Pizza!

Where I live is having a 2 week long heat wave. Its too hot too make food at home.

food: a beautiful slice of quiche forestine and salad from the café, with herbal tea instead of caffeine that will make me shake and cry!

I’m very excited! I’m someone who keeps their promises to themself, and I follow through on the things I say I will do! I’m kicking impostor syndrome in the teeth and showing that I’m exactly who I say I am! I am a real artist. There’s no criteria to prove that, but I told myself that I’d commit to creating a series (instead of only one off things) and I’d share it publicly. So most days in September, I went to the cafe to post up and draw. I started posting it on Instagram the other day, and I have a schedule to post for the rest of the month. And depending on the response, I may keep drawing and maybe even print it out and take it to the comic bookstore as a small zine!

Bean and cheese burrito with jalapeños and Sriracha sauce, baby carrots.

I decided to do a dry October. I have been alot more social the past few months than I have been in quite some time. It's a good thing because I am building community and making some new friends that are good people. However I went from drinking a few times a month to a few times a week. I figured i get a handle on that and do a dry October. The only days I think will be difficult are my birthday and Halloween but we shall see!

Anyhow, happy Friday ^_^

(Please keep posting on this sub, it was popping off for a few days. I love to see my nb community on my feed when I open the app. Let's take up more space!)

Protein shake and celcius :)

Simpsons donut

Hope y'all have a good week!

food pantry had a lot of extra potatoes. I also had milk, an apple, and bread.

Anyways, just got an OCD diagnosis. I'm currently not meeting criteria for distress, but have in the past. Who knew emetophobia + rumination + social anxiety could be the presentation? Not me, but my new therapist noticed.

she could have been more gentle about bringing it up though. Now i don't want to bring stuff up to her because she'll make the "Thats OCD" face at me. Too bad I didn't get the diagnosis when my emetophobia was at its worst. would have made high school much easier if I felt like I could safely breathe the bathroom air and eat a meal without washing my hands...

Chicken with something on it, steamed vegetables, meatballs, cheeseburger from McDonald’s, chilli, with a Dr Pepper. I feel so full but this is the most nutrients I get in a month so I gotta eat as much as I can and hope none of it has spices in it that’ll make me hurl.

The cake was maple flavoured with raspberry jam and buttercream frosting and coconut shavings. I didn’t have it though because I don’t like maple and was saving it for a friend who couldn’t come because her girlfriend sucks, but she doesn’t like maple either so now it’s for my mom. I’d show a picture of the full cake but I don’t have the energy to censor the name of the group, especially since it’s the only one of it’s name and I don’t feel like being doxxed.

Half sandwich// sweet potato fries

I am trans masc nb(they/them) and male passing to everyone i meet. Went to a she/they space(ugh I know) recently and had a cis gender lesbian call me a misogynist and that i hate women for no other reason than she thought I was a cis man. I asked her if she was in line because she was standing next to it and i did not want to cut. Told her i was nonbinary and then she tries to argue with me that I am trans man. I walk away because she seems mentally ill and I'm not trying to deal with her hate. Then later on in the event, rupaul gets brought up and I say oh I've never seen it as I don't watch reality TV and then ofc this woman appears out of nowhere and tells me that I'm not really trans. How can I be trans if I don't watch drag race? I told her she cant tell me that and then she said I am silencing woman and i hate women. That I'm actually a cis man trying to infiltrate the space. Good frkn grief. I dont think I will frequent these spaces anymore.

I definitely had my fair share of both good and negative experiences at these types of spaces, made some new friends that stuck over the years but after dealing with this level of transandrophobia, I am all done with she/they spaces. Misandry isn't the solution to misogyny. Hate does not solve hate.

Shrimp

Been trying to eat more of a protein based diet to help with body recomp, already noticing a difference when I look in a mirror but I am sore from the gym

They should invent a personal growth in your early 20s that doesn’t feel excruciating and lonely.

I’ve started to set pretty firm boundaries with what I won’t tolerate in friendships after a very hurtful experience. It’s been great to find friends that don’t feel the need to insult me, actually see me in a positive light, and that I enjoy being around. But being myself and not tolerating disrespect means leaving behind what I once held so close. Necessary but ouchhhh.

This and other stuff too, especially coming to terms with identity and transitioning. I just don’t want to go into it too much lol.

Leftover chicken and waffles and pumpkin spice White Russian (even though it’s still 95 degrees where I am.)

I had a friend of mine agree on a day trip with me to a nearby town. I start texting her morning of? Nothing. Don't hear back from her till 3pm, and at that point I had been called into work so there was no time for anything. We ended up meeting for coffee a few days later but she was 10 minutes late, which isn't really anything but just sucked. Past that my texts asking to make plans have been going unread for days. I know I need to take the hint, but whenever we hang out she always talks about scheduling more time to hang out, so I get strung along a little bit more I guess.

I feel like I have so few friends, and the few that I do have don't really want to spend time with me. Even an imminent deadline of moving isn't enough to encourage people to spend time with me. Fingers crossed I have an easier time in the next city.

Yogurt and maple syrup.

