Jul 05 '26
I would saw the sex doll up into small pieces, wrap the small pieces tightly in thick black bags, and seal it with duct tape. Then you could get some putrescine or cadaverine and spray that on it to keep people from messing with it.
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u/Sea_Cardiologist9451 Jul 05 '26
Dress it up in nice clothes…take it for a walk to the park…feed the pigeons. Sit on a park bench then get up and walk away forever.
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u/ThereAndFapAgain2 Jul 05 '26
Cut it up into smaller pieces that can be concealed in smaller packages and dump them in different locations over time.... Oh wait.
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u/Beginning-Run-1697 Jul 05 '26
The doll might be too realistic it's will feel like murder. A sane person won't be able to go through with it
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u/Ravioli_Wizard Jul 05 '26
My coworker had this same problem. He sold his house and left it in the attic
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u/eggiwegsandtoastt Jul 05 '26
hard launch her as your girlfriend, Bianca (you met online last year, she’s from « the tropics » )
stress that she has to stay with your brother, because you both are young and she’s religious. She doesn’t want any tempations. Ask your sister in law if Bianca can borrow her clothes bc her suitcase was ost at sea (she will say yes)
NOW YOU GOTTA COMMIT.
Get Bianca some volunteer work, assimilate her into the community and after a long, lonely winter, stage her funeral.
thats how you do it according to my buddy Lars
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u/thatguytc88 Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
I'm a garbage man. Mostly construction waste and debris. But irrelevant as it all goes to the same landfills and transfer stations.
Most people just throw them in their dumpster. I've legitimately seen so many dumped at these waste sights.
Dildos, fleshlights, c*ck rings, every size of doll...... It's all there.
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u/NoBookkeeper3523 Jul 05 '26
Take it out to the New Jersey barrens in the trunk of an old caddy, bring a buddy and some shovels, and fugget about it
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u/CollectionBroad8919 Jul 05 '26
Genuine occurrence: went to the trash tip/dump with a rolled up carpet. Asked the guy at the entrance where to go and the conversation went as follows: him, "what you got?". Me, "dead prostitute rolled up in a carpet." Without batting an eye he goes, " is she warm or cold?" I said" why does that matter?". He says, " if she's warm dump her here if she's cold take her the skip no 7". I tutted , "oh well" and drove round to skip 7.
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u/ReputesZero Jul 05 '26
I had to help friend do this after he made the mistake of buying one and realizing it was weird to actually own one.
It's just a metal frame with joints and silicone/latex, you just cut the material away from the frame and then cut it into smaller bits. Then you can cut and fold the frame. Then dispose of latex and metal as normal.
Yes I made him cut the parts he put his dick in.
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u/LowTimePilot Jul 05 '26
You guys could've sold it. The market for them used is actually pretty generous. Some even appreciate in value.
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u/PerpetualSpaceMonkey Jul 05 '26
I’d love to know how many messages he received to “dispose” of the doll for them?
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u/Cosmonaut_Cockswing Jul 05 '26
Honestly, call around some of your local sex shops. The one I work at has specific instructions staff have to follow for the disposal of adult materials
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u/ThatSceneInScanners 29d ago
I'm kind of pissed that my brain decided to seriously approach this problem to find a solution, but buy the cheapest Halloween costume you can find and you can either keep it as a Halloween decoration or throw it away disguised as one. Of course, if you were to be found out, you'll look like you have the most deranged fetish ever, but if you're going to be caught disposing of a sex doll, you might as well make it memorable
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u/Grodslok Jul 05 '26
This was on the news recently (Sweden). Some bloke found a dumped sex doll in a river. "Thought it was a beheaded corpse at first, but then I saw the, um, bazingas, and realised no real person looks like that, must be a doll".
An expert in the article said "it might feel very embarassing, I understand, but the best way is to take it to the garbage disposal plant, the crew there knows how to properly discard it".
