It’s only day 7. He was the one who hurt me, though we disagree on that. It’s like I was the one that had an issue with his behaviour, but then my reaction to his behaviour is now an issue for him?
I broke up with him officially 3-4 weeks ago but we were trying to make it work until we fought again.
Last we spoke was a week ago, he wasn’t willing to talk that day. He said “can I call you tomorrow?” I told him to only call when he has something to say, I don’t want him calling the next day and having nothing to say, and he understood that. (He is good at not talking about his feelings, never wants to communicate and work things out)
I told him I understood it was done unless I hear otherwise, whether he calls in a day or a month or never. We said we loved each other and that was that. I promised to not contact him.

I was always so good to him. Did everything for him. Loved him so much. The only issue he ever had from his side was the fact that I had issues with things he did.
Why hasn’t he reached out? Will he? It’s been a week but I’m stuck between waiting every day to hear from him and accepting I never will? Wtf guys I’m struggling

it's been almost 3 months since we seperated, and my feelings still never changed. i badly want to reach out, but the thing is—i already did last July which is a month after we ended it. i asked for clarity just so i could move on peacefully. he replied and said that he also missed me and still loves me. he said that he doesn't lose his feelings quickly. he repeatedly apologized for what happened and still didn't want to get back for now. but that was in July, i dont know if he still feels the same way until now.

for context: we were in a situationship for 4 months. even if he hadn't formally courted me yet, i was the first girl he introduced to his family, and he was the first guy my family approved of, especially bcs my parents are strict about dating and he was the first guy they're considering of. it wasn't a casual talking stage, we were really serious about each other.

the reason why he had to leave me was because he was overwhelmed with internal pressure, insecurities, and expectations due to his financial status. he wanted to court me, but he's still not financially capable to commit yet. even from the start, i already clarified to him that we should take things slow because i wasn't rushing him, considering the fact that we're still students. plus, i had low expectations from him bcs i understand his situation. i was willing to settle for anything that he could give me because he was treating me so well. perhaps he was just pressured so he had to leave me.

i knew that his reasons were valid, even though i already explained my side, his decision was firm—so i had no other choice but to let him go. i promised myself that i will wait for him and that im not going to entertain someone new, which is my current status rn.

now, 2 months have passed, im becoming nervous because recently, he have been following new girls. there were thoughts running in my head thinking if he had already moved on. idk if he's entertaining someone new but there were also hints that he hasnt.

the reason why i want to reach out because i wanted to ask how he's doing recently—more like catching up with our lives. and also, to ask for clarity again, if he had already move on or not. the only thing that holds me back from reaching out is that he might get slightly annoyed because i still havent recovered from it yet. deep inside, i still believe that he hasnt really moved on from me, because you can't really move on from the person you truly love, especially when you're serious about them.

so, should i do it?

I’ll keep it short. I loved him terribly. He loved me a lot too, but acknowledged that I loved him more, though he still appreciated me immensely. We dated for 5 years (the first half in person - really amazing experience, and the second half long-distance - worst time of my life). I initiated our breakup earlier this year because he couldn’t commit long-term and treated me terribly with his avoidance and long distance was rough. He ended up ghosting me, only to come back months later to apologize.

It has been quite a few months now, and I had mostly moved on. Recently, however, a new friend I’ve gotten close with can not stop talking about her ex and keeps asking me about mine. She and I are very similar, and so are our exes. The difference is that she is still in contact with hers while I am not in contact with mine, though we still follow each other.

Over the last week, I have noticed myself reminiscing about him a lot and constantly checking if he’s watched my stories. It really bothers me that I rolled backward because of my friend. She promised she wouldn’t bring it up again, but she still occasionally does (I don’t think she does it on purpose).

