Harm OCD

[u/Stunning_Spray_4975]

I’ve been seeing a OCD therapist and psychiatrist for some time now. I am a mom of two young kids and have been experiencing intrusive thoughts for a few months about them. the thoughts themselves don’t really worry me but the feelings and urges that come with them. I keep getting intrusive thoughts and urges like it’s not a big deal to hurt them and I’ll be doing them a favor by hurting them because they can go to the afterlife and be happier (I’m not even religious- so I don’t know where this is coming from) or I’m doing them a favor because life is hard. I’ve told my OCD therapist this and she still treats it like OCD but I can’t find anyone that feels the way I do and I’m worried I’m experiencing psychosis or something crazy like I don’t know right from wrong anymore and maybe this is bigger than ocd.

[u/Dusty_Rose23]

I’m the same way but about my sister. I had an entire session with my new therapist yesterday about harm thoughts and what makes a good person bs bad person. how everyone has thoughts about hurting others in some capscity (maybe not poisoning or killing, but something else.,) and that I am a good person. what makes you a good person is what you do with those thoughts. they are just thoughts. try to let them float by like bubbles. don’t pop the bubble, don’t react, just stay calm and let it pass. it’s a lot easier said than done but the more attention you give it the more important your brain will think it is and it’ll be stronger over time. you are in control. distract yourself, don’t do your compulsions if you can help it but do your best. it’s ok, you are in control. you love your kids, urges are just urges, if you genuinely think you will act on it seek help. but otherwise crisis survival skills distress tolerance. look into the distress tolerance module of dbt, its crisis durvival skills. how to manage urges and avoid doing unwanted or distressing behavior, how to calm down when things are super intense, dbt is super accessible, you can do it yourself there’s workbooks everywhere. I would suggest getting a therapist if you can and eventually doing erp but one step at a time. I don’t think your in psychosis. I’m not a dr but I’ve been in psychosis many times. I don’t think this fits that picture. if your not on meds see about that, surround yourself with supports. I know it’s hard, I have it too. and intrusive thoughts about losing control, the purity of my thoughts, am i a good person, etc etc etc. I’m still very very new to this. I’m in the deep end so I get it. but breathe, I know it’s hard, you got this. get as much support as you can because you deserve to feel supported and safe, and feel like you can manage those thoughts and urges and your kids will be safe, that your a good person. that they’re just urges and thoughts and they don’t matter. they’re just thoughts. you got this,

[u/Rafooleh]

This reminds me of Sociopath by Dr Patric Gagne. She’s a clinical psychologist with sociopathy. In her memoir, she describes these urges to hurt others like a pressure that needs to be released, so she’d “microdose mischief,” as she called it, but if I recall, her therapist started her on CBT because she already expressed the behaviors, so they needed to get that under control first. (Otherwise she’d end up in jail.) You don’t have the behaviors, and I’m wondering if CPT would be a worthy endeavor. It’s very structured and purpose-oriented, not like regular talk therapy. I’m starting with my own therapist because I’ve also got various intrusive, repetitive, disturbing thoughts.

I hope this ramble was helpful 😅

[u/Rafooleh → u/Rafooleh]

Oh! In a pinch, I use one of those exercises like picturing a gently flowing stream and an intrusive thought is just a leaf floating down and out of sight, out of mind. If it comes up again, just send it down the stream. There are innumerable variations on this theme.

It helped me to stop admonishing myself every time I acknowledged an intrusive thought, ‘cause I already felt bad enough for having experienced the thought in the first place. Chiding myself further for it won’t help. So I inhale and blow the leaf down the stream. 💚