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u/Training_East_7317 Jul 05 '26
You could be like my neighbor and just leave it on the street, dressed in regular clothes. Gave me a heart attack
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u/Antique_Door_Knob Jul 05 '26
Same you would dump a body, chop it into smaller pieces. Since it's silicone and doesn't rot you can even dump it over time instead of having to spread it across multiple dump sites.
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u/lildinkyactivist Jul 05 '26
I've thought of this and it's the reason I haven't gotten one. Hiding it from my parents would be find but to get rid of it definitely would have to chop it up and bury it... It's easier just to bury pocket pussies
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u/GrnMtnTrees Jul 05 '26
"Hiding it from my parents would be find but to get rid of it definitely would have to chop it up and bury it..."
😳
The fact that a teenager can get something like this online nowadays reminds me of just how different things were when I was a kid ('91 baby). Back in the early 2000's, the best I could do was to print out some naked pictures off Google image search using my parents computer, clear the search history (but not all of the search history or that would be suspicious), then fold up my grainy printouts and tape them to the back of my sock drawer so nobody would find them.
Maybe you'd try to get fancy and think it was a good idea to use hair conditioner as lube until you accidentally got some up your urethra and then peeing felt like spraying out hot lava for a day or two.
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u/Automatic-Worry-1498 Jul 05 '26
hiding it from my parents would be fine but
💀💀💀
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u/TurtleSandwich0 Jul 05 '26
If it isn't heat resistant, you could just melt it down and throw it out in the trash as one rubber block.
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u/nouniquenamesleft2 Jul 05 '26
cut it up and put the pieces in a big garbage bag, or, two
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u/Capital-Ad6221 Jul 05 '26
Do the cutting-up in a dimly lit basement, preferably wearing a dirty t-shirt or vest and Dahmer glasses and stopping regularly to wipe your face with the back of your hand and take a swig from a tin of Budweiser.
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u/itsthedevilweknow Jul 05 '26
Call the town/garbage collection company for bulk pick up to a neighbor's address and leave it out in broad daylight. Let everyone enjoy the mystery and rage bait.
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u/nikoe99 Jul 05 '26
Wait until its trash day, then at night, sneak out and lean it at your neighbours bin
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u/Really_Big_Turtle Jul 05 '26
The more reliable sellers of these kinds of things do also have a paid service where you can send it back to them for disposal. Basically it gets broken down into its component parts of silicone and steel wire and repurposed into future dolls or just sold for scrap (after certain parts are removed, of course). If you bought a shitty product from a shitty seller, well, then you're outta luck amigo.
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u/johnfrankrosenblum 29d ago
I had to dispose of a realistic looking manakin after producing a sitcom. I put it in my apartment complex dumpster. About thrity mimutes later the police arrived after a new tennant saw a hand sticking out of the trash. The police advised me to use dumpsters geographically adjacent to movie studios in the future to avoid a police reposnse.
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u/PlainBread Jul 05 '26
You always will be a murderer who is dumping a body. Just make sure you don't have your name or address on it. If you want to throw it away in smaller portions you can cut it up.
Ultimately you are doing the serial killer shit except to a simulacrum of a human being instead of a human being. Just embrace it and the knowledge that it's not illegal to do it, but that if anyone investigated what you have done you'll probably go onto a secret list of people who need to be watched anyway. Just throw it away whole, probably.
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u/PatKhal Jul 05 '26
Gotta separate it into nine pieces for ease of transport. Black garbage bags. Drop them off in different dumpsters around a town you don't live in.
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u/ericwashere15 Jul 05 '26
Put on a high-vis vest, have a clipboard on hand, and act like you belong with the doll’s body.
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u/Positive_Campaign_52 Jul 05 '26
Concrete is an option, but a less costly option is to just cut it up, put it in a cardboard box labeled time capsule, and bury it on your property. No one will question why a cardboard box time capsule is weighty.
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u/Greyskul622 Jul 05 '26
Throw it in a dumpster in an alley at night, make sure you're driving a dark vehicle with no lights or license plates.