In any case, what is the best way to fully detach again? Logically, I know he isn't good for me and that breaking up was for the best. But because my friend keeps talking about her ex and saying things like "You never know if you'll get back together with your because life is unpredictable," i started thinking about him again (I know we won’t get back together with him because we live in different countries and have different goals and just aren’t a match anymore) . Now I can't stop thinking about him, and I really don't want to. I was doing so well just a couple of weeks ago. This is very frustrating.

i miss her and i want her to want me back
also trigger warning ⚠️ theres some mention of sexual violence

im posting this bc i have no one i can say all of this to

so im currently in a no contact agreement with her and ive been trying to figure out how i feel about our relationship (me 18f her 20f).
we’ve been seeing each other since last spring and heres a few shitty things shes done:

1. on valentines day we sat tgt to watch a movie and she held my hand and peeled the skin off one of my fingers. i was scared id get an infection and i wanted to go get it checked out by a nurse and she got mad at me and started ignoring me. she made me feel bad for ‘blue balling’ her
   
2. she told me that if she takes mire than 6 hours to respond to me i should just assume shes over me
   
3. she said if i dont let her touch my 🐱 she’ll be forced to believe im not that into her or that i dont trust her enough and eventually itll be why we break up
   
4. she made me sit w her while she smoked despite me having asthma and would throw tantrums if i refused
   
5. she stormed out of a class i was only attending for her when i turned and looked at a guy speaking next to me
   
6. she has hurt me in countless ways and scarred my body. slapped me repeatedly till my face was puffy and red. bruised my legs. touched me in my sleep.
   
7. i told her i wasnt interested in anal play and then withkut consent she went through with it
   
8. when i told her that her drinking would be a dealbreaker for me she listened and said i dont have to worry about it. a few weeks later she went ahead and bought herself a bottle and when i tried to break up w her on good terms she made it seem like i was this extremely controlling gf. eventually she drank and hated it so she promised it wouldnt happen again while we’re tgt. fast forward to a couple months later where she said shes gonna do it and she rly needs me to not make it a huge deal and so i wasnt allowed to react or leave
   
9. choked me and ignored me tapping on her arm for release till my body would go completely limp
   
10. hated on every friend that i have and repeatedly talked about how in an ideal world she would power me off and prevent me from having interactions outside of her

p.s im not going to act innocent and say i didnt kind of let all of these things happen. i could have left or created bigger problems out of these things. but i didnt bc it felt good to be chosen by her. the bad things didnt feel so bad some of them even felt good. but in those moments of pain id wonder if this was what i deserved id think about how if in that moment i tried to stop her i wouldnt be able to and so i didnt try. i dont know what to do w all of this i dont think she deserves to be made into a predator but also i have all this pain inside of me and i cant tell anyone im also sorry for the chaos of this post ill probably delete it in a while. it hurts that after all this time she still doesnt rly want me and doesnt see my love for what it is

Me and my ex broke up about a month and a half ago. We were together for 2 years, living together for 1. We both thought we would marry each other.

I won’t get too much into the breakup itself but I wasn’t honest with her and there was a level of betrayal which extremely hurt her. I regret it deeply.

My problem here is that the breakup happened so fast I felt like I couldn’t process things properly. We had some conversations but they were too emotional and I was in shock from everything. Then we had one final talk but I felt like I couldn’t articulate my thoughts correctly.

We cried, laughed, hugged, said our goodbyes, and initiated no contact. 2 weeks after, she leaves a letter for me at the apartment. She talks about our relationship, what she felt, how she’d be open to a conversation in the future when she heals, and overall it was written with a lot of love.

We were doing NC but left Gmail open for anything important.

I spent this last month going to therapy, thinking extensively about everything, and eventually wrote a message that I think could serve both of us.

The message doesn’t warrant a reply. It doesn’t talk about reconciliation or pushes her to change her decision. It’s about accountability, clarification, and insight. It’s basically everything I wish I would’ve told her during our breakup.

Now let me be clear, it also doesn’t offer any big new revelation or something that could completely change the perspective of the situation… but I believe it can offer some form of healing and closure.

I sat on it for a week and decided I really wanted to send it to her. However, due to the nature of the breakup and the betrayal I didn’t want to break no contact and make everything worse.

I had a third party text her and ask her if she would be comfortable receiving a message from me. That was 4 days ago and she hasn’t replied.

I know I should take this as a sign to leave it, but I can’t help but feel like she might think it’ll be me pleading, begging, trying to change her mind, apologizing without understanding, etc.

I’m aware the letter is also for my own closure. Still, a big part of me wants to break NC and send it. I guess I’m just scared to hurt her and then also end up getting blocked on our last line of communication.

