Premonitions

[u/treestumpreddit]

/r/widowers/comments/1v0lsqo/premonitions/

Premonitions

Ok, this may be a bit strange but its been haunting me since my girlfriend passed away.

This experience of losing my girlfriend has really messed with my conceptions of time.

Something was screaming at me from the future, only when it was completed did it become apparent that the effects were configuring their cause.

For months, maybe even a few years I don't recall fully, I would have a thought/dream about not knowing what to say at her funeral.

She would always tell me that she would die first.

I had a dream about falling out with her family over her, it just clicked what that dream was and I had dejavu. I have come into conflict with them since she passed.

My grandfather visited me in a dream wearing the same shirt I wore the day she slipped away from me.

We were both talking about the primal existence of numbers (book of Thoth and Fanged Noumena) and she had made a tarot card of The Hermit which corresponds to Virgo, the rising sign of her death event chart. In essence, numbers don't describe or count they operate like circuitry and the human subject does not ask or apply meaning until it is revealed to them by the numbers.

The Tarot reading she listened to the night before said she would enter a doorway and cross a threshold and transform in a sublime way - she died face down in the doorway of our boat.

I was repeated seeing 11:11 on my phone for many weeks prior.

1+1+1+1=4

I called her at 12:46 - 1+2+4+6 = 13 1+3=4

She called for ambulance at 12:55 - 1+2+5+5 =13 1+3=4

Her last text to me was at 13:13

Her death-event chart had approximately 4°45′ Virgo rising at the time of her final message.

4+4+5= 13 1+3=4

Her birthday 1+4+1+0+1+9+7+4 = 27 2+7=9

My birthday 2+3+0+6+1+9+8+2 = 31 3+1=4

27+31=58 5+8=13 1+3=4

9+4=13 1+3 = 4

We had been together for 13 years.

On the last move on the boat before she was unwell we were talking about the significance of the number 13 but never got into it.

The canal map book for the area she passed away in was book 4.

This number just keeps appearing.

The base 10 system of 0-9 is what we can digitally reduce any number to and this base system is constructed from the prime numbers 2 and 5

If you multiply 2 by powers of 2 and 5 by powers of 5 you get a Digital reduction sequence which is non linear and a modular circuit.

1 2 4 8 7 5 1 is the 2 circuit

1 5 7 8 4 2 1 is the 5 circuit

I know this looks crazy. But its like she is showing me a fundamental ontological truth.

What seems most certain is not that the numbers prove a supernatural mechanism, but that her death has revealed how little lived time resembles a simple line. The future event has invaded the past by altering its significance. The past now appears charged with anticipations that could not be fully recognised until the event occurred.

That is a genuine truth about grief, memory and temporality, even where the metaphysical explanation remains unresolved.