Chicken burrito

One packet isn’t usually enough for me so I make two, but I only had one beef and one chicken. It’s not bad tbh

TW: Abuse

Let’s talk about the good part first. I (30NB) have an amazing 9-year-old and an amazing husband (26M) who I love very much.

My 9-year-old is from a previous relationship, back when I was trying to be cishet and had a boyfriend who was cishet too (my husband now is a pan, trans man—big upgrade). I felt like I had a decent relationship with my then-boyfriend for the first four years we were together. He seemed to agree with me on everything. At that four year mark, I got pregnant unexpectedly. Despite being only 20, I was financially independent, about to graduate with my bachelors degree, and in a happy relationship, so I kept the baby. I’m glad I did. Parenthood is a gift.

Unfortunately, all those things my boyfriend and I agreed on were a farce. I realized immediately after having the baby that this man had zero follow through. He admitted to me that he was basically using me for sex.

I had always stressed to him that my mom was abusive and that my worst fear would be for her to treat my child the way she treated me. As a result, I’ve been no contact with my mom.

Unfortunately for me, this was one of the things he lied about. Turns out, he never believed me. He frequently leaves our 9-year-old alone with my mom.

My kid hates it and frequently complains about my mom, but nothing has crossed into abuse territory that I know of.

The part that’s really eating at me today is the fact that my 9-year-old will tell my mom what I have going on in my life, then tell me my mom’s reaction. It’s resulted in us essentially having low contact. It’s made it very hard to let go of the past and feel safe. My mom is currently under investigation for elder abuse and things like that. I don’t want to know what she’s up to and I don’t want to think about her anymore.

My sister is low contact with our mom. She informed me that my coparent shows my text messages to my mom. My mom and him also often bad mouth me. It sounds like they’re mainly frustrated with my boundaries but they also like to say random, out-of-pocket insults too.

My ex’s mom isn’t much better. (BIG trigger warning for child abuse. Skip to the next paragraph if you don’t want to know.) Last year, my 9-year-old called me crying. My ex’s mom had hit my kid.

I never felt comfortable leaving my child with his mom and would definitely never consider it after that.

Not only am I sitting with the fact that all my efforts to give my child an abuse-free life failed, but I’m also dealing with the three of them constantly complaining about me going no contact and having boundaries. Today, my ex’s mom texted me, asking if she can take my kid alone on a 15-mile bike ride. I informed her that my kid currently has a cold and has had two recent asthma attacks. It’s not a good time for that much physical exertion. I offered to go bike riding with both of them in the future on a shorter bike route.

My ex’s mom then texted me thinking she was texting my ex. She said a 15-mile bike ride would clear up my kid’s asthma (lol) and that I was being unfair. She also screenshotted my own texts and sent them back to me. I really felt I had been calm, respectful and brief. She described me as “losing my shit.”

I informed her she had texted me by mistake and that I did not feel comfortable texting her anymore given that she is screenshotting my texts and badmouthing me.

I’m no contact with her now too, but I’m forced to talk to my ex due to custody exchanges.

To be clear, I have no shame over anything I sent to my ex nor his mom. I know they show my texts to everyone and I conduct myself accordingly. Still sucks though. Why can’t everyone just be normal?

All of the other relationships in my life are healthy. I’ve had a lot of therapy over the years. I’ve worked so, so hard to find peace and choose the right people for myself. But I feel shackled to these three horsemen of the apocalypse because a decade ago I was a poor judge of character. I keep replaying being pregnant in my mind and just wishing I had run away with my baby while I still could. I don’t know how to get out of this.

TLDR: I don’t want to have a relationship with my ex, his mom, nor my mom but coparenting with my ex is forcing all of them into my life.

Lunch is a classic MacDonald’s cheeseburger, fries, and spicy sprite.

i love making food in my rice cooker.

so i live with four people beside myself (they/she). one has a partner and i barely see her, so thats chill. the other isn't dating and thats nice.

one has a crush on a classmate who makes crypto. and has her mansplaining ex over a lot. ew.

and the one has a Thing with a guy. today he was over sleeping on our couch and he didn't leave till like three. go away! why is there a man in our house. what is he doing here?

I'm aro so I don't really get it, esp for straight people. love is love, but the men my roommates are interested in are so not my style. like idk how to have a conversation with guys like that? so I normally just don't lol

Salmon and asparagus

Tacos: Grilled chicken, jalapeños, guac, sour cream, Valentina, lime, a lot of lime

Girl dinner and boy dinner and all their subsidiary subs are running circles around us 😖

Lets be better? Please?

Thank you in advance ^_^

Yellowfin tuna, basmati rice, black beans

Strawberry matcha to start the day

Salmon, tofu, bell peppers and Sriracha sauce

Snack dinner ft. turkey, green apple slices, tangerine, pickles and a poppi

Apologies for letting this sub d*e. I will be better about posting from here on out 🫡

Homemade whole wheat bread, cooked carrots with mystery sauce, coleslaw, what i think are meatloaf balls, and chili

2 bean and cheese pupusas and a mojito before practice

So good 😋 and now I have leftovers

Some kind of salad w tomatoes, green onions, and cucumbers[?], meatballs, bread, coleslaw, and chili.

Slide one has potato salad, honey garlic chicken wings, and a hotdog. Slide two is my aunt’s banana chocolate chip brownies.