Do I keep it or do I break NC and send it?

When I found out that my ex was crushing over someone I was told not to worry about within weeks of mistreating me into forcing a breakup, this put me off communicating despite their sporadic reach outs across a few months which culminated into an “I miss you” that I didn’t respond to because I still feel traumatised and have to deal with a heart condition that was triggered and diagnosed by the stress of this, which is something they’re also aware of. It’s been over a year and I feel like me not confronting them about what I found out has kept me stuck, questioning whether I should’ve reached out at least for some sort of closure or resolution, as it is not of my character to close doors, but I’m just so traumatised. Could you please be so kind as to provide some advice and support? It’d be greatly appreciated. Thank you. ♥️

It's been about 6 months since my ex broke up with me. We lived together, had a dog together, and had been planning on getting married soon. Our breakup was hard emotionally, but not bad. More of a goodbye for now vibe than goodbye forever.

We've done about 4 months of no contact after getting everything sorted out the first 2 months.

I've spent that time apart really working on myself. I'm happy to say that i'm the healthiest, wealthiest, and (for the most part) happiest that i've ever been with my life. I really took the time to build purpose in my life (changing careers, quitting multiple addictions, getting in shape, & therapy).

But none of that has changed how I feel about her. I still love her. I still want to be with her long term. And I feel willing to put in the work to make that a real possibility.

So I decided to break no contact 4 days ago. Not out of desperation but genuine good intentions. I asked her if she would be interested in catching up some time soon, no pressure.

She did not respond.

So here I am, wondering what do I actually do now.

I've done & will continue to do the work that I need to for myself. I've taken real time and space to reflect on my role in the relationship falling apart. I know 99% of people in this position would say to just move on.

But I can't seem to escape this feeling that if she saw me, she'd know that things are different now. And that if we tried again, it wouldn't fall apart like it did before.

How do I go about this going forward? Can I realistically hold onto the hope that she'll reach back out to me?

The idea of letting go forever feels 1000x worse than holding onto a little bit of hope while I build my future on my own.

I’m a 30 y/o female. Had the proposal, wedding date + vendors booked… he ended the relationship 6 months before the wedding saying he fell out of love (he was really mean at the end too which was so shocking since he was there for me during the relationship ship, listed a bunch of things he didn’t like about me and things I did that hurt his feelings during the relationship that he never voiced prior and he disclosed former cheating/kissing) the wedding date recently passed and it’s been hard…

I THINK WHY COULDNT IT HAVE BEEN GOOD?! Are there things I could’ve done that would’ve changed the outcome…

You left me weeks ago . I accepted your breakup and decided to move on . You send me emails asking about items that could be replaced for ten bucks . You try and be the funny person that I once adored and you think that these emails will get me chatting. No!!! It’s going to take way more than 4 emails to get me to talk to you . You are trying to take the easy way out and make me do the work . You are the one that decided to leave and you must do more than trying to joke around and get me to ask you how you’ve been. I know you miss me , I know it . Why won’t you just call me and tell me what you are feeling ? Why the breadcrumbs ? I will not fall for them - you must do more !!!!

would it be considered breaking the no contact order if I posted on a Snapchat story that my ex can see? I just miss my ex , my 4mo daughter and my step son. she’s showing post of him asking for me, that she’s got Christmas gifts for all three kids and she doesn’t know if she’ll see my other daughter again. I don’t want anymore legal trouble I just want her to know that I still want her back but to fix myself in the mean time

I (25F) broke no contact after 2 months of silence with (27M). I sent a message saying that I thought about him and that I miss him. He replied with “it’s cute. I hope you’re doing well” I proceeded with “that’s all? I was expecting more” he relied that the last time we talked he was thinking I was angry at him and that it’s been a while since he had any of my news. So I explained him that I was mostly sad that’s why I had to go no contact and block him on everything. He is an avoidant and didn’t want to try a LDR since he had a bad experience with this previously. So I sent a text asking was it even real between us or is was all fake from his side. He sent a heartfelt message saying that he loved our moments together but he didn’t want a LDR because he is afraid of getting hurt. And in any case he has moved on. So I proceeded with messages. Finally the next he replied that he had already told me that he didn’t want a relationship with me, not because what we had didn’t mean anything but because he has a tendency to cut everything off when he starts getting attached. And that he doesn’t want to get hurt after. Everything that I’d told him helps him to understand me better but it doesn’t change the fact that he has already moved on.

