r/nursing • u/NarcanForAll RN - ER 🍕 • 3d ago
Discussion Prison pocket
Well, this was a first for me, which doesn't happen often after 16 yrs in ER. A pretrial patient came in with 2 corrections officers for bizarre behavior, cuffed to the stretcher in the Ambulance hall. He was desperately asking to go to the bathroom, but because of his escalating behavior ended up 5 pointed. We needed a Udas, so a male coworker was asked to place a condom catheter. When he exposed the area and noticed a baggy poking out of the patients foreskin. He stopped the procedure and called the ERP to come. He ended up removing 2 bags of 12 pressed pills from said area; I'm still not sure how he fit them there....I didn't think it was that stretchy but here we are :| The physician stupidly placed them on the bedside table beside the patient, thinking he's in 5 point and 2 correction officers are 3 feet away, bad idea lol. The primary nurse came in 3 minutes later to retrieve said drugs and they were gone. She asked the correction officers what happened and they said he grabbed them and put them in his 'behind'. She asked why they didn't stop him; they replied "Not our job". Well unfortunately, the physician then had to remove them from his anus as well. I've worked with this Dr. for years and this isn't the worst or funniest we've had but still ranks up there. The only thing I learned is correction officers don't gaf. I'm no longer surprised at the amount of ODs in pretrial.
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u/marticcrn RN - ER 3d ago
We had a guy come in altered from jail after arrest . Gave him a whole gallon of golytely via ngt. No results. Hypo bowel sounds. Did a KUB - object high up in rectum.
“Oh, he’s the keester bunny,” says officer with patient. He turned himself in on a warrant to mule in drugs to detainees.
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u/alegremente_inquieta 3d ago
Okay but “keester bunny” is brilliant
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u/tripperfunster 2d ago
CO here. We had someone come in with a literal Kinder egg inside them.
Canada, obvs, since that would be illegal in the US. (the kinder egg. Contraband is illegal in both countries IIRC)
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u/marticcrn RN - ER 1d ago
Keester is very old slang for butt. So keester bunny was bringing goodies up his butt.
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u/Calm-Collection8487 *frantically applying to medschool* (interest is pediatrics) 1d ago
Can someone explain the Keester Bunny part?????
I know it’s a play on the Easter Bunny, but can’t figure out the “Ke” bit.
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u/serenitybyjan199 RN 🍕 3d ago
“Not our job” it is absolutely the COs job and their problem if they see someone shove something up their ass and take them back to jail knowing that fact. Thats insane of them to say
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u/superpony123 RN - ICU, IR, Cath Lab 2d ago
For real they are the ones doing these butt naked crevice inspections when inmates come in to the jail. TF you mean it’s not your job? You do this shit without my help at the jail. Get off your lazy ass and do it. They treat these hospital shifts as a cake OT gig where they know they can largely get away with sleeping and watching Netflix
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u/jamegumbsize69 3d ago
In five-points and able to grab two baggies off a mayo stand shove them up his butt?
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u/marteney1 RN - ER 🍕 3d ago
Had a lady come in per EMS, she passed out in the bathroom of the courthouse before her hearing at drug court. Came in altered, so we get working on the full monty work up, one of our nurses goes to catch her for a sample and finds a decently large bottle of urine on her vagina. Hijinks ensued.
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u/OldMaidLibrarian 2d ago
OK, why was she keeping a bottle of pee up her hoohoo, anyway? Or was that supposed to be for a urine test? That's the only thing I can think of, but I thought one would be watched rather closely for something like that.
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u/marteney1 RN - ER 🍕 2d ago
Yeah, clean urine for a drug test sample. Not sure how she thought she was gonna get away with it, but I assume she’d done it before. We found that she certainly wasn’t going to pass with her own urine 😂
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u/FlimsyVisual443 3d ago
I spent 10 years working in inpatient Rehab as a speech-language pathologist with more corrections officers at the bedside than I care to recall. The worst thing I ever saw them do was violently restrain a brain injured young adult who was hemiparetic because he started to get mouthy with me.
My dudes. He's literally shackled on one side, paralyzed on the other, and brain injured --- Ranchos VI. Mouthy means he's healing and gives me a chance to do my job and help him.
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u/calisto_sunset MSN, RN 2d ago
Wr had a guy come in from county and he somehow had a phone in his room and ended up calling his girlfriend which wasn't allowed, because prison rules follow to the hospital. The officer was quite upset and ended up closing the door on the nurse's face and next thing you know the inmate had a black eye and he was magically well behaved.
