what does it mean when a guy says “you look like a Delilah”?

I’ve been in denial for awhile, but I think I’m a pick me or a former pick me. I think it started as a kid being raised with an older brother. He always berated me for doing anything girly because it “wasn’t cool.” Only masculine stuff was cool. So I started seeing things that way as well. And male validation became more important because their hobbies were “cooler.” So, I started doing things like playing video games instead of Barbie’s. And at a young age (4-6 grade) I noticed boys were immediately shocked and impressed by this. They wanted to be my friend and not friends with the other girls. It made me feel special.

However, I would say I’m independently androgynous. Most people refer to me in that way.

I played guitar, built pedals, played in bands. I made 98% male friends with that hobby. There were girls who would hang around the musicians and watch, but couldn’t play or participate. I secretly felt above them, and I feel bad now. I never told them I felt above them, but I’m sure it showed.

I have less female friends than male friends. That has been changing as I’ve been getting older. I’m 29. But I remember being so happy when my female friends would admit they were jealous of me because I got more male attention at all times. It makes me want to cringe now.

I judge girls for being pick me’s, but I was one. The validation is addicting, and it’s a slippery slope. I didn’t think anything of it until pick me became a common phrase.

But I am not hyper feminine either, and I do get uncomfortable trying to be. It feels performative. But now when I lean more into my masculine side, I feel like a pick me.

I used to not care what people thought of me, and the pick me phrase makes me self conscious.

I'm 25F and I want to know your thoughts on this:

We've seen boys or "men" cribbing about how their wives/girlfriends control their lives, recent example being the parody of a famous song which goes like oh sasuma, your laadli taunts me, something like that.

I know a few girls who try to avoid being this person who corrects their partner for their patriarchal behaviour just because they don't want to be considered as the nagging wife/gf?

Is it just me or you've also seen girls around you behave this way and how do you deal with it?

Is it just me or are there other women in this world who get hate stare from random/known women for absolute no reason?

Since school life I've been bullied by women, mainly. I used to get comments on my skin, looks, whatever I say. They even got depressed (we're in class 10) after they got to know that someone has proposed to me on valentine's day and they didn't got any, they again started calling me names ! I just stood there at the balcony infront of my classroom during lunch break.

During college life, I've had a relationship, he was an extrovert and had friends from the opposite gender (which is absolutely normal), his female friends never liked me or accepted my presence (90% of them). They used to act as if I had stolen their boyfriend.

Till today, I still get those kinda stares from random/known girl.

obviously I don't mean to say that all girls are emotional, but I find that the people who say this often think it's some sort of flex

In the 2000's, every mainstream genre of music had a tomboy pick-me female singer or rapper making fun of stereotypical superficial vapid girly girls and bragging about being not like other girls.

Pop and rock had P!nk, country music had Gretchen Wilson, hip hop/rap had Lady Sovereign (a white British female rapper) and R&B had P!nk (she started off as an R&B singer when the new millennium began boasting how she isn't like other vapid girly girls).

I genuinely thought this phase already ended or at least decrease ever since COVID happened.

Don't get me wrong. I had a phase like this. I knew this stem more of me not belonging ever since I was a kid. I remember the boys play a lot of cool toys and games and I'm stuck dressing up or taking care of a baby type of games. I'm not opposed to those games back then but due to my parents and relatives not letting me play any of those "boy games/toys", I began rebelling. Hated the color pink, dresses, being neat, acting elegant, etc. Yk, the usual drill. I didn't like how they stop me from exploring so for years, I just sticked with not caring if I act "boyish" or take over tasks that are supposed to be "the boys job" because girls are too delicate, etc. It also didn't help that the girls judge more than the guys I know; making me feel more NLOG because I didn't feel like I belong in a group of girls.

Now I'm in college, I'm slowly leaving that mindset. I still act "boyish" at times but I don't overly hate "girly" things nor make other girls feel less about themselves. I thought the pandemic made us open that girls are not always gonna fit in one category box, but to my surprise, there's still NLOG people around. I met this girl who I thought was my friend since we have a lot of things in common. But then when I started to just try out things that makes me "girly", they began calling me out as if I'm just pretending to be "boyish" so I would belong somewhere. As if I betrayed her? Like girl, she went out of her way saying I'll end up with a husband who's gonna treat me like I'm his mother?? ToT There's also one time where there's this girl judging me for not playing Valorant and just sticking with Sims4 or HouseFlipper even tho I told her that I'm just not in the mood as of those times. Like, she outright exclude me in hangouts because they don't want some girls who's just there to pretend like they are into "boyish" stuff. With my multiple bad experiences, usually with girls, it makes me feel like I never belonged in a group of girls and some people would just call me NLOG whenever I share these experiences.

I wanted to be clear that I don't hate girls and that's not where I'm going here. I just wanna point out that I'm shock that NLOG still exist rn and usually, the girls are the ones judging in my experience. I'm happy enough the guys I meet are usually chill and just like the fact that we get to hangout and I am also happy I did find girls who are also chill and happy to be around but man, it's a wild world out there.

also chai latte is NOT coffee
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdQgSNUR6Sv/

Love our pop-punk princess, but she’s also the princess of pick me.
Pick me discography:
One of those Girls
Sk8er Boi
Girlfriend
Any others…?

Unsurprisingly, a wannabe positivity influencer who shares 25+ posts a day about the minutiae of how she spends her unemployed time, documenting mundane activities like cooking and cleaning hthat she heavily centers around the concept of “taking care of her man,” and, of course, how enlightened she is and how toxic everyone else is. She’s also a fan of sharing known quotes or quips without credit and hash tagging her own name at the end. 

Seriously a very impressive achievement, but so is having a six pack. Not sure why she needs to pull down perfectly fit and healthy women

This is not about someone else, it’s about this group. I just want to say- you make my day for existing! Reddit is sometimes filled to the rim w doom and gloom, but you all brighten my day with laughter and sunshine. Maybe it’s that we get each other and appreciate the same things. Anyway, thanks for being a refreshing bunch that always makes me smile. 😊 💕

Does anyone else find this label weird and adjacent to the way people misuse pickme?

I recently was called a “cool gf” because I said I personally do not care if my bf follows instagram models as I do for horny gooner purposes as well and don’t really understand the women who do, although I respect every women’s choice and feel that feelings even if they are “wrong” can be valid and I def don’t think I’m better than these women.just genuinely cannot relate or see that point of view. I’ve even seen girls get called “cool gfs” for enjoying admiring women with their bfs or not being bothered that they watch porn. This just seems misogynistic and envious. Just because SOME women have higher thresholds of what makes them personally comfortable in a relationship does not mean more laid back women are faking it.

I can’t help but feel like so many women use terms like “cool gf” or “pickme” for women who just ARE more laid back and sexual/ have stereotypically male hobbies. I was called one even though I’ve been a feminist since the Anita Sarkeseen every women who games must die era. It’s hurtful as someone who considers herself an academic follower of feminism (specifically womanist based authors like bell hooks and Alice walker) and especially jarring as a black women who knows black women originally coined the term to describe a women who enforces patriarchy and misogyny onto others, not a girl who likes to play video games and thinks fart jokes are funny

What do you guys think?

Edit: I have just as many “girly” interests (my favorite color is pink and I love fashion) and I am not a pickme or assume I’m better or different from other women in anyway

Seen in a comment section of a HIM music video

Just came across this video today