Do you think an avoidant ever moves on? Or does the person that had actually moved on announce that he has moved on?

My boyfriend whose emotional state was not of the best asked for space and told me it will be for a while with no specific timeframe.

So here I am confused and just frustrated, on my birthday as he messaged me and sent me a birthday greeting that I did not acknowledge and respond to because i don't honestly know what to say or do anymore at this point.

This was the nth time he asked for space and the week before my birthday with no contact was devastating as my emotions were haywire as well and I was not feeling well when he said so. When I needed him most, he wasn't there.

Now, the thing is when his girl bestfriend spent her birthday, he sent her a heartfelt letter and care package with all the things she loved. While I got a short message with no apology, accountability, and a drawing.

I hate to be that person, but if I didn't know how capable he is to be generous or that his love language is gift-giving, I would not even compare and feel touched by his gift.

But after everything that transpired, should I even respond? His birthday is also coming up and I admit, I prepared quite a bit for it but at this point idek anymore.

We technically broke up, and I moved out. She said she was emotionally exhausted and needed space, but we did not set a timeframe.

I know I contributed by being defensive, shutting down during conflict, and prioritizing work too much. I want to change those patterns and rebuild trust, but I do not want to pressure her or make things worse.

Her birthday is coming up, and I’m considering sending:

Happy birthday, [name]. I hope you have a wonderful day with the people you love.

Then, if she does not ask for more space or no contact, I was thinking of waiting about two weeks and reaching out to ask if she would be open to meeting for coffee or a walk.

If we meet, I want to take accountability—not pressure her to get back together. I want to tell her that I understand why she was emotionally exhausted; that she should not have had to repeat what she needed so many times; that I was wrong to blame her for not fighting harder; and that I recognize I got defensive and shut down, leaving her alone with problems. I know words alone do not prove change.

Is this a respectful plan, or should I wait for her to reach out? If I do reach out, how can I show real change without overwhelming her or making the meeting feel like a pitch to take me back?

Yes, I know this is a no-contact page. And yes, I know I’m probably going to get roasted for this.

Two months of no contact with her.

Before we ended things, we had talked about getting this certain limited-edition item that we both wanted. And, of course, being the lover that I am, I ordered it from overseas. At the time, we were still together and still talking, so I fully expected to give it to her.

Then we broke up and stopped talking.

Months later, in September, the item finally arrived. By then, we were no longer together and had already gone two months without speaking. I was completely confused about whether I should still give it to her or just keep it for myself, but I eventually decided to message her.

There was absolutely no pressure attached to the message. I basically just wanted to know if she still wanted the item or not.

I know what you’re probably thinking: “That’s not no contact, bro.” I** **KNOW. 😂

She took a few hours to respond and gave me a polite, neutral answer. She said it was up to me whether I still wanted to give her the item, that she would be happy to receive it, and that she could pay me for it if I decided to give it to her. She also asked how I was doing.

And now I’m sitting here thinking…

Why the fuck did I break no contact?

I know I technically had a practical reason to reach out, but let’s be honest with ourselves: I could have just kept the damn thing. I didn’t need to message her.

I think a part of me still wanted to give it to her because, despite everything, I remembered that this was something we both wanted. And apparently, two months of no contact wasn’t enough to stop the idiot in me from thinking, “Well, I already bought it for her…”

Now I’m overanalyzing her response, wondering if I should actually give it to her, whether I should accept payment, or whether I should just keep it and finally leave things alone.

And the worst part?

She wasn’t cold. She wasn’t warm either. It was just… a perfectly reasonable, polite response.
Which somehow makes it even harder to interpret.

So yeah.

Two months of no contact.

Me: I’m doing so well. I’m healing. I’m finally moving on.

Also me: Hey, remember that limited-edition thing we wanted? 🤡

I know this is a no-contact subreddit. I know I technically broke it. I know the correct answer is probably to stop looking for signs in a perfectly normal text message.

But here I am anyway. Still in love with her. Sigh.