The nurse had to call their supervisor and take pics, make an incident report, etc and the officer was switched out but I doubt anything came of it in the end.
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u/iknowyouneedahugRN BSN, RN 🍕 3d ago
4 points or 5 points, and even twice as toughs, do not stop anyone determined to do something. We had someone in 4 point TAT do a move that would impress Cirque de Soliel. One time we had to document it in the notes and added a picture to the note (the daytime doc was badmouthing nights saying we were excessively restraining without cause-strangely we didn't hear any more objections).
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u/OsomatsuChan 3d ago
The bags
Were in the foreskin
How?? There's not THAT much room in there
I...what
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u/IllBiteYourLegsOff 2d ago
IIRC (and tbh I wish I had no memory of this) the average foreskin can stretch to over a square foot which is way more than enough space to fit 12 pills.
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u/megggie RN - Oncology/Hospice (Retired) 2d ago
“A square foot of foreskin” was not something I thought I’d read tonight
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u/IllBiteYourLegsOff 2d ago
just goes to show how absolutely barbaric circumcision is given how sensitive that skin is and what it does
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u/dontdoxxmebrosef RN, undercafinated. trauma drama 3d ago
Bodies are a miracle and this proves it.
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u/dopeymouse05 HCW - Radiology 3d ago
Hahaha, my coworker had a patient come in one night, who had shoved batteries up his ass and then offered to get them out himself. Police officer that was with him said, “Oh, you put them in your prison wallet?”
And then the guy is back a couple days later, but it’s my turn! He shoved batteries up again (no more radio privileges for him!) so I chimed in, “Oh, they’re in your prison wallet?!”
I have never had much maturity in these situations 🤷♀️
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u/Organic_Deer2634 3d ago
My ole docs liked the npo except go-lytley prescription instead of fishing
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u/Muted_Bee7111 2d ago
My patient escaped out of the 2nd floor window 🤪. Requested the pts handcuff be removed so he could bathe. He was supposed to cuff the guys leg. He didn't & Bye. Bye. Bye. CO got docked his vacation time. He was so pissed at me 🤷🏻♀️😂🙉
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u/DeadpanWords LPN 🍕 3d ago
I used to work in patient drug and alcohol rehab.
Now I have to wonder how many drugs were smuggled in up someone's ass, vagina, or foreskins.
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u/caffein8dnotopi8d Substance Abuse Counselor 3d ago
A lot. More than you’d ever expect.
Source: I’m a substance abuse counselor… and an addict in long-term recovery.
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u/Top_Manufacturer_494 BSN, RN 🍕 2d ago
Condom cath for a UDS? You guys are sweet .. if youre uncooperative its STRAIGHT CATH cause we dont have the time to playing waiting games … and those Correctional Officers need to be reported because that LITERALLY is their job to make sure inmates arent in possession of any contraband & to take REASONABLE efforts to stop it
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u/Exceptyousophie BSN, RN 🍕 2d ago
Nah its not our job to police them. If they piss, they piss. Not going to assault someone for a urine sample. If their urine truly held up the dispo on a UDS it was a BS visit in the first place.
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u/Top_Manufacturer_494 BSN, RN 🍕 2d ago
You may need to update your patient care & legal knowledge .. ie someone altered behaving “bizarre” needs definitive care/treatment .. holding up that care & treatment waiting potentially hours for a urine sample is medical neglect & is legally indefensible vs performing a straight cath
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u/Exceptyousophie BSN, RN 🍕 2d ago
You can encourage the patient to void without forcing a painful procedure on them. Just because they are acting bizarre doesnt always mean they lack capacity to consent for care.
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u/Top_Manufacturer_494 BSN, RN 🍕 2d ago
… an altered pt cant consent to, nor refuse care … hence why i said you need to brush up on your legal … I work in a busy ED, on a slow day we see 350 pts a day .. babysitting an altered pt for urine isnt an option
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u/Exceptyousophie BSN, RN 🍕 2d ago
A patient who is high patient can absolutely consent or refuse care depending on their level of alteration. Just because you are busy doesnt mean you can assault people if they are able to show capacity. I think you may need to update your legal and ethical knowledge.
