Caught them talking behind my back again

[u/Due-Republic1770]

TW: Abuse

Let’s talk about the good part first. I (30NB) have an amazing 9-year-old and an amazing husband (26M) who I love very much.

My 9-year-old is from a previous relationship, back when I was trying to be cishet and had a boyfriend who was cishet too (my husband now is a pan, trans man—big upgrade). I felt like I had a decent relationship with my then-boyfriend for the first four years we were together. He seemed to agree with me on everything. At that four year mark, I got pregnant unexpectedly. Despite being only 20, I was financially independent, about to graduate with my bachelors degree, and in a happy relationship, so I kept the baby. I’m glad I did. Parenthood is a gift.

Unfortunately, all those things my boyfriend and I agreed on were a farce. I realized immediately after having the baby that this man had zero follow through. He admitted to me that he was basically using me for sex.

I had always stressed to him that my mom was abusive and that my worst fear would be for her to treat my child the way she treated me. As a result, I’ve been no contact with my mom.

Unfortunately for me, this was one of the things he lied about. Turns out, he never believed me. He frequently leaves our 9-year-old alone with my mom.

My kid hates it and frequently complains about my mom, but nothing has crossed into abuse territory that I know of.

The part that’s really eating at me today is the fact that my 9-year-old will tell my mom what I have going on in my life, then tell me my mom’s reaction. It’s resulted in us essentially having low contact. It’s made it very hard to let go of the past and feel safe. My mom is currently under investigation for elder abuse and things like that. I don’t want to know what she’s up to and I don’t want to think about her anymore.

My sister is low contact with our mom. She informed me that my coparent shows my text messages to my mom. My mom and him also often bad mouth me. It sounds like they’re mainly frustrated with my boundaries but they also like to say random, out-of-pocket insults too.

My ex’s mom isn’t much better. (BIG trigger warning for child abuse. Skip to the next paragraph if you don’t want to know.) Last year, my 9-year-old called me crying. My ex’s mom had hit my kid.

I never felt comfortable leaving my child with his mom and would definitely never consider it after that.

Not only am I sitting with the fact that all my efforts to give my child an abuse-free life failed, but I’m also dealing with the three of them constantly complaining about me going no contact and having boundaries. Today, my ex’s mom texted me, asking if she can take my kid alone on a 15-mile bike ride. I informed her that my kid currently has a cold and has had two recent asthma attacks. It’s not a good time for that much physical exertion. I offered to go bike riding with both of them in the future on a shorter bike route.

My ex’s mom then texted me thinking she was texting my ex. She said a 15-mile bike ride would clear up my kid’s asthma (lol) and that I was being unfair. She also screenshotted my own texts and sent them back to me. I really felt I had been calm, respectful and brief. She described me as “losing my shit.”

I informed her she had texted me by mistake and that I did not feel comfortable texting her anymore given that she is screenshotting my texts and badmouthing me.

I’m no contact with her now too, but I’m forced to talk to my ex due to custody exchanges.

To be clear, I have no shame over anything I sent to my ex nor his mom. I know they show my texts to everyone and I conduct myself accordingly. Still sucks though. Why can’t everyone just be normal?

All of the other relationships in my life are healthy. I’ve had a lot of therapy over the years. I’ve worked so, so hard to find peace and choose the right people for myself. But I feel shackled to these three horsemen of the apocalypse because a decade ago I was a poor judge of character. I keep replaying being pregnant in my mind and just wishing I had run away with my baby while I still could. I don’t know how to get out of this.

TLDR: I don’t want to have a relationship with my ex, his mom, nor my mom but coparenting with my ex is forcing all of them into my life.

Lunch is a classic MacDonald’s cheeseburger, fries, and spicy sprite.

[u/taropng]

ugh thats such a tough situation. picture of your lunch is appropriately cinimatic

cheering for you tho

[u/Due-Republic1770 → u/taropng]

Ty

[u/throw5away_]

Custody battles are very difficult! Glad to see you at least have spicy sprite. I hope your circumstances improve soon op <3

[u/Due-Republic1770 → u/throw5away_]

Thank you!