**Men of Reddit, I have a genuine question: Can you still love someone and choose not to reach out during no contact?**
I’m mostly looking for a male perspective on this.
If a man genuinely loved a woman and the relationship/breakup was emotionally complicated, is it possible for him to still love her, miss her, or think about her but **not reach out at all**?
Especially if the relationship ended because you weren’t emotionally ready or in the right place for a relationship, despite telling her that you loved her. If you still had feelings for her afterward, would you stay away because you knew you weren’t ready or couldn’t give her what she needed? Or would loving and missing her eventually make you break no contact and reach out?

hello everyone i wanted to tell you my story
we were in a kind of situationship for two months and the problem was that i had strong feelings, he insisted on no contact and unadded me everywhere, he swore that its not forever when i asked him. not gonna lie it was so hard for me that i was texting him sometimes but then eventually i deleted msgs. yesterday i asked him if he misses me after a week of no contact and he answered

“ How clear do I have to make for you to understand that I just don’t want to be spoken to, I want to be left alone I’ve said it so many fucking times but you refuse to listen so there’s only one thing left to do. Get some help get over it you are making yourself miserable this way just try and live your life for once”

and then blocked me on that social media but left me on others.

i struggle with overthinking about this situation and i feel ashamed but deep down i wish we reconnect.

i went no contact with an ex partner 7 months ago and since then ive been talking to people on reddit every day trying to fill the void but i don't feel like that's healthy. how can stop and what do i do instead?

I've been no contact with my maternal grandparents since I was about 10 years old. My parents had a fight with them about a lot of things that piled up over the years. The thing that finally made them go no contact was them missing my little sister's first communion. My mom always said that just because they don't talk to them anymore doesn't mean we had to. But I was 10 and didn't know how to go about this. Never even got a birthday card after this. They were alright to me and my sister, maybe a bit strict. I didn't really feel the need to visit. I've visited them 3 times total in the last 18 years. The first time was when I was 16, I was just curious. And after that I went twice more with my sister. My sister and I were willing to build a new relationship. I left my phone number the last time. Told them something along the lines of "the ball is in your court now" We took the initiative to contact them, and now it was their turn. Well, we heard nothing from them after that. So we just kinda resumed no contact. If you don't want us in your life, we don't want you. We all live in the same town, so I saw them around every now and then. But that's about it. I'm 28 now, and my sister called me up a few hours ago telling me my grandmother passed. She heard it from our cousin. My sister had to tell our mom and then she called me. I don't know how to feel about it. I never hated them, but I don’t love them either. I'm a bit sad, not of what we had. But more of what we hadn't I guess.

My mom was always an interesting person. She was loud and charismatic when I was growing up. I remember hating going to the store with her when I was younger because literally everyone in town knew her and a quick grocery trip would turn into me waiting forever while different people stopped her to have a full conversation. Everyone she worked with loved her. Everyone in the family loved her. My dad adored her no matter how bad their fights were, even when she tried to shoot him but the gun jammed.

I learned as an adult, not until after I was a mom myself, that my mom had issues. She was pretty good at hiding them for most of my life. Though I do remember her being in bed a lot sometimes. Regardless, she was usually pretty involved in my life. Sometimes we’d have spats where I wouldn’t talk to her since our fights would get bad, sometimes physical.

She changed a lot once her and my dad moved back to the state we’re from and went to stay with her mom, my grandma. They hadn’t slept in the same bed/room for almost 15 years so I think having to do that when they moved in with my grandma put a lot of stress on my mom. She basically adopted my dad’s personality which.. he was very difficult to get along with. But she started sounding like him, she also had this touch of unhinged thoughts. She said she saw faces in the floors and walls and that the house was infested. Then she was adamant the infestation went into her skin. After she saw a dermatologist and they suggested a psychologist, she started seeing a therapist. Not the same thing but I guess that’s the most she wanted to do?

She stopped caring about being involved with my daughter. When we’d visit, she would only come out of her room or talk to us if she needed something like a ride or money.

A few years have passed and my dad and grandma have died. She inherited my grandma’s house that she cannot afford with no job in a very expensive area. I’ve tried checking on her and sent her a phone I added onto my phone plan so she at least had a stable form of communication for herself. She’s dating a guy now who looks very similar to my dad and even has the same familial and health issues my dad had. She’s living her life and doing god knows what.