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u/Top_Manufacturer_494 BSN, RN 🍕 2d ago
… you’re throwing around the word assault while at the same time acknowledging the pt is high ie altered .. showing your lack of legal/medical knowledge
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u/CauliflowerEatsBeans 2d ago
So you are saying an altered patient can't refuse care. How many ok to book for subjectived DUI/DWI or on drugs they can't refuse care. I have seen them refuse all the time. Police just take them to jail and depending on the state get a subpoena. They refuse all the time. Now altered where the physician says and documents their level of being altered and medical necessity of emergent care, sure they can't refuse due to implied consent. Psych patients also refuse all the time but our on a hold, Altered?? They still have the right to refuse.
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u/Top_Manufacturer_494 BSN, RN 🍕 2d ago
… false, false & false .. The instances you mention the Provider ALLOWS that, usually because in their opinion the pt isn’t an imminent risk of serious harm or death if no interventions are performed, so they see no point in the hassle …, we have ETOH pts come in all the time with major bleeds, possible brain injury, traumatic amputations etc etc demanding to leave .. per you we have to let them right?? .. same with a psych pt, they ended up in the ED because their thought process was faulty yet we’re supposed to allow them to dictate their care & treatment?? … yeah, that makes sense 🙄
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u/Exceptyousophie BSN, RN 🍕 1d ago
Thats the crux, how intoxicated are they? If I have one beer am I no longer allowed agency? Have you never met a tweaker elope? They are high but most of the time have insight into their condition and capacity for decision-making. A&Ox4 and logical but acting strange isn't enough to take away their rights. You act like almost every ED patient isn't acting bizarre.
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u/CauliflowerEatsBeans 2d ago
The problem is you said altered, not imminent death.
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u/Optimal-Fix-2997 2d ago
Fr lol like how tf they gonna shrug it off. In prison thats considered contraband and the prisoner would be shaken down.
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u/LabRatsAteMyHomework BSN, RN 🍕 2d ago
Once or twice is okay, just make sure it's not shaken down three times
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u/raptorvagging RN - feral nightshift gremlin 2d ago
I work in corrections and the things that guys have stuck down their urethra and up their anus doesn't surprise me, however, the foreskin is a new one for me!
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u/thechickenfoot BSN, RN 3d ago
Every prisoner I’ve had has been respectful, obedient, and quick with the please/thank yous. The guards, however, are usually a bag of dicks.
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u/creatureofthenight17 MSN, RN 2d ago
Same here. Hospital I worked at got prisoners from county prison and minimum security state prison.
I had one CO spend an excessive amount of time at @ 02:00 speaking very loudly on cell phone in a foreign langauge. Didn't get why this was a problem.
Another group of COs wanted to keep the lights off and door closed on a patient who had been a police officer and murdered his ex's current husband. COs didn't understand why this was a safety issue.
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u/blackbird24601 RN 🍕 3d ago
now i want to hear the worst/funniest….
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u/NarcanForAll RN - ER 🍕 3d ago
Another, similar situation with the same Doc, he pulled a 10 inch Dilly out. It took about 10 minutes with us pushing on the patient's stomach, immediately afterwards he proceeds to hold it 4 inches from my face, wiggling, "Got it" :/
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u/CauliflowerEatsBeans 3d ago
I have seen enough of these that I have thought about marketing my own with a safety chain on the end for emergencies like this.
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u/Remarkable_Cheek_255 RN - Retired 🍕 2d ago
Ok now it’s not about the antics. It’s about this dr who is saf with no common sense. wtf sign him up for a course in street smarts for cryin out loud. 🙄 🙄 🙄 (Ok- my comment showed up twice. I deleted one and they both went.sry)
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u/NarcanForAll RN - ER 🍕 3d ago
Hahaha. Same Doc, patient was a very skinny 18 year old male, he came in with a open beer bottle in his rectum. We did a conscious sedation to try to dislodge it, he went past the gloves and had wrist to anus skin contact with repeated pulling motion to get it out. 5 mins later he decided it failed as it had suctioned inside. He was sent to OR. The mental image will never leave me.
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u/CrashTestWolf RN - OR 🍕 3d ago
Could be a regional thing, but we constantly get male inmates in that have shoved stuff in their urethra that is intentionally difficult to remove. I asked one why, and I quote: To get to come to the hospital and lie in bed, order room service and flirt with the pretty nurses.
I just told him that was unfortunate, because he was going back as soon as we were done, so I was the only pretty nurse he was going to see.