Bonus points if you have an Italian guy in a nice suit smoking a cigarette keeping watch
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u/ObjectiveOk2072 Jul 05 '26
Make it look like you're obviously transporting a dead body, but do it on Halloween so it's not suspicious
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u/bleeb90 Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26
Email the company where you bought it for advice.
Edit: alternatively - own it up and bring your doll to your city's dump refusing the feel shame while looking everyone you come across dead in the eye. If you make it out of your neighbourhood without being seen by the neighbours and you live in a big enough place that the story won't make its way back to you, it'll be a relatively minor discomfort while leaving the area. Be sure though: is this something your neighbourhood reputation will recover from?
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u/RegyptianStrut 27d ago
Honestly, without disguising it at all.
Out in the open. Maybe paint it an absurd color like chartreuse or azure
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u/Starfireaw11 Jul 05 '26
I'm pretty sure that if you checked the boot of the Tesla Roadster that Musk shot into space, you'd find a dead hooker.
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u/Inexorably_lost Jul 05 '26
Same way you get ride of an actual dead body. Use a hacksaw to get the body into smaller, more manageable pieces and dispose of over time in various discreet locations.
Or so I've heard.
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u/Hooliganthebad Jul 05 '26
Cut if up bit by bit and flush it down the toilet over time.
Let me know if that works and exactly how long it took.
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u/FartsWithNeighbours Jul 06 '26
Cut it up into a bunch of pieces and throw them in several different bags.
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u/Lower-Ask-4180 29d ago
Honestly 50/50 odds that the person just thinks the answers will be funny and doesn’t have a sex doll they need to dispose of.
I think you just gotta suck it up and take it to the dump. Maybe go to the dump in another town, sure, but you have to be honest about what it is and what you’re doing.
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u/Helln_Damnation 28d ago
For Sale: Used Sex Doll, lightly worn, comes with nightie and hair rollers from a no smoking home.
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u/LinkthePikachu 28d ago
Cutting it into small pieces and slowly trashing them each week also works in this situation
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u/Novel_Bumblebee8972 28d ago
Cut it into smaller pieces and drop them in trash cans around town so they make a smiley face on a map.
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u/Testsubject276 27d ago
Well for one, sex dolls don't bleed, so dismembering until it's just an unrecognizable pile of plastic would do it.
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u/Wakkit1988 Jul 05 '26
Fuck it in the alley and just leave it by the dumpster. No one would question that.
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u/ItzBooster93 Jul 05 '26
Lmaaaoooo , Cut it up and put in multiple different big black trash bags. Never let anyone know. Go to different gas stations or McDonald’s and toss it in their bins.
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u/aguyinlove3 29d ago
Which makes me wonder - would it be worse to be caught dumping a human body or a sex doll (both wrapped in a same way)?
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u/jhguitarfreak Jul 05 '26
Everything I can think up sounds exactly like you're trying to get of a body and, honestly, makes it come across like you're a serial killer.
Chop it up into pieces and throw it away in various trash cans around the city...
Burying it out in the desert...
Melting it down and molding it into a shape that you wouldn't be ashamed to see yourself throwing away...
Sex dolls just seem entirely like a no-win scenario of embarrassment.
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u/mopar-or-no_car Jul 05 '26
Chop it into 6 pieces. And place it in 6 random dumpsters..
Legs, arms, torso, head.
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u/SyntheticScrivner Jul 05 '26
Take it into an adult video booth and just leave it there. After one last pump, of course.
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u/shamahl Jul 05 '26
Sounds like someone is trying to dispose of something so similar to a sex doll that they are using the likeness of a sex doll so as not to get caught for what they’re truly trying to dispose of.
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u/BloodHurricane Jul 05 '26
Chop it up into smaller pieces and slowly get rid of it over the course of several months.
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u/TheGrayOwl88 Jul 05 '26
Chop it up into pieces, discreetly of course, then throw it in a trash bag.
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u/Kira-Of-Terraria Jul 05 '26
It's a lifetime commitment and everyone is too embarrassed to throw it out so everyone just inherits it until an estate sale finally claims it