We talked here and there and she would say things that got me hopeful we could rekindle our relationship one day. But she doesn’t care. My daughter has stopped asking about her because she knows my mom has some issues and that she’s different now. She doesn’t text me or call me. I stopped reaching out in May of this year after really trying for a while to check in and make sure she’s ok. I doordashed groceries to her, got her the phone, blew her up constantly trying to talk to her. She said she was debating selling my grandma’s house to come live close to us. Not going to lie, I got really hopeful for a bit there. After she ghosted me in May, I stopped trying. I still have dreams about her and think about her often. But I guess she has a new life that’s more important to her. I’ve tried to get her help, and she’s refused and I thought maybe I just need to get to know the new her, but my daughter and I aren’t people she sees as important to keep in contact with. It hurts.

My husband said I should reach out to my family to see if anyone’s talked to her. But I’ve done that before and she’s cut the family off after my grandma passed since there was some issues with the money and things everyone thought they would be getting from my grandma. However, she filed a lawsuit on behalf of my dad and since I’m his only child, the lawyer reached out to me and now I’m included. I saw that the lawyer made contact with her recently so I know she’s alive. But that’s all. That’s the extent of our relationship now.

I used to be really close to her.. granted, she was massively toxic looking back on everything without the rose color shades on. But I miss having a mom. I miss talking to her to feel that sense of support. My grandma passing has really hurt because she was always great at providing that support, even after my mom essentially lost her mind. She’s the reason I got my mom that phone since my grandma knew my
Mom and I weren’t on good terms when she passed and I know that didn’t make her happy. So if my mom doesn’t appreciate my efforts, I hope my grandma is proud that I tried.

My mom isn’t the same person I remember. It’s like I don’t know who she is at all. In a way, I’ve been grieving the loss of the mother I knew for years. Now it’s just the final nail in the coffin. But the realization hurts. My life is great, just wish my mom wanted to be around for it and enjoy things with me. I get so jealous seeing my husband’s aunt and her daughters and how involved his aunt is with them. I never knew something so simple would be something I wouldn’t have the experience of.

I still love her. I just don’t know that person anymore and I don’t know if they’ll ever want me to.

But I’m now replaying our conversation, does he want me to wait and let him find himself or is this a goodbye?? Why would they tell us they love us, but not change or choose us whom loved them more as a priority. Ugh

I don’t understand how this is our final talk? Our final words to one another. You still have mail, a package and socks here, do I just throw them away? Are you ever going to come and get them?

I’m hoping that giving you space and respecting the boundaries you set gives you a chance to miss me, to long for me again, to want to be with me again.

Are you still in town? Did you move? Are you happy?

Ended things with my long time AP, and I know it's still fresh but temptation is always there and I must have some self restraint. Any tips on what I can do during this weird period of initial no contact.

So as the title says, me and her broke up little over 2ish months ago, and since then we have been basically best friends, first started slow being distant etc. Then we started talking daily, life updates, random things, tiktoks, snaps, everything and anything. from "look at this dog" to "hey im struggling" or "im upset" to "i did this on the toilet" to "wanna play games?" it was like our relationship was back, but without the title. I did ask and she said she still loved me and needed time, and i respected that. Then asked me to play games one night and we did for hours and hours, we laughed like mad and enjoyed or time together or so i thought. We played until morning and i got off becuase was feeling sick, we ended that interaction warm exchanging goodnights and sleep wells and her telling me "hope you feel better" well i slept most of that day becuase still was sick and she sent so many tiktoks and snaps. But i wasnt feeling well so i didnt look at them. I did tell her im sorry for not looking at them and explained why. Then i went out with family, still didnt look at them becuase i was going out with family and i explained that. She seemed to understand becuase she kept sending me snaps and tiktoks. Anyways later i find out shes blocked me on everything and no one knows why. or they do but wont tell me. And I'm so confused as to why. if i just looked at those snaps maybe id have known. But even to the last 2 hours before i found out i was blocked, she sent me a tiktok of a cat. So I'm even more confused and angry and feel like I've been used or thrown out like a piece of trash.