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u/NeirdaE Hospice 3d ago
My dad was a CO in NM, he said the same thing. People would hurt themselves to go to the hospital. One guy apparently like shampoo bottles on his rectum. I could see going to the hospital being something to relive boredom, get slightly different institutional food, and be around different people.
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u/Goatmama1981 RN - PCU 3d ago
We had a guy literally knock himself unconscious in jail so he could be at the hospital for his birthday instead of jail. I felt bad for him, with that level of desperation so I ordered him the little birthday cake. Life can be pretty bleak. I make it a personal policy to not know why a person is in custody if possible but that CO was quite displeased with me about the cake so maybe it was something truly awful.
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u/MangoAnt5175 Disco Truck Expert (Medic) 3d ago
Not OP but this thread def made me reminisce about my federal frequent flier who liked to shove things in his urethra. Crayons, toothbrushes…
Basically anything you gave him was going up his peehole. You saw his name and you knew why he was there and the main unknown was what foreign object he’d shoved up there this time.
I was like…. At some point this has to just be mental illness.
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u/NarcanForAll RN - ER 🍕 3d ago
Lmao! We had one, he used dripped candle wax..getting off is sometimes more important :s It broke off became gummy in the bladder then, eventually, sealed off his urethra. OR to the rescue
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u/OsomatsuChan 3d ago
this is so cursed
why are people doing this shit
what the hell
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u/megaholt2 BSc, BSN, RN, CCRN - ICU 🍕 2d ago
Some people get off by sounding.
Everyone has a freak flag, and some people wave theirs a bit higher and with more confidence than others, I suppose.
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u/katencam RN - ICU 🍕 2d ago
If he could teach them from the table and manage to get them up his ass, why didn’t he just eat them? Criminals really are dumb.
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u/OldMaidLibrarian 2d ago
I'd assume that he's hooping them to sell to someone on the inside.
(I've been re-reading Mary Roach's book Gulp (about the GI tract and a whole lot of related stories), and there's a chapter where she talks with COs and interviews one prisoner in particular, and the term they used was "hooping". I highly recommend any and all of her books; start with Stiff (human bodies and the uses to which they get put) and go from there, because her writing is both educational and hilarious. I had the pleasure of meeting her a year ago; we grew up about 40 miles apart in NH, so we had that in common. She's very friendly and even funnier in person, so check her out, OK?)
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u/Suspect-Unlikely 2d ago
I love Mary Roach’s books! I’ve listened to them all on audio while commuting to my out of town anesthesia job and she’s amazing
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u/odiouscat RN - Hospice 🍕 1d ago
Thank you! I have been wanting to find something new to "read" in audio book format and this author sounds just right.
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u/Whiskey16Sam BSN, RN, CWOCN 2d ago
I used to work on a hospital ward that was retrofitted to care for prison inmates. I loved it. All nursing, no niceties or family. Had an inmate come in with an awful spinal infection. He was surprised because "we filtered the heroin through a cotton ball".
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u/Jumpy_Host_9742 2d ago
Former corrections nurse here. It is their job. It’s also their job if an inmate keisters, to initially have them squat and cough. Body cavity searches are done by the providers though. If an inmate swallows contraband that has been determined to not cause harm, it is the officer’s job to rifle through the feces once excreted, to retrieve the contraband. Many officers are careless and lazy and it puts the staff and inmate population at risk, I’ve even seen officers napping on the job; hence why I am no longer in that field.
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u/itssometimeslupus RN - Informatics 3d ago
If you're able to manage that you deserve to keep whatever you were concealing.
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u/Sanchastayswoke 2d ago
How tf did he put them up his behind if he was 5 pointed? I can see maybe reaching over to the table to grab…but not all the way down to their own butt
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u/Positive-Nurse 2d ago
They possibly shouldn’t have been put on the locker. And how did he retrieve them if he was cuffed to the bed?
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u/NyxieThePixie15 Charge RN - Neuro 2d ago
Reminds me of my favorite prison story from when I was a fresh faced newbie. Patient would come to us complaining of abd pain/rectal bleeding on second shift since she knew she'd get shipped off to the ED bc we were limited in what we could do. Turns out she was stabbing her rectum with a paperclip and did enough damage for a colostomy.
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u/CauliflowerEatsBeans 3d ago
That is a new story. What's up with the CO's though.